Before Chelsea’s mother had gone to bed, she’d helped her take off her brace just long enough to use the bathroom and to put on a pair of sweats. They decided that the couch was probably the best place for her, so she’d gotten settled there again with some leftover Chinese, the television remote, her laptop, and another bottle of water. She didn’t feel tired physically, but emotionally, she was pretty much spent. So many feelings, going from hopelessness to joy, depression to optimism. Being human was enough to wear a person out.
When she heard a tap on the door a few minutes later, she called out softly, “Come in, but only if you’re Joey.”
The door opened, and he stuck his head inside. “What if I’m not Joey?”
“Then you have to leave, of course.”
“Oh. Then it’s a good thing I am.” He came inside and closed the door. “How are you feeling?”
She sighed and leaned her head back against her pillow. “That’s a complicated question. Um, my knee is okay, but it’s still a little achy. Emotionally, I’m all over the place.”
He sat on the ottoman nearest her. “You look happier, though.”
“I am happier. I’m going to pull back on my college courses, and I had a great talk with my parents. I think we’re going to try harder to be a real family now. And as far as the swimming goes . . .”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to pull back on that a little too. Train just enough to stay in qualification for the trials, and then when the time comes, decide if that’s what I really want.”
She could tell by the look on his face that she’d surprised him. “I thought going to the Olympics was your dream.”
“It was my parents’ dream, actually, and I haven’t had the chance yet to decide if it’s my dream too. It’s just that in my parents’ world, if you’re going to do something, you become the very best at it, and when I was little and they saw that I was good at swimming, they decided that being the best meant going to the Olympics.”
“Wow. I guess I just always thought you were passionate about it. You’ve certainly worked hard enough for it, and you won every meet.”
“No, not every meet,” she corrected him.
“I’m pretty sure you did.”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t. Don’t you remember our freshman year at college? You smoked it.”
He shook his head. “No, you won. That’s why you got the scholarship and transferred schools.”
She was so confused. “I won the women’s division, and you won the men’s. And you won overall, Joey—you creamed my time.”
“But if I won overall, why didn’t I get the scholarship?”
Oh, wow. He never knew he’d won. How had that detail been missed? Probably because all the attention had been on her, and it wasn’t a meet where they gave out medals or anything. He probably just assumed she’d won because of the scholarship. “The men’s team was full, and they were looking to fill a slot on the women’s team. That’s the only reason, Joey. You were the stronger swimmer by over five seconds.”
He rubbed his jaw, and she wished she could tell what he was thinking.
“I didn’t realize you didn’t know that. I just . . . I just thought you did.”
“No. Well, it’s all water under the bridge now, isn’t it? I’m doing what I really want, and it sounds like you’re well on the way to figuring that out for yourself. No harm done.” He said that, but there was still something in his eyes that seemed a bit cloudy.
“I feel really stupid now. Why didn’t I ever congratulate you or anything?” She knew why—she’d been too busy thinking about what it meant for her.
“Don’t worry about it. I should have figured it out—I mean, people were congratulating me, and I thought it was for my win in that division, not overall. Seriously, no worries.” He leaned forward. “Listen, I’m here for another reason. The S&R team has been called up.”
“It has?” A chill raced down her arms. “When are you leaving?”
“Day after tomorrow, seven a.m. They’re bringing in volunteers in shifts—people are getting exhausted and need to trade off.”
“I bet. I can’t even imagine what hard work that would be.” She swallowed, trying to push back the fear. “So, what will you be doing exactly?”
“Probably a lot of work with an ax. Some with hoses. Possibly helping people evacuate, but I’m trained for fire, so that’s where I’ll be most of the time.”
“Actually fighting the fire itself?”
He looked at her oddly. “Um, yes, because I’m going to help fight a fire. Wasn’t I clear about that?”
“You were . . . but I was thinking that maybe you wouldn’t be right there by the fire. I know, I know, I’m silly. It’s just easier not to think about the details.”
“If no one goes by the fire, the fire would win. It’s scary—it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done—but if we don’t step up, we’re making other people do it for us, and I don’t think that’s fair.”
She held up a hand. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. I just don’t like thinking about people I know in the line of danger.”
“And none of us like being in the line of danger. We just like knowing that we’re keeping other people safe.”
This conversation was starting to sound like an argument, and that wasn’t what Chelsea wanted. She also didn’t think it was what Joey had in mind when he asked to come over. “Thank you for doing that,” she said. “Thank you for doing things I’m too scared to do.”
“You’re welcome.”
They both fell silent, awkwardness building up between them.
“So, I needed to ask you what your schedule’s going to be like while I’m gone. Do you need another lifeguard?”
She didn’t want another lifeguard. “Dr. Michelle wants me resting at least twenty-four hours and then starting with very soft stationery kicks, so I don’t think I’ll be swimming much for a few days.”
“It sounds like I’ll be back before you need me, then. Be sure to get a lot of rest, okay? And don’t hurt yourself again.”
“Wait. You sound like you’re leaving.”
He stood up. “Yeah, I think I’d better. It’s getting late, and you need some sleep. I’ll come by tomorrow.”
She wanted to ask him to stay, but she really had no reason to except for being lonely, so she told him goodnight and watched him leave.
And then sat there for several minutes trying to figure out what had changed between them.
***
“Girls.”
“I hear ya.”
Joey took a long swig of his water. He and Jamal were sitting on the front steps of his apartment building, watching the stars come out and grousing about life. Most guys would probably have beer bottles instead of water bottles, but Joey believed in staying alert, and Jamal wasn’t a drinker either.
“So, what happened to make you all grumpy?” Joey asked.
“Trina and Hailey left, and right as they pulled away, Trina told me she has a boyfriend back home and thanked me for showing her around. Man, I really liked her, too. I was thinking about driving down to Reno to see her on my next weekend off.”
“I’m sorry about that, man. She should have told you right off.”
“Yeah. I mean, we still could have hung out, but as friends, you know? No expectations, keeping boundaries, stuff like that.” He paused and looked at Joey. “What about you and Hailey? I didn’t see you out there saying goodbye.”
Joey shrugged. “She sent me a text and seemed fine saying goodbye that way. And to be honest, I was a little busy.”
“Oh? Doing what?”
“Having dinner with Jaclyn.”
Jamal chuckled. “That must have been fun. I haven’t been over to see her for a while—need to do that. How is she?”
“Good. Same as ever. Eccentric. Said some things that got me thinking.”
“She always does. Anything in particular this time?”
Joey finished his water and put the lid back on the bottle. “Said I was going to have to fight harder this time than I did before, and she wanted to know if I was up for it.”
“Fight for what?”
“Chelsea.”
“Ah.” Jamal’s reply sounded all-knowing. “I don’t think Nick’s going to like that very much. He’s brought her up about five times today, and I only saw him for a few minutes.”
“Well, I haven’t decided what I’m going to do about it yet. I went and saw her tonight to talk to her about being called up, and something was weird. I don’t know—there was a shift in the universe or something like that. It made me wonder if I want to fight.”
Jamal lifted his finger. “Let me tell you something about Jaclyn. If people around here were smart, they’d be lining up to hear what she had to say, and then they’d be doing it. She may be a little different, but she’s the wisest woman I’ve ever met, and that includes my own grandma, so you’d better believe I hold her in high regard.”
“I know she’s right about a lot of things, but she can’t be right all the time, can she? Maybe this was just one of those days.”
Jamal was shaking his head before Joey even finished. “That’s not how it works. You’ve got to listen, dude. Listen to what she said.” He clapped Joey on the shoulder as he stood up. “Heading in now—I’ve got an early day tomorrow. We’re getting in some piglets. You need a ride?”
“No, I’ll drive. I don’t have to go in until eight.”
“Lucky you. See you tomorrow.”
Jamal left Joey sitting there, listening to the sounds of night and the occasional car.
When he thought back on it, now that he was alone and his thoughts were the only ones he could hear, he knew what had changed. He had won that meet. He had won. That meant he was good enough. That meant he mattered. And he hadn’t realized it at the time.
After Chelsea got that scholarship and transferred schools, he’d decided that it was time to put away his dreams of competitive swimming and focus on an actual career. He’d buckled down and studied hard and began to excel in his pre-med classes. He kept swimming, but primarily as a means to stay fit and because he loved it. His coach couldn’t believe that he was putting it on the back burner, but he was ready to move on academically.
And now he wondered. If he’d continued swimming, could he have applied for a scholarship? What if he’d gotten one and it paid for his pre-med tuition, and he didn’t have to save up like he had been?
While other people had money and could just pay for college without having to save.
There it was—the kernel of what had been bothering him. While he and Chelsea had been dating, he’d tried to put the difference in their situations to the side because he cared about the girl, not about her money. But it came up over and over again—her parents’ disdain for his simple clothes and old car, the way she was expected to attend events with them, but couldn’t invite him to go along, how she’d just run to the store whenever she wanted something and didn’t have to stop and think if she had the money to do it. The class differences were so stark, they probably couldn’t have made it work even if she hadn’t transferred schools.
And wasn’t that what she said to him when she broke up with him? “We’re too different, Joey. We’ll never really be compatible. It’s better that we figure it out now before we get hurt.”
Except that he had gotten hurt. Badly. And he’d never had the chance to tell her that because she’d hung up—yes, she’d broken up with him by telephone—and she’d gotten on a plane and flown away.
If he’d told her how he felt, would that have made any difference?
And if he’d gotten a scholarship of his own, would that have made any difference?”
He growled a little bit and ran his hands over his face. This was ridiculous. How much time would he waste sitting there feeling sorry for himself when he had a ton of other things to do? He needed to call his parents—that was a rule in their family: call your parents if you’re about to head into something life-threatening. With one brother in the fire department and another who was a security guard at a jewel company, that was a pretty decent family rule to have. And he had to pack. And . . . okay, that wasn’t a ton of things that he needed to do, but it was certainly enough that sitting there moaning about his life was taking up too much valuable time.
He stood up, went inside, threw away his water bottle, and flopped down on his bed.
If his apartment were any larger, he’d get a roommate. Nick and Jamal and Reggie seemed to keep each other cheered up pretty well, but they had a bigger place. He had just about enough room for a goldfish.
A goldfish. Hmm. No. Too cold and scaly. Not snuggly at all.
He really should have gone to visit the rabbits in the small animal barn the other day when he was thinking about it. Or slipped a slice of pizza to Jaclyn’s bunnies. Another opportunity missed.