Chapter Twenty-three

That night, Sissy was about to close the café when a slender woman walked in and took a stool at the counter. Only two other customers remained in the café, Lynda and Tim VeArd. Sissy nearly dropped a pan when she recognized her mom. She stared at her, wondering how she dared to show her face.

She stomped from the kitchen on her walking cast and faced Doreen over the counter. “Get out!”

“Oh, God, your face. If he gets out with a slap on his hand, I swear to God I’ll find him.”

“I said ‘get out.’”

“Unless I’m physically forced, I’m not leaving. Your father lied. I played no part in what he did. You can call the cops to carry me out of here, but all you’ll learn from them is that I tried to sneak into the department this morning with a loaded gun. I wanted to kill the son of a bitch for what he did to you.”

Sissy, still furious, stared hard into her mother’s eyes. “How’d you know he was in jail unless he called you?”

“He did call. He needed money, and I still owed him his half of our marital assets. I knew he was in jail here. I thought maybe he’d been arrested for stealing a car. But when I pulled into town, I stopped at a café for breakfast at the edge of town. The place was abuzz with all the sordid details of how Sissy Bentley’s father broke into her café, beat the hell out of her, then tried to rob her and rape her.” Doreen’s larynx bobbed. “When I heard that, my whole reason for coming changed. I wouldn’t need a signed and notarized release from a dead man.”

“It’s illegal to enter a public building with a loaded gun,” Sissy countered back.

“I got the permit to carry concealed after the bastard attacked me the last time. I normally keep the weapon in the glove box unless I feel threatened by him. But this morning, I put it in my coat pocket before I went into the sheriff’s office. When a deputy found it, I told the sheriff I forgot I had it in my pocket, so he gave me a pass.”

Sissy could no longer believe a word her mother said. “Wow, I’m so impressed. Suddenly mama bear comes out. Where was she when he beat the hell out of me countless times as I was growing up? Where was she the night he tried to rape me right before I graduated from high school?” Sissy didn’t care if her customers heard. They were her friends. Everyone in town already knew her parents were no good. “Don’t come in here with another bullshit story. Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me. I won’t fall for it.”

Doreen’s face went white, her mouth slack with shock. “In high school? He tried to rape you in high school? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sissy crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling. “Jeez, let me think. Maybe because he broke my cheekbone twice and you never did a thing about it, including taking me to a doctor? Maybe because you let him throw me against walls? Maybe because you let him kick my puppy to death for peeing on his piece-of-crap rental floor? Maybe because all you ever did when he beat me was to sometimes throw yourself in his line of fire to take the punishment yourself?”

Doreen bent her head. Her thin shoulders shook with silent sobs. Sissy stared at her, feeling nothing. Nothing. Her mother had betrayed her for the last time.

Then, when Doreen regained her composure, she looked up, her eyes aching with regret and pain that ran so deep, not even Sissy could fail to see it. “You’re right,” she said so loudly that Sissy winced because the VeArds remained in the café. “My name is Doreen. I married an abusive man. I bore him a child, a beautiful little girl, and I didn’t have the courage to protect her when he turned on her. I didn’t have the courage to protect myself. I believed I was stupid, ugly, worthless, and helpless.”

Sissy’s heart caught. This sounded like a speech her mother had made many times in front of others, a confession for which there was no absolution. Doreen slid off the stool and turned toward the two individuals who remained in the café. “I deserve nothing from my daughter but her contempt. Nothing I ever say or do can make up for how I failed her.”

Counseling, group counseling, Sissy thought. Her mom had told her that there was nothing Sissy could say to her that she hadn’t already said aloud countless times to people in her group. Sissy felt as if a huge, cruel hand of steel was crushing her heart.

“Mama,” she cried.

Doreen whirled to face her. She reached into her pocket and slapped several folded sheets of motel stationery on the bar. “I came to bring you this, a list of all your relatives on both sides with details about all of them. Read it. Contact them. Go meet them. You come from good stock.”

Sissy gasped. “Ben talked to you!”

“Of course he did. The man loves you and is trying to save the relationship. There’s not a thing wrong with you genetically. And if you love him and lose him because you’re an idiot, it’s on you. You’re an adult. The stupid choices you make now are on your shoulders, not mine.” As Doreen walked out, she added, “I included my phone number. If you’d ever like to speak with me about all this, I’ll be grateful if you call.” Just as the door was nearly closed, Doreen pushed it ajar to add, “I did watch my rearview mirror all the way here the day I came to see you. I never saw your father’s truck, but a little red sports car was behind me all the way into town. I’ll bet Doug stole it. Have the sheriff follow up on it. Maybe Doug will be charged with car theft along with everything else, which will keep him behind bars longer. He shouldn’t be on the streets.”

Silence descended on the café. Tim and Lynda sat at their booth as if they were statues. Sissy practiced deep breathing to calm herself. With a horrible, chilling wave that surged through her body, she realized her father had lied. Her mom truly had left him and gotten a divorce. She’d turned her life around after years of counseling. And Sissy had not only rejected her but also humiliated her.

So upset her gaze was fixed on nothing, Sissy jumped with a start when Lynda’s warm hand grasped hers. Sissy realized Tim was standing at the counter as well. Her friends. Lynda, the fiery one with a huge heart, said nothing. Tim, who was just as caring, said, “Sweetheart, I think you just made a huge mistake. I heard about your mother going into the jail with a gun. Everyone’s talking about it, saying she meant to kill him for what he did to you. Nobody said anything in front of you, I’m sure, for fear of embarrassing you. But I happen to believe your mom meant to take him out, and I can’t blame her.”

Lynda piped in with, “Neither can I. If Tim did that to our daughter, I’d pull the trigger and ask questions later.” She elbowed her husband. “Not that he ever would. But when he served in the navy and was away for months on end, I lived on base, in military housing. My friend next door was just like your mom, dealing with an abusive husband. She got beaten down until she believed she was ugly, stupid, and good for nothing. Then her husband got transferred. I never saw her again. But a few months ago I got a letter from her. I have no idea how she found my address. She told me she stayed with her husband for years before she found the courage to leave him. She went home to her family. She’s mending her relationships with her kids. After two years of counseling, she got a good job and now has a new husband. She’s finally happy.”

Sissy realized Lynda’s story about her friend closely resembled the one Doreen had told her at the Straw Hat.

“It sounds like your mom failed you a lot of times,” Tim said.

Sissy nodded. “Yes, but now I think she’s finally got her head on straight. I shouldn’t have been so awful to her.”

“It can be fixed with a phone call.” Tim looped an arm around Lynda and led her toward the door. “Dinner was great! We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Sissy was left alone to stare at the folded stationery that her mother had left on the counter. She finally sat at the bar, opened the notes, and began to read. A tremulous smile touched her mouth and deepened more as she perused each entry. At the end, she saw her mom’s phone number and dialed it.

“Hello,” Doreen said. She sounded as if she were speaking on a car phone.

“It’s me,” Sissy said. “I’m sorry I was so horrible to you, Mama. My father told me you were in cahoots with him and knew he was here.”

“No. I told you he’s been stalking me. I think he stole that red car to follow me that day, and that’s how he found you. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it then. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s stolen a car. Normally he didn’t drive them any distance, though. Too risky.”

Sissy toyed with the papers. “Thank you for the notes about my relatives. They sound like such wonderful, stable people.”

“They are. You need to meet them.”

“Mama, can you drive back? Maybe spend the night so we can talk and mend our fences?”

“I’ll come back another time and look forward to it. But right now you have a far more important relationship to mend, Sissy. Ben is a wonderful young man. I don’t want you to lose him. When you’re with him again, I’ll drive back for a slumber party.”

*   *   *

After ending the call, Sissy stared down at her phone. It took all her courage to do it, but she dialed Ben’s number. He answered so fast she suspected he’d been waiting for her to call.

“Hi,” he said, his deep voice pitched low. “You pissed at me for talking to your mom?”

Sissy squeezed her eyes closed. If he was worried about her being angry with him, maybe they still had a chance to put the pieces back together. “I was miffed at first.” Her smile returned. “But unless my mom lied, I know so much more about my relatives now. My paternal grandfather is a minister married to an English teacher. My dad has a sister who’s a vet! She was awarded Vet of the Year in that county three years running. And on my mom’s side, my two uncles are professionals, one an attorney and the other one a dentist. I can’t believe it.”

“Believe it. Your father was an apple that fell far from the tree. And your mom—well, shit happens. She married him when she was so young. They eloped, she used fake identification to lie about her age, and he immediately started browbeating her and physically abusing her.”

“I’ll never understand why she stayed with him.”

Ben sighed. “Sissy, go online and read about emotionally and physically abused women. You’ll find answers there.”

Sissy clung tight to her phone. “I need to visit Homesville and meet both sides of my family. Maybe then, I can get everything into perspective.”

“Would you like some company? Moral support?”

“I think this is something I need to do alone, Ben. I called to ask if you’ll bear with me and wait until I get back.”

“Wait? Wait for what, Sissy?”

She groped for an answer. “I need you to give me a chance to meet my other relatives. If everything my mom says is true, there’ll be no reason for me not to marry you.”

“You have no reason right now,” he said, with a new edge of firmness in his voice. “So, no, I won’t wait. You’ve already put me through enough hell.”

Sissy’s heart sank. “So no matter what I find out in Homesville, you’re finished with me?”

“That isn’t what I said. I said I won’t wait for you to go there and convince yourself that you’re genetically sound. Have you ever heard about people taking a chance on love?”

“Yes, but this has nothing to do with love.”

“I disagree. I need to know that you’ll love me, no matter what. I need to know that you’ll stand beside me. No buts, no conditions. We can adopt children. Couples do it all the time.”

Sissy wondered what had happened to the sane and logical conversation she’d planned to have. Somehow it had turned around on her. “But you want your own children.”

“I want you more, and over the last few days, I’ve had nothing to do but think. I had to prove myself to you, over and over, before you could trust me. Now I’m asking you to prove yourself to me. Do you love me? Or maybe I should ask if you love me enough. When you go to Homesville, I want you to go with my ring on your finger. I want a commitment from you. Will you love me no matter what? I’m a forever kind of guy. I’ve been up front with you about that. What if I’m sterile or have a low sperm count? What if I get genetic marker testing and find out I have a high risk of getting leukemia, or colon cancer, or any other scary thing? Are you going to bail out on me?”

How could he believe she might walk away from him? “No, of course not. I’d still love you.”

“Well, right back at you. Excuse my French, Sissy, but you breaking our engagement over your possible genetic flaws was a bunch of bullshit. It still is a bunch of bullshit. You think about that, and then you get in touch with me. And, by the way, if you decide you’re truly committed to this relationship and want to reinstate our engagement, this time you can ask me to marry you.”

Sissy was too flabbergasted to respond. Her mouth was dry. She waited, but all she heard was flat silence at his end. She licked her lips. “Ben? Are you there?”

There was no answer. Sissy went to stare out at the dark street. No matter how she circled it, she had screwed up, big-time. Ben was right. Breaking their engagement for the reason she had was absolute bullshit. What if he were genetically predisposed to get certain kinds of cancer? How would she feel if he backed out of their relationship because he might pass that propensity on to their children? Two people who truly loved each other stayed together, no matter what. They faced all the storms and rough patches together. Real love was unconditional. She didn’t come with any guarantees and neither did he.

*   *   *

Ben was in his recliner, trying to concentrate on an episode of a series he’d started watching after Sissy broke up with him. Then he heard a knock coming from the entryway. Nobody who frequently visited his home went to the front door. They knew he used only the side entrance.

Finn sprang up from his nap and emitted a joyful bark. A slight smile curved Ben’s mouth. Finnegan loved members of Ben’s family, but only one person incited him to react with that much excitement. And of course Sissy wouldn’t know to use the side door. She’d been to his house only once. He was damned glad she’d found a good kitchen assistant, because that part of their relationship had to change. He needed to be with her more when she wasn’t working, and as long as she put in fifteen hours a day, seven days a week, that couldn’t happen. He wanted to take her out to dinner a couple of nights a week. He wanted to prepare her a meal here, where they could sit at his table. Going to see a flick together again would also be nice.

He strode to the door and opened it, flipping on the rarely used porch light as he did. She looked so cute standing on his doormat—cute but very stressed-out. He guessed that he’d gotten his point across. For the very first time since he’d met her, she wore a dress. Her heavy winter parka, a fluffy blue thing, detracted from the outfit’s impact, as did her thigh-high cast, but, to Ben, no woman on earth had ever looked quite so beautiful as she did, bruised face and all.

“I expected you to just call.”

Her large blue eyes dominated her features, and they were filled with anxiety. “I—um—didn’t think it was a good idea to ask you to marry me over the phone. Marilyn gave me a ride.”

Ben stepped back to invite her inside. After closing the door, he helped her take off the parka. The dress was silky black and skimmed what was, to him, a perfect figure.

Finn was so happy to see her that he wiggled from head to toe, but he didn’t jump up. Sissy had called it right. The pup seemed to realize that he couldn’t be his usual rambunctious self around her now. Sissy bent to rub Finn’s back, ruffling his fur. “Hi, sweet boy. I’ve missed you, too.” She straightened and said to Ben, “I’ve missed you even more.”

Before he could take her coat to the closet, she plunged a hand into the right pocket and drew it back out in a fist. He suspected that she’d just retrieved her engagement ring. Despite what he’d said to her on the phone, he intended to be the one who slipped it back on her finger. But first, he’d let her sweat a little.

She glanced beyond the entry hall into the huge living room, which Ben had created by taking out two bedrooms, leaving him with five after he knocked out a couple more walls to create a huge master suite with a walk-in closet and bathroom.

“Oh, Ben, your house is lovely. Compared to this, I live like a pauper.”

“After you propose to me, I’d like to raise a houseful of kids here.”

She turned to look up at him with those fathomless eyes. It was like staring into the clear blue water of a lagoon. “Ben, I’m so sorry for how I’ve acted.”

“Actually, I did what you suggested and looked up mental illness. I read some pretty scary stuff and sort of get where you were coming from.” He couldn’t help but smile. “But you treated me awful. I love you with all my heart, and I felt like you were cutting me out of your life with a surgical scalpel. No emotion from you. Hell, until you officially ended our engagement, you wouldn’t even speak to me while we worked together.”

She nodded. “I couldn’t talk to you. I knew, if I opened that door, I’d lose my resolve and throw myself into your arms. I realize how wrong it was now—to end things between us over something I wasn’t even sure was true. But at the time, it seemed like the only thing I could do without being completely unfair to you.”

“Well, if you expect me to marry you, you’d better be ready to go with the flow and take whatever comes. I think the term is for better or worse.”

Her eyes went bright with tears. “I felt that I fell into the ‘worse’ category, that you deserved so much more.”

“More.” Ben tasted the word as it rolled slowly over his tongue. “More? You’re it for me, Sissy, my one and only. There isn’t anyone who can offer me more.”

A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she wiped it away, as if impatient with herself. “Do you realize that I never, ever cried before I met you? It’s embarrassing to me now, how easily I cry.”

“Do you know why that is?” Ben asked softly.

“No. If I did, I’d fix it.”

“Crying washes away all the pain. It’s healing. That’s why you’re suddenly crying a lot, because inside where no one can see, you’ve been badly wounded.”

“Yes, I guess I have.”

“I had to get to know you to see behind the mask. At first, I only caught glimpses of the sweet person you really are. Otherwise, you came off as a cold, haughty witch.”

She smiled and made a face at the same time. “A cold, haughty witch?”

“Hey, if the shoe fits?”

“It does, and I’ll wear it. At first, you scared me to death.”

“Are you scared now?”

“No, not at all. Well, sort of. If I ask you to marry me, you may say no.”

“Try me and find out.”

She smiled and took a deep breath. After exhaling, she asked, “Ben Sterling, will you please become my husband? For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. For better or worse, whether or not we’re genetically flawed, crazier than loons, or predisposed to have any kind of cancer?”

She unfolded her fist and presented her open palm, upon which sat five thousand of his hard-earned dollars and his heart. “I’ll never let you down again. I’ll never cut you out of my life. If you get leukemia, I’ll take care of you and pray the treatments work. If they don’t, and you die, I’ll want to die with you.”

Ben closed the distance between them. “If I say yes, will you have unprotected sex with me tonight and risk getting pregnant?”

She kept her gaze fixed on his. “Yes. Afterward, I’ll even lie flat on my back with my hips propped on pillows so your swimmers have every opportunity to make a home run.”

Ben plucked the ring from her palm. “Are you sure?”

She nodded.

“Then, yes, Sissy, I’ll marry you.” He lifted her left hand and slipped the diamond back on her finger. “For better or worse, and if my swimmers hit a home run, which is a mixed metaphor, by the way, I’ll be the happiest man alive.”

*   *   *

Being back in Ben’s arms was, without question, the happiest moment of Sissy’s life. As he trailed kisses down her flat belly, she hoped, even in the throes of passion, that he planted his seed in her womb.

Moments later, when he impaled her without protection, she loved the feeling of being flesh-to-flesh with him, with nothing separating them from being truly one.

“Oh, dear God.” He groaned out the words. “This is beyond fabulous. I’ve never been with anyone like this.”

“Me, neither. Oh, Ben. I love you.” Moments later as he went taut above her and pumped heat deep into her center, she clung to him and cried out with the unimaginable pleasure of it as she climaxed with him. “Oh, my God!”

Afterward they lay skin against skin, with only her cast to hamper them. Ben’s muscular arms cradled her against his chest. She found that special place in the hollow of his shoulder that she believed had been designed especially for her head to rest.

Drowsy with indescibable contentment, she murmured, “At the Halloween party, I thought that I’d finally found a home. But I was wrong.”

“How’s that?” he asked in a voice thickened by recent arousal.

“Home isn’t a town or building.” She kissed his neck. “My true home is right here, Ben, in your arms.”

“And mine is in yours,” he murmured. “Don’t ever run away from home again, Sissy. I swear I’ll track you down.”

She giggled even as tears of gladness slipped down her cheeks and pooled on his sweaty skin. “Promise?”

“I’ll swear it before God and witnesses. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And don’t feel wimpy because you’re crying. It’s time, sweetheart. You’ve gone through so many things that wounded you. They’ll cleanse your heart.”

“I hurt you,” she whispered. “You’re not crying.”

Ben tightened his arms around her, buried his face in her hair, and replied, “Oh, yes, I am.” His voice went even thicker. “I thought I’d lost you. Don’t ever do that to me again.”

Just then, one of Ben’s tears slid off his chin and plopped on her eyebrow. “I won’t. I swear to you and to God that I won’t.”

And Sissy meant it with her whole heart.