CHAPTER ONE
Things weren’t what they thought. But I let them believe it because I wasn’t ready to tell them the truth. Not even Gabe knew about Kelly, and he’s my best friend. Tessa was the only person I had ever really talked to about her. She reminded me so much of her that I felt at ease around Tessa from the moment we met. She was a smart-arse, and a mouthy one at that, just like Kelly had been. A small smile lifted my lips as I thought about the two women who had been so alike. They would have loved each other.
But my smile soon faded, they would never meet. And that’s all on me. I hold myself responsible for their deaths.
I was only seventeen when Kelly died, but it was my job to protect her damn it. I should have protected her, but I was just a stupid kid without a purpose or direction in life. After Kelly died, I joined the Military. It gave me the structure I so desperately needed. When I got out, I had all the skills I needed to protect the innocent, and that’s what I did.
Until Tessa, I couldn’t protect her. I tried, but I wasn’t good enough. Instead of protecting Tessa, she protected me and paid for it with her life. When I woke up in the hospital, it all came flooding back to me in an instant. I had ripped the IV out of my arm and literally ran out of there. I got my shit, picked up Gabe, and went to find her, but I was too late. Always too late.
It didn’t matter how many lives I’d saved over the years, it wouldn’t change the fact that I had failed Kelly and Tessa, too.
Two pink lines were staring me in the face, and all I could think was Oh Shit. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. How could I have let this happen? No one should bring a baby into this. I looked around the dingy bathroom cringing at the sight of a small mouse in the corner nibbling on God knows what.
I could accept this shitty life for myself, it’s all I had ever known. But I didn’t want to condemn my child to this like my mother had done me. I grew up wishing I had what other kids had— shoes, nice clothes, parents who loved me. My mother didn’t even know who my father was, and she never let me forget how much of an inconvenience my existence was.
Plonking down onto the lid of the toilet, I ran my fingers through my hair and gripped my head as I considered my options.
Trent had isolated me from all of my old friends. I don’t remember the last time I spoke to any of them. A few weeks after we moved in together he had made me quit my job at the supermarket. Said I didn’t need it because he would take care of me.
Such a fool I’d been. Given my upbringing, I should have known better than to believe him. Mum was always bringing home deadbeats who made her promises of love and devotion. All she had to do to keep them happy was work her arse off to pay for their dirty habits. Eventually, they’d get sick of her and move on to the next desperado.
When Trent came along, I agreed to date him so I could get out of the house and away from Mum’s most recent boyfriend. He was an A-grade creeper, when mum was at work late one night, he came into my room and tried getting into bed with me. I kneed him in the balls and pulled the knife I kept under my pillow on him. It never happened again, but it wasn’t the first time one of her boyfriends had tried it. I wanted out of there, and Trent offered it to me on a golden platter.
I allowed myself to believe Trent was different. None of mum’s boyfriends had offered to be the breadwinner and support her. But it turned out Trent was as bad as them, just in a different way. While mum’s men didn’t care what she did as long as she put food in their bellies and pot in their pockets, Trent wanted full control of me and my life.
He’d done it slowly, and in a way that made me feel as if it were my choice. I didn’t realise what had happened until it was too late. Now I had nowhere to turn and no one to confide in. It was my own fault. I had allowed him to do this to me. In my mind, it was a better fate than my mother’s.
But this… I laid my hand on my still flat stomach, this changed everything.
I gave my tummy a gentle pat as if to reassure the little life growing inside of me, but it was really for me. That’s when it dawned on me— I was no longer alone. I had grown so used to my own company, but now, I would never be alone again. A smile tugged at my lips. Hope for a better life bloomed in my chest for the first time since I was a little girl.
I got up from the toilet, shoved the little life changing stick in my back pocket, and made my way out to the lounge room where I turned on the small TV that sat in the corner. We didn’t have a clock because Trent said we didn’t need one. He told me I had to have dinner on the table by dark, the time didn’t matter. It didn’t really bother me, I just used the TV as my guide. He usually got home around six.
I flicked the channels until I came to channel ten. Bold and the Beautiful had just started, so that meant it was four thirty. I scanned the room for any belongings I wanted to take with me. But nothing stood out to me. I grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink to put my clothes in since we didn’t own any luggage. I stuffed it with my clothes and the small amount of cash I’d been able to scrape together from Trent’s pockets when I did the laundry or when he came home drunk.
At the time, I didn’t know why I was hiding it from him. I had no plans to leave. But I’m glad I did it now. It wasn’t much, but it would be enough to keep me fed for a couple of days.
Walking back out to the kitchen, I got out one of my exercise books and a pencil Trent had let me buy last time we did groceries. I sat down at the table and began to write him a note, one that would hopefully deter him from coming after me.
Trent,
I wish I could say I’m sorry for leaving like this, but I’m really not. What I am sorry for is wasting the last four years of your life and mine. We aren’t good together, Trent. We never have been.
I hope you find the right girl one day, just know that it’s not me.
I’m not leaving you for someone else, so don’t get any stupid ideas. It’s just time for me to strike out on my own and see who I am without you.
Take care,
Mia.
Tearing the page out, I left it on the tiny dining table we ate at every night, then stuffed the pencil and exercise book in my garbage bag. I took one last look at the rumpled little apartment that had been my home for the last four years as I strode to the front door and walked away. I would never look back.