CARA

Once a month, I fly home to New York City to have lunch with my Nana.

The rest of the time, I’m a data nerd studying at The University of Toronto. A coffee addict with no social life to speak of, and no complaints about that fact.

My monthly trips may seem excessive to most people, but most people haven’t met my Nana.

She’s a battle-axe. She turned her husband’s failing business around, and then after he died at the age of thirty-five, married four more times. Each new relationship was a strategic business move. Mergers and acquisitions.

For forty years, she ruled as the CEO of Gladiator, Inc. Now that dubious honor falls to my brother, Ben. But she’s still on the board of directors, and as we discuss on a monthly basis, she wants me to take her seat.

I definitely do not want to do that.

But I love my Nana, so I tolerate that discussion, if only because it distracts her from her other serious concern about my life—that I haven’t gotten started on my own merger and acquisition with an acceptable male specimen.

“I’m not even dating anyone, Nana,” I remind her as I reach for the sandwiches.

She snatches the tray away from me. “Maybe because you keep stuffing your face.”

I roll my eyes. “Pretty sure you can’t get fat on watercress sandwiches.”

She pins me with a hawkish glare. “Men don’t like women who are lippy, either.”

“Their loss.” I’m going to have to run these rules past Toby. No sandwich padding, no lippy-ness… They don’t sound right, but on the other hand, I’m not dating anyone.

And when you’re twenty-four and not dating, there are some needs that start to make themselves apparent.

Not merger and acquisition level, though. More like…small scale experiments. A pilot study to determine feasibility of…I’m not sure what.

Having sex with a guy without making a fool of myself. Yeah. That would be a good place to start.

My grandmother keeps talking as if I hadn’t taken a weird detour in my thoughts to Perv-town.

“What do I need to do to sweeten the deal, young lady?”

I laugh. “Nana, I don’t want to sit on the board.”

“Have you looked at the stock options?”

“I don’t care about stock options.” I hold up my hand. “And don’t tell me men care about that, too. I don’t want to date a tycoon, or a banker, or…anyone like anyone in our family.”

“You want us to leave you alone to that laboratory at the university in that country.” She sniffs in the general direction of Canada, like the country stole me away from her.

The truth is, I jumped at the chance to put an international border between me and my family.

“Is that really so awful? Ben and Elena are happy to carry on the family business. I’m the baby. Nobody cares about what I do.”

Nana gasps. “I care.”

“You have a funny way of showing it,” I mutter, lunging for the sandwiches.

She doesn’t stop me this time and I take two, just to show her who’s the boss of me. Me. That’s who.

“I understand your grants for next year have not yet been approved,” she says silkily.

Noooo. I drop the sandwich I was about to take a big bite out of. I give her a horrified look, terror streaking through me. “You wouldn’t.”

Seventy-five years old. A matriarch of a New York establishment family. And pure evil. She shrugs. “I would.”

“Nana!”

“I want you married, and I want you on the board. It only meets quarterly. The rest of the time you can play scientist.” She lifts her teacup into the air. “We’ll discuss this again next month.”

Okay, I’m not the boss of me. Nana is, and she knows it. That’s…not ideal.

I glare at my tea, wishing I could turn it into a triple shot latte. “No, let’s discuss it now. You can’t…how did you even…please don’t mess with my academic life!”

“Please get married.” She gives me a bland, unwavering look.

“I could get other grants.” I could use my trust fund. I could quit my program and run away with the circus.

I have options, but that’s not really the point here. The point is that my Nana—crazy, bossy, bitchy, but still my grandmother, for better or worse—has decided I need to be married.

So I let her think she’s won. I nod slowly. “Okay. Look. I’ll be open to the idea. How’s that?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “No funny stuff.”

“Of course not. But you must understand, these things take time.”

“Never took me any time.”

“Well, I’m not nearly as cute as you were. Please don’t mess with my funding, and I’ll say yes to anyone who asks me out on a date. I’ll drop broad hints about my love of peonies and white lace. Make sure to dress to accentuate my birthing hips.”

“Don’t be crude, Cara.”

I’m pretty sure anyone who would be willing to marry me might like a bit of crude, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not actually going to be asked out. I’m not actually going to do any of that.

Despite what Nana said, I’m totally, one hundred percent going to resort to funny stuff.