Sadie and Lollipop took the bus home and stayed up late cuddling for some badly needed body heat and equally badly needed affection.

It was another chilly night, but Sadie hadn’t wanted to sleep at the Canvas Shop tonight. Tonight, she’d wanted her own space. So she’d turned on the heat, promising herself she’d cut something out of her budget to make up for it. She didn’t yet know what that would be, but she’d figure it out. She always did.

She and Lollipop shared the couch. Sadie was pretending to be thinking about her financial situation, playing with the numbers. For instance, if she stopped eating, she could keep the heat on.

But she was just fooling herself. She wasn’t thinking about money. She was thinking about Caleb. She’d walked away from him. No, scratch that. She’d let him walk away from her.

A part of her had felt a surge of righteousness when he had. There, see , she’d told herself, you did it, you ruined it like you knew you would . Better now than later . . .

But the righteousness had faded, replaced by a cold grip on her windpipe.

She’d pushed him away.

The panic had started right around the time their conversation had taken them to a place she hadn’t intended to go. It seemed so easy for him to just be . . . him. He had no problem sharing about himself, he had no hidden shame and little to hide.

But she had plenty of hidden shame and lots to hide.

She wanted to think she could keep most of that to herself and still have him, but she’d realized while listening to his story that she couldn’t. He’d never accept less than everything from her.

So she’d had to shut this thing down.

But now there were regrets. A lot of them. She met Lollipop’s warm gaze. “How am I supposed to make big decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get to the right letter?”

Lollipop panted happily, as always, willing to help.

“Listen, don’t look, okay? I’m about to make yet another bad decision.”

Lollipop yawned and closed her eyes while Sadie grabbed her phone.

No messages.

She hadn’t expected one. So she called him. She wanted to text, but that felt like the coward’s way out, and she’d already taken that route and it’d been the wrong choice.

He didn’t answer and she listened to his voice message.

“If you have this number, you know what to do.”

She drew a deep breath and at the beep said, “Hey. It’s me. Sadie.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “So . . . in the shower I sing to anything One Direction.” Feeling stupid, she shook her head. “Okay, bye.” She disconnected.

Lollipop looked at her.

She sighed. “You’re right. I could do better.” She hit his number and again waited for the beep. “Me again,” she said. “My favorite piercing is—was—my tongue piercing, but only because of my family’s horrified reaction to it, which is why I kept it for so long before removing it last year.” She closed her eyes and Lollipop licked her face, telling her to keep being brave. “What gets me out of bed in the morning is the thought of one of Tina’s buttered chocolate banana muffins. No, make that two of them—Shit. Okay, fine, three. I need three muffins, if I’m being honest.” And she was trying to be. But here came the hard part. “My parents are regular people, I guess. Suburbanites. Normal.” She covered the phone and looked at Lollipop. “That’s only a little white lie,” she whispered and put her finger to her lips. “And my sister’s on her way to being the same. Which, if you haven’t figured out, makes me the square peg trying to fit into a round hole. My mom was an English lit professor before she retired a few years ago. My dad’s the dean at St. Mary’s, and he’s every bit the old-school hard-ass his title implies. Strict. Nonverbal. Hard to please. So you can imagine how well I fit in. As for a secret wish—”

Beeeeeep.

She stared at her phone. “The voice mail cut me off.”

Lollipop cocked her head to the side.

Sadie sighed. “Yeah, probably for the best, right?”

“Arf!”

And then her phone rang.

Do Not Even Think About Falling For This Guy was FaceTime calling.

“Oh shit,” she whispered and stared at it through another ring. Finally, she hit accept and Caleb’s face swam into view. He was in an office, suit jacket off, tie gone, standing in front of floor-to-ceiling windows, the city of San Francisco spread out behind him in all its glory.

“You cut yourself off in a hell of a place,” he said with a small smile. “You were about to tell me your secret fantasy.”

She took a deep breath of relief. “Wish,” she clarified. “I was about to tell you my secret wish. Not fantasy.”

“Damn.” He sighed. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Try me.”

She grimaced. “I’ve always kind of wanted to dance in the rain.”

He smiled. “Nice,” he said and looked like he meant it. “One Direction, huh?”

God. He’d been listening to her messages.

Lollipop nudged the screen, wanting to talk to her dad.

Caleb smiled at her but had eyes only for Sadie. “Are you in your pj’s?”

“Yes.”

His eyes heated, prompting her to look down at herself. She wore an oversize Giants T-shirt and had a blanket wrapped around most of her. “Are you kidding?” she asked. “This is practically rated G. Not even a little sexy.”

“We have two very different ideas of what’s sexy,” he said.

Her mouth went dry. Her heart was pounding. She wanted him. Now. “Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“Come over.”

He let out a breath and held her eyes with his. “You’re not ready yet.”

“I think I know if I’m ready or not.”

He gave a slow shake of his head. “I’m not rushing this. Not with you.”

She had no idea what that meant, but hell if she’d beg. She lifted her chin. “And to think, I was just about ready to tell you my secret guilty TV pleasure.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“I’ll bring you muffins in the morning if you tell me.”

Damn. “I watch Married at First Sight ,” she admitted.

“What’s that?”

“Just what it sounds like,” she said. “It’s a reality show. You’ve never seen it?”

He laughed. “Hell no.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Tell anyone, and you’ll need to sleep with your eyes open.”

“So you’re a closet romantic.”

She sputtered and he tipped his head back and laughed some more, and the sight was so sexy, she forgot to be mad for a second. But just for a second. “Seriously, eyes open, Caleb.”

He rubbed a hand over his scruffy jaw and grinned. “Come at me, babe. Give it your best shot. Fair warning, you might like what you find.”

Deathly afraid that was true, she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“For what, standing up to me and telling me you weren’t ready for me to push? Don’t be sorry, Sadie. Never be sorry for telling me the truth.”

Something warm went through her at that and it took her a moment to realize what it was. Affection, and also a yearning. “You’re different,” she said.

He smiled. “’Night, Sadie.”

“’Night, Caleb.”

When he was gone, she looked at Lollipop. “Okay, maybe I see a tiny bit of why you heart him so much. But just a little bit, mind you.”

She tucked Lollipop into her bed and then hit her own. And apparently spilling one’s guts made one tired, because she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.