Chapter Eight
Jake had chosen this spa because it was the same place he sent his guys in between jobs. Even without having to wrangle sex, just acting as a date was a high stress situation. Burnout was a very real possibility if they didn’t take care of themselves, so he stepped in as needed to ensure they did.
Kind of like he’d stepped in with Jessie.
She looked better already, her walk less controlled, her expression peaceful. Or it had been until he mentioned the steam room. Now she was looking at him like he was a tree she wanted to climb. He wasn’t sure what to think about that.
No, that was a goddamn lie.
He was fucking thrilled that Jessie wanted him.
She licked her lips, her gaze glued to his chest. “Where’s that steam room?”
He led the way back to the tiny hallway that had three doors. The spa was set up for the ultimate private experience. The steam room and sauna had two doors so that they could be accessed by massage rooms on either side, but Sarah had already mentioned that there was no one in the neighboring room. They had the whole place to themselves.
The room was barely the size of a closet, a low tiled bench seat taking up the right half and a drain in the middle. Steam wisped around him as he opened the door and held it for Jessie. She gave him another long look that was a blatant invitation if he ever saw one, and then slid past him into the room. “Jake, I’m sorry.”
He froze. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t think I ever said it.” She swept her hair over one shoulder and combed her fingers through it nervously. “I was a right bitch to you, and we were talking about marriage—at least eventually. What kind of wife would I have been if I couldn’t even stick it out through you getting hurt? I just… No, there’s no excuse. Leaving you like that was terrible, and I’m sorry.”
A tension he had carried so long that he was barely aware of it sprang to life. Jake sank onto the bench about six inches from her and stared at the wall across from them. He didn’t want to talk about this. He’d fought long and hard to get over his bitterness about how things had fallen out with them, and he’d mostly succeeded.
Or at least he’d thought he had.
Being with her again, falling back into the motions that he knew better than his own heartbeat, knowing she was in pain and he was partially the cause…it was doing a number on his head. He scrubbed a hand through his hair. Now was the time to tell her that she was forgiven. That it didn’t matter anymore, and her hanging onto it was only hurting herself.
That wasn’t what came out of his mouth. “Why?”
Her combing motions went faster. “I told you I don’t have an excuse.”
“I want to know what went through your head when you left that hospital room the last time. What you were thinking when you bought the ticket to California. All of it, Jessie. If you want to put this behind us once and for all, that’s what it’s going to take.”
Her breath shuddered out, the sound so tiny and painful that he almost relented. Jessie started talking before he could say anything else. “I was going to stay. UCLA was as much your dream as it was mine, and the thought of going there without you scared the hell out of me. You were always so big and strong and larger than life, and you were in that hospital bed with your arm and shoulder immobile, pale and weak and scared shitless. I sat in the chair next to your bed and thought I could be strong enough for both of us.”
Her fingers stilled. “And as soon as I got into my car, the doubts started pouring in. My mom set all her hopes and dreams on my dad and look how that turned out. They can barely stand each other, and she seriously messed up me and Drew by trying to fill that void. I sat in my car, and looked into the future, and all I could think was that I would turn into her if I stayed. I’d always wonder if I’d given up everything for a guy when we were barely more than kids. It was like a movie in my head. It wouldn’t start out so bad, but a couple years down the road—probably after our first kid—we’d start fighting more than we joked. I’d resent you for hobbling me, and you’d hate me for resenting you. One of us would cheat, and that would be that. Divorce. Single mom. No college education to speak of. I’d end up working at the bank with my dad as a pity job, and then I wouldn’t be able to pretend he wasn’t screwing his secretary.”
Jake couldn’t catch his breath. “You should have talked to me.”
“I know.” She finally lifted her head, and her eyes shone with unshed tears. “But I was a coward, and it was easier to just leave than to face the fact that I might be wrong. Every time I wavered—and there were like eleven times I almost called the whole thing off between leaving your hospital room and getting on that plane—all I could think of was that, yeah, I might be wrong. But what if I was right?”
“You weren’t. I could never hate you, love.” He tugged on her arm until she let him lift her onto his lap. The steam dampened their skin and her arm slid against his chest. He held her close despite everything. “It wouldn’t have come to that—any of it.”
“Are you sure?”
It was the damnedest thing. He wanted to tell her that, fuck yes, he was sure. That they never would have stooped so low, no matter how things started out after he recovered from that injury.
The words wouldn’t come.
They felt too much like a lie. He’d been so goddamn angry at the world when he woke up and realized that his future had been stolen from him. Then Jessie left, and it was easier to be angry at her than to deal with the true source of his rage.
Jake had failed. The entire world had been within his grasp, only to be snatched away right when he’d started to believe it was a sure thing.
If she’d stayed, would he have taken out that anger on her and their relationship? He couldn’t say for sure one way or another.
He rested his chin on her shoulder. “No, love. I’m not sure.” That knot of tension between his shoulder blades dissipated between one breath and the next. Like it had been waiting a full decade for him to admit it. He dragged his mouth over her shoulder and to her neck. “There’s nothing to forgive, Jessie. I can’t promise you weren’t right. I’d like to say it’s total bullshit and we’d never have gotten to that point, but I can’t because I don’t fucking know.” He nipped her earlobe. “You made the right call. The method was kind of cruel, but we were teenagers.”
“Really?”
“Really.” He glanced at the door, but the tiny windowpane was fully fogged. No one would interrupt them in the next hour. He shifted her so that she straddled him, and then unknotted the front of her towel. The fluffy white cloth slid down her body to pool at his hips. Fuck, she’s something else. The steam had her hair curling slightly, and her entire body had the finest sheen of sweat.
It made him want to eat her up.
“If you could see the way you’re looking at me.” She bit her lip and carefully set her hands on his shoulders. “Jake, what are we doing? Maybe there’s nothing left for you anymore but physical attraction, but it’s not like that for me. I don’t… What are we doing?”
He couldn’t say that he didn’t know. Not anymore. The thing he’d been working hard to avoid since he saw her across the airport was lingering on the tip of his tongue, just waiting for him to acknowledge it. I never stopped loving you, Jessie.
There were a thousand reasons a future wouldn’t work between them.
They only needed one reason that it would work.
He slid his hands up her thighs and back down again. “It’s not just physical for me, love. It never has been.”
If anything, that worried her more. “Jake—”
He silenced her with a kiss. “Let me make you feel good for a little while. Let’s just get through the reunion and then we’ll talk, really talk.” He had to come clean. Holding off was selfish, but he couldn’t imagine a scenario where she wasn’t furious, and he wanted as much time as possible to show her how it could be between them if they just gave it an actual shot.
***
Jessica couldn’t believe what was happening. Not that Jake had forgiven her on the spot and not that he was currently stroking her body in a way designed to set her aflame. She swallowed hard. “This isn’t some kind of intricate revenge scheme designed to put me at ease before you go in for the kill, is it?”
He huffed out a laugh. “That’s quite the imagination you have there.”
“And that wasn’t an answer.” That didn’t stop her from arching against his rough palms as he touched her breasts. Despite the desire pushing her reasoning into the backseat, she shot a glance at the door. “How likely are we to be interrupted?”
“Not likely.” He lightly pinched her nipples. “But if you want to stop…”
“No.” If they stopped, that upped the chance of them never starting again. Even with his forgiveness ringing in her ears, there was still the reunion to weather. No matter what Jake thought, that wasn’t going to be easy. If she owed Jake an apology—and she had—then she owed one doubly to Leah.
They’d never be friends again—not after all the crap Jessica had pulled, and not after the sheer animosity they held for each other, even after all these years. But she could clear the air so that maybe they could move forward without too much bitterness about the past.
And maybe pigs will fly.
“You’re a million miles away, love.” Jake traced a single finger down the center of her body, past her belly button, and drew a slow circle around her clit. He gave a lazy smile. “There you are.”
“Hard to be worried when you’re doing that.” She tilted her hips up, silently offering more, but he seemed content to tease her.
“Jessie…” Jake shook his head. “Tell me about your life.”
“What?” She gasped as he pushed his finger into her, slow and steady. “You want to talk about that now?”
“Mm-hmm. I find myself interested in knowing more.”
They’d already talked about her friends and her job. There wasn’t much more to say, as pathetic as that truth was. “I don’t want to talk while you’re touching me.”
“Then we find ourselves in a quandary.”
She pushed her hair back and glared. “You did not just say ‘quandary’ while you have a finger inside me.”
“Guilty as charged.” He twisted his wrist and pushed a second finger into her, the slow slide nearly making her eyes roll back in her head. “You keep talking, I’ll keep touching.”
“That’s blackmail.”
“Something like that.”
She desperately didn’t want him to stop. No matter what he said about figuring things out after the reunion, the reality was they were operating on stolen time. I really need to write a nice review of that dating site when I get home. Jessica dug her fingers into his shoulders, enjoying the sheer strength of him. “I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s a life. My job is okay. I get to see some cool stuff sometimes. The pay isn’t great, but it covers the bills. I live on the beach.” She hissed out her breath as he circled her G-spot. “I love the beach.”
“You always did like water.”
Waking up to the sound of the waves was one of the highlights of her life. That and her friends. “Brooklyn and Cora are the best. Friday nights are our nights.” She rolled her hips, trying to force his fingers deeper, but he gripped her leg with his free hand and forced her still. She bit down a curse.
“What do you do on Friday nights?”
“We get drunk and watch HGTV.”
He froze and then chuckled. “Tell me about those nights.”
“Jake, you’re killing me.”
“I’ve got you, love.” He shifted his grip to the small of her back and guided her closer until her breasts slid against his chest with each breath and his mouth found her collarbone. “Keep talking.”
“I hate you.” But, this close, she really didn’t. All it would take was for him to undo the towel tucked around his waist and he’d be inside her. She wasn’t so far gone that she was willing to ignore all common sense and have sex with Jake without protection, but Jessica would be lying if she said it wasn’t tempted all the same.
“No, you don’t.”
He had reason to be cocky. If he kept fucking her with his fingers like this, she’d do damn near anything he asked. She tried to focus past the pounding of her blood in her veins, the whole of the sensation centered around her core. “Uh…”
“Friday nights,” he said against her skin. “What do you drink?”
Right. Friday nights. “Red wine.” It struck her that she was missing this week’s girl’s night, and sadness spread through her despite everything. “Cora always has the good stuff because she helped a distributer get equal custody in his divorce, and he’s forever sending her cases in gratitude.”
“Mmm.” Jake licked her throat. “Why HGTV?”
“Because it’s so damn absurd.” She leaned down and kissed him, but he broke the contact and moved along her jaw and back down to the curve of her shoulder. Obviously, he wanted more answer than that. “Sometimes it’s House Hunters, and we all get righteously pissed because no one in real life can afford that crap. Sometimes it’s Tiny Houses, and we bitch about the people bitching about the lack of space in the tiny houses. And sometimes it’s Property Brothers, and we make inappropriate comments about twincest and then plan all the things we’ll do to renovate the beach house that are totally and completely unnecessary.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“It is.” She didn’t know what she’d do without her friends. When she’d first arrived in LA, her weekends had been filled with partying and trying to network. About a year into it, she realized what a futile aim that was, and she’d started staying home in her crappy little apartment. She had been totally and completely alone.
Cora and Brooklyn had saved her. They might not see it that way, but it was the truth.
“You’re doing it again.”
Wandering.
Jessica gripped his hair. “I’m done talking. Kiss me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He was as good as his word. Jake took control of their kiss the same way he’d taken control of every single interaction they’d had since she’d stepped off the plane. His tongue traced her lips, demanding they open, and she was only too happy to do so. He tasted of cinnamon, just like he always had, and right in that moment, she felt like she’d come home.
He nipped her bottom lip and picked up the pace of his fingers, coaxing her closer and closer to orgasm. The insane impulse to demand he be inside her when she came rose, but Jessica kissed him hard to keep the words inside. Some things couldn’t be taken back, and she wouldn’t put either of them in that position.
Her orgasm, when it came, sucked her under like a riptide. She clung to him and shook, her body already wanting more despite the release, her mind sure that everything and nothing had changed.
He hasn’t come. Again.
Enough was enough.
Jessica moved before she could telegraph her intent. She slid down between his thighs. Well, she fell more than slid, because her body wasn’t quite working right, but she ended up in her intended place and that was all that really mattered.
“What are you doing, Jessie?”
“Shut up.” She sounded bitchy, but there was no help for it. Jake was a damn shark—if he sensed weakness, he’d use it to his advantage. “I’m giving you a blowjob, so just sit there and don’t say anything to ruin it.”
She hazarded a glance at his face, and found his eyebrows nearly in his hairline. Jake slowly undid his towel and parted it to reveal his cock. “By all means.”
“Good choice.” She took his cock in her hands, reacquainting herself with him. It had been so long, and he hadn’t given her the chance to do much last night. She stroked him once, twice, her eyes on his face to gauge his reactions. Yeah, he likes that.
She couldn’t pretend she was an expert, but she wanted to give him at least a portion of the pleasure he’d given to her, and so she slowly licked around the head of his cock. The move made the veins in his neck stand out, so she did it again. Slower.
“Jessie, you’re trying to kill me.”
“Maybe.” She flicked the underside of his cock with her tongue and, when he cursed, she sucked him deep.
“Fuck.”
That was right around the time Jessica stopped worrying about pleasing him and started enjoying herself. She took him as deep as she could manage and then eased off him until she could brush his cock across her lips. And then she took him deep again. Over and over, only backing off when he drew her hair back, and the tension in his body telegraphed that he was almost done.
“Jessie. Love. Just… Fuck.”
She wanted him to come. She wanted to drink him down, to know that she was the one who caused it.
So she didn’t stop, she didn’t slow down, she ignored his muttered warning. His cock jerked in her mouth, and then he was coming, spurting down the back of her throat. She swallowed him down with a little moan, taking everything he gave her. When she lifted her head, he was staring at her with a dazed expression on his face. “Damn.”
“Yep.” She pushed to her feet on shaky legs and reached for her towel. “I think our hour is almost up.”
“And you’re running scared again.” He tucked the towel around him in quick, efficient movements. “Not this time, Jessie.”