Chapter 13

“Niall?” Ran called as he leaned and scanned as he stood in the center of the conservatory.

“I’m back here,” he yelled from the other corner and Ran followed his voice. He pushed through a curtain of large leaves and gasped as he found Niall surrounded by thick, waxy, white petals and pale yellow butterflies. “Look at my orchids!” Niall laughed as he raised his arms and Ran was too stunned to say anything useful. Dozens of flowers climbed the trunks of the trees behind him and his face glowed with pure delight. “I didn’t know if they’d ever bloom again but they started blossoming a few days ago and they all opened at the same time!”

“If you ever get tired of butterflies, you can take over the gardens and the grounds,” Ran decided as he reached for Niall’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “This is amazing, I’ve never seen so many of these,” he said. He meant to be vague because he didn’t know the difference between an orchid and an iris but it was truly amazing and he couldn’t recall seeing so many of them.

“I didn’t really do anything. I think it was just a bit of luck and finding someplace they liked,” Niall said as he pulled Ran along the path, toward the pond. “I just watered them a little bit more. It wasn’t that special,” he stated as he raised his shoulder and Ran gave him a hard look.

“We’re in Scotland and it’s November!” He said in disbelief as he pointed at the windows. “I’ve seen one or two of those in a pot on a piano, maybe, but you’ve got a jungle full of them in here. You’re amazing,” he insisted and Niall scowled and turned his face away as he blushed.

“Don’t start with that,” he grumbled and Ran couldn’t take it. Niall was amazing and adorable, especially when he couldn’t take a compliment. He pushed Niall against a tree and captured his face. Ran’s hand cradled his jaw and he was so beautiful, it startled him. The glow from the setting sun touched Niall’s skin and made him warmer as he blushed and panted. His lashes feathered along his cheeks as he watched Ran’s lips and he could feel the longing and fear swirling through Niall as he held onto the tree. Ran rested his forehead on Niall’s and breathed him in and his soul ached. It strained to feel Niall in his arms, naked and free but the body he yearned for wasn’t his. But this was the voice, the heart and the soul he craved when he was with Icarus. This was the face he traded with the mask.

“I’m so sorry!” Ran gasped as he released Niall. He fell so his shoulder landed next to Niall’s then rolled his back along the trunk until the tree was between them. He banged his head and swore as his erection throbbed in protest.

“Don’t apologize,” Niall sighed and Ran’s heart sank at the resignation he heard.

“I don’t know how you do it and you make me feel like an animal. Don’t you ever…?” He asked carefully and Niall laughed softly but it was thin and ragged.

“You’re not an animal and I’m still a man. I live with you, Ran. How could I not?” He said and there was a very faint, ghost of a groan that made Ran’s brows jump. “It’s been a lot worse since you started getting that grey in your beard,” he confessed shakily and Ran clenched his jaw as heat and pressure swelled in his groin.

“That’s…” Ran’s cheeks puffed out and he squeezed his eyes shut as he begged his brain not to imagine it. It betrayed him. “Fuck, I’m so…” He beat his head against the tree as he swallowed a scream.

“Me too,” Niall said and Ran swore under his breath as he gripped his hard-on through his trousers.

“I’m going to be in pain until I can do something about this,” he muttered and a weak moan rattled in Niall’s throat.

“Same here,” he chuckled wryly and Ran looked down at his hand as it curved around the bulge in his pants. He cleared his throat and licked his lips.

“So you’re really…”

“Yes,” Niall breathed and Ran’s eyes widened. Maybe Niall felt safer or braver because Ran couldn’t see him blushing but this was so much more sex than he was used to from him. He knew he wasn’t cold but Niall was always so cautious and Ran understood why they couldn’t lose control. Niall was the impervious dam that protected them from the flood and destruction for six years. They would have broken long ago if it had been left to Ran’s self-control. He just assumed it wasn’t as much of a struggle for Niall. It was selfish and weak but Ran strained to hear the heaviness in his breaths and the rustling as Niall shifted restlessly on the other side of the tree. Niall’s desire was like one of his butterflies. It was rare and delicate and Ran wanted to stay in its presence then watch it spread its wings and see it fly. But he didn’t want to disturb it and scare Niall so Ran pulled in his lips and stopped breathing as he cautiously unbuttoned his jeans and slowly tugged the zipper. He knew the sound would carry in the quiet peace of Niall’s conservatory and he prayed with all his might as he waited. His heart hammered in his ears and it almost drowned out the thin ziiiiip as Niall opened his fly and Ran’s eyes swept upwards as he silently thanked God. Ran cleared his throat again as he lifted his hips and pushed his jeans lower so he could release his erection and made a relieved sound as it sprang free. His head craned forward as he listened then he bit his tongue as Niall’s belt dragged along the trunk and fabric brushed. Ran was dizzy as lust and joy crashed into him. It was heady and emotionally overwhelming, existing in the same time and the same space as Niall’s desire and to know he might witness and share in his pleasure. A storm of words swirled in Ran’s head and pressed against his lips but he didn’t know if they’d scare or scar Niall so he breathed his name as he tightened his hand around his cock and tugged lazily. Ran wanted Niall to feel him there, enthralled and helpless. He let Niall hear how his body responded to the sound of his surrender.

“Oh, fuck, Ran,” he huffed as he arched and there was a soft, steady tapping as his breathing became harder.

“Jesus Christ!” Ran whispered and shook his head in disbelief as he became painfully hard and his sack tightened. He dreamed of hearing those exact words, with the same frantic need, every time he went to sleep and every time he sank into Icarus. Pressure drilled into the base of Ran’s shaft as his hand twisted and slid faster around his length. Niall’s breaths became desperate hisses as he writhed and chanted Ran’s name. Ran could smell Niall’s shampoo, the heat and sweat from his skin, the wine on his breath and his longing. Ran was so wrong when he believed Niall didn’t struggle with his desire like he did. It was so much worse for Niall, he realized. Ran heard the isolation and loneliness in the breathy gasps and swallowed cries. Niall’s passion was always stifled and silent, it was only given to secret moments and secret places. There was no place at Gallahide or even Niall’s heart where it wasn’t forbidden and after, he’d have to endure his conscience. Ran’s heart broke all over again and he needed Niall to know he was never alone. “It’s always you,” Ran vowed and tears spilled from his eyes as Niall sobbed and convulsed. Leaves were crushed as Niall’s body jerked and Ran’s back arched and he rose on his toes as pressure exploded and pleasure radiated from his groin. Cum burst from the head of Ran’s cock and splattered onto the tile and the leaves around his feet. Ran shivered and hissed as heat and goosebumps rushed down his limbs and across his chest before his bones melted. He sagged against the tree and his hand found Niall’s. Their fingers tangled as their hearts slowed and Ran was tired. “How much longer are we going to do this?”

“Until you realize you don’t owe any of us anything and move on with your life,” Niall said. He let go and Ran heard him fixing his clothes. Ran quickly tucked himself back in and zipped his jeans. He stepped onto the path and reached for Niall as he tried to pass.

“We don’t owe them anything. I don’t care what mistakes you’ve made in the past, it’s not worth this,” Ran argued as he gripped his arms. Niall shook his head as his eyes searched Ran’s.

“You have no idea what I owe. And it doesn’t matter, I’ll never allow you to experience that kind of shame, not because of me,” he swore and Ran’s brows fell.

“I’d never be ashamed of you.”

“I would hope not but I feel ashamed enough for both of us,” he said. Ran tried to argue but Niall pressed his hands against his chest and his eyes were pleading. “Please, we can’t let this happen again,” Niall said and Ran’s arms dropped as pain spread in his chest.

“How can this be it for us? Why do we have to settle for this?”

“No,” Niall said gently as his fingers trailed through Ran’s beard. Ran shut his eyes and rubbed his cheek against his palm. “You don’t have to settle for this. You deserve to be happy,” he urged. Ran’s nose wrinkled as he shook his head.

“I can’t do that without you so I guess we’re stuck like this,” he said then pulled Niall close and kissed his brow. “I think I’ll go get ready for dinner,” he decided and Niall nodded then winced.

“I need to get the hose and spray this place down, we’re a couple of animals,” he complained then offered Ran a playful wink before he kicked him out of his conservatory.