I didn’t know what was happening. I wished at moments like this that I could see into the future and see how things were going to play out. What was the right path to take? Were we doing the right thing? I wondered how many parents asked themselves these same questions every day. How many times a day do they ask them?

“Are you ready, sugar?” Crawford asked and I nodded my head, letting him know I was.

I couldn’t bear to speak right now. Otherwise I was afraid I would start babbling and crying all at the same time, and honestly no one needed that.

“Cameron, do you have your backpack? Last week of school before Christmas break.” He grinned at the child.

Cameron nodded, sleepily. We let him stay up way too late last night working on the decorations for the tree.

I knew he could tell something was going on, but he hadn’t asked yet and I hoped to God he wouldn’t on the way to school. If we could just make it to the classroom, he would forget that he walked in on me crying and Hawk trying to console me.

He would focus on his end-of-the-year art project and his spelling test. He wouldn’t realize I was a weeping mess.

The last thing I wanted to do was make him worry. I would rather die than have this little amazing boy think that the safety he had finally found was suddenly at stake. I refused to let that happen.

Hawk pulled me toward him at the front door. “I’ve got this, baby. I promise.”

I looked into his eyes needing those words to be true. But I knew they were only words. He couldn’t promise me something like that. If Cameron’s birth mother was out there, it was our job to reunite them. The problem was that it came at the cost of three broken hearts.

“Bye, Crawford.” Cameron waved.

“Bye, bud. Have a good day.”

I couldn’t say anything. I turned, buttoning my coat, braving the snow and took Cameron to school.

* * *

I checked my phone all day. There was no news. Hawk hadn’t heard anything from the investigators except to say that the woman who claimed to be Cameron’s mother had in fact filed a missing child’s report three years ago. That alone didn’t encourage me.

What if this boy had been kidnapped? Did he have memories of it? Was he too young at five to remember another family? I stared at my class while they worked on their social studies assignment.

They had zero attention span this week. I knew today was probably the last day I’d get any productive work out of them. After this, the rest of the week would be spent watching movies and making crafts.

And then we had almost three weeks off. Three weeks that had turned into some kind of a fantasy of mine. Spending them with my boys.

Christmas Day, Hawk had the most important game of the season. But we were going to be there. After we opened presents and had breakfast we were going to meet my dad at the stadium. And then later after the Sharks won, Daddy was coming over for Christmas dinner. Maybe even Pops.

I didn’t care that I was completely outnumbered by the men in my life. I had fallen in love with it. With football. With being a new mom. With being Hawk’s.

And now what? Was Christmas destroyed? Were our lives completely wrecked? Would we be able to survive if this child was ripped away from our home?

I’d never look at that tree again. A tear started to slide along my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away before the students saw it.

“Miss Bristow?”

“Yes?” I looked up with a fake smile.

“Can you tell me about the Supreme Court again? I’m stuck on the puzzle.”

I walked out from behind my desk. “Sure.” It was a small distraction, but I needed it. Needed it as badly as I need air to breathe. If I didn’t have news from Hawk soon, I was worried I wouldn’t make it to the end of the day.

* * *

Cameron and I walked through the front door. The loft was quiet. Too quiet.

“Hawk?” I called out.

He was off today. I expected him to be on the couch watching Sports Now.

I ran to the bedroom. He wasn’t there.

“Hey, Crawford I made a really cool snowman today,” Cameron hollered running up the staircase.

“Let me see if I can find him,” I told Cameron.

I dug though my purse until I found my phone. I typed out a text.

We’re home. Where are you?

Taking care of it.

I bit my lip. What in the hell was he talking about?

Where are you?

I texted again and waited for some kind of answer that made sense. I was nervous. Worried that Hawk’s way of taking care of things were part of his past, not his present.

I’ll be home after dinner. Sorry.

That was the last text I had from him. What was he going to do? How would he handle this? I wanted him home—dealing with this crisis with me. I needed him. Didn’t he know that?

I stared at the phone when Cameron came bounding down the stairs.

“Can we make that popcorn strand you told me about?”

“Sure. Sure we can.” I tossed my phone on the table. “And we can put on a Christmas movie. How does that sound?”

I made my way to the kitchen and started on the popcorn. I had no idea where Hawk was and I didn’t like the feeling in my stomach one bit. I felt nauseated again, and my head suddenly felt fuzzy. It was too much stress. Too much worry. But I had to power through. For Cameron.