CHAPTER 7
Kylie
I walked around the physical therapy room for several minutes, feeling jittery and confused about what had just happened. I had just had an orgasm. With a stranger! And there was no preparation, no warning. It had simply happened. Hunter had casually walked back into my office and ripped my clothes off and made me come. It was as simple as that and yet it was full of complications. I was not prepared for the way I was now feeling.
The trouble was that I hadn’t felt so alive in months…maybe years. I could feel the adrenaline coursing wildly through my veins. I had wanted him to return. When he left with Marco to drop him to the group meeting, I had felt miserable to watch him leave. I wanted to avoid him. I didn’t want anything to do with him and yet I had felt withdrawals the moment he left the room.
When he returned, it felt like my heart had leapt out of my chest. The moment he walked in, I knew what was going to happen. And even though I didn’t know it, I was ready. In those moments, there was nothing I wanted more than to sleep with him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to tear my clothes off and when I came, it felt like a mini explosion inside me. Finally, I felt fulfilled. Like I had been waiting for this all my life. And now that it was over, I wanted more. I wanted him inside me, the whole of him…not just his fingers.
But I also knew it was wrong. This was going against every plan that I had made for myself. Sleeping with a stranger, and a stranger who looked and behaved the way Hunter did; meant breaking all the rules. As a mother, I had responsibilities and my biggest responsibility was to keep Carter safe. Being with someone like Hunter, even just having sex with him…meant that I was toying with my life and my sanity, which would mean toying with Carter’s too. I couldn’t just allow this to happen.
Still in a daze, I started packing up for the day. In the locker, I discarded of the ripped scrubs and freshened up. I stared at myself in the small square mirror in the locker. What did he see in me? Why had he returned? I was just an ordinary girl, working an ordinary job and I had been in an ugly uniform the whole time. Why was Hunter interested in sleeping with me when I knew that he could have any woman in the world? I had seen first-hand the effect he had on Michelle. I knew the effect he was capable of having on any hot-blooded woman. Why me?
I left the VA building, saying my goodbyes to my colleagues, and silently got into my car. I had to drive to the daycare and pick up Carter. On the way, I still couldn’t stop thinking about Hunter and what had happened. It was so uncharacteristic of me. Doing something this spontaneous was a thing of my past. Those actions had their consequences. It was exactly things like these that had led to my relationship with Tony and I wanted to avoid something like that from happening again, with a different man.
With my thoughts in a tizzy still, I tried concentrating on the road when a gang of four motorcyclists rode noisily by. That was the tipping point. It was exactly the reminder I needed of the life I had left behind. Tony was like them and I was pretty sure Hunter belonged to that crowd too. I could smell it off him.
I could recall every detail of my short-lived life with Tony. How rude and rowdy and violent he was, just like all his friends. I had no idea what kind of work they did, how they made their living…because Tony didn’t really discuss his life with me much. But he didn’t have to. I had a pretty good idea of what they were involved in. Trading drugs, weapons, violence, women…those were the things I was sure their lives were about. It was what made Tony the way he was. It was what made him treat me like I was his property. They had no respect for women, just like Tony had no respect for me.
I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I drove towards the daycare. Flashbacks of my life with Tony were streaming through my mind. I had managed to get away from that life in the nick of time. Before he had any more control over me or Carter. Seeing Hunter again, spending any more time with him would mean going down that road again.
It shouldn’t have mattered how good he made me feel. It shouldn’t have mattered how safe and protected I felt around him. The truth was that bringing Carter back into that world again would only lead to disaster and I couldn’t do that to my son, not for the sake of my own short-lived pleasures.
I stopped with a screech outside the daycare, just as Joan walked out with a firm hand holding Carter’s.
“Mommy!” he screeched as he ran towards me and I jumped out of my car to bring in him for a hug. I nuzzled his hair, stroked his back and cradled him in my arms. I needed this. I needed to feel his touch to remind me of the life I was supposed to lead. There was no place for Hunter in our small world, and if I knew what was good for us, I shouldn’t be going to PJ’s that evening.
“You are happy mommy,” Carter said pulling away from me. He was smiling and staring deep into my eyes, excited to see me again. He was right though, I was happy today. Despite how confused and anxious I was feeling, Hunter had put me on top of the world.
***
“Are you sure you don’t mind, Julia?” I said to our seventeen-year-old neighbor. Julia and Carter were on the floor of our small living room, with the TV on mute in front of them and Carter’s toys spread all over the floor.
I was fixing a pair of sparkling small earrings on my ear lobes, watching them keenly. Julia was good with Carter, and she sometimes babysat him when I had emergency shifts at the VA in the evenings.
“Of course not, Kylie. You need to get out more often. Have some fun,” Julia smiled at me, studying me from head to toe as I walked around the kitchen. I was making sure that there was enough food for them for the night.
“You’re going on a date!” she declared and when I met her eyes, I couldn’t help but grin. I was excited to see Hunter again. As much as I had tried to convince myself that this was a bad decision, I hadn’t been able to control the urge of seeing him. I was curious about my attraction to him. I wanted to see what he was like away from Marco…in a less professional environment.
“Yeah, I am,” I said and Julia seemed as excited as I was.
“You should tell me all about him when you come back,” she said and I blushed as I checked Tupperware for leftover pasta.
“There’s food for both of you, and Carter needs to be in bed by seven thirty,” I said to Julia and in a loud enough voice for my son to hear me too. He pouted but I knew he would listen. Carter was a good boy and I knew I was lucky to have him as a son.
“Don’t worry about the time, Kylie, seriously. I don’t mind staying the night,” Julia said and when I looked at her, her eyes were sparkling.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be back by eleven,” I said to her with a wave of my hand and walked back to my bedroom to give myself the once-over.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had dressed up like this. I hadn’t gone on a date in four years and I was beginning to feel nervous. Was this even a date to begin with? I twirled around in front of the mirror a few times and felt silly afterwards. Would he even notice what I was wearing?
I’d put on a short black dress that clung tightly to my body and revealed my legs. Matching black stilettos to go with it, and a silver clutch.
Would he notice the trouble I’d taken with my hair and makeup? I left my curls hanging loose around my shoulders and they delicately framed my face. I’d chosen a muted pink lipstick and a smoky-eye look. Now I was worried that I had overdone it. This was just a regular bar where locals from the neighborhood hung out. I would stand out like a sore thumb in a place like that, dressed like this. Hunter would know instantly that I had gone out of my way to look nice for him and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to know that. The purpose of meeting him tonight was to just figure out what I wanted. I was just curious, I told myself.
I picked up a tissue paper from the dressing table and I was just about to dab it around my eyes to take the makeup off when I heard Julia’s voice.
“You look beautiful, Kylie, leave it on. He’ll be floored”
I turned to her, slightly embarrassed that she had caught me staring at myself in the mirror. Besides, what did she know about serious grown up dates? She was nine years younger than me, a teenager and I knew exactly what that felt like. My teenage years were full of bad decisions.
“Thank you, Julia,” I said to her nonetheless and she smiled and then walked into my bedroom.
Out of the blue, Julia threw her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug.
“You work too hard, Kylie, and I’ve never seen you take any time out for yourself. You deserve this. Try and have some fun tonight. Whoever this guy is, I hope he knows how lucky he is,” she said and I smiled at her. Maybe she wasn’t as silly or immature as I was at her age, after all. I was glad we had her as our neighbor. I was the one who was lucky.
“I hope you and Carter have fun too. You can reach me on my cellphone, I’ll keep an eye on it the whole night,” I said and picked up my clutch off the bed.
“We’ll be fine. Carter is a good kid. You don’t need to worry,” she said and we both walked out of the bedroom. Carter was still on the floor, playing with the toys, with his back turned to the TV. When he looked up at me, his eyes were glowing. He had never seen me dressed this way.
“You be good now, baby, and listen to what Julia tells you to do, okay?” I cooed to him and walked over to kiss him lovingly on his head.
I still had that nagging feeling that I was going to be walking into a disaster. That Hunter was nothing more than a sexy piece of meat. Something I just couldn’t resist.
“Okay mommy,” Carter’s sweet voice cut through my thoughts and I held him tightly to myself.
This was the first time since I had him, that I was doing something completely selfish and for myself. As much as I wanted to see Hunter again, I also knew that there was a chance he was exactly like Tony and I couldn’t help but be filled with dread at the thought of that.