Chapter Five
Evie
Damn it! He wants to come in here, to my apartment, my private sanctuary. I quickly glanced at the microwave it was only six thirty a little early for a dinner date. I had only realized after he left that we hadn’t set a time. I just figured it would be much later or he would be a no-show. No such luck. After he left, I also told myself that this date was a bad idea from the start. The main reason being that he could hear and I couldn’t. As much as I don’t like to look at my deafness as a disability, it still makes me different. I don’t always want to communicate through speech. American Sign Language or ASL is so much more natural for me. I love the fluidity of the communication, using my hands, my sight to take in the other person’s expressions watching how people react to their environment. There is something so peaceful and serene about being deaf and even though I have a faint memory of being able to hear, I don’t miss it. Not anymore, not since Grandpa Jack enrolled me in a school for the deaf when I was seven. I didn’t only attend a school. I became a part of a community. It’s where I feel safe, and it’s where I don’t feel different because everyone is the same. That is why having a date with the governor is a bad idea.
I quickly run around my apartment tidying clothing I’ve left on the couches, the floor, coffee table. Okay, so I’m not neat. Never claimed to be. After stuffing a pile of clothes into a closet, I begin to fix the pillows on my couch. Good thing he won’t be entering my bedroom because I have a few assignments I need to mark strewn all over my mattress. I begin to walk toward the kitchen where I know a pile of dishes awaits me in the sink when I see the light above the door flashing. Crap! He must think I forgot about him out there.
I pull the elastic band out of my hair to allow the loose curls I made this morning fall down my shoulders. There’s no time to change clothes now. This is happening. And as much as I know that having this date is all wrong I can’t escape the excitement forming in my chest at the thought of spending time with him, watching his full lips while he speaks, his mannerisms when he’s speaking to me. It reminds me of the dance we shared a couple of nights ago. Being deaf makes me a good judge of character because I’m used to reading people in a way that’s beyond the use of words and this man seems sincere. I also can’t seem to forget the night of the gala. The way he held me when we danced. The way he ran after me when I took off like he’s my real-life Prince Charming only I can’t get ahead of myself. Girls like me don’t need saving by a prince. I’m happy with my life. If everything about him weren’t so intoxicatingly sexy, I would be convinced by my own words. If only he were the stuck-up jerk I thought him to be, everything would be so easy.
The light above the door flashes again indicating he rang the doorbell - again. How do I tell him I’m deaf? It’s beyond me that he didn’t notice it. He must be clueless, which isn’t surprising because as a governor he truly sucks, which is too bad because as a man he’s delectable. The light above the door flashes again. He’s persistent. I blow out a breath and answer the door. The minute my eyes lock with his, my lips spread into a smile. Even my damn body betrays me.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” he says, giving me a crooked grin.
“No, just needed to tidy my apartment. Not used to having guests in here. Please…come in,” I wave him in.
He looks around. “Nice place.” I keep my eyes trained on his mouth, so I don’t miss what he says, it’s stressing me out.
“Thank you; I was lucky to find it. Everything is newly renovated,” I explain the modern dark wood kitchen off to the left to the wide plank laminate flooring. It isn’t luxurious by any means, but it was a perfect size for me, clean, trendy and in a good neighborhood. I couldn’t ask for more.
He nods his head, pulling his attention away from my apartment. His gaze pauses on me his bright blue eyes watch me and it feels like he can see right through me.
“Are we still on for dinner? I can call and order take-out,” he offers. My eyes drop to his full lips then to his wide shoulders. He looks hot in a simple casual polo and blue jeans. I would have expected him in a suit for some reason. I can’t help but wonder why a guy like him, the governor, for goodness sake is here trying to get to know simple me. Simple deaf me I repeat in my head. I should just explain to him that I’m deaf and watch him walk away but I can’t. I’m too curious to know this man.
“Dinner sounds good. I’m starved. Long day at school and I skipped lunch,” I explain not adding that I skipped lunch because I didn’t have time to make it this morning. I had to drive Grandpa Jack to the airport for his flight back to LA.
He smiles widely, flashing me perfect white teeth, “Great. We better hurry then. We can’t have you starve. What are you in the mood for?” He pulls out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans. “I’ve got Thai…” he says something, but I don’t know what he said because he tilted his head down to look at his phone and I couldn’t read his lips.
I dig my teeth into my bottom lip, thinking I’m totally screwed now, and I will have to give myself up early, but then I say, “Thai sounds good.” It was the first thing he said I’m pretty sure and I do enjoy Thai.
He says something else I can’t see, but I know he’s talking because his lips were moving. Then I see him dialing. A moment later he looks up to me while speaking to the person on the other end of the line. Sweat breaks out on my forehead, and I tell myself I’m crazy if I think I can date a man like him. I need to come clean. My stomach sinks at the thought of him leaving. I turn to the kitchen to get a glass of water for both of us. My cell phone lights up on the kitchen counter, and I see Jake’s name on the screen. I place the cups of water on the counter and read the message:
What are you up to tonight?
Not much just need to get some grading done.
I lie. I hate lying to Jake, but I can’t tell him who I have in my home. He’d get mad. He wouldn’t understand.
K, Carter says he loves you.
I love him to the moon and back. Have a good night and tell him I will see him tomorrow afternoon.
Sure thing.
Jake would never understand me wanting to date a man that’s hearing. Most relationships we hear about between a deaf person and hearing don’t work out and there’s a long list of statistics to back it up. I met Jake sophomore year and he instantly became my best friend. We lived closed to each other in LA. I had lived in LA all my life but Jake and his mom had moved around a bit before settling down there. Since then he’s always been a constant in my life which I needed, depended on actually since Grandpa Jack was the only other person in my life that stuck around.
I picture Jake’s face, his warm smile and I smile too thinking of him. With two glasses of water in hand, I walk back out to the main room which is my family room and office in one. I offer Colton a glass. He smiles as his eyes rake over my body sending jolts of heat from my head down to my… I take a sip of water to cool my thoughts.
“Thank you,” he smiles and drinks. “Food should be here in twenty.”
I point to my tan colored fabric couch and ask. “Would you like to have a seat?” He turns to take a seat. “We can eat on the coffee table here. It’s been a busy week, and my kitchen looks like it was hit by a hurricane,” I explain feeling uneasy, maybe a little nervous like the bones in my body have turned stiff and my breathing is forced. What is wrong with me? I haven’t dated in a while. Okay, maybe a long while but I’m usually not so awkward.
“Sure, this is perfect. I rarely get to eat at home, and I seem to always be on the go. It’s nice to have a quiet evening in,” he says and I feel like I should have offered him some sophisticated scotch to drink, not water. I just don’t have any hard liquor in my house beside a few Mike’s Hard Lemonade, but I guess that wouldn’t be his forte.
“I can imagine with being the governor you lead a hectic life.” I smile. “I spend most nights at home either marking papers, watching TV, or curled with a book. Not very exciting.”
He chortles. “It sounds perfect. I’d love the chance just to kick back a little. I went from being state attorney to the governor. There’s no rest when you’re in public office.”
I remember the reason for this dinner date. He wanted to discuss the Habitat project. Now I feel awkward bringing it up but there is never a good time is there? And this whole situation seems uncomfortable to me anyway.
“Speaking of your job. I have the proposal here for the Habitat project.” I stand and walk over to my desk to pick up the yellow folder with the proposal inside. I hand it over to him and he cocks a brow at me like he’s waiting for something. That’s when I realize he must have asked me something when my back was turned. Shitballs. Not a good move, I should’ve walked backward or something. Even though it would probably look strange. Gah! Things are going awful. This isn’t going to work.
“You don’t want to answer my question I presume,” he says and if I could picture what his voice sounded like I would think it would be deep, throaty, and proper. I have to pull my eyes away from his lips, not only because they are so kissable it hurts, but because he’ll think I’m a freak with how I’m fixating on them, so I don’t miss a beat of words flowing from them.
“Sorry, I must have spaced out.” I press my lips together. “What did you say?” Yes, nice save. I think. I scream inside my head then take a long breath through my nose. I’m completely out of sorts.
“I asked how you got involved with Habitat for Humanity?” he repeats.
“It was a while back, in high school. My friend Jake and I signed up to build some homes during the summer in LA. It was so fulfilling that whenever we had breaks from school, we would offer to help. We still do. It feels good to help others. To watch them as they see their home for the first time. There’s no better feeling,” I pause realizing I allowed my passion for the subject to takeover but when I glance at Colton, he stares back at me almost mesmerized.
“That sounds fulfilling,” he responds.
Something about his response rubs me the wrong way, and I feel a little bit of my snarkiness spit out of me. “Why do you look so interested? We came to you for help with a zoning issue, and your office turned us away. If you think your sudden interest now is a way of getting into my pants then you are sorely mistaken, Mr. Governor.” I shoot up to my feet. My blood pressure reaching a boil as I give him an incredulous look. Sheesh, what’s wrong with me? One minute I’m hot, then I’m cold. This man is too much for me and he’s going to think I’m a nut job.
“Hey, hey relax. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said to make you angry. I truly admire your conviction and your need to help. I don’t know why you were turned away at my office or even who turned you away, but I never got a message about any Habitat projects. I was honest when I said I wanted to meet you for dinner to discuss the project. I’d like to help any way I can,” he says, and I feel slightly embarrassed about accusing him of trying to get in my pants. I know I’m a pretty woman, but I am not what he would want and as confident as I may seem, this whole situation is playing on my insecurities.
“You like to help, huh?” I ask and I know he senses some uncertainty in my tone but I can’t hide how I feel. I’ve never been one to shy away from something I’m passionate about. “Were you trying to help when you went to support the destruction of Henderson Place? You are supposed to be our governor, and you are supposed to love our state, our city, and yet you want to rip down a landmark.” I say as my cheeks warm. Geez. I’m hot and cold, mad, and horny. What is going on with me?
He stands up from the couch and takes a few slow steps away from me and turns around. His hands are lifted in the air by his side like he’s about to approach a wild animal and doesn’t know what to expect. In his defense, I’ve already attacked. This man clearly causes a rise out of me.
“Relax, I didn’t mean to offend you in any way, but if someone should be offended it should be me? You’re the one who threw a cream pie in my face, then called me a schmuck,” he says cocking both brows, and my jaw drops. If my cheeks were pink before they are now crimson. What if he’s really here because he wants to have me arrested?
I open my jaw to speak then close my mouth. What do I say? How do I talk myself out of this one? Before I can process what’s happening tears begin to sting my eyes as I stand frozen in my spot.
“Hey, hey, please don’t cry,” His lips move he has a tender look on his face that tells me he isn’t mad as he closes the space between us. He wraps his arms around me and embraces me. I feel air against my ear like he must be saying something. I pull my head back so that I can see his face, read his lips.
“You aren’t angry with me?” My voice oozes astonishment.
He begins to laugh so hard his shoulders move up and down. “No.” He shakes his head. “I felt like a prick being at that ribbon-cutting ceremony. I don’t always agree with everything that happens, but as governor I’m sometimes put in a position I don’t like, if you know what I mean? I hate that Henderson Place will be torn down and replaced with a high rise. It fucking sucks, but the deed is done. Unfortunately, Bachmaker is a supporter of mine,” he explains, and I read between the lines. “Trust me, I felt like a schmuck being there. I’ve never had a cream pie thrown in my face. I was hoping to meet you so I could get the recipe it was damn good.” He’s clearly making a joke.
I smack him in the chest as laughter bubbles out of me. “You’re something else,” I say.
“You’re quite interesting yourself. You’re the first woman to whip a pie at me and call me a schmuck, and here I am interested to get to know you better.”
“Is that what this is?” I ask skeptically, realizing I’m still in his arms. His face is so close to mine. Those perfectly kissable lips so close yet so far away.
“This is me wanting to get to know you. Wanting to know what makes you tick,” he gives me a meaningful look.
“I…I” I’m at a loss for words.
“Don’t say anything just let me kiss you,” he replies, and my heart leaps in my chest.
I nod. Wanting to feel his lips on mine. “Yes,” I breathe out like a prayer. He leans forward his lips inching closer and closer to mine, and I’m giddy, wanting, and turned on. His eyes are closed and so I shut mine too just as our lips connect. It feels electric as our lips melded together. It feels right as his lips brush mine, there is no tongue just gentle exploring, which eases my nerves. His lips linger on mine and heat builds in my chest moving down, down, down, until all my lady parts are fired up and needy. It’s me who wraps my arms around his neck deepening the kiss. Our lips part, he tastes heavenly, addictive. Our tongues entwine dancing together seductively causing my nipples to harden. I want more, I need more and it’s not just because I haven’t had sex in what seems like forever. It’s because of the attraction I feel for the man I’m kissing. The kiss is so right, so good, that it’s just hmmm. The soft moan escapes my lips. It feels like we have no plans to end this interlude anytime soon and I’m good with that because I don’t want to think of how I will feel when whatever this is ends and I am left with memories and a broken heart.
The red light above my door begins to flash as it reflects off the window. The interruption bringing me back to reality. I jolt from the fact that he will ask me why I have a crazy red light flashing all over my apartment. He takes a step back. His lips swollen and I’m sure mine looks just the same. I offer a shy smile and he returns the gesture, surprising me because he seems so suave, so experienced. Yet something in his mannerism tells me he feels just as off-kilter as I do. We stare at each other for another brief moment, the red light flashing like an ambulance or police car warning.
“Um,” I’m speechless.
He points to the door even though I register the confusion on his face. “I should get that,” he says.
I nod. He stalks off to the door. Did I just kiss the Governor of Illinois? I touch my lips. Yes, yes, I did. Colton pays the delivery man and grabs the bags of food. He closes the door and walks back to the central area of the apartment.
“Here let me help,” I say relieving him of the bags. I set them down on my large square coffee table. Colton takes a seat on the couch in front of the food. “Did you order everything off the menu?” I ask, emptying container after container out of the bag.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d like,” he says his lips curved at the corner.
“I’m easy with food,” I say. I quickly remember to look at him. Not turn my back because if he says something in return, I’ll miss it.
“I’m P-I-C-K-Y,” he says.
“I’m not surprised,” I smirk feeling high on him. It’s a bad idea. I’m getting in way over my head. I need to tell him the truth before I dig myself deeper. He continues to open the different trays of food and I continue to stare at his face. He must feel something because he pauses and turns to me.
“The lights,” he says, but it’s a question. He points to the front and back of my apartment. His dark brows dipped together.
My heart sinks. I feel trapped. I’ve always been proud of who I am. I’ve always held my head up high about being deaf. Not this time. This time I wish I had a fairy godmother who could make me hear. Make me be the perfect woman for this man.
My chin tilts down and he takes it in his hand tilting my chin back up so we will be eye level. “Hey,” he says, and again I crave to hear his voice as I’ve never desired anything.
“I need to tell you something.”
“I know.”
I’m not sure what he means. Does he know I need to tell him something or does he know I’m deaf? I proceed with option one.
“I’m deaf,” I say in one quick swoosh.
His head tilts to the side and a deep crevice forms between his brows. “What do you mean? We’ve been speaking this whole time.”
“I read lips,” I confess.
I wait with baited breath and watch the way he processes my words. I brace myself for him taking off now. We won’t even get to the point of sharing a meal together. I hate myself for feeling so weak at this moment for allowing the fact that I’m incomplete to somehow make me feel less than I should. Having gone to a deaf school, I was fortunate to take classes that taught me to be proud of who I am. We learned about deaf people who made world-renowned accomplishments in industries that matter. I know better than to feel inadequate, yet the feeling of inadequacy is now running through my veins and creeping to every crevice of my body like the bloody plague. I feel helpless to stop it. Deep down I know I think this way, not because I’m deaf, but because my mother walked away from me when I was far too young because me being deaf was just too hard on her.
I can’t look at him anymore, so I pull my gaze to the rug on my floor. I should tell him to leave now, but I feel frozen. I watch his feet move as he takes a step toward me, his warm breath brushing across my face, then I feel his thumb at my chin forcing me to look him in the eyes. When I stare back at him, I see an unexpected tenderness.
“I feel stupid,” he says. “I mean you must think I’m the world’s biggest idiot,” he continues, and I’m a little perplexed. “I’m sorry for not noticing. I’m sorry that I don’t know sign language to communicate better with you.”
My brows dip together as a pained expression takes over my face. What’s happening here? Why is he apologetic? I’m confused. “You’re apologizing to me?” I ask almost flabbergasted. “I should have been upfront with you,” I say.
His head tilts slightly to the side, his cerulean eyes are filled with warmth and confusion, “You don’t owe me any explanations. You can’t hear me, but you can read my lips. I know this may be a little challenging, but I want to get to know you. Maybe you can help me learn to sign,” he continues with a crooked grin that just about makes my panties combust. Where did this guy come from? He’s nothing that I expected and as much as he makes my heart flutter he’s scaring the shit out of me because I’m a planner and I didn’t plan for him.
I laugh. I don’t know how I sound. Maybe I seem scary because I feel borderline crazy. “You realize what you’re asking for? It’s very challenging for a deaf person to be friends with a hearing person…”
He cuts me off. “Who said I want to be friends?” His blue eyes smolder as he looks at me. I’m sure my cheeks flush pink because I feel warm all over.
“This is complicated.” I wave between us.
“What makes you think I can’t do complicated?” he rebuts.
I bite my lower lip and look up at the ceiling then back at him. “I guess your reputation would suggest you don’t do complicated. I may be deaf, but I do browse the gossip columns, and your face is a recurring theme along with all the beautiful women in this city. I mean honestly, you can have any woman you want, why me?” I ask because as much as my insecurities are threatening to take over, I’m still me and I say what I think, always.
He lifts his hand and brushes my cheek. “Because I’ve never met anyone like you before; because you’re beautiful, witty, you say what’s on your mind, and you’re apparently a little liar.” His lip quirks up on one side in challenge.
My brows dip together and I’m not sure I read his lips correctly. “Did you just call me a liar?” I feel stunned but I’m unsure how my tone comes across. I usually don’t speak this much and haven’t done speech lessons in quite some time. The only reason I can talk so clearly is because I became deaf when I was seven. My speech had been fully developed by then.
“I did,” he confirms.
“Why?” My brows dip together.
“Because you lied to me at the Veterans gala, you said you worked in a clothing store, and you are truly a teacher.” He cocks a brow.
I clap a hand over my mouth. “I thought you were a jerk. I didn’t think I would see you again. Not after I called you a schmuck and took off. I’m usually not a liar. I’m just used to spending most of my time around deaf people or at least people that sign. Being around you throws me off,” I admit.
He swipes a hand across his mouth. “The feeling is mutual. You throw me off too.” He pulls his gaze away from me to look at the food on the coffee table. He points to the table but turns his head, so he’s looking directly at me. “Can we eat our dinner now? I bet it’s getting cold.”
I nod and a wide smile bursts from my lips. I shouldn’t be this giddy. I’m in so much trouble with this guy. “Sure. I’m starved.”
We sit and eat. I want to say that my nerves are still frayed, but they aren’t. I’m not sure if he’s said anything this whole time because I’ve focused on the delicious food on my plate. When I pick my eyes up from my plate and look at Colton, he looks content enjoying his food too. My world is a quiet one; I eat in silence unless I stop eating and use my hands to communicate. I don’t know how this handsome powerful man will fit into my life, but I know now that I want to find out.
When we are done eating, I look over to him. “That was delicious. Thank you.”
“Thank you, I liked eating with you. I liked that you actually eat.” He smiles and his shoulders move up and down, so I presume he’s laughing.
I give him a confused look.
“My dates usually pick at their food or won’t eat anything with a carb in it,” he chortles. “This may seem weird, but I liked eating beside you. I like just spending time with you.” He smiles, and the way he looks at me warms my chest. “Do I have permission to kiss you again? Because I liked that too.” He smirks.
I nod my head and he moves in closer to me, his scent is so manly and fresh, the heat in his eyes causes my mouth to water as our lips collide once more. A kiss has never felt like this before, so electric, even his taste has my insides burning. I want to push him away and gain some perspective, but I don’t because his touch ignites me. The fact that he accepts me for who I am does incredible things to my insides. He said he wanted to learn to sign. Those words make my heart flip. My own mother wasn’t willing to learn to sign. I begin to think that my reservations about dating a hearing person were maybe blown out of proportion. I know the statistics but not everyone is this man, Colton Mathis. He’s something special. I can feel it in my gut.