Aria

 

 

 

“I want everything,” I said because I did.

But I needed more from him. We came here today to talk but he hasn’t explained anything to me yet. I have come clean about my life, my marriage, but he’s not said a word to me.

“We have to start somewhere. What would you like first?” Alex said as his eyes stayed locked to my chest.

I moved across him and swung my legs on either side of his stomach, pinning him to the bed. His chest felt firm as I drifted my fingers over him.

“With a question,” I said, wanting to ask more than just one. “You said earlier that you first laid eyes on me years ago. Since you were a recluse, how could that have happened?”

His eyelids slid down my body. Alex made a sound, telling me that wasn’t the question he expected. Resolve settled over his gaze when he finally looked up at me.

“I wanted to go to an art show in a new gallery that opened up. The one that showed your paintings where I bought your work. That gallery was brand new three years ago.”

“I remember. I asked the owner for a job, hoping to get her to show my work eventually. She did, but it took years of working for her in addition to my job as a bartender.”

His eyes dipped to my chest for a moment before he smirked and turned his head to stare at the light peeking through the old curtain.

“I talked Bradley in to coming with me. When we got there, it was an interactive showing. One area had a white ball pit that people could play in and another area had the white balls hanging from the ceiling—”

“With strings hanging from the balls and you could turn them on and off with the string. I remember. You were there?” I asked as my mind raced through the crowd of that night trying to find his face.

“Yes. And I saw you. I remember worrying if you were one of the prostitutes my mother had hired. In a way I wanted that, because then it meant I could get close to you but in a way, I didn’t want that for you. My heart began to ache thinking that you could be part of that life. But you weren’t.”

I was surprised he remembered me so vividly and I don’t remember him at all. “And you remembered me from that long ago?”

Alex reached up placing his hand on my stomach as it curved toward my back. His hand was warm and when his thumb rubbed at my skin, I wondered how long I would last with these questions.

“How could I forget the woman I fell in love with that night?”

Something crawled up my neck, both inside and out. For a moment, I thought he was touching me there, but I realized it was my imagination. I felt intensely attracted to Alex, and I cared about him . . . but love? As I stared into his heart-stopping eyes, I wondered if I was capable of feeling love for a man, even one as wonderful as Alex?

“But you never talked to me that night. Trust me, Alex, I would’ve remember if someone who looked like you came up to me. How can you fall in love with someone you never met?” My throat tightened at my last question, making it a whisper.

I shifted back as he lifted up onto his elbow. “How can music touch your soul with one note? How can slabs of different colored oils spread across a canvas move you to tears? These are all inanimate objects, yet people spend their lives desiring them. Perhaps I don’t know enough about relationships, or maybe my mother screwed me up so much that even my idea of love is sick. But I can’t help how I feel, Aria. And being here with you, it has only deepened.”

Something about tonight was twisting my mind and clawed at my heart. Shaking my head to clear things, I hugged my knees to my chest. I trusted Alex and knew he would never hurt me, yet I felt like that young girl trying to break free from her captors through a bathroom window again. My heart was racing, and I was on the verge of tears all because Alex told me he loved me.

I hated how fucked-up I was.

“I didn’t say that to scare you off, Aria. I wanted to be honest. And I know you couldn’t possibly feel the same for me. There are things you are used to men giving you that I couldn’t.”

Alex tried to reach for my hand but when I pulled away he looked as defeated as I was scared. “What can’t you give me, Alex? Why do you say these things to me? To confuse me? Am I some game to you that you play at my emotions like sculpting clay?”

A tear finally broke free and I pushed it away with the palm of my hand. Alex frowned and crawled over the bed to me. “No. Aria, no. I am not playing at anything. I never told you because I was afraid.” He released a breath, sinking further into the bed. “Afraid I would lose you when I finally had a chance with you.”

“What is it you can’t give me? A life with you? I’m wondering if I am even capable of that.” I paused, releasing a stuttered laugh. “I have never spent this much time with a man I was attracted to and not had sex with them. And here we are. I have no shirt on. We are lying in bed in a crappy motel room and you still haven’t kissed me. Is that what you can’t give me, Alex? A kiss.”

“I guess we are both new to this,” he said as he brushed his fingers over my lips.

Despite the war inside my body his touch was more than soothing, it was wanted. That confused me even more.

“But what can’t you give me?” I asked and feared what the answer would be.

“Sex. I can’t . . .” he said and pulled away.

When I sought out Alex’s eyes, I saw the same war raging there.

“You can’t, or you won’t?”

“Neither. Both. I don’t know anymore.” He shook his head.

I reached my hand for his and he smiled. “Then tell me. What are you afraid of?”

“Of hurting you,” he whispered as his shoulders slumped as if he just released the biggest secret and the weight of that burden was no longer his to carry.

“What? Is your penis the size of a broomstick with the girth of a can of pop?” I had to make a joke. It was becoming too intense in here, and not in a good way.

“No, of course not. It’s not about the size. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you by doing what turns me on.” Alex’s face reddened and as I tried to lift his chin he turned away, refusing to see me.

 “What turns you on, Alex? Please tell me it’s not having sex with dead bodies because I’m pretty adventurous, but I will draw the line with that.” I held up my hands but hoped my words would ease his heartache.

He smirked. It was the best half smile I had ever seen. The man was a virgin. He probably thought doggy style was depraved.

“No, I don’t want to have sex with dead bodies or animals or anything like that.”

“Oh, thank God. For a moment I was worried.” I winked.

“A few weeks ago, when we almost kissed. That’s how I am. I pulled your hair and forced myself on you. I am sorry.”

I was silent as I thought back to that moment. How he took control and the usual shy, uncertain Alex turned into someone with confidence and restrained power. Even the memories warmed my thighs and I squirmed at the wetness that grew.

“Are you kidding me right now? That was so hot, Alex,” I said as I shook my head, smiling and running my fingers through my hair as if he was pulling it right now. “We didn’t even kiss but I went home and used my vibrator a few times replaying our scene in my head.”

“You did?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“Yes. I would imagine that you finally kissed me. Shoving your tongue into my mouth. Not gently but pushing it inside and later . . .” I drifted off overcome by my imagination.

“What about later?” Alex scooted closer.

I sucked on my lower lip as I noticed his cock thickening between his legs. “Later you replaced your tongue with your cock.”

His nose flared as he closed his eyes. I had a feeling, a warm, nipple-hardening feelings, that Alex had the same thoughts about me.

“What if I hurt you?” he whispered.

He inched closer despite his question. I watched with dripping anticipation as his cock grew beneath his jeans. He had unbuttoned them earlier from the meal and now the zipper was lowering due to the pressure building behind. I licked my lips at the show.

“If my mouth is full of thick cock than I’ll pinch you just above your belly button. And you’ll stop,” I said as I drifted my finger over his lower stomach. “If I can speak then I will say the word you least want to hear.”

“What word would that be?” His thick lips were only an inch from mine.

“Mom.”

Alex groaned and winced. “Yes, that would stop me instantly. But what if your mouth is full and your hands are restrained?”

My back arched, pushing against his chest. I had played at being tied up by a man before, but this was the first time I craved it. Anything Alex wanted to do to me suddenly became my deepest desire.

“Then I will wink at you.”

He removed his gray shirt without a word from me. My fingers itched to slide along his hard chest. 

“How do you want to start all this?”

“We start with a kiss, Aria.”