Davey returned from the west coast races feeling particularly good about his chances this season. He’d done well in Phoenix and had won the Auto Club race. He was thrilled for AJ too. The two of them had been going back and forth between first and second in points, and AJ’s teammate Ted, the not-so-Terrific, was currently third in the standings.

Davey made his way to the kitchen and drank his morning coffee with Cruz. He would miss his friend after he moved. That was probably why he was feeling all sentimental and girly over little things like morning coffee.

After their morning routine of coffee and watching sports highlights, they hit the garage to finish cleaning out the rest of his dad’s stuff. They had been slowly working their way through the house and now only had a handful of boxes left in the garage.

The first couple of boxes were filled with his father’s racing trophies and awards. Cruz took a few mementos of shared racing victories. Davey kept one of the trophies, but got rid of everything else. It brought back bad memories of his father’s frustration at his inability to win races and of his drinking with increased frequency. Davey’s dad had been a mediocre driver, propelled further than he deserved by Cruz’s innate ability to make anything with an engine run fast and smooth.

“Thanks for your help,” Davey said, flicking a glance at Cruz. “I really appreciate it.”

“We’re almost there.” Cruz tugged down the last three cardboard boxes. “After this, the place will finally be your own.” Cruz nudged him. “But it should feel that way now with all the money you’ve been spending on it.”

Davey had been renovating every inch of the house. Cruz had hit the nail on the head. Sometime during the renovations, he had stopped thinking about the place as his father’s and had started thinking of it as his own.

He took a quick break when Nora called to tell him about Ben’s upcoming school field trip to Chattanooga. When she’d driven Ben to school this morning, she had offered to chaperone. Ben had politely declined, asking for his dad this time since she had chaperoned last year’s trip. His heart tugged at Ben’s request and he had quickly agreed.

“A field trip, huh?” Cruz asked after he hung up.

He nodded. “Chattanooga next month.” He sat up a little straighter and extended his chest thinking about doing the dad thing.

When he glanced over, Cruz was grinning at him. “You’re getting into being a dad.”

It had been more of a statement than a question, so Davey just smiled and nodded.

“Ben’s a good kid.” Cruz’s lips ticked upward. “He’s gonna be my grandson soon,” he said, pride evident in his voice.

“He already is.” Davey caught Cruz’s gaze. “What we have is way thicker than blood.”

Cruz nodded. “Yeah.” He gave a simple response but the pride in his voice had kicked up a notch.

“More coffee?” Davey asked, rising.

“Sure.”

He grabbed both mugs and headed toward the door but stopped short when Cruz called out.

“Hang on.” Cruz pushed one of the boxes in front of Davey’s chair. “You need to look at this.”

The far-away look in Cruz’s eyes made Davey return to his seat without a coffee refill. Wondering what had caused Cruz’s reaction, he eased down and opened the box. Inside were stacks of letters. He picked up the first one and gaped at it in stunned shock.

It was an unopened envelope addressed to him from his mother, post-marked eleven years ago. With shaky hands, he opened it and removed the letter.

Dear Davey,

I wish I could explain why I had to leave. Sometimes things don’t work out between a man and a woman. I’ll leave it at that. But, it’s important that you know it had nothing to do with you. You have always been the bright light in my life, and you always will be.

I came by your race again yesterday…congratulations on your win! Your dad said you didn’t want to see me. I know you’re still angry but I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me for leaving, and that someday you’ll want to see me.

My door’s always open.

I love you,

Mom

Davey put down the letter and swiped at the tear that had rolled down his cheek. Cruz patted him on the back, then grabbed their mugs and disappeared. Davey flipped through the contents of the box, all letters and cards, all addressed to him, all unopened.

She had tried to contact him. A mix of emotions poured through him, fury at his father for not giving him the letters, irritation and annoyance with himself. He’d been such a shithead, causing his mother years of undeserved grief. Waves of sorrow flooded through him over their decade of lost years. But happiness swirled in the waves too. His mother had tried to contact him, and she had tried hard.

He hadn’t been abandoned, after all.

Cruz returned with two mugs of coffee and pushed one of them into his hands. Davey took a long gulp, then set the mug aside. He passed the letter he’d just read to Cruz. “Did you know about these?”

“If I’d known, I sure as hell would have given them to you,” Cruz said, pulling his chair in closer.

The dates of the letters spanned four years, with postmarks from both Tennessee and Arizona. Davey and Cruz both took a stack of letters and over the next couple of hours, they read every single one. By the time they had finished, the two of them were blubbering like little girls.

“Why didn’t Dad give these to me?” Davey muttered, even though he knew there was no answer. No good answer anyway. His muscles tensed as rage gushed through his blood.

“Maybe he thought they’d be a distraction, maybe he was angry with your mother for leaving.” Cruz shook his head. “Whatever the reason, he was wrong.” Cruz clasped his hands in his lap. “I wasn’t going to share this, but I think you need to know.” Cruz squeezed his hands tightly together as his eyes turned even darker than their normal dark brown. “I didn’t know this until recently and it’s a damn good thing.” Cruz paused for a long moment, as if trying to gain his composure. “Your mom hung in for longer than she should have because of her love for you.” Cruz caught his gaze. “She left after your dad started hitting her.”

Son-of-a-bitch. Davey fisted his hands at his sides. Over the years, he had wondered. It was deplorable, dishonorable, and downright wrong of his father to take his frustrations out on his mother. But his dad was gone and there was nothing he could do about it now. The rage in his blood boiled, churning through his body.

This information explained some things. His dad hadn’t started smacking him around until after his mother had left. It had continued until Davey had gotten strong enough to defend himself.

Tuck had been smart about it too, he’d never touched Davey when Cruz had been around. Davey flashed back to the only time his father had come after him when Cruz had been there. Before his father could smack him, Cruz had stepped in between the two of them. “If you go after him, you’ll have to go through me,” Cruz had said, in a voice of pure steel. Tuck had immediately backed down. Usually Tuck had slapped his face or punched him in the gut. But that night after Cruz had left, he’d beat the shit out of him. Davey had convinced himself it had been because his father had been overly drunk, but he’d been sober enough to know not to leave marks where Cruz or anyone else could see them. A shaft of hot, jagged fear twisted in his gut and sweat trickled down his spine as he thought about that horrific night.

He forced his mind back to Cruz. The man had been a saint in Davey’s life. He had no idea how he would have turned out had he not had Cruz around to show him a softer, kinder world.

He glanced at Cruz, swiping at the water in his eyes. “Don’t know what I’d’ve done without you, man.” Tuck had supported Davey’s racing career and he was grateful for that, but it was hard not to feel resentment and anger toward his father over how he had treated him and his mother. Cruz, on the other hand, had taught him everything good in his life. Honor, respect, kindness.

“You’re a good man, Davey. And you got that way with little to no help,” Cruz said. But Davey knew he was wrong. Davey had gotten that way with Cruz’s help. Cruz put a hand on his knee. “At least you have some answers now.” His expression softened. “But you probably owe your mother an apology.”

Yeah, big time. All these years Davey had thought he needed to find a way to forgive her. As it turned out, he needed her to forgive him. She had tried like hell to reach out to him, even after she’d moved away and was facing terminal cancer. While he hadn’t known about the letters, Cruz had regularly told him that his mother loved him. He’d even tried to take Davey to see her.

But being the dumbass that he’d been, Davey had always refused.

Now, he felt lower than pond scum.

He nodded. “I’ll take care of it. I’m gonna go to the barn to clear my head, then I’ll finish up in here.”

“I’ll finish up,” Cruz offered. “The last two boxes look like junk, but I assume you want to save the letters.”

“Damn right.” Davey rose. “Thanks, Cruz. For everything.”

He ambled toward the barn, expecting to walk through it and into the fields in search of the cows. But Concordia was still inside the barn even though Cruz had opened it up earlier. If Davey hadn’t known better, he would have sworn she’d been waiting for him.

“I screwed up again,” he said, making his way toward her.

Concordia approached him eagerly, probably because every time he came to the barn he brought a treat. He pulled the granola bar out of his pocket, hoping it was okay for the cow to eat. He suspected it was since Nora had made them from scratch and had put a bunch of healthy stuff in them.

“This is all I could find, girl. Cruz and I need to get our asses to the grocery store.” He extended the granola bar in his palm and the cow wolfed it down. “Guess you liked it.” He laughed. “That’ll make Nora happy.”

Concordia nuzzled her head against his shoulder. “You want rubs?” he asked, shaking his head at himself. He was cooing to a cow again.

Somehow being around Concordia soothed him. While he couldn’t communicate with her the same way Nora did, he often got ideas when he was hanging out with her. Like going back to the Potter’s farm to find out where her calf had been taken and figuring out how to identify which calf was hers at the farm on the Kentucky border.

“I don’t know what kind of special powers you have,” he said, rubbing Concordia’s soft head. “But could you ask the fuck-up fairy to skip me next go around? I think I’ve had my share over the last decade.”

Lifting her head, Concordia snorted, as if she were laughing at him. “Yeah, yeah.” He rubbed her neck. “How can I expect Mom to forgive me?” He let out a long, slow exhale, still pissed at himself for not listening to Cruz, for not giving his mom a chance. “I didn’t know about the letters, but even so, I was an ass. Now I have eleven years to make up for.”

Concordia snorted again, but this time the sound was soft and encouraging. Gazing into the cow’s soulful eyes, he suddenly felt everything would be okay.

An hour later, Davey headed over to his mom’s after Cruz told him she had finished at the restaurant for the day. Cruz had also given his mother a heads up that Davey would be over and he’d told her about the letters.

As Davey pulled in front of his mother’s house, shame engulfed him. He berated himself for being a self-absorbed child, for not giving her the benefit of doubt after the close relationship they had shared, and most of all for never moving past his anger to reconcile with her. He made his way to her front porch slowly, with his head hung low. At least Cruz had paved the way for him, attempting to make his difficult conversation a little easier. He appreciated Cruz beyond what words could convey.

His mom opened the door before he knocked and pulled him into a hug. Since Cruz had told her about the letters, he didn’t see the need for any preamble. “I’m so sorry, Mom,” he said, talking quietly against her shoulder.

“Oh, honey, you don’t need to apologize.” She squeezed him in tight, and for a few long moments, he soaked in the comfort of her embrace.

After she drew back, she gestured for him to come inside. As she waved her hand, he caught a flash of light from the huge rock on her right hand and smiled. He’d come full circle. Now, he was genuinely happy for both her and Cruz.

“Come on in, stay for a while.”

He followed her inside and they settled on the couch in the living room. On the coffee table was a tray of snickerdoodles, his favorite cookies, along with several Cokes, his preferred drink, and glasses filled with ice. “Please help yourself,” his mom said, lifting her lips into a smile he didn’t deserve.

He poured Coke over ice and took a sip. “Again, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know about the letters, but I shouldn’t have blown you off and I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t try to contact me.” He put down his glass, shifted, and met her gaze. “I have no idea why Dad didn’t give me your letters, but I’m glad he kept them.” He thought about what he’d read, her kind words, her unwavering persistence, as guilt chewed at his insides all over again. “I’ve read every single one.” He closed his eyes. Why hadn’t he given her benefit of the doubt or at least the courtesy of a conversation, he wondered for the millionth time?

Irritation at the dumbass kid he’d been churned in his gut along with the reeling guilt, causing a queasy swell. He forced the sick feeling down and blinked his eyes open.

“I’m glad Tuck kept the letters,” his mother said. “And I’m glad you finally got to read them.” She smiled at him. Smiled. “Better late than never, right?”

While he appreciated her lightheartedness, he didn’t get it. How could she not be angry over his self-entitled, snotty, judgmental behavior?

“Have a cookie, sweetie.” She lifted the plate of snickerdoodles which appeared to be freshly baked, making him feel guilty all over again. He didn’t deserve cookies.

He took one anyway. Munching on it, he wondered if she was just acting gracious to help him save face and underneath the niceties, she was angry. But one glance into her kind eyes told him she was sincere. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t at least a little mad. He’d been a selfish asshole. He’d caused her years of unjustified grief. He was sure as hell mad at himself. Sadness, regret, and guilt whirled through him like a cyclone. As the negative emotions intermingled and gained hurricane-like force, they nearly consumed him. He clasped his hands together tightly, attempting to gain control of his destructive thoughts. “Aren’t you at least a little mad?”

“No.” She shook her head and met his gaze. “We can’t go back in time,” she said, her voice positive and strong. “I’m grateful that you’re in my life now.” She reached over and put a hand on top of his. “It’s now that matters. Now is all that we have.” She squeezed his hand as her lips curved upward. “So let’s focus on the now.”

While he didn’t fully understand her easy forgiveness, he appreciated it. He scooted over and wrapped his arms around her. “Thanks, Mom.” He would work hard to focus on the now and to make sure that in the future they talked through any issues to avoid a reoccurrence.

Hugging his mother tight, an awareness emerged. Over the last decade, he’d been frustrated, hurt, and angry. He’d never wanted a serious relationship with a woman because he hadn’t wanted to get hurt again. But what had occurred with his mother had been a colossal misunderstanding, fueled by his own arrogant, self-centered behavior. Now, he could transcend those erroneous notions. He could build a real family with Nora, Ben, and the other children they could have. He just needed to convince Nora that she wanted the same.

When they drew apart, his mother took his hand again. “There’s something I want you to understand,” she said. “Your father and I weren’t meant for each other, but we brought you into this world so I’ve never once wished our relationship hadn’t happened.”

Humbled, he lowered his head. Over the last decade, he had caused his mother nothing but grief. Yet, she had let it all go, choosing instead to build a positive relationship with him now. He’d finally caught up with Nora and Cruz, recognizing the amazing woman that was his mother.

She patted his leg and waited until he lifted his gaze. “That doesn’t mean love doesn’t exist,” she said. “It took me a long time to figure that out and I don’t want you to make the same mistake.”

Davey nodded. Until recently, he had doubted that romantic love existed. Now, he only had to look around him. Whenever he spent time with his mother and Cruz, he was assured that love was very real. The deep feelings he had for Nora were further proof.

“You should think about that when it comes to Nora,” she said, as if she had followed his train of thought. Her smile brightened and her eyes turned hopeful.

Returning her smile, he let out a low laugh. “You’re preaching to the choir,” he said, “but I might need a little help.”