Chapter Eighteen
Arabella flung her arm in the direction of the two men posted on the opposite side of the garden’s stone wall. “They must have more pressing duties than this.”
Busy plucking herbs, Mairi smiled. “Sean and Gavin are only doing as ordered.”
Arabella rolled her eyes. That did not mean she had to like it.
In truth, it’d taken her a few days to notice the pair. At first, they watched her at a distance under the guise of stealth. Once she discovered the two men, they had not bothered with the pretense any longer. Now, to her dismay, Sean and Gavin hounded her every step with unabashed diligence.
Mairi added, “Calum’s only being careful, Arabella.”
She transferred her glare from the stone wall to the other woman’s bent head.
Careful?
Aside from the evening meals, she’d scarcely seen Calum since he’d announced their wedding. If her safety worried him so, then why had he distanced himself from her?
She sniffed. “I assure you there is no need.”
Mairi rose to her feet and wiped her hands on her apron. Frowning, she crossed the garden and joined Arabella on the stone bench. “Do not be so stubborn. Calum is not taking any chances.”
“Chances with what? And I’m not stubborn.” At Mairi’s raised brows, Arabella grumbled, “I’m not that stubborn.”
“My brother fears Longford will make an appearance at some point.” Mairi reached over and grasped her hand. “I know you must worry about that as well. So, please, do not fault Calum for protecting you.”
Arabella glanced away, unable to admit Mairi was right. No matter how safe she felt enclosed in the keep’s stone walls or surrounded by scores of hardened warriors, the fear of Longford coming for her lingered in her mind. Even if the men did not speak of such matters with her, she knew as well as Calum and her uncle that Longford could not duly claim Penswyck without her. The lengths he’d taken thus far…nay, the whole affair was not over. Not yet.
“I know,” she mumbled. “’Tis just…I’m starting to feel as though I’m a prisoner.”
“Do not be daft. You’re free to come and go as you please.” Mairi raised her voice. “Only now you have Sean and Gavin who are more than happy to follow along with you. Right, men?”
Two male grunts sounded from the opposite side of the wall.
At least Arabella grudgingly admired the pair’s spirit. When she’d confronted her unwanted escorts, she railed at Sean and Gavin like a madwoman. The two men simply paid her complaints no heed and remarked on the loveliness of the day.
Mairi nudged her arm. “Something else is troubling you?”
Looking over the herbs in the garden, she shrugged and shook her head. Far too many doubts to recount tumbled round in her head in a ceaseless flow.
“Oh, I’m sure of it. You’ve been in a foul mood for days, and ’tis not just because of Sean and Gavin.”
Arabella glanced heavenward in exasperation. How like Mairi to notice. Since she’d arrived a fortnight ago, the two of them had become fast friends. She soon learned she could not sneak anything past the woman. At times, she counted Mairi’s perceptive nature a blessing. In this instance, ’twas a curse.
Troubled was too subdued a word for how she felt. In truth, her heart weighed heavy and her spirits wavered. Overwhelmed was a more apt description.
Between missing Iain, Maggie and Dougal, Heartha and the other women fretting over her wedding attire, the unsteady truce between Elena and her uncle—though the pair still had not spoken to each other—and then Calum’s worrying absence as of late, she was honestly at her wits’ end.
Mairi pressed. “Come on. What’s amiss?”
“’Tis naught.”
“You may as well tell me. I’ll keep asking until you do.”
“Saints, Mairi. All right.” Annoyed, she scowled at her friend. Against her better judgement, words poured out of her in a rush. “I desperately miss my brother and my home. I’ve no notion what’s happened to Maggie or Dougal—whether they live or…”
Christ, she refused to speak of the alternative.
She continued past the sudden lump in her throat. “The matter with my uncle and your aunt weighs on me. I’ve been poked and prodded with sewing needles for a sennight. No one’s allowed me to lift a finger to help with my own wedding.” She snorted in derision and raised her voice. “My wedding? ’Tis almost laughable. I’ve seen little of your brother as of late and when I do, he hardly speaks a handful of words to me. Am I to wed a man that blows colder than the blasted winters here?”
By the time her outburst ended, her chest rose and fell. For a moment, the weight of silence spanned between her and Mairi.
She chanced a peek at her friend to find the other woman’s mouth hanging open. “Mairi, I did not mean—”
When Mairi bolted from bench, Arabella’s tongue suddenly felt too thick to swallow. Why had she not simply kept her mouth shut? Had she angered her only friend? Uneasy, she looked on as Mairi paced the garden, one arm crossed over her middle, the other lifted to her chin, tapping one finger against her bottom lip.
After several turns in the garden, Mairi paused in front of Arabella and clasped her hands in front of her. “All right. Let’s settle this, shall we?”
Arabella raised her eyebrows, and Mairi held up one finger.
“Foremost, I’m truly sorry for the loss of your brother. I wish I could say more to ease your grief. Alas, there is naught for me to offer, save my friendship. As for your home, you may have lost one, but you’ve gained another.” She pointed a thumb over her shoulder to indicate the keep. “The clan loves you. My aunt loves you. I love you. You’re part of our family now, Arabella.”
Mairi crossed her arms and resumed wearing a path in the garden. “Your uncle and my aunt…I’m not sure what’s happened between them. Neither one has spoken of it to anyone, but I think ’tis time you and I find out.” She grinned over Arabella. “What say you?”
Taken aback, she blinked at the other women. “I thought my words might’ve offended you.”
“Not in the slightest.” Mairi motioned between them. “You and I are friends. We share our troubles and help one another. That is friendship to me. Oh, and ’tis your wedding, you daft woman. That’s why no one’s allowed you to help.”
Arabella slumped against the stone wall, relieved by her friend’s easy acceptance. “I’d hoped to contribute as everyone else has done.”
“Trust me, you’ll have ample opportunity to contribute after the wedding. Elena and I will gladly pass over our duties as mistresses. Now, as for Calum,” Mairi said with a note of amusement. “I’m fairly certain you will find your bridegroom much warmer after the two of you speak your vows.”
She frowned in confusion. “I do not—”
“Aye, you do.” Mairi laughed. “Do you not realize his absence might have something to do with the…discussion the pair of you shared a sennight ago?”
Heat swam in Arabella’s cheeks. Blasted Calum! He’d assured her no one knew what happened between them in the stables that eve.
“I’ve no notion what you mean.” She lifted her chin. At the other woman’s loud peal of laughter, she snapped out, “How would you know in the first place?”
Laughing, Mairi swiped tears from her eyes. “Oh, I’m more than familiar with what takes place between a man and woman. I’ve stumbled upon Liam on more occasions than I care to recount.” She scrunched her nose in distaste.
Arabella straightened on the bench. “You mean, you saw…”
“Saints, aye.” Mairi plopped down on the stone beside her. “You must’ve noticed he’s not the timid sort.”
“Have you ever…” Curiosity burning, she waved her hand. “What of Calum?”
“What of him?”
She swatted Mairi’s thigh.
Grinning, Mairi winked. “Nay, I’ve never chanced upon my brother in such a state. To my utter relief.” She shuddered. “In truth, Calum has never chased after the lasses like Liam. ’Tis the old wounds he carries.” She motioned to her cheek. “I think he believes women look upon him with distaste, but ’tis quite the opposite. A few of the clan’s women have shown an express interest in him over the years, but he’s always disregarded their attentions. I remember once, when I was much younger, another clan chieftain approached my brother and proposed a union with his daughter.”
Jealousy wrenched Arabella’s stomach at the thought of Calum with another woman.
Mairi was quick to reassure her. “As you can see, it did not happen. The impudent cow took one look at Calum’s face and begged her father to disapprove of the match.”
Appalled, Arabella gasped. “What a wretched creature.”
Mairi agreed. “’Twas naught but a massive blow to his pride. I despised her for the longest time for hurting Calum so.”
Affronted on his behalf, she glared. “I hope she’s miserable now. I’m glad he did not marry her.”
“Me, too.” Mairi grasped her hand and squeezed. “I would not soon have you as a sister if he had.”
Touched by her friend’s words, she smiled. “I’m also glad to gain you as a sister.”
As was the other woman’s nature, she tugged Arabella into a warm embrace, which she did not mind one bit. She’d grown used to the kind show of affection.
Mairi pulled away and grinned at her. “Shall we pay a visit to Aunt Elena? I’m eager to learn what’s going on with her and Hammish.”
“Aye, I wish to know as well.”
They rose to their feet and made haste halfway across the garden when Arabella remembered her two escorts. She paused long enough to call over the wall. “Sean? Gavin? I’m leaving now.”
A loud snort pricked her ears and she grinned.
She and Mairi hastened around to the courtyard and weaved through the village with the pair of warriors trailing after them. As they drew near Elena’s, the sound of her uncle’s gruff voice drifted from the open cottage windows. Surprised, she slammed to a halt and snagged the back of Mairi’s gown to stop her. Her friend frowned over her shoulder and opened her mouth to speak, but Arabella held a finger to her lips, pleading for silence.
At Mairi’s nod, she spun around to find Sean and Gavin a short distance away. Pointing to the cottage, she waved the pair away. Thankfully, her escorts did as she bid and blended into the nearby forest, out of sight.
Arabella grabbed Mairi’s hand and tugged her toward Elena’s. Crouching low, they crept closer to cottage, kneeling below one of the open windows. She strained to listen to the sound of Elena’s soft words. Her uncle’s voice, on the other hand, was much easier to understand. The question he spoke rang out, loud and clear, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to silence her startled gasp.
*
“Why did you not tell me Liam was my son?”
Wary, Elena wrung her hands together, unsure of what to say. Hammish deserved an explanation, but words completely failed her in that instant. Dread coiled in her stomach. His nearness, the warmth of his frame, just the man alone was too much to bear. The consequences of her past hung like a snare around her neck, growing tighter with each painful draw of air. ’Twas no excuse satisfactory enough for why she’d never told him of Liam.
Hammish shifted closer. The heat of his body chased away the chill from her spine. “You used to share everything with me. Do you not remember, El?”
An ache welled deep in her heart. How many years had passed since he’d used the childhood name?
“I’ve no wish to battle with you any longer. We’ve wasted enough of our lives doing so.” He settled a hand on her shoulder and she tensed. “Swallow your pride as I’ve done and speak to me. Please.”
The scene outside the window blurred as tears filled her eyes. Aggrieved and betrayed, she’d allowed her pride to guide her actions long ago. Never once had she given him a chance to explain or make amends. Never revealed she carried his child.
Instead, she’d behaved with cowardice rather than face him, then married another to spare herself certain disgrace. The look in his eyes when he learned she’d wed another—the pain, the devastation, the loss. Even now, the remembrance absolutely tore her heart in two.
Saints, Hammish was right. For the sake of their blemished souls, this fissure between them must end.
Steeling her nerve, Elena slowly faced him. “When I found out I carried Liam, I was so frightened…of you, of my father, of what my clan would think. I knew not what to do.” Plucking at the sleeve of her gown, she studied the ruby brooch holding his mantle in place. “When Cormac found out about us, I confessed I carried a child. That’s when he spoke to you of a match between us, but after what you said…I could not tell you of the child. You would’ve believed I thought to ensnare you in marriage. No matter how much your words hurt, I could not bear to do that to you.
“I pleaded with Cormac not to tell you. After a lot of convincing on my part, he relented and approached his commander and good friend, Robert, with the matter. Cormac told him everything and Robert agreed to marry me anyway. Before we wed, he assured me he took no issue with claiming the child as his own.” Swallowing against her parched throat, she stepped away to lean against her work table. “I count myself fortunate to have married a good, honorable man. He passed when Liam was ten summers and I truly grieved his loss.” Releasing a weary sigh, she confessed her greatest fear. “I do not know how I’ll ever tell Liam the truth. He’ll never forgive me.”
“Then do not tell him. He never has to learn the truth.”
His calm words unsettled Elena. The Hammish she knew would’ve flown into a fit of rage, thrown over the table, and stormed from her small work cottage. She heard movement behind her, felt him draw near. His hand grasped her upper arm and he turned her to face him. He raised his hand and, on instinct, she flinched. When the tips of his fingers grazed her cheek, she met his gaze.
Hammish searched her features. “The only explanation I can give you for the cruel words I spoke to Cormac is I feared becoming my father. You must’ve known that. You knew me better than anyone.” He traced faint circles over her skin. “A fortnight later, when I’d come to my senses, I came for you…to beg your forgiveness…to ask you to marry me. But I was too late. It crushed me to see you on the arm of another man. When I learned you carried his child…” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and blew out a shaky breath that ruffled the hair atop her head. “’Twas my own damned fault, El.”
Tears ran down her cheeks and he swept them away with a brush of his callused thumbs. The achingly sweet touch broke her.
“Forgive me,” she choked out. “I should’ve told you. I could not see past my own foolish blindness and pain. I never meant to hurt you, Hammish.”
“’Tis taken many years to learn I’m not my father. I’m naught like him.”
Elena placed a trembling hand on his broad chest. The strong beat of his heart thrummed beneath her palm. “Nay, you’ve never been. You are your mother’s son.”
He tugged her closer, pulling her into the shelter of his arms. “I’m crude, uncouth, lack manners. My temper is piss poor, and I speak without thinking. I’m an arse and can be a mite stubborn, but when I love, ’tis with all that I am.”
She dared not blink. He cupped her face in his big hands, moving his mouth within a hairsbreadth of hers. The whiskers of his beard tickled her lips.
“I’ve loved once in my life.” The depth of his mossy green gaze bore into her. “You. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. My heart is yours. ’Tis always been yours.”
Hammish pressed his mouth to hers, the tenderness of his kiss stealing the air from her lungs. He drew back to peer at her. “Tell me, do you feel anything for me any longer?”
She knew what he sought, what he wished to hear. She’d denied him so much in this lifetime—her love and understanding, his son. Nay, she would not deny him this. Not now and never again.
“Aye,” she whispered.
“What’s in your heart, El?”
A stray tear ran down her cheek. “I love you, Hammish.”
The back of his finger grazed her jaw. “Even after half our lives have passed?”
Elena swallowed the lump in her throat and surrendered after a score and eight years. “Aye, I do.”
Hammish threaded his fingers through her hair. “I’ve spent too much of my life furious at you for marrying another. But ’twas I who was the fool. I only have myself to blame for betraying your trust in me.” His breath fanned against her cheek. “Can we set aside our differences and carry on together?”
She held her breath. He could not possibly mean… “Are you asking—”
“Blast it, woman. I’m asking you to wed me.”
A spark of hope that had long since died flared bright. Saints, she wanted to. “But what of Liam?”
“Let me handle matters with Liam. I’ll take care of you and our son. Trust me for once, love.”
Elena opened her mouth to speak, but he captured her lips in a smoldering kiss that robbed her of breath. A hunger, deep in the pit of her stomach, reawakened within her. How long had it been since she’d felt such sweet bliss? Lost in desire, she molded herself to his frame and twined her tongue with his.
He released her mouth long enough to ask, “Does this mean aye?”
Never in her dreams did she imagine this day would come. A thousand reasons to say nay sprang to mind, but one truth rang out, loud and clear. She loved him. Time had not dimmed her love. She’d always loved him.
Brimming with happiness, she laughed and nodded eagerly. “Aye, I will marry you.”
Like a sack of grain, Hammish swung her up and over his shoulder. She squealed in surprise and he planted a firm slap on her backside.
“Quiet, woman. We do not want the entire village to know just yet.”
In a few strides, he carried her to the far corner of the cottage and dumped her on a small cot. His heated gaze tracked over her body, igniting a slow burn deep in her belly.
“I’ve waited years for this, El. You and I have much to make up for.”