My kiss with Alison had overwhelmed my senses and left me feeling confused and vulnerable. I walked to Tory’s old cabin and wandered off the path, holding my hands out so the tall grass tickled my palms, as I made my way to what would be my new home. The cabin had been originally built for the foreman’s family, but as the years passed or moved on, another one was built.

I remembered going there a few times with my mom to check on Tory when she hadn’t come into the kitchen in the morning. She had skipped breakfast from time to time, and it was our way of keeping track of her, making sure nothing had happened to her.

Tory’s husband had passed away, but like many families who worked a large operation, family usually all worked together. Bill was the owner of the ranch, and he usually made all of the decisions. He was advised by Jackson, who practically grew up on the ranch and worked with Bill’s father and grandfather before that.

It was just the way everything worked, a large dysfunctional family dynamic. When Tory’s husband died, they moved her closer to the main house to help keep an eye on her. She’d shown up and worked in the kitchens when she could, helping out to sew clothing that we’d always rough up. She was a great fount of herbal remedies and knew more about doctoring than a lot of the docs who visited the ranch once a month to check up on everyone.

I heard somebody walking behind me, trying to be quiet. My initial instincts were to blend into the shadows and circle around whoever it was, but the tread was too soft and too quiet to be Tim or any of his family.

I was trying to decide if it was Karen, and if it was, was she coming for payback? A thousand paranoid thoughts danced through my head as I walked, waiting for those steps to suddenly speed up, signaling that whoever it was was trying to close the distance.

I veered to the left as the wind changed, letting it hit from my back. The extra noise of the wind muffled any sounds, but it did what I’d intended it to do. I smelled strawberries and vanilla.

“You following me, Alison?”

“I… How did you?”

“It’s what you have to do sometimes. To survive.” I stopped walking and let her get close.

She reached out and touched my shoulder. I saw the movement in my peripheral vision and turned to see her shaking.

“Things are going to get bad now, aren’t they?”

“What do you mean?”

“Tyler, Carl, Karen, Tim…”

“You did what you had to. You won’t get in trouble for…”

“I was only going out with Tim to help out with Dad.”

I took her hand, and we started walking again.

“Help him with what?”

“The ranch butts up to the Bart ranch and…”

“You were thinking an arranged marriage situation?” I asked, stopping and turning her to me. I couldn’t help letting some anger into my voice.

She shrugged, her eyes tearing up.

“That’s something right out of the 1800s. Nobody does that any more.” My tone was harsh.

“I think that’s why Tim always thought that when he was ready…”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now, not if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe later then? This has all been so much, so fast. My head is spinning,” she admitted.

“Yeah, it’s a lot to take in for me too. I leave one war and step back into another one.” I grinned.

“It’s not that, it’s just that…”

She jumped as I poked her in the ribs, the same way she’d gotten me in front of Jackson earlier. A surprised squeak escaped her lips, and she went to swat at my arm. I took off running. I let the gentle breeze push my hat off backward, the straps holding it behind me as I heard Alison’s feet pounding the soft ground in pursuit. I wasn’t far enough away from the cabin to worry about her catching me over the distance, and I easily beat her there. I had half a second to play with the knob when she crashed into me, almost knocking me off my feet.

“Damn,” I said, rubbing my head where it had banged into the door.

“Sorry about that. I couldn’t stop fast enough.” She was smiling.

I didn’t mind, she’d crashed into me and had wrapped her arms around my chest to keep her from bouncing off. Then I remembered she was someone I couldn’t like this way, couldn’t get close to.

“Come inside,” I told her, opening the door.

“Don’t mind if I do,” she told me, sticking her tongue out at me and then smiled.

My head was a bit fuzzy. It was the first alcohol I’d had in a long time, and although I was still young, I wasn’t that young any more. I was thinking about starting a pot of coffee when Ali turned the light on in the little kitchenette and pressed the button to start it. She must have read my mind.

“Sorry, I was here earlier. I had a couple of the guys bring your bags in the truck while I went through the place and dusted. I restocked the shelves in here from the big kitchen and…”

“Alison. That kiss…” I interrupted, my mind and body conflicted.

“Oh?” She looked at me with an embarrassed expression.

“You’re now my sister.” I hated the words coming out of my mouth, much more than I cared to admit.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I kind of got caught up…” She sounded apologetic.

“It takes two. I should have known better.” I tried to smile, to put her at ease. I tried to keep the anger out of my voice, hating what I was doing.

“What do you think Sandy thought about that? She might mention it to Mom?”

“Oh God, I don’t even want to know,” I told her. Actually, I was mortified by what my mom would think.

“Dad’s the one I’m worried about,” Alison admitted.

“I thought you were worried about the Bart clan?”

“Yeah, them too. We’ve really made a mess of things haven’t we?”

“We didn’t start the mess; we’re just in the middle of it.”

“I’m worried.”

“I’m not, not yet,” I told her, but hearing how bad things were getting from Jackson had me concerned.

I was glad the conversation had turned away from the kiss.

“I know we could put in some long days if needs be, and we could always bring in outside help for the water issue. The fences and the dead calves worry me more. That’s somebody messing around,” I thought aloud.

“They aren’t messing around. It’s Tim’s family, I’m sure of it.”

“What side of the ranch do they butt up to?” I asked her.

“The sides where the cattle are coming up missing, fences keep getting cut… Calves…”

“Looks like me trying to be a slacker and get the easy job kinda backfired on me, huh?”

“We can only hope it’s an easy job. The other reason Jackson has put off on keeping somebody on it…” She let her words trail off.

“What?”

“It could be dangerous.”

“I can take care of myself,” I told her.

“You always could,” she said, stepping close to me.

I had to put some distance between us, my feelings were in turmoil. I was waging an internal war, and there had been too much happening too fast. Alison’s kiss had added a layer of confusion that I wasn’t expecting. The fact that I’d enjoyed it, and wanted more, terrified me. I sat at the small table and watched her pull two coffee cups out of one of the cabinets and set them on the counter. A knock on the screen door had me turning to see who it was.

“Hey, kids, can an old cowpoke come have a cup of coffee with you?” Jackson’s voice floated out from the gloom.

“Come on in, you don’t have to knock,” I told him through the screen.

“Didn’t know if you guys were busy catching up,” he said. His expression was funny, and I couldn’t read it.

“We’re just talking about the issues on the ranch. Ali here thinks the Bart boys are behind it all. Think this might be dangerous?”

“She may be right. We can’t get the useless sheriff to investigate anything. I just got word; Tim is out of the hospital.”

“Good, maybe the boys in the holding cell will be gentle with him when they find out what he tried to do.”

“He’s not in custody either.”

“What?” Alison asked, her body going rigid.

“You’re going to spill that coffee.” Jackson pointed at the pot in Alison’s shaking hand. “Sheriff must have sweet talked somebody. Last I heard, even the deputies were on board with locking him up. I guess he’s back home by now, and with Karen smooching on you and the whole town seeing it, there might be trouble.”

My face burned.

“Couldn’t help it,” I told him.

“What a stupid bitch. I wonder if she set that whole thing up on purpose?” Alison said, the venom evident in her voice.

“She isn’t that smart,” I told Ali.

“Great. Just great. Can’t we call somebody else? State Police… somebody?”

“I just don’t know. I wanted to catch up with you before you rode out in the morning. Come outside a minute, I’ve got a couple things for you.”

Alison started to follow me, putting the full coffee cups down, but Jackson shook his head.

“This will only take a minute,” he said, his dark complexion almost hiding his expression as he moved in the shadows.

I headed out behind him, bewildered. I’d left and seen the world for years. Once I returned home, I knew less about what was going on than I had before, and apparently I’d been clueless back then too. I let the screen door bang shut behind me to find Jackson picking up a rifle that he’d leaned up against the bench, by the railing.

“I don’t know if you have one of these, but take my spare.”

“Remington 700?” I asked him, feeling the weight of the gun, knowing it wasn’t; it was something close to it. It was a gun I was familiar with.

“Yeah, the police model, detachable magazine conversion. Here—” he handed me three magazines from a pocket, then slid a box of shells to the side on the railing to get my attention. “Figured you might need it if any coyotes cause any issues for you and the calves.”

“Is it so bad here that it’s come to this?”

“Son, I’m old enough to have lived through this when Bill’s granddaddy was running things. It always comes back to guns if you wait long enough.”

“Yeah, it’s an almost impossible situation. With Tyler being the sheriff and Alison dating Tim to try to make things better for the ranch…”

“That’s what she was doing? Oh man, nobody, not even her daddy, could understand why she was dating him. She hated his guts even before they started dating.”

“Yeah, I didn’t get it either.”

“You two are…?” He let the words trail off, but I knew what he was asking, the confusion in his eyes.

“No, it was a crazy moment.”

“What was?”

“The kiss.”

“You kissed her? Well, I guess Sandy was right after all. I was just talking about how you two kept shooting each other glances.”

Shit, talk about letting the cat out of the bag. When he’d started to ask, I’d figured he already knew. Oh well… When I’d first moved out here and had rejected Bill, Jackson had been a big part of my life for two years. If anybody knew me well, it was this old cowpoke.

“What did Sandy say?” I asked, figuring she could see things clearly.

“That we might have another wedding the way you two were horsing around.”

“I can’t do that,” I said.

“I know you can’t. People would talk, the scandal would kill the ranch, and the world would come to an end,” he finished, his tone turning into a falsetto, mocking voice.

“Maybe not that dramatic.” I kicked at a pebble on the porch.

“None of it is dramatic, you dumb ass. She isn’t blood,” Jackson said as he took a swipe at me with his hat.

“But I grew up with her.” I was talking about my fears. I worried about what people would think. What my family would think. If I couldn’t talk to Jackson about it, who could I talk to? The man half raised me himself.

“Not that long, not really. Besides, she’s adopted. You knew that didn’t you?”

I just nodded.

“It's too soon to be putting rings on anyway. I don’t know how your parents would feel about it, but it ain’t as weird as you’re probably twisting yourself up about it.”

“Want some coffee?” I asked him to change the subject and he nodded, so I grabbed the box of shells and headed inside.

Alison barely gave the rifle a glance before pouring a third cup of coffee when we went back in. I put the gun against the table’s edge and took a sip. It was glorious! The first sip wiped away the fuzz in my head; the second sip had me ready for it to cool down. I’d forgotten how good real coffee was. The three of us sat down at the table.

“I know Alison said she’s going to stick close to you, and I think with Tim out that you really should stick to that plan. Especially when your parents are gone. I figure you’ll be safer with Cam or Sandy and me until this whole mess blows over.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary?” I asked him.

“It was one of the deputies who called me. He’s a nephew of mine. Figured he could get word to me quietly. Tim said some things and…”

“I bet. If it sounded bad enough that he’d warn you, why didn’t your nephew take him and the sheriff into custody?”

“He’s got a new baby, and the fallout from trying to arrest the sheriff could backfire and get him in trouble.”

“What about the state police?” I asked, something I had thought about earlier when wondering who else we could call up. Who would be either equal or higher in the food chain of law enforcement?

“I’ve tried to get them out here. They always refer things to Tyler, and you know how that goes.”

“Do they know Tyler is dirty?”

“After the first two times we complained, they quit taking those types of calls. They think we’re a bunch of nut cases.”

“Is there anybody other than the three Barts I have to worry about?” I asked Jackson.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact. Carl’s foreman, Dade, like the county. He’s a mean son of a bitch in a fight and a pretty good shooter. Comes from your kind of background.”

“Yeah? He any good?” I asked, wondering if he meant Dade was military.

“He worked here for a few summers until he went off to college. When he got out of the service, he went to work for Carl. More money I guess.” I nodded at his words.

“Think he’ll join in the fight?”

“I don’t know, but I’m worried he already has. You be careful out there tomorrow,” he said, finishing his cup of coffee. “I’m going to meet the equipment crew first thing in the morning. I already have some of the younger boys cleaning up after the party. Oh and uh, Alison… Sandy said she made a spot up for you, so your dad and mom can have some alone time tonight.”

“I’ll grab the couch here if it’s all the same to you,” she told him, and the old cowboy stood up and put the cup on the counter.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. You know, I’m pushing sixty-seven this year; I’m not a young buck any more. Pretty soon, it’ll be time for me to retire and let somebody else take over running roughshod over these hooligans. I’ll leave word with Charlie to hold back in the morning; he’s going to be heading out to the equipment crew. Maybe you’ll take my job someday, Cam? What do you think?”

“I don’t know about that, but thanks,” I told him, taking his hand and shaking it.

I saw him out and returned to the table. Alison was drinking her coffee and looking into space. Her gaze was unfocused, and I knew she was thinking. I grabbed my cup and refilled it, breaking her concentration by refilling hers as well.

“Not too much more or I’ll never sleep.”

“Same here. I’m going to sleep soon myself; go ahead and get the bed, I’ll crash out on the couch.”

“This is your house, I can get the couch.”

“Naw, I’m not used to sleeping on a bed like this yet. Besides, last night I tossed and turned and ended up sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh okay. You have blankets and pillows in the closet here.”

We’d both stood, and she’d moved toward the closet. I wanted to follow, to put my arms around her. She was trembling, and I knew it wasn’t from too much caffeine. I wondered how much of this my parents knew… About the Bart clan and what she’d tried to do, to make life better. How much guilt she must feel, even after she’d almost been raped. I held back, even though my inner self was shouting my cowardice to the moon. It would be too close, and I needed to keep my distance. Seeing her vulnerable hit about every heart string I had. Keeping her safe and seeing the issues through, I could do that.

“Thanks.”

She just nodded and headed into the bedroom, closing the door.

“Good night,” she said softly, once the door was closed.

“Night,” I answered, wondering if she felt the need for the distance herself.

I turned the coffee pot off, rinsed the mugs, and made a comfortable spot on the couch. Sleep didn’t find me right away, and I had too many things running around my head. Guilt and shame were big topics I tried to ignore, and not all of it because of the kiss.

It was because I realized that, until now, I’d never known that I wasn’t the center of the universe and that notn everything happened because of me or around me. I’d spent so much of my life angry at everyone and everything, and had never taken a moment to wonder what the bigger picture was. I was an arrogant sort, and now my eyes had been opened.