Chapter Ten
Luke took the stairs two at a time, excited to see Lord Tristan again. His side throbbed, but he would recover. He wanted to speak to Lord Tristan about Nessa and ask him for her hand in marriage. He had never felt this way about anyone before. His heart swelled just at the thought of her, of seeing her, of holding her and kissing her. He imagined life with Nessa at his side and couldn’t stop smiling. He knew now that he loved her and would do anything for her. After checking in on Lord Tristan, he would visit the physician and, hopefully, see Nessa there. As he approached the solar, he heard voices from the open door and slowed his step. One was Nessa, he was certain. His heart leapt and joy filled him at the prospect of seeing her again.
“I would find another match for her. What say you, Nessa? Will you marry Luke?”
Lord Tristan had the same thought as he! Luke knew it was meant to be, but he was surprised to find himself holding his breath in anticipation. Finally came Nessa’s response.
“I don’t love Luke, Father.”
Luke’s joy burst like a bubble. Stunned, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. All his excitement vanished. It felt like he was falling down stairs, plummeting. She didn’t love him. He had been ready to pledge himself to her. She didn’t want him. She didn’t love him. Just like his father. And why should she love him? He was worthless. Wasn’t that what his father told him? And he had been right. Luke had been fighting that proclamation for his entire life, but he could not escape it. His throat closing, he continued passed Lord Tristan’s solar to his own chambers.
Nessa was shooed from her father’s solar by his man-servant. And she had to agree with him, her father did need his rest, as did she. She was hungry and thought to get something to eat from the kitchens before retiring. She had entered the Great Hall on her way to the kitchen when she spotted Luke speaking with Mel near the hearth. They were standing close, holding hands. Mel laughed softly at something he said. He lifted her hand to his lips.
An incredible feeling of jealousy enveloped her and she almost took a step toward them before she stopped herself. Luke was Mel’s now. Despair swirled around her. She felt tears threatening her eyes, stinging, and burning. She couldn’t move, couldn’t turn away from the tender sight. What had she expected? Luke was betrothed to Mel.
Luke looked up, a smile on his lips. He locked gazes with Nessa across the expanse of the Great Hall. His grin slowly disappeared and a hardness settled about his lips. He pulled Mel close, hugging her fiercely.
As it should be, Nessa thought. She was going to turn and run, but Mel spotted her.
“Nessa!” Mel broke free of Luke and raced across the rush-covered floor to embrace her. “I’m so glad you are safe. Luke was telling me all about your experience. How horrible for you!”
When she mentioned Luke’s name, Nessa again looked at him as he sauntered over to them. Even his familiar walk made her chest constrict painfully.
Mel looked up at her and her cheerfulness vanished. “Nessa, are you all right?”
Nessa looked away quickly. “Yes. Yes. I’m fine. I’m just tired is all.”
Mel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You haven’t changed out of that dress yet. Have you eaten?”
“No,” Nessa admitted. “Not yet.” She lifted her hungry eyes again to Luke. “I wanted to make sure a physician had attended Luke’s wound.” She saw he was no longer shirtless, but wore a tan tunic. The image of his strong, firm, warm torso came to her mind. She blushed slightly and looked down…into Mel’s eyes.
Mel scowled for a moment, as if she had read Nessa’s guilt.
“Yes,” Luke said. “My wound is cleaned and mended. And you, Lady Nessa. Have you seen a physician?”
Lady Nessa. The distance between them grew. “Not yet. I was with Father.”
“Luke,” Mel said. “Please take Nessa to see physician David.”
Nessa panicked. She couldn’t be alone with Luke! It was dangerous. “What of you, Mel? Can’t you come with?”
“I was just telling Luke that I must attend Chapel. I will stop by later.” She kissed Luke on the cheek and they stared deeply into each other’s eyes. Finally, Mel smiled coyly and half-waved to Nessa before walking away through the Great Hall.
Nessa watched her go. She loved Mel. And she would never do anything to hurt her. She could never marry Luke, even though she loved him. She looked at Luke.
His eyes burned with something she didn’t recognize. “Do not fear, Lady Nessa. I shall not bite.” He held out his arm to her.
She brushed by him without taking it. She couldn’t touch him, not without breaking down in tears. It was too hard. Too hurtful. And yet, part of her wanted to touch him. To kiss him. To love him. When they moved into the hallway, she spun on Luke. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Acting?” he echoed.
“Since when do you call me Lady Nessa?”
His eyebrows rose in innocent confusion. “Isn’t that your name?”
“Of course. But you’ve never called me that.”
“Many things will change now.”
Nessa opened her mouth to reply, but knew he was right. Many things would change. And she would miss him terribly. They had been friends for so long, since childhood and now… Something had changed between them. She closed her mouth with a gentle sigh. “Luke,” she whispered. “You are to marry Mel. We can’t tell her—”
“Of course not,” he said immediately. “She must never know of our indiscretion. It was a mistake.”
Mistake? Their kiss, their one kiss, had been a mistake? Of course it had! What else could it be? She nodded. Even though… even though she had wanted with all her heart for him to desire her. To love her. She knew it couldn’t be. Mel was beautiful and lively and she was… not. How could he love her when he had Mel?
“Luke, I would never do anything to hurt Mel. She is my sister. I love her.”
“As you should.” He nodded and gestured for her to continue down the hallway. She did. He escorted her to the physician without another word. The physician, a lean man with a stern glare, greeted her at the doorway. He ushered her into the room. When she looked back, Luke was gone.
Nessa couldn’t understand the change in Luke. He seemed different, somehow. Distant. And she knew she should be happy for that, but she wasn’t. She thought of Luke constantly. His dark hair, his piercing blue eyes, his strong body, his kiss. Oh, his kiss!
The next day, she threw herself into chores and running the castle. Everyone welcomed her back with happiness and joy. And yet, she felt something was missing. She felt empty and lost. She visited with her father as often as she could that day. He was still abed and she chose to take her evening meal with him. She was sitting on the bed, a tray of food beside her and her father. The fire in the hearth was warm and crackled with life. A chessboard was situated between them, reminding Nessa of when she was a child. There were only a handful of moments her father had time to challenge her to a game of chess. She always let him win for fear of not playing another game with him.
A quiet knock sounded at the door, disturbing Nessa’s concentration.
“Come,” her father called.
The door opened and Luke entered holding a tray with food.
Nessa couldn’t tear her gaze from him. She was ravenous, drinking in his appearance, the way a lock of dark hair fell across his forehead. She had avoided him all day and had almost succeeded.
He paused at seeing her.
“Come in, boy,” her father called. “Close the door. You’re letting the warm air out.”
“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
Her father huffed. “Since when are you a disturbance? Come in.”
Luke’s gaze shifted from Nessa to the tray on the bed. “I.. I didn’t know. I brought you the evening meal.”
“So, you are trying to hide, too?”
Nessa rolled her eyes. Her father had accused her of hiding from the attention of well-wishers if she were to dine in the Great Hall.
“Where is your betrothed?” her father asked Luke. “Surely she would make better company than an old feeble man.”
A wave of sadness crested over Nessa and she quickly looked back to the chessboard.
“Mel is dining in the Great Hall. I thought to bring you—”
Her father waved his hand. “I know. I know. My evening meal. Ness had the same idea.” He signaled the opposite side of his bed. “Join us.”
“I should return to Mel.”
The dagger twisted in her heart. She saw the chessboard, but didn’t really see it.
“Mel will not miss you. Not with all the attention she gets.”
Luke hesitated one more moment and then did as her father commanded. He sat across the bed from her, setting the tray beside the chessboard so her father was surrounded by two trays and the chessboard.
“I should go,” Nessa said, unable to look at Luke.
“Rubbish,” her father said. “We are in the middle of a game. When have you ever left in the middle of a game?”
“I have chores to do, Father.”
“After the game.”
She looked back at the game. A tense quiet moment passed. She felt her father’s assessing eyes on her. She had to finish it.
“What happened between the two of you?” he asked.
Nessa snapped her gaze up to her father, as did Luke. “Us?” She glanced at Luke and her cheeks colored with memory.
A slow scowl settled across her father’s weathered brow. “I meant with Urien.”
Relief came swiftly, diffusing her guilt, but not erasing it. “Luke saved me.” She looked at the chessboard. Even just saying his name brought remorse and excitement and sadness.
“What did Urien want? Why did he want to take Melwyn?”
Nessa shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. He thought I was Mel and treated me with the utmost respect.” Urien had been kind to her, even though she had been terrified he would discover who she really was. “He was bringing me to the caves.”
“The caves of St. Agnes,” Luke finished. “You know the legend.”
Her father became quiet, staring at the chessboard. “Yes. Your mother believed every word of that legend.”
“Apparently, so does Urien. He wanted me…er, Mel…to put our hands on the stain.”
Her father’s eyes shifted to Luke and then back to Nessa. “And Luke saved you?”
Nessa nodded. Urien would have killed her, she had no doubt. “He and Urien fought, and he won.”
“I owe you a debt of gratitude, Luke. If anything had happened to Nessa…” He picked up her hand and kissed it.
“I was charged with your daughter’s protection long ago. It was a duty I took to heart.”
There was something in his words that called to Nessa. She locked gazes with him. His deep blue eyes stared at her with such intensity, with such accusation that tears rose in her eyes. She was going to lose him. And there was nothing she could do about it. Quickly, she looked away to the chessboard. She moved her rook across the board to take the queen. “Check mate.” She stood quickly, as her father gazed in shock at the board. She moved from the bed and almost ran to the door.
“Nessa!” her father called.
Nessa froze. She couldn’t control herself. Not now. She silently begged him to let her go.
“Where is my kiss?”
Her chest spasmed with a sob she refused to let past her lips. “Later,” she managed to gasp before racing from the room.
Luke stared after her, confused. She didn’t love him. He heard the words from her own lips, but there was anguish in her eyes, and tears. Something was wrong here.
Lord Tristan shook his head. “Women. I’ll never understand them.”