From the texts of Jack Holt and Ellie Seyfried

JACK: Just checking in. You get home okay?

ELLIE: I’m sorry! I meant to text but got in the bath and lost track of time.

JACK: Are you still in the bath? Naked? Covered with slippery soap bubbles?

ELLIE: Wouldn’t you like to know? ;-)

JACK: Yes. Yes, I would. And are you relaxed, Miss Seyfried? Because *I* haven’t been able to relax since you left this bed.

ELLIE: Leave ’em wanting more, then reel ’em in—that’s my motto.

JACK: Consider me reeled. Also, I’ve come to an important decision about one of the great dilemmas of our time.

ELLIE: Do tell.

JACK: As much as it pains me to say this… You’re right. Office sex is too risky and has to remain off the menu for the time being.

:-[

(That’s my pained face. I am physically pained by the loss of office banging privileges.)

ELLIE: Hey, don’t blame me! Your nosy colleagues are why we can’t have nice things.

JACK: Your screaming orgasms are why we can’t have nice things.

ELLIE: Oh really? Well, maybe I’ll have to keep them to myself from now on.

JACK: Don’t even joke. That would be cruel and unusual punishment. I want your orgasms. All your orgasms.

ELLIE: Oh, well… That might be a problem.

Because I’m working on one right now…

All alone in my bathtub…

And there might be screaming…

I hope the neighbors don’t hear…

Oh…

My…

JACK: Stop! Wait! I’m coming over.

ELLIE: Sorry…

Too late. ;-)

JACK: You are evil. Beautiful, sexy, evil.

ELLIE: And you love every minute of it.

JACK: I will neither confirm nor deny my love of your evil.

But back to the office sex situation…

We need a new plan. I can’t be expected to go a full eight-hour day without being inside you. It’s inhumane.

ELLIE: Agreed. I can’t go that long without you, either.

JACK: Elevator? Hit the stop button, tear off our clothes, and go for it?

ELLIE: Cameras. And the alarm would be too distracting.

JACK: True, but great cover for your screaming orgasms.

ELLIE: Good point. :-)

Um…wow. I’m drawing a blank.

Outside? Battery Park on our lunch break?

JACK: We’d probably get arrested. Executive lounge?

ELLIE: No way. Office sex is off the menu, remember?

JACK: Fine. We’re just going to have to leave town for the day, find some place where we can get naked in peace.

ELLIE: Montana? Morocco? Mars?

JACK: I was thinking slightly more local. Just far enough away that we won’t run into our colleagues. Or any people, for that matter.

ELLIE: No people? Now you’re speaking my language.

JACK: Perfect. Pick you up at 7 a.m. tomorrow. Plan to be out all day.

ELLIE: Wait… Seriously? What about work?

JACK: This is a sanctioned work event. A corporate retreat. Team-building is an essential part of the onboarding process for new hires, Eric. Didn’t you watch the employee orientation video?

ELLIE: Team-building with just two of us?

JACK: I pride myself on giving my staff the highest level of personal attention. And by “my staff” I mean the one between my legs, soon to be between yours.

ELLIE: You really do know how to close the deal, Jack.

No wonder you’re the boss.

JACK: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, baby. ;-) Seven a.m. tomorrow. Bring your fine ass, your mustache-free mouth, and a pair of hiking boots. I’ll take care of the rest.

ELLIE: Okay. But you’d better bring some snacks, too, or I won’t even make it out of the car.

JACK: As far as I’m concerned, you ARE the snack. But fine…

I’ll bring fancy cheese, just for you.

ELLIE: CHEESE! You said the magic word. It’s a date. See you soon, sexy.

JACK: Not soon enough.