You know those drives where you don't remember any of it, but you somehow get to your destination? My mind was going a million miles a minute with thoughts of tonight. I pulled my car into my parking spot. When I released my hand from the steering wheel to turn the car off, I realized my hands had had a death grip on the wheel. Sleep wouldn't come easy tonight. That I was sure of.

Before getting out of the car I made sure I had my pepper spray set and ready to spray. A girl could never be too safe when she was alone at night. I hopped out of the car and made a quick beeline to my door. My head looked from left to right and a quick glance behind to make sure no one was trying to sneak up on me. These were habits I'd done for years. Ever since my college days.

I was so busy looking around that I didn't see the figure standing right beside my door. With my free hand, I reached for my phone and held my pepper spray up and at the ready. My heart was pounding in my chest. If I screamed, I knew my neighbors would hear. Between the pepper spray and my screaming, I thought my chances were decent.

"Don't move, I have pepper spray."

The person leaned against my door pushed off and raised their hands in a surrender motion.

"I said don't move. I'm going to call the police." I tried to keep my voice steady. I didn't want them to sense the fear. Psychos thrived off of fear, didn't they?

"Penny, it's me."

My hands dropped to my sides. Relief flooded me. Although I wasn't sure that this situation was much better.

"What are you doing here?"

He took a step toward me, but I put my hand up to stop him. A look of pain crossed his eyes, but I didn't care. I didn't want to at least.

"Penny, please can we go inside and talk? I wanted to give you more time and space while I figured out how to talk to you. I didn't want to bombard you after everything I did, but after seeing you tonight with that guy I had to see you. I had to talk to you before it's really too late."

I let out a breath. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry or both.

"Too late? Don't you think it was too late the minute you left me in the park alone? Who I go out with is none of your concern. You made it crystal clear that we were done. You wouldn't even listen to me and consider what I was saying. You were so blinded by your manipulative sister that as soon as I said something that may mar her image in your eyes I was no longer worthy of your time. All I wanted to do was to help and protect you. That's what you do when you love someone. You try to protect them and do what's best for them."

My chest was heaving. I knew my voice had risen. The pepper spray was clutched tightly in my hand. I wanted to throw it at his stupid head.

"I'm so sorry Penny. Can we please go inside and talk? I don't want your neighbors to get upset over the raised voices. You can yell at me, hit me, even pepper spray me if you want. Can we please just do it inside?"

I moved to my door. I shoved the key into the lock and turned it with so much force it was a miracle that it didn't break. I shoved the door open and walked in leaving it open behind me. I went right to my bedroom. I wanted to wash the makeup off of my face and change.

I took my time piddling around my room. Part of me hoped that he would be gone by the time I came out. The other part of me hoped that he was patient enough to wait for me. After fluffing my pillows for the umpteenth time I went back to the living room.

There he was sitting on my couch. His legs were stretched out in front of him. The top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned. My hands itched to run along his bare chest like they had many times before. I made my way to the couch and sat on the opposite end from him. I curled my feet under me and covered myself with the throw I kept on the back of the couch.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn't look at him. I choose to look straight ahead. Every few seconds I would look at him in my peripheral. Each time he was staring at me. His hands were rubbing up and down his thighs in a nervous gesture. I wasn't going to be the first one to speak. If he came here to talk, then he could talk.

"I've been going to therapy. I've learned a lot about myself over the past month. I've learned that I never properly mourned my parent's death. I learned that even though we had uncle Dwight that I felt like I had to be a parent to Abby. I felt responsible for her in some ways. I needed to protect her. Not just for her own good, but to protect myself from the heartache that comes from loss. It was an obsession." Reed got up and started pacing the room.

I didn't say anything. Even though I was mad and hurt I sensed that he needed to get this out.

"I found out that Abby had been lying. She wasn’t going to rehab. As soon as we would drop her off. she would get picked up by her boyfriend. Goodness knows what all they were doing. I'm sure none of it was good. Of course, you already knew that."

Reed looked me straight in the eyes when he said the last part. I gave a small nod in response. That seemed to trigger something in him because he walked back to the couch and sat next to me. He grabbed my hand in his. My mind wanted me to pull away, but my heart wouldn't let me. My traitorous heart fluttered. He angled his body toward mine.

"Penny please look at me." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. His other hand gently cupped my chin and turned it toward him. I could feel tears prickling in the back of my eyes. I swallowed hard and willed them not to come.

"Penny, I messed up. I was so busy trying to play the fixer and father role to my sister that I was blind to the truth. The therapist says I'm an enabler when it comes to my sister. That’s one of the things we’re working on now. I know that doesn't make what I did ok. I know it doesn't change the fact that I hurt you. I've never cared about a woman the way I care about you. No one has ever cared about me the way you did. Most women see me and think of me as an object. Someone that will look good on their arm. You see me. You care about me. I love you, Penny. I don't think I can ever stop."

We hadn't broken eye contact. The stare between us was intense. I wanted to break it but I couldn't.

"I love you too, Reed. So much." It felt so good to finally say those words. The corners of his lips lifted slightly. "That doesn't mean that what you did doesn't still hurt. That doesn't mean I can just act like none of it ever happened. Trust is important to me. You didn't trust me. How am I supposed to trust that you won't turn your back on me again if something else happens?"

He started to rub slow circles on my hand with his thumb. It was almost hypnotic.

"I can't promise I'll never mess up again, I'm human. I can promise that I'll never do anything to make you question my trust or my devotion to you again."

Before I could protest his lips were pressed firmly against mine. His hands were in my hair. He was kissing me like his body needed mine to survive. Like he was a car, and I was his fuel. My eyes closed, and I wrapped my arms around his neck allowing the familiarity wash over me. It felt like minutes passed, but I knew it was only seconds before I pulled away.

I placed my hand to my lips. When I looked up Reed was smiling at me. I wanted to smile back because the kiss felt so good and right, but something was still holding me back. I stood up from the couch and walked to the door.

"I still need time. I'm not ready to jump right back into things where we left off."

Reed got off of the couch and came to stand by me at the door. He reached for the hand that wasn't on the door knob.

"I can respect that. I'm not giving up though. I won't rush you. Just know I'm not going away. I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I meant what I said."

I didn't respond. I just opened the door. He stood there looking at me for another second before kissing my cheek. Then he was gone.