I FELT BETTER THAN I had in a long time. Sure, I was still bruised, had three broken ribs, a cut that was healing really well on my left leg and my pneumonia seemed almost all better, but it could’ve been all the meds I was taking that made me feel good. It’d been a week, and the hospital kept me longer than they usually did due to all my injuries and the pneumonia.
Just over an hour after they released me, we were pulling up to a mega mansion right on the water with security galore. I squeezed Mason’s hand tighter as we drove through the massive iron gates.
Mason.
He was like my angel, my dream. I didn’t know what it was about him, but he calmed me. Yes I had to grow up quick due to the past but with him . . . I knew I could just be that seventeen-year-old immature teen. That I could just be safe to do, say and act anyway I can. That I could FINALLY let my guard down and act my age.
There is one thing I knew for certain, I didn’t want to be away from him. I mean, I’d begged. I hadn’t done that since my parents had been alive and I’d begged them to go to a Taylor Swift concert. Thinking back, it was selfish of me to ask as they were taking me to the Great Barrier Reef, which was costing them a lot of money. Ah, that seemed a life time ago.
“Alexa. How’re you feeling?” I gazed up at Mason and resisted the urge to sigh. I swore every time I looked at him he got better looking. I mean, beards on young guys should look scruffy and make them look older, but no, on Mason it just added to his hotness. Then I almost drooled as his shirt sleeves lifted and I saw his tats. Nothing fancy, just a globe of the world and what looked like a black flower, but oh God, my body came alive with heat all through it. It was a shock at first when I started getting those feelings, but I knew thanks to my school friends, when I went to school that is, that this was what they felt when they were attracted to a guy. I just seemed to have it with Mason a million times more than they ever told me about. I had dreams about him, and they weren’t of us going to the movies, or even out to dinner. They were erotic. I’d never had erotic dreams before and I had to admit I had bloody good taste. “Alexa?”
Oh, yeah. He’d spoken and I totally spaced perving on him. “Good. Great.” And I was. Weirdly I just knew as long as I had Mason I would always feel like that. I’ll admit, a teeny tiny piece of me at the back of my mind was yelling at me, “What the hell are you doing? Run! This is crazy. There’s something wrong with you.” I was mostly ignoring it. I was sick of feeling scared, unsafe and unloved, and no matter how crazy it was I was going to bask in what I was feeling.
“I know it probably looks daunting, but all this security is to keep us safe.” He gently stroked the pad of his thumb over my knuckles. “Are you sure you’re alright? A moment ago, you looked pale white.”
I nodded. “I’m all good. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I would be if you weren’t in here holding my hand. I know you have your own car and can drive, but I really appreciate you sitting in the back seat and holding my hand.” I gazed at him and watched as his brown eyes turned a warm, dark chocolate color. “I remember a little from our talks that you just bought an apartment of your own, not far from the gym.”
Crap. His gym. Would he have to leave me to deal with it?
At just the thought, my heart rate seemed to pick up and I tightened my grip on his hand.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. My brother Zeck’s going to look after my gym. I’m free to take care of you.”
Relief like I’d never felt before washed over me at this simple statement. I should’ve felt guilty for keeping him away from his work, shouldn’t I? “Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking time off from your work to be with me.”
“Anytime. Anytime you need me I’m only a phone call away if I’m not already with you.” He brushed some of my hair out of my face. “When you’re better and settled and if you’re up for it, we’ll go back to my gym. I’d love for you to see my place, and maybe we could do some basic self-defense. I hope and pray you never have to use it again, but I want you to learn so you can protect yourself from anyone.”
As much as I’d have liked to say no, I knew what he was saying about the self-defense, and it would be a good tool to have in my belt. If I’d learned anything in my life on the streets it’s that you never know what’s around the corner and go with your gut. Something was going on in the streets and my gut was telling me that what I’d seen and why I’d run from the guys trying to grab me was going to bite me in the arse.
I WAS WAITING FOR THE other shoe to drop. None of my uncles, brother, or cousins had had it so easy. Since meeting Alexa, she hadn’t wanted to leave me and she’d been acting the opposite of how I’d seen my families’ soulmates act. My uncles, brother, and cousin had all had to fight and beg to get where they were with their soulmates.
Their ones.
This was our first night at my aunt’s and my conscience was battling within. I knew she was of age to date me as she was over sixteen and I was under twenty-one, but I questioned if she was in over her head. Was she being so easy going and eager to be with me because of the situation she’d been in and how I’d found her, or was it the curse, er, gift from the gypsies kicking in stronger for her because she’d needed me more than any of the other soulmates? I was conflicted and as much as I wanted to stay with Alexa and hold her in my arms all night, I didn’t want her to see me as a clutch.
“Mason, I know that face.” My mum snapped her fingers in front of me and I turned my gaze to her and my aunt who was waiting with me in the living room of our suite.
“What face?” My mum may be the biggest socialite, and I had a nanny growing up, but my mum was still amazing and she never missed a talk, or a grounding, and always knew what her sons were up to.
She raised a regal brow. “The worried look. The something-is-not-right look.”
Running my fingers through my hair I closed my eyes for a moment and thought over my answer. “I know this will sound like I’m just trying to make problems where there aren’t any, but I’m worried my relationship with Alexa is too easy. All the stories I’ve heard from the other men, they’ve had to fight to get their woman. Alexa barely leaves my side. I know she already has feelings for me.”
“This is good, son. Maybe it’s working different because she’s already had such a bad life.” I hated the concern in her gaze, and quiet tone of her voice, like she was even unsure of what she said.
“Maybe. How is she going to do when I go back to work? I know I can have someone work it for a while, but I don’t want her dependent on me so badly that I never go back to work.”
“We’ll slowly ease her into it.” My mother wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I returned her hug and knew that with my family’s help everything would be okay.
ALEXA WAS GETTING BETTER. EVEN though it had been a few weeks, she still barely left my side and I really didn’t mind. I loved spending time with her. She was sweet, kind, and caring to all my family and the guards. I had learned she’d lost her parents in a home invasion. She wouldn’t talk about the night that I found her or how she got into the state she’d been in. Her therapist wouldn’t discuss anything she’d been told due to patient-doctor confidentiality.
I knew something was wrong, though, and I was sure it had to do with the night I found her. I wasn’t ready to push her to tell me yet. I enjoyed the peace between us too much. I hated to admit it, but I was scared, too. Scared that if I pushed her to tell me what had happened that the easy-going relationship between us would stop. I wouldn’t want her to feel the need to run away. I couldn’t lose her. I didn’t want her to run like my cousin Dustan’s soulmate Cassie.
“I need to go shopping. Can you take me? Please.” She knelt on the lounge beside me and pouted. I wondered as she stared at me with her big green eyes, if she knew the power she had over me.
Shrugging, I flicked through Netflix for what I knew she wanted to watch. “Sure, I’ll organize with security. Anything you need specifically?”
Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink and she mumbled, “Just stuff.”
I wanted to tease her, but I didn’t know if we were there yet, so I smiled and selected her favorite show. “Okay. The family is coming around tomorrow, but we’ll go this week to get you ‘just stuff’.” The pink darkened to red and I had a feeling I knew what the just stuff was. Not wanting her embarrassed, I pressed play.
“Star Trek is one of the many shows and things I missed while living on the streets.” Alexa snuggled against me on the huge sofa in the tv room. She enjoyed Netflix. Since her coming home a couple of weeks ago we’d spent a lot of time watching tv and catching up on a lot of movies, when she wasn’t working with a tutor.
Alexa was smart. Even though she’d missed a couple of years of school she wasn’t that far behind. She didn’t want to go back to high school and the therapist thought it was best we let her be home schooled and work towards her attending university.
“I know you like Star Trek, and anything sci-fi, but I don’t even know your favorite color.”
She didn’t move, but I felt her shrug. “Pink. I always thought that pink brightens anything, but lately I’m liking brown.”
“Brown? Really? Stick with pink. I don’t know anyone with brown as their favorite color.”
This time she did move and sat up so we locked our gaze. “They don’t get to have the same view I do lately.”
My cheeks heated and I was sure they were red. Alexa turned me into an untried teenager. “You’re such a charmer.” Her giggle, my favorite sound had a smile spread over my face. “Cats or dogs?”
“Both. Well, really any type of pet. I always wanted a kitten to raise, and a puppy, but I need a home first. I always thought you can never have just one dog or cat, you need at least two of each, so they can keep each other company.” Her eyes shined like she was thinking of the pets she wanted.
“You have a home.” I held both her hands in my own. “I’m your home.” I brought her hands up and kissed them both.
“You’re the answer to a prayer I never knew I asked for.” She beamed at me.
“I’m the lucky one to have found you. I just wish you hadn’t had to go through what you have.”
“Me, too. I pray every night I wake up and my parents are alive, but I wouldn’t be who I am now and I highly doubt I would have met you.” She sighed, long and loud. “Does it make me a bad person if I say some part of me is glad that because of what has happened, I met you?”
I hugged her to me and kissed her forehead. “No, it doesn’t. I’m just glad I’ve found you. I want to get to know you and move on with our lives.”
She grinned at me. “You always know the right things to say. I want to know everything about you too.”
Laughing, I kissed her forehead again. “You’re so good for my ego. How about we start with easy stuff like what we’ve started with this evening. Food. You haven’t binged on anything in particular. Mum even made sure we’ve been stocked with a bunch of different chocolate and candy.”
“I’m more of a cookies and cakes kind of girl, or I used to be.” A distant look come into her eyes like she was remembering something. “Grandma and my mum and I use to spend weekends baking. My Grandma was so good at baking she won competitions.” A tear slid down her cheek and I reached up and gently brushed it away.
“I’m sorry, my cuddly bear.” Mmm, I liked that name for her. She was so cuddly. “How about tomorrow while we’re shopping, we pick up some things for you to bake? Would you like that? I’d love for you teach me how to bake.”
Her brow raised and her lips quirked. “Really? You want me to teach you to cook?”
“Sure, I like cakes and shit.”
“Cakes and shit?” She giggled and I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You laughing at me?”
She nodded and I reached over and tickled her. She squealed and squirmed against me. “Stop! Mercy!” she yelled between peals of laughter. I stopped as she straddled my lap and my cock jumped in my shorts, eager for her.
Staring up at her, I resisted the urge to kiss her, reminding myself she was only seventeen and I needed to take things slow. She surprised me though when slowly she leaned down and her lips gently brushed over mine. I dared not move. I didn’t want to scare her away. Her tongue came out on the third brush and I opened, meeting hers. She sank against me and her hands moved around my shoulders, hesitantly at first. When she started grinding against me I tore my mouth from hers and held her waist still.
“Bear. Alexa. We need to stop.”
Her brows furrowed and her lips turned down. “Why? I liked that. You feel good.”
I groaned at her innocence. “You can’t say that, not now. I’m really trying to be a gentleman. I want you to be comfortable, and feel safe with me before I show my intentions.”
“Yeah? You have intentions?” Her eyebrows rose and she nibbled on her bottom lip.
I nodded, and barely resisted the urge to yank her back to me and nibble on her lip myself. “I’ve wanted you to be mine from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“What do you mean by yours?” Her gaze captured mine and the green was so bright it looked like fresh cut grass after a week of rain. Lost in her gaze, I knew I was damn lucky to have found her. Alexa was stunning and all mine.
“I want everything with you.” I held my breath for a moment and watched her reaction When she didn’t try to get away or look scared I released it. I should tell her something about the curse. I ran my fingers through my hair. “I knew from the moment I saw you, you were mine. You see, us Silvermans have this curse, um, gift, that we can tell who our soulmate is. A long, long time ago we were gifted by gypsies because we helped them. You’re my soulmate.”
Her gaze grew bright and then darkened, as she bounced on my lap. I moaned, trying to contain my excitement, and wiggled back so my hard cock didn’t touch her. “Really? That’s so cool. It explains why I feel so safe with you.” She nodded. “It’s crazy if it’s all true, but I feel something. I can’t deny that. I’ve never felt anything for a boy before.”
I winced as she called me a boy. “Bear, I’m not a boy. I’m all man.”
She nodded. “Oh, I know.” She closed her eyes for a moment like she was processing what I’d said. When she opened her eyelids, she beamed at me. “This makes me happy to know that I’m yours.” She leaned down and her lips met mine. She kissed me until I opened and our tongues tangled. I circled her waist and my fingers trailed up and down her back. When she started grinding against me again, I knew I had to stop because if she got her hands under my shirt or her any of her clothes went, I knew I was a goner and taking it slow wouldn’t happen.
Her mewl of protest as I eased back almost had me caving, but when I looked into her gaze and saw the dazed, lust-filled look, I knew she needed more time.
“I understand,” she moaned. “I don’t want to stop, but I . . . I thank you.” She snuggled against me and I clenched my fist. I took a deep calming breath in and slowly let it out because I knew the next couple of months until she was eighteen were going to kill me. I’d better get used to cold showers.
I WAS EXCITED TO BE meeting Mason’s cousins and close family for the second time. Not because of all the adults, but the babies. I loved children and couldn’t wait to have a whole bunch of my own. I wanted a large family. I always wished I’d had a sister or even a brother or two.
When my parents had been alive I’d always wanted to have a job where I got to be around a bunch of little ones. I loved that children were so easy to love and gave love back so freely. My favorite thing was to play with them and watch the wonder on their faces and see them learn new things.
Even when I lived on the streets the only ones I ever trusted were the ones under twelve. Those were the ones I helped, or at least tried to. They were the ones I gave my last bits of food to, and clothes and water, too. The little ones didn’t stay on the streets long as the foster system and police noticed them more. Police. I shivered in fear at the thought of them.
“You okay, bear?” Mason squeezed my shoulder and I looked over at him. My heart sputtered and then sped up at his pet name for me. I’d asked him why he called me that and he said I was his cuddly koala bear, but that was a mouthful so he shortened it to bear. I loved it.
Spinning, I looked up at him. He’d trimmed his beard, but his fringe covered his big dark brown eyes and, unable to resist, I gently brushed it to the side, my fingers lingering on his cheek. “Mmm, I’m good. Excited to see the little ones again. Is your uncle coming with the twins?”
“Yes, and so is Bailey with Sebastian. Divinity is due in a couple of weeks so you’ll get to meet and have a cuddle of their son when he’s born.”
I waved my hand. “Yay! The more babies there are, the less I have to fight to hold one. I know I won’t get to hold Angelica because everyone hogs the little doll, but I’ll get cuddle time with Jake and Sebastian. Your uncle let me cuddle Jake for hours last time.” Mason had said a son he when speaking about Divinity’s baby. I cocked my head to the side. “Divinity and Ryder are having a little boy?”
“Yeah, Silvermans don’t usually have girls. We think uncle Carl got one because he found his mate so late in life. We hope. Because,” he shivered. “Teenage girls. Boyfriends. Hell no.” Mason’s skin turned chalk white. “God, I couldn’t think of anything worse. Poor uncle Carl. I know Angelica will have a crazy number of bodyguards and will be able to kick arse just like Divinity, but I wouldn’t want to be Angelica’s soulmate. Can you imagine all of us meeting him?”
An image of an older version of Angelica bringing a boy home and all her uncles and cousins meeting him came to mind and I couldn’t help but laugh. Oh, he was right, the poor girl.
Mason’s thumb brushed my cheek and a shiver ran through me at his touch. “I’m glad you’re getting a laugh at the thought. No girls. Boys for us.”
I stopped laughing and threw myself at him, jumping up and wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tight. “Yes. Yes, yes. I want kids.” I loved that he wanted children. I squeezed him as tight as I could, not caring about any of my lingering injuries. “I don’t care as long as all our children are happy.”
His arms came around me and I felt him kiss my head and mumble, “You’re incredible and all mine.”
“Mason, put the poor girl down,” Gillian, Mason’s mother, snapped at him and I giggled into his chest as he slid me down his body on a groan. “Carl and Annabelle just arrived. I know you loved the babies, Alexa, so I said you’d help. Annabelle is pregnant again and Carl won’t let her lift even the kids if he can help it.”
I eased out of Mason’s embrace and practically ran to the front of the house where I heard Annabelle arguing with Carl. “I’m only just two months pregnant you dolt, I can carry my daughter who I barely hold because she’s a girl in the Silverman family of boys. It’s bad enough she has your parents moving to Australia from America because your mother doesn’t want to miss out on her first granddaughter.”
“Oh honey. My nephews are all searching for their mates. They’re not chancing getting a girl and having the stress I will in a little less than twelve years when she turns thirteen.”
“If you weren’t holding our children I swear I’d slap you, you arse. Girls aren’t as bad as you and your brothers are making out.” I laughed as Annabelle put her hands on her waist and glared at her husband. I came up and held my hands out so I could have my first cuddle of Angelica. Annabelle spotted me and pointed. “Alexa, tell him that us females aren’t as bad as they’re all fretting over.”
Darting my gaze from the baby I really wanted, back to her mother, and then her father, who raised his brow at me, I sighed and knew I couldn’t get out of answering. “Truthfully Annabelle, I’m not sure what they’re scared of. Sure we’re more of a target, but that’s men’s fault. Trust me, I learned real quick how to avoid me—”
“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to have brought this up. I didn’t think that it would have you thinking of the bad that—”
“No, it’s okay.” I cut Annabelle off as Carl handed over his little girl. Angelica was so adorable with big brown eyes, dark little ringlets and light olive skin. She wore a pink tutu dress, which, if possible, made her cuter. I hugged Angelica close to me and she grabbed and yanked on my hair, giggling. My heart felt like it was going to explode at the sound, it was just so darn cute.
“Angelica, stop. We don’t pull hair. That’s naughty.” Annabelle came up to me and used her stern mum voice but Angelica totally ignored her mum and continued yanking on my hair.
“I don’t mind.” I kissed each side of her chubby little cheeks.
Jake yelled out, “No. No. No.” I laughed and looked over at him in his father’s arms, but caught an eye roll from Annabelle.
“It’s his new word. But the little terror only says it when Angelica is getting attention and he isn’t.” She walked to her son and kissed his forehead.
Watching this, I realized I wanted what Annabelle, Carl and the babies had, and I wanted it bad. I knew as I snuggled Angelica and walked with her to the family room where everyone was gathering that I didn’t want to wait years for this either. I wanted children now. I wanted a husband. No, not just a husband, I wanted Mason.
Mason came and wrapped his arm around my waist and I relaxed against him. He leaned down and tickled and kissed each side of Angelica’s cheeks before pressing his lips to my forehead.
I had a goal. I had things I wanted. I hadn’t had a goal or wanted anything other than to stay alive until I was eighteen since my parents had died. Now as I gazed around at the new family I had, I wanted more.
I USED TO LOVE GOING shopping, but I hadn’t done much of that in the last couple of years. The massive building before me had me on edge. I didn’t have money to shop and I hated people staring, because that was all they did to me now.
Ah, well, they had before, when I’d been hungry, dirty, cold, scared, and alone.
Closing my eyes, I tried to calm my heart as it raced at just the thought of walking through the busy shopping center.
“My mum can do this, you know. She loves having daughters. She’s always buying Bailey stuff.”
Opening my eyes, I shook my head. I knew Gillian would do it. She’d already bought me a lot of clothes, and I wore them though they weren’t really my style. My underwear though, I wasn’t letting her get me. I had been wearing men’s boxers, I was sure they were Mason’s, but as comfortable as they were I was ready for some of my own panties and I was dying to get a couple of bras that fit. I had two bras and they were dead and needed to be thrown out. My goal today was to get new ones so I could do that.
“No. I want to do this. I need to do this.” I could do this. I wasn’t that dirty and alone person anymore. I had someone . . . Mason. “Your mum is busy getting everything ready for your father’s parents to come and live.”
“Argh, don’t remind me. Uncle Lewis has been bitching about us taking grandma and grandpa. I don’t know why he cares so much. All his kids are grown, and you’d think this might make him want to move here, too, and live with his brothers and nephews.” Wrapping my arms around him I hugged him tight. This was really working him up. It seemed to work up all the Silvermans, and I was eager to hear why his uncle hadn’t moved to Australia and why his parents had stayed with him in America instead of following their sons, but when one of the woman brought it up the men all got worked up like this.
“Thanks, bear, I’m good now.” He tilted my head up and leaned down, brushing his lips over mine. He moved out of my embrace and stood beside me staring at the huge mall. I reached for his hand and threaded his fingers through mine. At his touch any nerves I had calmed and I sighed in contentment. He brought my fingers up and kissed my knuckles.
I had fallen in love with this man. It had been so easy. He was attentive, caring, and had been supportive. With him I felt loved and safe again. I wasn’t sure I believed him about the gift he and his family had about knowing their soulmate, but it did explain my feelings for him and why I’d never been scared of him, especially when I hadn’t had great experiences with men. The kiss we’d shared the other night had been my first real kiss, I shivered as the other kisses I’d had that were forced on me came to mind. I squeezed his hand and gave myself a mental shake and focused my gaze on Mason. Turning into him I rose on my tip-toes, letting go of his hands and sliding my own up his chest and circling his neck before pulling him down and kissing him, needing another new memory to replace the ones I didn’t want in my head.
Mason pulled away from our kiss and I hated that he was the one who always put a stop to our intimate embraces. “Come on my cuddly bear, you make it so hard for me to be a gentleman.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and took my hand back into his. “Let’s go get the things you wanted from the mall.”
Resisting the urge to giggle, I nodded. Mason had no idea I’d begged him to take me shopping today so I could buy underwear. I was sure if he knew he wouldn’t have come.
I COULDN’T HOLD BACK MY laughter as Mason groaned and looked around like he was ready to run.
“Please, bear, not this one. It was bad enough I saw what you got at Target, but not Honey Birdette. This is evil.” He tried to tug his hand away, but I wasn’t letting him go.
I’d seen Honey Birdette lingerie shop when my parents had been alive, but my parents would never have spent so much on bras and panties for me or let me wear such sexy things at such a young age. I was old enough now though and I intended to not only get myself some sexy underwear, but have a little fun with Mason.
Honey Birdette was a lot different from Target underwear. It was blacks, reds, whites and tans in all sexy porn style. Just walking into the store had me straightening and feeling a bit racy. I went straight to the red lacy stuff, and got matching sets.
“You’re being very cruel, Alexa.” Hearing Mason say my name instead of bear, I turned and bit my lip to hold back my giggle. He was standing stiff, his muscles locked and his jaw clenched. You’d have had to be blind not to see his eye ticking, too. I bet if the music in there hadn’t been so loud I would’ve heard his teeth grinding also.
Power, like I’d never felt before, flowed through me. I did this to him. Bouncing on the spot I grabbed him and dragged him towards the change room. He shook his head franticly and I let my giggle slip free. “So, I take it you’ll wait out here while I try these on?” I held up the lacy numbers I chose.
“You, little bear, are treading on very thin ice. If you keep going on like you have, I won’t be holding back being a gentleman.”
Pausing at the change rooms the sales lady smiled and asked how many I had and to call if I need help. I leaned in close to Mason. “Maybe I don’t want you to be a gentleman.” Before he could reply I went to my allocated change room, but I didn’t miss his moan.
My confidence sky rocketed and I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror before I slipped off my clothes.
By the time we left the store, I’d bought four sets, two in black, one in red, and one in tan. Mason looked like he’d just been tortured. He was so distracted he didn’t even notice one of the sale ladies flirting with him.
Tony, one of our bodyguards, had the bags shoved at him as we left the store and Mason hooked his arm around me and brought me up against him. He leaned down and his breath brushed my ear sending a shiver of pleasure through me. “Next time you pull a stunt like that, don’t expect me to be the gentleman. You’re mine, bear, and I intend to take what’s mine but I’m barely clinging on to my resolve that I won’t rush you.” He huffed and his hot breath tickled. “When I take you, you’ll beg me to. That’s a promise.”
I bit my lip to hold back my groan and turned to gaze in molten warm chocolate eyes blazing with pure need. Oh crap, maybe I pushed him too far. He tilted my chin and his lips came down on mine. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it showed me just what he wanted.
He held my hand and guided me towards the food court. “You hungry?”
I nodded, my mind still on the kiss and what I’d just done teasing Mason. I had never been this brazen in my life. With the experiences I’d had with men the last couple of years I was surprised at what I did, and wanted to do, with Mason. The more I was with this man, the more I fell under his spell. It wasn’t just him though, it was his family. I’d learned not to trust so easily, but from the moment I met Mason and his family not only did I just know I was safe, but I trusted them and I knew Mason was mine.
Maybe I needed to talk to my therapist more about this. Was this right? Should I have fallen in love with him so soon? Should I be trusting him and his family?
Mason gave me a gentle squeeze and I noticed we were at seats. “You want anything in particular? I’ll go get it. You wait with Tony and Seth. ”
Looking around I noticed it was busy, but not packed, and there were a couple of tables free. Around the food court were about ten or twelve different choices of food, from Chinese to McDonald’s to Indian and many others. “I’ll have a chicken kebab with everything, please, and a bottle of water.”
He nodded, leaned down and brushed his lips over mine before going off to get my food. I watched him with only the noise around me until, Tony spoke up. “You’re making it hard for him. You know that, right?”
I tore my gaze from Mason’s firm round butt. . “How? It was just a bit of fun.”
Tony shook his big, beefy head. “You’re young. With what you’ve gone though, he doesn’t want to scare you. Gillian, or even Bailey, would have happily come with you today. You’ve just made it that much harder for him to hold out for you to be ready. You’re not ready, are you? You’re just using him?” He shook his head. “Poor guy. You don’t get what he’s missing following you around like a puppy.”
My heart sank and I felt sick. I turned from Tony, duly chastised. Was what I’d done so cruel? I was ready for more, but only with Mason. The thought of doing anything like what I’d done in the lingerie store, or even kissing someone else, made my skin crawl and I felt like I needed to vomit. “You’re right. I’ll apologize to him.” I didn’t bother to look at him, as guilt assaulted me. I needed to talk to my therapists. I clenched my hands and then grabbed onto the end of my shirt and fiddled with the stitching as my brain went into overload. I wasn’t using Mason, was I? I had fallen in love with him. I loved him and I wanted a relationship with him. No, I wanted to be more than just a girlfriend, I wanted everything with Mason. Maybe I should give him a break though, sleep by myself or go out with his aunt or mother. My stomach rolled and I didn’t feel hungry at all.
Crossing my arms over my chest I ignored the guards and knew that I would ask when I spoke to my therapist if she could make sure anyone but Tony was my guard from now on. He got me thinking. I knew what I wanted, but maybe Mason did need a break or wasn’t on the same page as me. Was Tony right? Was I not ready to have a relationship with Mason? I needed time without him to see how I felt. Yes. That’s what I’d do.
Mason came back and I picked at my food. My mind kept repeating what Tony had said over and over. I thought I’d been doing so well, but I needed to speak to my therapist.