(It also stands for mistake, which is unfortunately what my relationship with Jace Kennedy was all along.)

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Courtney: Back Then

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Two weeks later

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JACE KEEPS HIS PROMISE to call me every night, but the conversations don’t last like they once did. I tell myself that this is normal, that he’s just adjusting to his new life in college and things will go back to normal soon. To show that I’m not upset about the new change in our relationship, I tell him that we should consider emailing each other. That way there’s no excuse not to keep up with each other every day.

Still, without him being in Blue Harbor, I realize just how much time we used to spend together. I eat lunch alone at school, I have no one to hang out with afterward, and on weekends, I’ve tried forcing myself to hang out with my debate teammates, but they don’t share my sense of humor like he does.

I’ve never felt so utterly alone, and despite all the amazing things I once looked forward to doing when I finally became a high school senior, they all seem pointless without him being here to share it with me.

I decide not to burden him with how I’m really feeling—promising myself I’ll tell him the truth when he finally comes home to see me.

If he ever comes home to see me...

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SUBJECT: TWO MORE WEEKS!

Hey Jace,

I’m so happy you’re in college and pursuing acting. (I’m sure you’re wowing everyone already). I miss you like crazy. Tell me everything you’ve been up to this week.

Miss you and love you,

—Court

PS—Can’t wait to see you in TWO WEEKS!

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SUBJECT: RE: TWO MORE Weeks!

Hey Court,

I like this email idea. I tried calling you earlier, but I couldn’t get a good signal in the dining hall.

My acting classes are not what I thought they would be. I’ll have to tell you about it over the phone.

Anyway, I miss you more. I’ll try to call you this weekend to catch you up on everything.

—Jace

PS—Don’t hate me, but I may not be able to come home in two weeks. Let’s aim for four weeks from now instead? I’ll make it up to you I promise.

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SUBJECT: RE: RE: TWO More Weeks!

I definitely want to hear more about your acting classes. (My AP English class is nothing like I thought it would be either, so I can totally relate.)

I understand the change. I’ll change your homecoming date on my calendar, and I’m anxiously awaiting to see how you’ll make this up to me. **wink wink**

PS—I really miss hearing your voice on the phone at night. (I called you three times this week...Is the reception really that bad on your campus?)

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SUBJECT: I’M THE NEW captain!

Hey Jace!

You’re officially talking to the new captain of the Debate team! (It was actually a unanimous vote). I’m totally excited, but this means I’ll have to put in an extra hour or two of prep every day. My parents are taking me out tonight to celebrate.

How are classes going? You still haven’t told me, but hopefully you’re more adjusted to your course load now. Did you forget to call me this weekend like you said? I don’t have a missed call.

—Court

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SUBJECT: RE: I’M THE new captain!

Hey Court,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

Congrats on being the new captain. You deserve it.

Talk soon.

Love you, 

—Jace

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SUBJECT: RE: RE: I’M the new captain!

Jace,

Is that seriously all you have to say about me being captain?

I deserve it????

Court

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SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: I’m the new captain!

Of course not. I’m sending you something in the mail this week to congratulate you as well.

You do deserve it.

Jace

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SUBJECT: PHONE CALLS

Hey...You didn’t call me at all this week, and you haven’t responded to my last three emails. Are you okay?

PS—I got the gift you sent me in the mail this week. Thank you so much.

PSS—As much as I love the things you send me in the mail, I really love just talking to you...Please call me.

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SUBJECT: HAPPY MONDAY!

Hey. Just adding this email to the other thread I’ve been sending you.

I have a new part-time job on Sundays at Paper & Spine... It helps me fill my time since you’re not here.

I’m attaching some pictures I’ve taken this year.

PS—Today I sat down to write my long letter at the back of your yearbook, but it was starting to feel weird because we’re not in the same place we were when you left. At least it feels like it...

PSS—Call me...I guess.

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SUBJECT: RE: HAPPY Monday

Hey Court,

I’m sorry I haven’t been calling and emailing you as much as I should. I promise I’m going to try and do better. I’ve been thinking...Would you like to come up to campus to see me since I keep pushing my visit home back? I’ll buy your train ticket.

I love you (and I’m never “leaving” you),

Jace

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SUBJECT: RE: RE: HAPPY Monday!

OMG Yes! Just let me know the dates, and I’m there!

I love you more, and I’ll never leave you either,

Court