CHAPTER NINETEEN
Chapter 18
No Looking Back
Maggie
In the weeks after Dustin’s parole hearing I spent a lot of time thinking about the future. Something I hadn’t spent a lot of time doing in the past couple of years. Thinking about what comes next has been a daunting and terrifying experience these past couple of years, but now I look ahead filled with hope and excitement. I dream about weddings, babies, careers and all that other stuff someone my age is supposed to be dreaming about. A future that, considering the things I am dreaming about, involves a lot of Max.
Since my role in Dustin’s parole hearing we have only gotten closer. Something shifted after that day. Like I had put away a weight that I didn’t know I was carrying around. I felt lighter than I had in months. I was informed that Dustin would be up for parole again in six months, but it was inevitable that he would get out considering his sentence was only five years. I was just prolonging the inevitable but I was determined to be at each and every parole hearing making sure he served every day of that five years. I don’t know what will happen when he’s finally out, but I do know I have the people I need around me to get through it when he does.
Max has been my rock throughout this whole thing and after the hearing I wanted nothing more than to give him those 3 little words he had been waiting on. The day after the hearing I had Char help me set up something special at the gym after hours. I asked Max to take me to the gym that night to get in some training. He seemed a little surprised by the request, since we usually train during the day and I didn’t particularly like going to the gym after hours because of how creepy it was, but he agreed.
The whole time over there I was texting Char who assured me everything would be ready. She texted me when we got there saying she was waiting by the side exit so that he wouldn’t see her leave. Taking a deep breath I followed him into the gym. It wasn’t the whole telling him I love him thing that got me nervous it was what I had done this morning that I was nervous about. Something I couldn’t take back. We walked back to the training room we always use, the one from the first time we met and every time after. This time though when he opened the door he walked into a room filled with soft lighting from the led candles around the room, soft music playing on the speakers and a picnic set up in the center of the room complete with blankets, pillows and picnic basket.
Stopping inside the doorway Max takes it all in and then turns to me with a curious look on his face.
“Ms. Maggie are you trying to seduce me?”
I can’t help it but I bust out laughing.
“Not tonight handsome. I just thought we since you are always coming up with our dates that it was my turn.”
Max giving me a look filled with amusement and mischief before making a grand gesture with his arms for me to enter ahead of him. Giving him a little laugh and a mock curtsey I walk over to the blanket and sit down by the picnic basket. Max sits down next to me after dropping his gym bag by the door. He leans over and gives me a quick kiss before leaning back and taking in the scene around us before turning back to me with a soft smile on his face.
“Why do I get the feeling there is more to this?”
Deciding that I can’t wait until after we eat to do this I turn so that I am facing him while he leans back on his elbows staring up at me.
“Do you remember telling me about when you first knew you loved me?”
“Yes…”
I give him a mischievous smile before gesturing with my hand for him to continue. Rolling his eyes in good humor he continues.
“Once upon a time…”
I bark out an unexpected laugh which in turns gets him laughing as well. After a minute with both settle down and Max sits up so that we are both sitting next to each other, facing one another with our faces only a few inches away from one another. The look on his face is filled with pure love and it almost makes me cry with how beautiful it is.
“The day I first came to this room and saw you I literally stopped breathing it hit me so hard. I can’t say it was love at first sight, but with that first look I defiantly lost a piece of myself to you. The second I saw you, right here in this room, something inside of me just sat up and said, ‘There she is. The one we have been waiting for.’”.
I smile and try desperately to keep the tears from falling, but I fail and I feel one roll down my cheek. Max reaches over and cups my face gently with his hand and uses his thumb to softly wipe it away before continuing with the story I know we will one day tell our children and our grandchildren.
“The day I new for sure, was another day, not so long ago right in this room. That day after you told me about the hearing and everything that had happened to you. We were right here, laying on this exact spot, staring up through the sky lights and you told me you are going to give your statement at the hearing. You did that despite how terrified I know you were. You did it not only because you felt you had to, but you were more concerned with making sure he didn’t get out to hurt someone else. If you had just been thinking about what this would do to you, I don’t know that you would have done it, but it was the fact that he could do it to someone else that got you. That selflessness and compassion is what made me sit there and realize that there wouldn’t be anyone else for me.”
He leans over and places a soft tender kiss on my lips before placing one on each cheek, that are both now wet from my tears. He leans back ever so slightly, just enough so that our noses are practically touching before he continues.
“I thought this woman is brave, strong and so selfless. Is there any wonder she owns my heart and soul.”
I reach up and cup his face with both of my hands. Wanting to see his eyes when he hears what I have to say.
“I fell in love with you right here on this spot”.
I see the shock and then the pure joy as he realizes what I’m saying.
“That first day I was terrified because for the first time, in so long, I felt something. It was intense and consuming and it scared the shit out of me.”
I let one of my hands drop to his so that I can interlace our fingers, but I never break eye contact.
“ That day after the letter came and we came here. That day you wanted to show me how strong I was, how strong I could be and not once did turn away from me knowing the whole ugly truth of what happened to me. It was a lot for anyone to take on, especially considering how little we knew each other, but you never flinched. It was right here, when I realized I could face anything if you were with me. I didn’t realize what meant until later. Until you pointed it out to me, but then later that night I thought. This was the moment. The moment when you stole my heart.”
He closes his eyes and leans his forehead agains mine.
“Say it,” he rasps.
“I love you Max”.
I barely get the words out before his lips are on mine. The kiss is intense and possessive, but it’s filled with so much love that it’s almost overwhelming. He gently pushes me back until I am laying down and his body is blanketing mine. He braces himself over me trying to hold himself back, but that changes when I wrap my arms and legs around him because I can’t stand the space between us. I barely notice him wrapping a hand around the back of my neck until I feel the pain from putting pressure there and I gasp out in pain.
Max moves his hand from the back of my neck and leans back to look at me with an intense look on his face. I try to smile despite the tenderness, but it fails miserably when I wince as I try to move my neck back to get a better look at his face. He sits back on his hunches and pulls me up so that I am sitting up as well. He goes to try to look at my neck, but I throw up a hand stopping him. When it looks like he is going to ignore me I scoot back a little so that he can’t get around me before I’m ready.
Giving me a frustrated look Max lets out a huff before sitting back once again.
“What’s going on Maggie, why won’t you let me see whats wrong?”
I bite my lip but quickly release it when I see his eyes drop down to my mouth and his eyes heat up once again. Not a time to get distracted.
“Well, I sort of did something and I’m not sure how your going to take it.”
Before do anything more than throw a confused look my why I turn around and scoot back so that I’m sitting facing away from him. I pull my ponytail holder off my wrist and put my hair up in a bun so that he has an unobstructed view of my nape. Taking a deep breath I let it out slowly and then reach behind me and take off the bandage coving my new tattoo.
I hear him release a deep breath right before I hear him say,
“Aw baby it’s perfect.”
I try to picture him staring at the block typewriter lettering on the back of my neck that spells out :
Warr;or
I give him a moment more to trace around the edges of my neck, careful to not tough the tender patch of skin, before I look back at him.
“I used a semicolon instead of an I to represent my fight against my depression. When you use a semicolon in a sentence it means the continuation of a sentence. I saw that a lot of people use it as a symbol of the continuation of their story when battling depression. A way of saying it didn’t beat you and that your life goes on. I used warrior because of you. That’s what you call me and that’s how you see me. I don’t see myself as a warrior, but I do know a warrior never stops fighting. So I got this as kind of a reminder to myself and a promise to you that I will always keep fighting so that our story can go on.”
The look on his face is so intense that I can’t really read what he’s thinking so I decide to put out something I don’t think he saw. I turn my head back around and face forward once more.
“Look at the semicolon.”
I feel his body heat has he leans closer to me and his breath slides along the skin of my neck sending involuntary shivers down my spin. It’s when I hear him gasp that I continue.
“I had them use the letters M-A-X to make up the semicolon because your the reason I will keep fighting. Your the reason why I want a next chapter and a next chapter and a happily ever after when its all said and done. “
I turn my head to look back at him once more and gasp when I see tears rolling down his cheeks. He sits back fully on the ground and reaches over and picks me up and placing me on his lap. He buries his head in the side of my neck and I just wrap myself around him speechless. I rub his back and run my fingers through his hair as I feel him try to get himself under control. Sometime later he finally pulls his face out of my neck and leans back so that I can see his red-rimmed eyes and the marks on his cheeks where his tears escaped. He reaches up and cups my face with one hand.
“I love you so much. So much but it’s not because of me why you keep fighting babe. It’s because you are strong and beautiful and I promise for as long as I live I will always treasure that promise. For the rest of our lives together.”
I feel my own tears fall before I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his just breathing in this moment.
“I love you.”
“I love you too”
I don’t know how long we sat there. Just holding each other, but after that we shifted and laid down together completely intertwined. We stayed like that most of the night holding each other, getting around to finally eating the picnic Char left for us and just making plans for the future.
That brings us to today. It’s been a month almost since that night and me and Max are doing our first thing on our list of future plans. Going away together. We are going to go to Las Vegas for a long weekend. It was originally just an overnight trip for Max to try to talk a friend of his into starting a MMA program at the gym but as it turns out me and Max weren’t the only ones looking at the future.
Mike pulled Max aside three weeks ago and offered him a partnership in the gym. He divided it up between him, his daughters and Mike. Everyone will have a share so that it stays a family business and Mike said that Max was family so he should be apart of it. Surprisingly he didn’t say yes right away. We talked about it and he talked to me about his MMA training and the fights he had coming up. Taking on this ownership in the gym would mean taking on more responsibilities and he wouldn’t be able to do both. After a long conversation with me, his sister and his mom he decided to give up MMA. He said he had a lot fo ideas for the gym that he would actually be able to move forward with now and the MMA fighting had always just kind of been an outlet for him. So as of last week with papers signed and everything he owned 20% of Mike’s Gym. That’s why he extended the trip. I’m tagging along and we are going to spend our first weekend away together before he is buried neck deep in gym projects.
On the home front my father has surprisingly taken a liking to Max. They have watched a couple of games together and Dad’s eyes don’t pop out of his head when Max comes to spend the night. Although I think that has a lot to do with the whole sex conversation they had. I don’t think that conversation is going to hold up very well after this weekend because I think I am finally ready for the next step with Max.
Char and I have gotten closer and I can honestly say she is the most amazing friend. I just wish I could help her with her Declan situation. Max told me about his conversation with Declan but considering I caught them kissing behind the gym the other day when I was leaving, I would say that Deck defiantly got tired of waiting. I haven’t told Max because Char promised to tell him soon, but I have a feeling things are about to get very interesting around here.
“Maggie! Max is here!”
I finish zipping up my suitcase and grab my charger for my phone before heading downstairs. When I hit the landing I stop and just take a minute to appreciate the easy going vibe between the two most important men in my life. Max turns and sees me right as I am about to hit the bottom of the staircase. He gives me that panty melting smile of his and I feel myself blush thinking about the condoms in my suitcase that he has no idea about. Catching the heated look in his eye I put down my suitcase and deliberately turn toward my dad trying to give myself a minute to get myself under control. When I see the sad small smile on my Dad’s face I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him.
“What’s wrong?”
I hear Max get my bag and my suitcase before moving into the living room to give us some privacy.
“I’m just happy that your here and your healthy. Maybe a little sad that my little girl might be leaving me again soon.”
I lean back to look at him.
“ One day but not anytime soon. I promise. Not really ready to leave here just yet. Especially with that pool on the way.”
He lets out a booming laugh when I refer to the pool they started construction on last week. Right now it looks like a big dirt hole with some metal braces around the edges but in six weeks it’s supposed to be a summer paradise back there.
Giving me a squeeze and a kiss on the head he shoos me towards Max.
Waiting by the front door with my bags I walk over to him and grab his hoodie off the table by the front door. I stole it out of his truck a few weeks ago and have been holding it hostage ever since. It’s soft, comfy and it still smells like him. No way am I giving that back. When he sees me put it on and practically drown in it he gives me an amused little smile before leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose.
“You’re an adorable thief. No lets get on the road before we miss our flight.”
Smiling I open the door and stop dead in my tracks when I see a girl standing on the front porch about to knock. She is about my height with blond hair and green eyes. She also looks to be a few years younger than me and very nervous.
“Hi. Can I help you?”
She goes to speak and then closes her mouth when nothing comes out. All the while staring at me. I’m starting to get uncomfortable when I feel Max come up behind me. Just when I think he is about to pull me back inside away from the girl she speaks.
“You look just like her.”
Curious I ask, “Who?”
She pauses before holding out a picture to me. It’s of my mother holding a pink swaddled blanket in a hospital room. At first I think it’s a picture of me and her. I vaguely wonder how this girl got a picture of me and my mother when is see the date stamp on the bottom. Dated three years after I was born. Staring at the photo I look back up at the girl in front of me and see the resemblance now that I am looking for it.
Same nose.
Same high cheekbones.
Sam lips.
My god.
She can’t be…
“You look just like our mother.”
Staring at the photo and then back at her I think,
Yes, everything is about to change.