“You sure this will work?”

“I’m not sure at all,” answers Hailey, as the automatic doors slide open in front of us. “Especially since such a big part of this plan relies on you making my mom like you.”

“Well that makes me feel better,” I reply.

We step into the reception area of the Bernstein Centre. Hailey leads the way over to a few empty chairs and we sit down to wait for her mother to arrive.

“Relax,” she tells me. “It’ll be fine. We’re so close already.”

“So close, yet so far.” I grip the edge of my seat to keep myself from fidgeting. Our plan has about as many holes in it as a colander.

Hailey has told her mom that the ‘friend’ she mentioned who’s the son of Rosalind Knox is actually a ‘special friend’ she’d like to introduce. She suggested we all meet for lunch at the Bernstein Centre since I’d be there visiting my own mother anyways. Hailey’s mom is allowed to bring us into the employee dining area, and after I’ve charmed her with my admiration for her daughter, our plan is to drop the bomb that I don’t actually have access to my mother and need to be added to the visitors list and/or smuggled inside.

It’s definitely not the ideal ‘Meet the Parents’ luncheon.

Hailey places her hand over top of mine and the knots inside me ease just a bit. We wait a few more minutes until a brown-haired woman in scrubs with just a suggestion of Hailey’s features on her face emerges from down a hallway.

“Hailey!” she calls as she approaches us. “How’s my girl?”

Hailey gets up to hug her. She’s almost short enough for Hailey to tuck her under her chin.

“I’m good, Mom. How’s work?”

“Busy as ever,” she sighs, stepping away from Hailey and then locking eyes with me.

“You must be Jordan,” she greets, a smile forming on her face that makes her resemblance to Hailey more clear. “It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Emma.”

She extends a hand for me to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I say, taking her hand. “This is all such a weird coincidence.”

I try not to start laughing like a maniac.

“It definitely is,” Emma agrees. “Have you visited your mom already, or are you going after this?”

Hailey and I exchange a glance.

“He’s going after,” she supplies.

“Then I’ll sign you both in as my guests. Jordan, you’ll just have to stop back here at the front desk before you go visit your mom.”

Another nervous laugh starts to rise in my throat and I cough to cover it up. We show our ID to the receptionist at the front desk and get registered as visitors. Emma then leads us down the hall into a room filled with a dozen long tables and a small buffet next to a cash register. People in scrubs and doctor’s coats are scattered around the room.

We grab trays and plates from on top of the buffet and start filling them up. I doubt I’ll be able to swallow any of it. Hailey and I try to protest, but Emma insists on paying for the food after apologising that her lunch break isn’t long enough for us to go anywhere nicer.

“Hailey’s kept me in the dark about you, Jordan,” she says, as we slide onto the benches at one of the tables. “I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone until she asked if we could meet for lunch.”

“Oh I wasn’t worth mentioning, was I?” I joke, giving Hailey a look I hope passes as mockingly accusatory.

I probably just look like I have something stuck in my eye. Concentrating on not looking nervous or in pain is about the only thing I can manage to do with my face right now.

Regardless of my expression, Hailey’s mom laughs and the tension eases a bit. I pick at the pasta salad on my plate as Emma tells us about an incident with an uncooperative patient today that segues into an embarrassing story from Hailey’s childhood I tell her I’m only too happy to hear. An entire half hour passes without either me or Hailey mentioning the real reason we’re here.

“I have to say, you’re a nice change from Selfish Steve,” remarks Emma, after setting down a fork on her now empty plate.

“Really, Mom?” Hailey groans.

“Selfish Steve?” I ask. “Do I sense another embarrassing story here?”

“Can we please not discuss my ex-boyfriend?” begs Hailey.

“Fine, fine,” Emma concedes. “I’ll wait for my next chance to embarrass you. Jordan, you must want to go see your mother now anyways.”

She starts to get up from the table, but Hailey and I stay sitting. We look at each other and then back at Emma.

“Actually Mom, there’s something we’d like to ask you.”

Emma gives us a quizzical look and sits back down.

“This is a very long story,” Hailey begins, “but to cut it as short as possible, Jordan’s dad is a really bad guy who wants Jordan to think he’s responsible for his mom’s stroke. He hasn’t let him see her since she’s been here. Jordan didn’t even know where she was until a few weeks ago. His dad tried to use her against him so that he’d give up studying and work for the family company.”

Emma glances between Hailey and I, two deep furrows contracting between her eyes.

“I’m sorry, that sounds...difficult,” she says, addressing me.

I’m about to answer when Hailey starts speaking again. “It has been. Jordan finally left the company after finding out where she was, but he still doesn’t have a way to get on her visitors list.”

Understanding replaces the confusion on Emma’s face, and I see a spark of anger flash across her features. She gets up from the table again.

“Excuse us for a minute,” she says to me, and then turns to her daughter. “Hailey, over here”

They move to the window, and I continue sitting in front of my half-eaten salad, watching as the two of them start gesticulating and shaking their heads. I imagine Emma must already be referring to me as Jackass Jordan, right up there with Selfish Steve.

Hailey’s voice rises loud enough for me to hear it. “Yes I’m sure! And no, he’s not!” she calls out.

Her mom glances around and motions for her to be quiet. They keep whispering for a few more minutes. I get up from the table when I see them coming back. Emma looks like she’s on the warpath and Hailey stomps along behind her, her face almost as red as her hair.

They both reach me and Emma looks like she’s about to speak, but I hold up a hand to stop her. Honesty was the only thing that saved me last time I got in a mess, and I decide to try it again now.

“Emma, I know it’s totally out of line to ask for your help with this. If there were any other way, I wouldn’t have even considered asking you at all. I’m desperate, though. I love my mother as much as Hailey loves you and I have to see her again. I believe she’d want to see me too. If there’s any way for you to get that message to her, I can’t tell you how much it would mean to me.”

I can almost hear the wheels of Emma’s brain turning as she considers what I’ve just said.

“My job is to keep the patients here healthy,” she says cautiously. “Even if I did decide to help you, how would I know that I wouldn’t be putting your mother at risk?”

“To be honest, even I’m not sure of that. My dad has been controlling my access to my mom for so long that I don’t know what the truth is anymore. I do believe she at least deserves the chance to see me again, and if that’s not something she wants, I’m willing to accept that.”

Emma sighs and crosses her arms in front of her. “I’m not going to do something as drastic as sneaking you in on a trolley. I’m not going to give any messages, either. I’ll tell Rosalind that her son is here and that she can see him if she’d like. That’s all.”

I feel like I’ve stepped into a ray of sunlight.

“Thank you,” I reply, as I struggle in vain to find better words. “Thank you so much.”

Hailey wraps her arms around her mom’s waist. “Thanks, Mom. You don’t know how much this means.”

* * *

“Jordan Knox?”

I lift my head up and look towards the receptionist. We’re back in the lobby, waiting for news on how things went with my mom. Hailey nudges me and we both get up and head to the front desk.

“I’ve just received a memo,” the secretary explains, “saying Rosalind Knox has granted you visitor’s access and would like to meet with you in her room. I’ll just need to sign you in again.”

“Yes!” Hailey shouts, startling the secretary. “Jordan, you’re going to see your mom!”

I look over at her. She’s almost bouncing up and down. I wish I could match her enthusiasm, but instead I have to fight to keep my hands from shaking as I take the visitor’s badge from the receptionist and clip it to my shirt.

“She’s in room 322. Just take the elevators over there up to the third floor,” the secretary instructs.

Hailey gives me a hug and wishes me good luck.

“It will be fine,” she whispers close to my ear. “It will be better than fine.”

I wrap my arms even tighter around her before letting her go and follow the secretary’s instructions up to my mother’s room. The door is closed, a blue plaque with the number 322 the only sign that she’s in there. I tap my knuckles once against the wood. The door opens just a few inches and my heart jumps into my throat.

“Jordan?”

It’s not my mom at the door. A nurse is standing there, blocking my view into the room.

“Yes,” I answer. “I’m Jordan. I’m Rosalind’s son.”

“She’s very excited that you’re here,” the nurse tells me.

A chill creeps up my spine.

“I can leave,” I blurt out. “I don’t want to upset her. I can just go now.”

The nurse looks amused. “No need for that. I meant that she’s very happy you’ve come to see her. I’m going to be in the room the whole time. As I’m sure you know, Rosalind is still working on getting better and I’ll be here in case she needs any help. You haven’t seen her since the stroke, have you?”

“No,” I answer. “My dad...No, I haven’t seen her.”

The nurse steps out and closes the door behind her.

“Then I’ll just warn you to prepare yourself. She’s come a long way already, but the recovery is still in progress. She’s struggling with a complication called dysarthria, which makes it difficult for her to speak clearly. She’ll need you to be patient.”

I nod my head, any other words I want to say drying up in my throat.

“I’ll be here to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. Are you ready to see her?”

Again, I just nod. The nurse pulls the door open and I step inside. The woman by the window draws my eyes like a magnet.

“Jordan?”

“Mom.”

She looks so much older. When I was growing up, she always seemed to have a kind of glamour, an old Hollywood magnetism that kept her as timeless as a black and white photograph. Now the weight of her years has settled into her skin. She’s sitting in a chair by the window, a blanket thrown over her lap. The sunlight streaming in catches on the grey strands of her hair, turning them silver.

“Mom,” I repeat.

She stretches her hands out towards me and in three steps I’m across the room, taking them in my own.

“Mom, I missed you so much.”

She smiles and suddenly I can forget that we’re in a stroke recovery centre, that there’s a nurse sitting in the corner of the room. I can forget all the months I’ve gone without seeing her, all the times I’ve wrung my hands and pulled my hair and screamed curses into the silence thinking this day would never come.

I take a seat in the chair next to her.

“So...handsome,” she says, still smiling as she squeezes my hand.

“I get it from you, Mom.”

She gives another squeeze in answer

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you yet. Things with Dad have been a bit hard.”

I watch as a shadow passes over her face.

“But I’m here now,” I add quickly. “How are you? Do you like it here? Are they helping you get better?”

She shakes her head and looks towards the nurse.

“Try it a bit slower,” the nurse tells me in a soft voice. “Take things one question at a time.”

I turn back to my mom. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” she answers, starting to smile again. “A good place.”

“It seems like a good place. The people here care a lot about you. Do you know Emma? I think she came and spoke to you today.”

Mom nods.

“She helped me get in touch with you. I know her daughter. Her name is Hailey. I’m...We’re sort of...involved.”

I laugh at how it can still feel awkward to talk to my mother about something as normal as a girl I’m seeing. Compared to everything else there is to say, it should be easy to bring up.

“A...girl?” asks my mom, the tremor in her voice making my heart lurch.

“Yes, I’ve found a girl. She’s an amazing girl, Mom. I hope you can meet her soon. I know you’ll like her.”

“Jordan.” She leans forwards, grasping the top of my arm as she mouths silently for a few moments before more sounds come out. “Miss you,” she says, then sighs and sits back in her chair.

My eyes start to sting.

“Mom, I am so, so sorry,” I tell her, fixing my eyes on hers. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I just needed to do what felt right, to give myself a chance to see if there was something else out there. I should have explained things better. I wanted to find you sooner than this, but Dad...Dad didn’t think it was a good idea, and maybe he was right, but I needed to speak to you again, to tell you everything myself.”

Tears slide down her cheeks as her mouth quivers and her hands start to shake. Her lips form the beginning of a word but the end stays trapped inside. She makes a fist and smacks it down on the arm of her chair, letting out a grunt of frustration.

The nurse rushes over and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Rosalind, it’s alright. Take your time.”

My mom’s entire body is shaking now.

“Remember your breathing. Focus on that.”

The nurse starts trying to lead her in some sort of breathing exercise, but she keeps hitting her fist against the chair, her face starting to grow red.

“Why don’t you take a step back for a minute, Jordan?” the nurse suggests, her eyes still focused on my mom.

I get up and move to the other side of the room. My phone buzzes in my pocket but I ignore it, unable to rip my eyes away from my mother. Tears are pouring down her cheeks and she’s rocking back and forth, the anger in her face twisting her features so much that she looks like she’s in pain.

This is exactly what I was afraid would happen.

My phone buzzes again, and then a third time right after that. The vibrations keep going. Someone must be texting me non-stop.

“What the hell?” I mutter, distracted enough to pull the phone out and look at the screen.

All the texts are from Hailey. I open up the conversation.

Your dad’s here.

He found out you’re with your mom.

He’s yelling at the receptionist. He gets some kind of alerts about your mom. That’s how he knew she added you to the visitors list.

Jordan, he’s really pissed.

He’s going upstairs now.

“Shit,” I curse.

I look over at my mom. She seems even worse now. The nurse is kneeling in front of her, trying to get her to focus, but she keeps shaking her head.

Then the door bursts open and my father strides in like a blast of icy wind.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he demands, his voice vibrating through the room as he turns to me. “You should never have been allowed in here. Look what you’ve done. Look at her.”

His eyes land on my mother and his clenched fists start to shake. All my life, I’ve never seen him so much as tremble. He turns back to me and advances until I’m backed against the wall. Without thinking, I raise my arms up as if I’m preparing to ward off a blow.

“Was it worth it? Was it worth doing this to her, Jordan?”

Spit flies off his lip. His eyes flash like the glint of a knife.

“Excuse me,” the nurse calls. “Could you please take this outside? I need peace and quiet in here right now.”

My father wheels around and I lower my arms.

“There was peace and quiet, until you let my son in here.”

“Sir, if you both don’t leave the room now I’m going to call someone to remove you. Please. Your wife needs time to calm down.”

Mom looks like her eyes are about to pop out of her head. I realize how right the nurse is.

“Dad, let’s go,” I mutter.

His voice crashes down on me like thunder. “Don’t you presume to tell me what to do. If you hadn’t—”

“Stop.”

My mom’s voice is just loud enough to be more than a whisper, but at the sound of her single syllable, we all fall silent.

“Just...stop.”

She’s panting, concentration etched in her face as she fights to get the words out.

“I love...Jordan. I want— I want—” she stammers, and then turns to the nurse. “Pen, please.”

My father and I watch as the nurse rushes to the bedside table and pulls out a notebook and pen. She flips the book to a blank piece of paper and hands them both to my mother. We stand in silence as she writes, the pen wavering in her hand. She grumbles in frustration and a few times it looks as if she’s about to give up, but the nurse soothes her and encourages her to go slow. She writes for close to fifteen minutes, but neither me nor my father move or make a sound.

When she finally sets the pen down, the nurse takes the notebook from her hands and brings it to us. The handwriting is disjointed and crooked, but I can still make out the words.

I love you both. I want you both to be happy.

Emerson, I thought we knew how to make Jordan happy, but only he knows how to do that. We gave him a life. Now we have to let him live it.

Jordan, I am sorry for all the pressure we’ve put you under. I am sorry if you thought any of this was your fault. It’s not. You deserve to go after the things you want, not just the things we want for you.

I’m weak now. This stroke has taken so much from me, but it has also taught me something. It has shown me that life is short and not to be wasted. If you two can’t settle your differences for the sake of one another, then settle them for me. Please. I don’t want us to waste any more time.

I look up from the paper and I know the tears in my eyes are about to spill over and fall. My mother is watching us from her chair, scanning both our faces for the hint of a reaction.

I don’t even look at my father. I cross the room and take her hand.

“Anything for you, Mom.”

She smiles down at me and then lifts her head up towards my dad. I hear him approach behind me.

“Anything.” His voice is stiff and brittle, but in the word he says there’s a promise to bend.

My mom turns back to me. “Come...back,” she says, placing her other hand on top of mine.

“Of course. I’ll come back as often as you like.”

I stand up and she lets my hands go. I shift back and forth on my feet, waiting for someone to break the silence, when the nurse clears her throat. “I think Rosalind could use a rest now.”

Mom nods her agreement. We say our goodbyes and I turn to leave, avoiding my father’s eyes as I walk past him and into the hall. I’ve just stepped into the elevator when I feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder.

“Do not consider yourself forgiven,” my father growls, as the doors slide shut. “You made a fool out of me by leaving your job, and caused damage to the company I still have yet to repair. If you’re expecting any kind of financial support from me you can forget it. All the terms I set out when you left still stand. You’ll get nothing from me.”

I shrug my shoulders, knocking his hand off before I turn around to face him. “All I wanted was her.”

His eyes narrow. “I hope you realize what a dangerous stunt you just pulled,” he says, pausing to give me time to consider my actions. “I would do anything for that woman. If she wants to keep seeing you, so be it, but if she shows any signs of getting worse, even the smallest indication, I will make sure you never see her again.”

“I care about her too. I’m willing to let you live your life if you let me live mine. That’s what she wants.”

I square my shoulders and we lock eyes. I’ve never noticed before, but he and I are exactly the same height.

The elevator reaches the ground floor.

“So be it,” he repeats, and then exits into the lobby.

I follow behind and watch him storm through the front door of the centre, staring after the back of his coat that’s as grey as the buildings of 19^th street.

Then something crashes into me and my face is buried in a tangle of strawberry blonde hair.

“What happened?” Hailey demands, her arms locked around my neck. “Is everything okay?”

I pat her on the back.

“Everything is fine. Everything is better than fine.”