Max

 

Violence.

 

There were probably some people in the world who would go the rest of their lives without seeing what true violence was. People who lived in little suburban neighborhoods in cookie cutter houses, oblivious to what the real world was like other than the nightly news talking about things that made those people just shake their heads and mutter about how they just couldn’t believe how there were some people who could do things like that.

 

I wasn’t one of those people and probably never would be. Violence was a dirty word, but it was in my vocabulary and used often. Did I like it? No, at least, I didn’t think so, but it was there, always lurking just around the next corner. It was part of the life I’d chosen to live and it was part of the life I’d lived before that.

 

You didn’t avoid violence in foster care any more than you avoided jumping from home to home.

 

But just because I was used to it and I expected it, didn’t mean I enjoyed it. I didn’t have to take pleasure from necessary things, I just had to do them.

 

That was what had happened last night. I should have known things couldn’t go smoothly with Blade and the Slayers. They were into some bad shit and I’d started hearing that it wasn’t just hard drugs and arms deals that they were getting involved with either. It was worse than that, the kinds of things I had always promised myself I would never get behind. I wasn’t a pimp and I didn’t like the idea of human trafficking, but I had to do something. I told myself that whatever the Slayers were into, the Sin Reapers didn’t have to follow. We could coexist, split the territory and the profits, then go on our merry way.

 

I told myself that over and over again, but it was almost impossible to believe. How could I claim I wasn’t a party to those sorts of activities when I was taking some cut in the profits they were making?

 

It didn’t sit well with me. None of it did. But funds were low. Members were low. And if we didn’t make peace with the Slayers, we’d have to make war, and I wasn’t dumb enough to think we could win that. Not now.

 

But even with all that knowledge—the Slayers, Blade, the drugs, and the prostitution—I never would have been prepared for last night. How could I have been?

 

“What the hell is this?”

 

“A present. I hope you like it.”

 

I shuddered at the memory of our conversation that night. How eager and pleased Blade had been with himself. I still didn’t know if it was because he enjoyed torturing others—which wasn’t a bad guess—or if it was because he knew the guy had been lying all the while. The problem was, I couldn’t rule out the second possibility no matter how much I figured the first was true.

 

“A good faith present. A favor, if you will.”

 

“And why would this present of yours matter to us?”

 

“Because this is the man who made the Preacher kill himself.”

 

Those words would echo and rattle around in my mind like ghosts for the rest of my life. I would never be able to be completely rid of them, no matter how hard I might try. They’d been perfect, regardless of the truth. Just enough to get our blood and anger pumping, but not concrete enough to really give us anything.

 

It was widely known that the Preacher had killed himself. There’d been a gun, a pool of blood, a hole in his head, and most importantly of all, a note. It hadn’t been detailed. It hadn’t given much by way of reasoning, but it had been there. And it had been in the Preacher’s handwriting. Both Lucy and her mother had confirmed that much and it didn’t matter how much everyone would like to argue: there was no denying the note wasn’t a forgery.

 

If it were a suicide, as it seemed, the Sin Reapers were left floundering about. Code stated that the death of a member should be avenged, because members were family, but how did you avenge the death of a member when they killed themselves? None of us were quite sure, so to find some evidence, any evidence at all, that might suggest that there had been more at work here, gave us all a little hope.

 

At least, it would when I told everyone about it. As of yet, I hadn’t.

 

I was lying on the bed upstairs, staring blankly at the ceiling. Lucy had showered, dressed, and left, but I hadn’t even moved since breakfast. We’d argued and it’d been bad, but what could I tell her? The truth?

 

That almost made me laugh, though it was hardly what anyone would call funny. Lucy was in a bad place right now, lost at sea after finding her father’s body, and I probably shouldn’t have told her the things I told her. But I didn’t have a lot of options. She wanted to leave; I couldn’t let her. Not yet.

 

Now that Lucy was gone for the day, to work on something safe and boring, I couldn’t help but think of how it had gone down the night before. I’d screwed up, bad, but there was nothing to be done about it. I couldn’t walk away.

 

Blade and the Slayers left, but Bills and I lingered behind. The man hung by his bound hands off a hook that was tied to the ceiling. He was already in bad shape and something in my stomach churned nauseously as I realized I’d have to put him in worse shape. Once the sounds of the Slayers’ bikes reached our ears, the revving followed by the squealing of tires, I knew it was time to start. If I lingered for much longer, there would be no excuse. Bills would start to wonder if I was man enough for the job, and that was a question I didn’t have the time for right now. Too much else was going on.

 

Besides, however much I didn’t want to do this, however much I’d finally gotten tired of the violence, there was a part of me that wanted this. If this man really were responsible for the Preacher’s suicide, then damnit, I wanted to know. I wanted answers. It just wouldn’t be pretty how I was going to try to get them.

 

My throat was suddenly dry and it was all I could do not to swallow heavily in nervousness to try to ease some of that.

 

I cracked my knuckles to buy myself some time, trying to think of how I was going to do this, but I already knew. There was only one option to me now. I’d ask the questions, but it wasn’t really about them. It was about my fists connecting with his face and the knowledge that his beating was all that really mattered. In the eyes of the Sin Reapers—should they ever know what happened—he was guilty as sin. There wouldn’t be any trial for him, though something in my gut told me there should be.

 

“Wake him up,” I told Bills, who was standing silently behind me.

 

The man had already begun to rouse towards consciousness, but he was only halfway there. I imagined he’d already been through quite a lot tonight, courtesy of the Slayers, but it, unfortunately, wasn’t enough. He’d have to go through our punishment, too.

 

Bills did as I asked. He was looking a little pale and his brow was dappled with drops of sweat, and for a moment I wondered if this made him as sick as it made me. The idea was almost laughable, however, and I quickly pushed it out of my mind. Bills wasn’t the kind of man to be squeamish; if anything, he was looking forward to this.

 

There were several open water bottles on the table, remnants from our meeting, and Bills grabbed one quickly. He stepped up to the hanging man and grinned widely, his teeth gleaming an off white in the dim lighting, almost like a black light was illuminating them. He threw the water at the man’s face, emptying the bottle’s contents. It was effective.

 

The man began to sputter and spit, coughing up water and maybe some swallowed blood; it was hard to say. He was in rough shape. When he’d stopped, Bills stepped up and grabbed him by the face, pinching his cheeks between his thumb and fingers. Jerking the man so he was looking at Bills, my lieutenant grinned at him. “You’re in a bad way, my friend,” he said darkly. “So you’d better answer right if you wanna walk away tonight.”

 

There was a hollowness in his words. I had the distinct impression that Bills didn’t expect him to walk away at all, regardless of what he said. I hadn’t decided yet if I could bring myself to do that. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d killed a man, but it would be the first time it was like this.

 

Bills stepped back, letting the man’s face drop, and I stepped up to the plate. This was my show, after all. The man’s gaze whirled around quickly to me. He paled when he caught sight of my face, recognizing me instantly.

 

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, and I nodded in agreement.

 

“I’ve got some questions for you,” I told him, trying to remain calm.

 

The man immediately let out a whimper, obviously knowing what was coming, and it made me feel a little ill. I liked it better when they manned up; it left less of an impression on my conscience.

 

“What do you know about the Preacher?” I began easily, taking a moment to step closer, close enough that I could all but smell the fear radiating off him in waves. It made me nauseous, but I pushed that down. I had to be tough as nails; Bills was watching.

 

“Please, just let me go. I didn’t have anything against him or his.” The man was begging already and I hadn’t touched him yet.

 

I ignored his plea and pushed through. “Did you meet him? Did you know him?”

 

He shook his head, sucking in a harsh breath. “Please, I don’t know anything about anyone, I swear.”

 

I hit him before I thought about it. That made it easier. When my knuckles collided with the man’s already tenderized cheek, I was reminded of initiation. Thunder had been big and blubbery, but he put up with a lot. He put up with the punches and the kicks and the brutality that came with joining the club. I’d enjoyed that, in a way. It had liberated me and when it was all said and done, the violence brought us closer as a group. It made us family.

 

This isn’t like that, I told myself. This was about causing someone pain to get answers. Or maybe not even that, because somewhere inside, I knew the answers that came from his bruised lips wouldn’t be worth shit. How could you trust someone to give you any real answer when they’d say anything just to get you to stop?

 

“I asked you a question,” I told him, running my left hand over the knuckles of my right. They were pinching and throbbing already, and I knew that was only the start. “Did you know the Preacher?”

 

“C’mon, man,” the guy told me, whining again. “Everyone knew the Preacher. He was a fucking legend.”

 

A smart answer. Probably the only smart answer I’d get that night. “I see. And did you know this fucking legend personally?”

 

The man hesitated and that told me more than his words. I hit him again and felt skin split. I’d caught him hard against the cheek, slicing it open. He cursed, trying to pull away, but there was no point. Because of how he was strung up, there was no getting away from me or my fists.

 

“Did you know him?”

 

“No, I didn’t! I’m a fucking Slayer, man! Why would I know him?”

 

I thought about that answer even as I punched him again, this time hitting him hard in the gut. The air whooshed from his lungs and I knew it would take him a long time to regain it. That would give me a second before he could talk again, a second to think.

 

A Slayer. It made sense, then, that Blade would get his hands on him, right? I would have a better chance of knowing my guys had done something fucked up than Blade or the other Slayers would. So it wasn’t unreasonable to assume Blade had found him out and presented him as a means of getting an edge on us during the negotiations.

 

It made sense, but it didn’t sit right with me. I knew Blade was out of his mind, but he also understood the importance of loyalty and numbers. If he started throwing his men under the bus like that, then he’d start losing them.

 

So then the question became: why would Blade give me his own man?

 

When the man coughed and wheezed in another breath, I got in on the next question. “You said everyone knew him.”

 

“Oh, man, c’mon, gimme a break! I’m telling you the truth!”

 

I knew I was backing him into a corner; damned if you do, damned if you don’t. But that was the point. If I talked him in circles long enough, maybe he’d slip and let out something real. Something I could use.

 

“Then you won’t mind continuing to tell me the truth, will you?” I asked him, and raised my hand. The guy flinched, sure I was going to hit him again, but instead, I just swiped my left hand over my right again.

 

“Yeah, of course. Of course I will,” he answered hurriedly.

 

I thought about my next question. My tongue felt dry like sandpaper and the question just stuck to it, unwilling to come out. It took me a moment, but finally I managed to ground it out. “What did you have to do with the Preacher’s death?”

 

The man paled and I knew without him answering that he knew something. There was no way to know for sure if he would tell me the truth of what he knew, or that when he did tell it, I’d know what that was, but I felt the sudden surge, the sudden need, to have a permanent answer. A real one. One I could take home to Lucy.

 

He swallowed heavily, clearly uncomfortable with the whole thing, but I didn’t care. Not in the least. His eyes, wide like a deer caught in the headlights, flickered over to Bills, but he found no help or even sympathy there.

 

After a long, dark pause, he finally answered. “I heard he killed himself.”

 

Violence.

 

I hit him before he even finished speaking, the hit for once a reflex instead of intimidation on my part. My anger flared without warning and even I was surprised. Next to me, I saw Bills send me a quick glance, but it was unreadable. I imagined it was full of approval, but I figured that really was just imagination.

 

“Damnit!” the guy said, clearly upset by the turn of events. “That’s what everyone’s saying!”

 

I cracked my knuckles to keep from hitting him again. “I know what everyone’s saying. I want to know what you’re saying. Understand?”

 

There was a long pause. I could see an internal debate being waged in his dark eyes. I couldn’t say what it was about—did he really know anything, or was he just trying to come up with something that would satisfy me?—but I wanted to tell him that he was putting too much thought into it. There likely wasn’t going to be anything he could say that would curb the growing desire to inflict bodily harm on him.

 

Finally, he began to nod his head as though having decided something for himself. “All right. All right, I’ll tell you. But you gotta give me something in return.”

 

I raised an eyebrow at him and felt a humorless laugh building in my throat. I shoved it down, though I couldn’t help the smile that slipped over my features. It wasn’t a happy kind of smile. “Excuse me?” I asked, but it was Bills who reached for the man and grabbed him by his dirty, blood soaked collar.

 

“What the fuck did you say?” he demanded, anger and violence shining in his eyes.

 

The man’s eyes flickered to me this time, searching for some sort of protection. “I want asylum.”

 

At this, I actually did laugh. “Asylum?” I repeated incredulously. “What is this? The fucking UN?”

 

His voice dropped as it became desperate, his words pleading with me. “I’ll tell you what you want to know. You’re not gonna like it, but I’ll tell you, but you gotta help me. If he finds out I’ve said anything, I’m a dead man!”

 

I stared at him bleakly, making the connections in my head. I didn’t want to, because they were going to make things much more complicated, but I couldn’t help it. Blade was a Slayer. Leader of the Slayers, as a matter of fact. This man, whoever the hell he was, was also a Slayer. But he was handed over by his boss for the sake of “good faith.” Which meant one of two things. Either Blade was really trying to put his best foot forward, especially since he’d messed up our initial meeting, or he didn’t give a shit altogether. I was inclined to think the latter of the two, which led to the second part of that. If he didn’t give a shit, this wasn’t a good faith present. It wasn’t a bribe or a show of solidarity, but a means to an end.

 

Blade gave me this man for a reason, but it wasn’t the one he said. Which told me it was pretty likely that whatever I promised him or whatever he told me, he was already dead.

 

I almost told him that, almost told him it was out of my hands, but it had been my experience that when men knew there was no hope, they weren’t interested in telling you the truth anymore. So I kept my mouth shut about that and lied to him. “Fine. If you give me something good, something useful, I’ll take care of you.”

 

I saw the hope blooming in his eyes, wild and almost frantic. It made my stomach churn, but I didn’t care. This was business and sometimes lying was a part of that business.

 

“Okay, okay,” he said, now sounding eager. “I’ll tell you everything.”

 

I highly doubted that, but let him speak. I knew the beating part of this wasn’t over; it was hard to say if the man had more to worry from the Slayers, or from me.

 

“It’s all about this video…”

 

I sat up in bed, because I didn’t want to remember the end of that conversation. I didn’t want to remember anything from last night.

 

Well, maybe not anything.

 

I thought of Lucy with her legs wrapped around my middle as I thrust into her. She hadn’t complained when I told her it wouldn’t be gentle, and when shoved her up against that wall, she had been more than willing to give me anything and everything I needed.

 

That had been the only good thing about that night. Lucy usually was. It didn’t matter how bad the day was, Lucy was always this pretty, sweet thing to come home to. There was more to her than that, of course, a connection between the two of us I couldn’t really explain to someone who didn’t already know, but the fact that she immediately turned me on didn’t hurt either.

 

But even the great sex hadn’t been enough to chase away the nightmares. Last night they’d been about the man and the things he told me. Things I would never again be able to forget.

 

There was just too much these days. Too much blood for too many years, and now it was getting closer. It wasn’t just that work was dangerous anymore. Now it was coming home with me. That alone was enough to really worry me. It meant I wasn’t the only target anymore. It meant Lucy was in real danger now, and if I weren’t careful, I was going to lose her.

 

The thought put a real fear into me and I knew whether that man was lying or not, I had to take him seriously.