I once read somewhere that the worst thing about death was how it robbed your life of color. It was incredibly accurate. I had experienced loss before, but nothing like this. It felt like there was a deep well of feeling inside me, a gaping pit of hopelessness that would never be filled. I understood now that death was not something you got over. You just learned to live with your pain, smiling to show the rest of the world that you were fine when really you were breaking inside.

I found that the things that used to give me joy didn’t anymore. Things I once found exciting were now dull. Everything seemed pointless. I hated it, but the routine I had fallen in love with I now approached with dread. And that wasn’t the worst thing. It seemed Saul was doomed to be a casualty of my misery. In spite of my efforts, and my promises to my dad.

Our days were quieter now. We spent almost all day indoors. I wasn’t sure if my disinterest was rubbing off on him, but he seemed content to stay in bed with me, or while away the hours on the deck watching the sun crawl through the sky. He still held me, even if it wasn’t always sexual. I still slept in his arms. If anything, our routine had become so efficient we did not need to speak. Breakfast, reading, movie marathon, lounging out by the deck, dinner, cuddling and sleeping. It was like we were on autopilot.

I knew he was watching me. It wasn’t that he was tiptoeing around me; he seemed to have decided to give me space, and I loved him for it. But it also made me feel like I was being a bad husband.

My passion for him had not dimmed. It was still there, snoozing just beneath the surface. Once or twice I got the old rush of blood to the head, and I missed the feeling of him inside me. He would be prancing around the house in his sweatpants, which left nothing to the imagination, and I would picture myself going to him, pulling them down and riding him into oblivion. Or he would be coming from the shower, his body glistening, his manhood hanging thick and heavy between his legs, and I would be sorely tempted to take him into my mouth. But I could not bring myself to do it. It felt wrong, somehow. Tomorrow, I told myself. I would try harder tomorrow. But tomorrow I would wake up, and the first thing I would remember was the sight of my dad in that hospital bed, and the feeling of emptiness would return.

I was determined to snap out of the rut, however. I knew the block was mostly mental, so I spent most days trying to talk some sense into myself. This is not what Dad would have wanted, I would remind myself. You have so much more to be happy about. Saul is still here. Anyone else would have left you to deal with your moping on your own.

Relief came in the strangest little way. Towards the end of the month, Saul told me we were running out of supplies, and while he usually had them delivered right to the house, he thought it would be a good idea to make a trip of it and go collect them ourselves.

“We’re going shopping?” I asked, stunned. My voice was hoarse and cracked from disuse.

“It’s more of a pick-up, but yeah, think of it as shopping.”

I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to. It was a chance to get out of the house, and a chance to spend some time with Saul outside our little bubble. It would also be the first time he was taking me outside the house and its environs, away from the mountain and its many attractions.

We packed a small lunch, as Saul had the grand idea to turn it into a picnic as well. We were to drive to the edge of the town, the exact point where civilization ended and the mountains began. We set out early. It felt good to feel the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. My hair had been getting increasingly wild, so I had given it a bit of a trim. Saul had given it the once over and nodded in approval. I felt like I was waking up after a very bad dream

It was strange to think that there was life just half an hour away from us. Redvale was easy to ignore, being nestled between the mountains and the lake on one side. It was mostly a collection of small shops, most of them family owned, dating back years ago. Saul didn’t even bother with the tour. We headed straight for the main dock by the lakeside and picked up two large crates, which took up the trunk and most of the back seat.

“And now we take the scenic route back,” Saul announced, right before plunging into a small opening in the edge of the woods and speeding down a path I had not seen before.

It was all new. There were clearly parts of the region I was yet to explore, and that excited me. It was good to have something to look forward to doing. We drove for a few minutes, then pulled up next to a natural clearing overlooking the lake, deciding it would be a good place to set up the picnic. It was strange to imagine this was the same lake we saw when we were on the other side, at home.

I noticed him then. I thought I had seen a car trailing us as we left the dock, but I had assumed I was imagining it. Now, though, there was a silhouette half-hidden in the trees, and I was sure we had been followed.

Saul had not noticed him yet. He was rummaging in the trunk for a blanket. I watched the man surreptitiously, wondering if perhaps he was just a tourist like us. Something glinted in his hand, the morning sun reflecting off what I assumed was a camera.

“Saul…” I called out. Even then I was still hoping the stranger was just some tourist who had stumbled into the clearing and had the same idea as we did.

Saul poked his head from around the back of the car. I pointed silently, and his gaze followed the direction I was indicating, until he spotted the man in the trees.

The warmth left his eyes immediately.

“Get in the car, Kyler,” he said to me. His voice was harsh, his tone commanding and uncompromising.

“What? Why?”

“Now, Kyler.”

I was puzzled at his behavior, but the authority in his voice was unmistakable. I lifted a foot and began to climb into the car.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you!”

The man had emerged from the trees, and he was now walking boldly towards us. I looked over at Saul, my foot still suspended in midair. His face had grown even colder when the man had spoken. He watched him approach, Saul’s features slowly contorting into a mask of disdain I had never seen on him.

I turned to look at the man, wondering who he was and why he elicited such a reaction from Saul. He was tall and well-built. Thick muscles strained the black t-shirt he was wearing. He had short brown hair and a perfectly angled face, ending in a strong chin that was dotted with stubble. He smiled when he got to us. He looked over at me once, from head to toe, and it was hard to miss the judgment in his expression.

“Really?” he spat. “Him?”

He was speaking to Saul. They definitely knew each other, though I had no idea how or where from.

“I would think very carefully about my next words if I were you,” Saul said through his teeth. It was clearly a threat, but the stranger did not even blink. He continued to stare at me like I was something nasty he had stepped on.

“So this is who you’ve been holed up with all this time. Pity, Saul. You used to have some taste.”

Saul darted forward, his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Whoa! Whoa! Easy!”

The stranger lifted a small camera, placing it between them like it was a shield.

“How did you find me?” Saul asked.

“Wasn’t too hard. But that’s for you to find out. I think you know what this is?” He gave the camera a little shake.

It dawned on me then. This was someone who knew Saul from his former life. He had probably noticed us as soon as we walked into town and captured photos that would expose Saul.

“I imagine you have photos you’re going to blackmail me with,” Saul said, confirming my theory.

The stranger smiled, and it was a sickening sight.

“Oh, it’s so much worse than that,” he said. “I do have photos of you two, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I know who he is, Saul.”

Saul shrugged, but I could tell he was shaken. “That doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“Doesn’t it?”

He turned and took a step towards me. He was tall, taller than Saul even, and he loomed over me. I did not see Saul move, but he was beside me in a flash. The stranger continued to grin at me. He was definitely an alpha like Saul. His features were rugged, with an almost exaggerated quality to his masculinity. He gave off a sharp coppery scent.

“You must be his pup. Kyler. Has he told you about me, Kyler? Surely he’s mentioned me?”

“Back off, Chris,” Saul said.

Chris? As in his ex-fiancé? As in the man who had ruined his life? I looked over at Saul for some sort of confirmation, but the growing sense of dread I could see in his eyes was confirmation enough for me. So this was the famous Chris.

“Did you hear me? I know about you two. I have information I think the press would be very interested in. You’re in no position to threaten me.”

“I’m not threatening you. I’m asking you to leave us alone.”

Saul finally looked at me. “In the car, Kyler. Please.” The urgency in his voice was unmistakable. I was thoroughly confused, but I decided he would fill me in later. I opened the door and started to climb in.

A strong hand seized me by the upper arm as I did so and yanked. The force was so great I was jerked backwards, losing my footing and falling. The world swam as I hit the ground. For a few seconds everything was a blur of movement and sound.

Saul charged at him with an almost primal fury. In that moment, he looked nothing like the Saul I knew. His eyes were bulging and his face was twisted. He moved with a speed and viciousness I would not have anticipated from him. In a flash, he was upon Chris. He led with his fists, landing two quick blows before Chris could even react.

Saul was not a small man, but Chris was bigger than him and he certainly looked fitter. But you would never have known it. He was taken apart with almost comical ease. The third blow landed on his stomach, and Chris seemed to lose the ability to keep his hands up. He grunted in pain, doubling over and almost falling. Saul grabbed him by the back of the neck and pushed him to the ground.

“Never! Touch! My omega! Again!”

He spat the words out in time to the kicks he was landing on Chris’s curled up torso. I think I heard the snap of bones breaking.

Saul leaned over and grabbed a handful of Chris’s shirt.

“And never threaten me again, do you understand?”

I doubted Chris would have been able to speak. He sputtered his agreement, blood dribbling from his lips. Saul sent him sprawling to the ground with another blow to the head, and then stood over him, his chest heaving and fists still clenched as if daring him to get up again.

It was an arresting sight, like witnessing a dominant warrior standing over the corpse of his vanquished enemy. I was terrified and impressed at the same time.

Saul bent down and picked up the camera. With a swing of his hand, he sent it crashing to the ground, following it up with an angry stomp of his boot. Glass and plastic crunched noisily under his foot. He took a final look at Chris, then, seemingly as a last resort, spat in the ground next to his face.

“That was for touching Kyler. If I ever see you again I’ll break more than just your ribs.”

I did not wait for him to tell me to get into the car this time. I glanced nervously in the rearview mirror at Chris as we drove off. I was concerned that he might have been badly hurt, but I saw him stir and struggle to sit up.

Saul continued to breathe heavily for the rest of the ride home. I had never seen him so agitated. The only other time he had been this primal was when he had fucked me in the den.

I wanted so badly to ask him what had just happened, but I was honestly a little terrified of him just then.

He called the police when we got to the house. He reported that we had been attacked in the woods, and gave them the exact location where we had left Chris.

Finally, he pulled me into his arms and gave me a tight hug. He looked like he was back to his usual self. He examined me with cautious hands, the same hands that had just beaten a man into a pulp. He did not let me go until I had assured him repeatedly that I was okay. Somewhere in my mind, I realized it was the sight of me being threatened that had turned him savage, and that made me feel very protected.

Then there was the whole business of Chris himself. He was nothing like I had thought he would be. That was the guy Saul had been in love with? To the point of proposing to him? And why would he want to blackmail Saul? He had nothing to gain from it, no reason to do it. If anything, Saul was the one who was hurt by the breakdown of the relationship. I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing something. I hoped Saul would feel comfortable enough to share the details of what had happened.

But the biggest win was the way the excitement of the day shook me from my slump. That night, for the first time in days, I felt animated. The ache in my heart was still there, but it was a bit easier to put it aside. It was also the first time I didn’t think twice when the urge to be with Saul hit me. I crept into the shower after Saul had got in, and when he kissed me, I felt like my old self again.