Reaper
It takes exactly three seconds from the time Anna walks into the room for me to know without a doubt that she’d heard what I’d said. I watch as she averts her eyes, pain gleaming on the surface and scurries about with Ellen to put up the decorations. I hadn’t even fucking meant what I said. I’d said it in anger and frustration, and those two things are always a recipe for me to put my big fucking foot in my mouth.
“Reaper?” Bosco says, approaching the bar where I sit, nursing a beer as I watch Anna curl streamers together as Ellen hangs them. “Wonderin’ if we could talk for a minute?”
The look on his face sets me even more on edge. My eyes flash to Anna and I catch her just as she whips her head away. She’d been watching us. “Depends on what you gotta say.”
Bosco sighs and leans against the bar. “I wanted to talk to you about Anna.”
I bet he does. I lean forward and glare back at him. “Let me guess. You’ve been fucking her too.”
Bosco’s eyes widen and he pushes off the bar, standing tall. “No. And fuck you for even fucking sayin’ that shit. Anna’s a good person, and you’re bein’ a dick. She hasn’t had it easy, man, and–”
“What the fuck do you know about that?” Something about the fact that Anna’s confided in him has me seeing red.
He huffs out a breath. “I know plenty, and so do you.”
Narrowing my eyes, I stand, leaning forward until my face is merely inches from his. “Even so, in what world is it okay for a prospect to go inter-fucking-fering in a patched member’s personal business?”
“I know,” he says calmly, but he doesn’t back away, and his eyes stay locked on mine. “And normally, I wouldn’t. Reap, you know I’m not a nosy bastard. I leave that shit to Jase. But this time, I felt I needed to say somethin’. I’m worried about her.”
He glances over at Anna and I turn to follow his gaze. She looks tired and sad, and the weight she’d been starting to gain is beginning to disappear. “She usin’ again?”
Bosco’s jaw flexes. “Fuck no. She’s been bustin’ her ass in school and grievin’ over whatever the hell went on between the two of you. And now that I know about the baby...”
That’s all I can handle. Grabbing his arm, I yank him into me, my gaze boring into his. “That’s enough, asshole. You don’t get to fuckin’ come in here and talk to me about my shit. I suggest you go back to helpin’ the women decorate this fucking place.” I shake my head and glare around the room, making sure not to make eye contact with Anna. “A baby shower in a fuckin’ biker’s clubhouse. Every damn one of us is gonna need trainin’ bras after this shit.” I let him go and take a step back, downing what’s left of my warm beer. “I see what you’re sayin’, Bos, but it’s not your place to say it, and you’re lucky I’m not in the mood to rip you a new asshole right now. Now go.”
Bosco stares at me for a moment, then shakes his head and disappears into the other room.
Grabbing another beer, I take my seat once more and turn to watch the women as they work. Anna doesn’t even glance in my direction. Not once. But I know she knows I’m watching. Ellen laughs and jokes, and acts goofy as she usually does, and Anna joins in, but it’s phoney. Her laughs aren’t real. Her smiles are filled with pain; a pain I caused.
I think back to what Lancaster had said about Laurie. She sucks you in with her gorgeous smile and her sweet words, but the woman is a black widow in disguise. She’s selfish and vain, and she doesn’t ever care who she hurts in the process of getting what she wants.
He was right. His description fit Laurie to a tee. But it didn’t fit Anna. All this time, I’d been comparing the two, and when I really break shit down and think about it, Anna couldn’t be any more different from my psycho ex-wife.
Everything Laurie has ever done has been to benefit herself. She didn’t care who she stepped on or whose hearts she broke in the process. She’s only ever cared that she got what she wanted.
Anna’s the complete opposite. She’s made a lot of poor choices and put herself into countless terrible, no-win situations, but every one of them had been because she’d been trying to protect the only person in this world she loves, her sister. She may have gone about it all wrong, but what fifteen-year-old girl knows how to handle sexual abuse by someone she’s supposed to be able to trust? What adult woman would know what to do when a man has a knife to their throat?
As I watch them transform our rustic clubhouse into what looks like a Barbie van had puked all over it, I have a revelation. Anna’s been a constant. Since she came back here, intent on rebuilding her life, she’s done nothing but work toward that goal. She’s been working her ass off to get herself to where she wants to be. It was me that was the fucked up one in this situation.
It was me that played her, even if that hadn’t been my intention. In the time we’d had together, Anna had been all in. She’d been funny, sweet, and kind, and fuck me, so goddamn gorgeous. That baby she’s carrying is without a doubt mine. Anna had all but given herself to me, and I tossed her aside like a fucking dirty sock, all because I’d let my ex twist my head up all over again.
Pain slices through me as I think about the things I’d said to her, the things I’d said about her. God, I’m such a fucking asshole.
Anna
The baby shower had been a hit, or as much of a hit as one can be in a biker clubhouse. Even though I hadn’t wanted to be there at all, I wanted it to go well for Charlotte, so I busied myself tidying up, serving food and anything else I could do to stay in a separate room, away from Reaper.
I don’t know what Bosco had said to him, but no matter what I was doing, I could feel Reaper’s eyes on me. Twice he had headed toward me, and both times I’d bolted, knowing there was no way I could handle talking with him today. I know I’ll have to talk to him eventually, but it won’t be until I’m good and ready.
“Look at all this stuff!” Charlotte says, walking into the room, carrying one of the new baby afghans she’d gotten from a woman she works with. It had taken Bosco seven trips from the van to the nursery, but now that it was all here, it was up to us to find a place to put it all.
“Babies sure need a lot of stuff,” I say, holding up a contraption that I can only assume is meant to take a temperature, but not even wanting to imagine where you might stick it to get the results.
Charlotte giggles and places the blanket over the side rail of the crib Ryker had assembled in the nursery last week. “They do, and this one’s going to be so spoiled.”
I smile softly and start sorting through colourful bags and boxes, separating the clothes from the bathing supplies and other gadgets she’d gotten today.
“Anna?” Charlotte asks, manoeuvring herself into the dark wooden rocking chair in the corner. “What’s going on?”
I keep my head down and take a whiff of the contents of a green bottle of baby lotion. “What do you mean?”
Charlotte sighs heavily. “Stop.” Her tone is one of a mother. A no-nonsense type tone that has me looking up at her from under the curtain of hair I allow to fall in front of my face. “I’m serious. For a while there, you were so happy. But lately, honey, you just seem… sad.”
“I just have a lot going on,” I say softly, refusing to look her in the eye, opting instead for staring at an invisible point just over her shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”
“God!” she hollers, jumping to her feet, which is impressive considering the fact that she’s become quite round. “Would you just stop! I don’t know what you’re hiding Anna Daniels, but you better tell me now. All my life you’ve kept secrets from me and I’m tired of it. I’m your sister. Your blood! Let me in.”
A tear escapes the mental dam I’d been building and makes its getaway, slipping down my cheek.
“Please,” she whispers.
So I tell her. I tell her everything. I tell her about Carl and how he’d touched me. I tell her about Mom, and how she hadn’t believed me. I tell her how Carl had wanted her, and how I’d given myself to him to protect her, letting him rape me over and over again. I tell her about the drugs, the stealing, and the cutting. I tell her everything.
Through it all, Charlotte gasps and cries, and grasps my hand in hers, but never does she interrupt me. When I get to the part about Carl raping me, she pulls me into her arms and refuses to let me go, and somehow, that makes it easier to tell my story.
I hate telling her. I hate the pain I feel radiating from her with every word I speak, but Reaper was right about one thing. Charlotte’s a grown woman. She has a right to know, and I should have told her a long time ago. These secrets have been poisoning our relationship for years, and maybe now that the poison is out, we can finally be as close as I’ve always longed to be.
“I can’t believe Mom didn’t stop it,” Charlotte says, her eyes and nose red from crying.
“Mom had her own stuff going on, Char. I can’t say I forgive her for not doing anything, but I can say I understand what she was thinking. It was selfish, for sure, but she’s not here to fix it. The only thing I can do is try to get to a place where I can find some forgiveness and move on.”
Charlotte dashes away a tear and stares back at me with a face full of love. “You might just be the strongest person I know.”
Her words are like knives to my soul. “I’m not,” I say quietly. “I wish I was, Char, but I’m not. I’m just barely hanging on.”
She takes my hands and squeezes, forcing me to look at her, her face fierce and determined. “And that’s why you’re strong. You’ve been to hell and back, and every morning you wake up and you face the same demons over and over again. You face them and you fight them, and not only that, you’re winning. That’s strength, Anna.”
A sob forms in my throat, bursting out as she finishes her little speech. “I’m pregnant,” I say, hiccupping on my sob.
Charlotte’s face goes soft. “Is it Reaper’s?” I nod, unable to open my eyes, terrified to let the emotions out that are slowly drowning me. “Oh, Anna,” she says, pulling me into a warm and loving hug. “Don’t cry. This is wonderful news. You’re going to be a mother. A wonderful, strong, loving mother.”
“But Reaper…”
“Fuck Reaper,” she growls, her hands going to my shoulders. She pushes me back, piercing me with her stare. “He’ll either be there or he won’t. But you, Anna, you are going to bring a baby into this world, and that baby is going to be so loved. So very loved. You have me, you have Ryker, and most importantly, you have yourself.”
“I love you,” I say, hope blooming in my heart.
She grins, her eyes shining with tears. “And I love you, big sister.”