chapter four
♥
The next day Ridley went to visit her mother-in-law. All she really wanted to do was stay in bed and eat cookies but she’d promised to help Julia decorate for the ladies tea she was hosting the next day. She took extra time on her makeup, trying to cover the dark circles under her eyes with concealer but it was probably for nothing.
If there was anyone who could sniff out a mystery, it was Julia Alexander. The woman had radar and could tell when any of her family members needed her. Ridley definitely could use some motherly influence right about now. However when she arrived at the Alexanders’ sprawling farm, there were people running around outside and Julia was too busy to even look at Ridley directly. Julia had her normally perfectly coiffed dark hair thrown up in a messy bun and looked harried.
She sighed. At least she’d have time to get her thoughts together before Julia started asking questions. For the next hour, Ri was able to forget her own problems and just focused on helping arrange the living and dining rooms.
“Just put that vase right there in the center of the table,” Julia instructed.
Ri leaned over the table and then stopped short at the sharp pulling sensation in her abdomen. “Oh!”
That got Julia’s attention. “Are you all right, sweetheart? Here I am running you ragged and you should be off your feet!”
“No, I wanted to help. Really. It’s been fun and everything looks so pretty.” Ridley looked around at the elegantly decorated rooms. Everything was in a shade of light blue, cream or rose and the effect of the soft colors together was stunning alongside Julia’s cheerful country style.
Julia took her arm and gently led her to the couch in the living room. Ridley sat gratefully but looked up in surprise when Julia sat next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
Uh oh, Ridley thought. Busted. As much as she wished she could confide in Julia, it was just too embarrassing to talk to her husband’s mother about intimate things.
“Nothing, I just didn’t sleep well.”
“Hmm. I’d say it’s more than that. My sweet girl hasn’t had her usual sparkle lately. Which probably means my son has done something.”
Ridley opened her mouth to protest but closed it when she saw Julia’s arched eyebrow. It was silly to keep pretending when anyone who looked at her could tell she didn’t look like herself.
Julia rubbed her arm gently. “Mr. Alexander and I had a bit of a rough patch during my first pregnancy as well. Mark has a tendency to put his foot in his mouth, you know. He caught me eating a tray of cornbread one night and made a comment about it. That really got under my skin. I’ve never been a thin woman. Men don’t know how hurtful their little jokes can be sometimes. So I hope you can forgive him if he said something stupid.”
“Oh no, he hasn’t said anything about the weight I’ve gained. I just…”
“You worry that he doesn’t like it?”
“Yeah.” Ridley should have known that Julia would understand. Her mother-in-law often spoke about her struggles with weight over the years.
“Well, take a little advice from someone who has gone through quite a few ups and downs in a marriage. Talk to your husband.”
“I’ve tried to. But I wasn’t really sure what to say without sounding hysterical. Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Honey, if it upsets you, then he needs to know. Just be direct. No hinting. Despite what they think, men rarely understand women and they need all the help they can get. Just lay it out there.”
“Okay, I’m going to do it.”
“Sorry to butt in. I don’t want to be that nosy mother-in-law type but I get concerned when one of my girls doesn’t have her usual sunny smile. You and your sister are truly like the daughters I never had, you know that?”
Ridley leaned over into Julia’s embrace and breathed in deep the scent of flour, sugar and sass. It was hard to feel that any situation was too dire if Julia was there. She managed to make everything seem possible even when things felt hopeless. After a moment, she peeked up at Julia.
“After growing up the way we did, it’s so nice to have a mother again. You’ll never know how much you mean to the both of us. I know I speak for Raina too when I say that.”
Julia wiped away tears. “Oh, now you’ve got me crying! Come here, sweet girl.”
Later, once Ridley was back at home, she resolved to follow Julia’s advice to the letter. She was going to just lay it all out there and they would have to figure it out. Jackson loved her, that was one thing she’d never doubted. Surely they could find a way to go forward that kept her from feeling completely undesirable. Maybe they could just cuddle up a bit even if they didn’t do anything else. But she couldn’t take feeling like she was on the outside looking in with her own husband anymore.
She opened the door to their room and then closed it, the sounds of the kids running around downstairs muted. Jackson looked up from the tablet in his hands.
“Hey, there you are. Did you have a nice time with my mom?”
“I did. Everything looked so beautiful. The ladies are going to have a nice time tomorrow.”
He smiled but it was an absent one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was a smile she was becoming very familiar with lately.
“I wanted to talk to you about the other day.”
Jackson sighed. “Me too. I feel bad about that. I hate to see you cry. I’ve been trying to come home earlier to help with the kids but it’s not enough. I’m sorry, I honestly thought that I’d do a better job being a husband the second time around.”
Shocked, Ridley could only stare at him. “What? You’re an awesome husband.”
He scowled, and Ridley looked over his handsome features greedily. God, he was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him. The smooth, caramel skin coupled with the dark thickly lashed eyes that always made her feel like he could see straight through to her soul. More than that, he treated her like he wanted to see her soul. Ever since they’d met, he’d been one of the only people she’d ever felt completely comfortable being herself with, insecurities and flaws be damned.
“I don’t feel too awesome when I see tears in my beautiful wife’s eyes and know that I’m not making her very happy.”
Ridley started to protest but then remembered her mother-in-law’s words. If they were going to get past this, they had to stop tiptoeing around each other and really talk.
“I haven’t been very happy lately and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. But I don’t want you to think that you’re not a great husband, because you are. You’re such a loving husband and father. I love you so much.”
Jackson pulled her into his arms. “You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. I’ve been going crazy. I thought you were going to leave me.”
“Jackson. I’m not leaving you. Ever.”
Ridley held him tight, overcome with emotion for this beautiful, sensitive man. Her mother-in-law was totally right. This entire time she’d assumed that Jackson wasn’t happy and he’d been assuming the same thing about her.
“We haven’t had sex in a really long time,” she blurted.
Jackson stiffened against her but she didn’t allow him to pull back. She couldn’t say this if he was looking into her eyes. It was too embarrassing.
“Don’t say anything yet. I just need to get this out. I know I’ve gained a lot of weight so I was wearing that lingerie the other day because I thought it would help. But… well, you saw how that worked out.”
She sniffled against his shirt. Everyone talked about how it was so important to be honest and talk about things but it was much easier said than done. It was so hard to put all your feelings and vulnerabilities out there so plainly. But if she didn’t have the guts to tell her husband what she needed, then neither of them would be happy in the end. And they both deserved better than that. So Ridley blew out a breath and gathered her courage.
“When we got married, you promised you’d try to always give me what I need. Well, here it is. I need you to pretend for me. Pretend you still find me sexy. Pretend you want me just a little bit. Because I need you so much.”
♥
That was when Jackson lost it.
“What the hell? Ri, I don't have to pretend. I always want you.”
He tried to pull back again but she wouldn’t allow him to, clasping her arms around his waist so tightly that it felt like being strangled by an octopus.
“I saw how horrified you looked when you saw me wearing that negligee. I know this belly isn't exactly a turn on.”
“You think I looked like that because I was turned off?” Jackson was finally able to disentangle himself from her and tipped up her chin gently. She wasn’t crying, thankfully but he could tell how uncomfortable she was by how long it took her to meet his eyes.
“I was trying not to attack you and rip that fucking material off with my teeth,” Jackson gritted out, satisfied when her expressive eyes softened with desire.
Then she licked her lips and looked away. “You don't have to spare my feelings. I thought I would stay slim like Raina did but I’m always so hungry and I’ve gained so much weight already.”
“Hell yeah you have,” Jackson murmured eyeing the full cleavage that pressed against her sweater. Damn, she just got more curvy by the day. It was almost like nature was trying to torment him by making her more lush and desirable to test his control. He swore softly when his dick responded immediately, punching against his zipper like it was pissed it hadn’t been let out of the cage.
He was so busy trying to control his own reaction that he almost missed his wife’s. She winced and then pink spread over her cheeks.
“Yeah, I know.”
Jacksons swore again. “Baby, I'm talking about these.” He cupped her breasts gently. “Every time I see you I want to dive in between these babies and stay all night. I've tried to be respectful. You're an amazing mother to Chris and Jase. You've always treated them like they're your own but seeing you like this, so ... ripe and knowing that I made you this way. Hell, it does something to me. All I can think about is dirty things.”
She swallowed and even that turned him on, watching her throat move.
“Dirty things?” she repeated softly, glancing up at him hesitantly. “What kind of dirty things?”
Apparently it was torture Jackson time. She actually wanted him to detail them out?
“Things like watching these bounce while I’m inside you.” He leaned down and nuzzled her cleavage. “Like the fact that you’re already pregnant so I can be inside you bare. That I can come inside you and fill you up. Feeling you like that, god, just thinking about it is making me crazy.”
Ridley moaned. “Yes, I want to feel that.”
“But that’s not going to happen,” he finished and then jumped when Ridley whacked him on the shoulder.
“Why not? I need you so much.”
Jackson kissed her gently on the forehead. “I can’t be so demanding. You’re carrying my child and I can’t bear the thought of hurting you.”
Ridley’s mouth fell open. “You’ve been avoiding me because you think you hurt me?”
“I know I did. There was a day…. well, I have eyes and I saw how sore you were the next morning. It looked like it hurt you just to get out of bed.” He’d been an absolute monster, he thought with disgust remembering how slowly she’d moved that morning.
There were a lot of reactions she could have to that but the last thing he’d expected was for Ridley to throw her head back and laugh until she had tears in her eyes.
She finally calmed and then put a soft hand against his cheek. “You sweet crazy man. Sometimes women get a little sore afterward but usually it’s after they’ve gotten it so good their muscles are tired from too many orgasms!”
Jackson was startled into laughing, too. Ridley had always been on the shy side so it was a little shocking to hear her talking openly about orgasms.
“Is that right?” he murmured, everything inside of him starting to wake up at the thought that she actually enjoyed his wilder side.
“Very right. In fact, if I’m not walking bowlegged by tomorrow morning then I’ll demand to know why. You’ve got months worth of frustration to work out for me, you know?”
“Oh shit. I’ll be right back.” Jackson kissed her soundly and then slid off the bed. His cell phone was out of his pocket and to his ear before he even hit the door.
Nick answered on the first ring. “Hey man, what’s up?”
“I need a huge favor. And I will totally owe you big. Ridley and I need some alone time like you wouldn’t believe so I hope you and Raina don’t mind babysitting. Again.”
“Bro, you know I’ve always got you covered. I’ll be over to pick them up in ten minutes.”
Jackson didn’t bother to stop and explain things to Ridley, just went into his sons’ room and threw clothes into a duffel bag. By the time Nick showed up ten minutes later, Chris and Jase were ready to go and happy to spend more time with their Uncle and Aunt.
While Jackson was happy to have the entire night to spend showing his wife all the things he’d been dreaming about doing to her for the past few months.
When he entered their bedroom again, they stood staring at each other uncertainly for a few moments before they met in the center of the room. He let out a sudden breath when Riley pushed him back on the bed roughly. His heartbeat sped up at the evidence that she was just as anxious as he was.
With a few quick motions, they got rid of their clothes and then were finally, gloriously, naked. She climbed over him, their skin heating with every touch. Jackson almost came right then and there as the heat between her legs cradled his hard-as-granite length.
Her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers tracing a slow path over his shoulders to trail over his hair.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.
He kissed her right below her ear in the spot that always drove her crazy. “I’ve been going crazy, sleeping next to you every night and waiting until you fell asleep to take care of the problem.”
Ridley covered her mouth with her hand but couldn’t hide her wide smile. “You deserve a hairy palm, you know? It’s your own fault we’ve both been suffering.”
Jackson kissed down her neck until he was right between her breasts. The full mounds cushioned his head like a magnificent pillow. Why had he denied himself this, again?
“You’re right. Show me the error of my ways, my love.”
Ridley sighed. “I love how you grovel. But I don’t want to talk anymore.” Then she reached between them and grasped his dick firmly, sending a shock of desire to his brain so strong it felt like his head was about to blow off.
“Oh, shit.”
She kept a firm grip on him, just the way he liked but her thumb wandered lazily over the head of his shaft until he was seeing double. Jackson couldn’t control his neck anymore and allowed his head to fall to her shoulder.
“Ridley,” he warned and then groaned when she guided him into her. It took all his willpower not to thrust like a madman but she took that decision out of his hands too when she dropped down.
“I love you,” she sobbed as he sank deep.
Her words swirled around him, fueling his urgency to touch, taste, kiss and hold every inch of her. Jackson gasped as his hips took over, thrusting upward, his body having an agenda of its own. His mind was screaming go slow, be careful, while his body was saying my woman, my love, my everything.
“Don’t ever think that when I look at you, I see anything other than how damn lucky I am that you came into my life.”
Her hands clamped onto his shoulder, hanging on as the rhythm of their bodies crashing together increased and Jackson knew that he couldn’t hold out much longer.
“You are perfect,” he whispered right before his eyes closed and his world splintered into a million pieces.