Chapter Twelve

“Dude,” Jake said. “Did you really think that I didn’t know that you were into guys?”

I shrugged. I had been sitting with Jake for over an hour. I had explained everything to him. I had gone there to beg him not to say anything to the other guys. I had gone there to make sure that he did not hate me.

The first thing Jake had said was that he would not say anything to anyone and I had nothing to worry about. That was when the tears had started to fall. I had no idea how emotional I actually was until that moment. Everything had come crashing around me. I was terrified that I had gotten Thomas back only to lose him once again.

Jake was there in a flash. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. It was kind of awkward. He had never been the best at comfort. To him, it felt like he was not meant to offer comfort. It had something to do with masculinity. Bearing that thought in mind made it all the more special that he was trying.

“Hey, man,” Jake said softly. “It’s okay. Come on, let’s have a seat.”

I let Jake guide me to his room. We sat on the edge of his bed and he continued to rub my back. He was doing his best to be comforting and it meant the world to me.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. I sniffed and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

“There’s no need to thank me.”

“No, there is. I thought that you would hate me or something. I was scared that you would not want to be my friend anymore.”

That was when he asked the question. Sure, I had thought that Jake might know a few times but I had never been certain about it. The fear was never-ending.

“Actually, you know, I’m really happy for you. I remember seeing you hanging out with that Thomas guy when we were still in high school. It was way before you and I were ever friends.”

“You are happy for me?”

Jake stopped stroking my back. He sighed. “You don’t have to sound so surprised, you know.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I never expected any of this.”

“You know,” Jake said. “I’m pretty sure that Kyle and Mike would be happy for you, too. And like, I know that you are scared of it but the fans would love you anyway. You kind of make the band, you know.”

I laughed at that. It came out cracked because I was so emotional. “I so don’t.”

“You do, though. Sure, you don’t play any instruments – although you have started that cool harmonica thing – but you write all the songs and none of us can sing. Can you just imagine if Kyle or I had to take up the microphone?”

I laughed again. He had a point. Kyle sounded like a tone-deaf walrus and he knew it. “You make a fair point.”

“Of course I do. I happen to do that a lot.”

I did not respond. My chest felt light. There was immense relief coursing through me. Everything that Kayla had said was coming true. She had told me that if there were people I could be honest with, it was my real family. I had spent such a long time obsessing over my parents that I had not realized that I had built a family who would always be there for me. It turns out that she was right after all.