Only Yesterday

 

All time exists. That is the truth.... If the future did not exist now, how could we journey toward it? If the past does not exist still, how could we leave it behind?

- Gene Wolfe

 

 

KAT

 

The next morning I felt like a train had hit me… and dragged me for forty feet when it was done.

My head was pounding. My limbs felt numb. A sickening feeling had settled in my stomach, and nausea had me running to the bathroom more times than I cared to admit, making me empty out what little contents had made their way into my belly from the night before.

I had definitely been drugged.

The knowledge of what had almost happened to me made the illness even worse. Before I could head back into the conference, I dialed Laney on her room line. The moment she arrived, pajama clad and worried, I filled her in on everything—well, everything that had to do with my rescue and not the way I was feeling about Ethan. I kept those little tidbits to myself.

Laney balked when I finished.

She sat straight. “Wow,” she gaped. “It's like something out of those stupid little action films you love.”

“I'd like to think of it more as a horror show.”

“Well, that, too. But I wish I could've been there. I would've chewed that fucker up and spit him out. Lucky for him Ethan was there. I honestly would've tried to kill the bastard.”

I grimaced. “I think Ethan almost did…”

Laney nodded once, appearing grim. “Good. Serves that asshole right. To think that he could get away with doing that…” She shuddered staring at the ground. “I'm sure he's gotten away with it before.”

I peeled myself away from the bathroom floor. “If not, then he definitely got bolder this time. Bastards like him only get progressively worse. He might think twice about it next go-around. That is… if he ever recovers from sucking his food through a straw. Ethan messed him up pretty good.”

Laney looked over at me. “Makes you think, huh?”

“Makes you think what?”

“About what Ethan is really doing here?” She fingered the fringes of her red hair. “We haven't heard from him in almost a decade. Last time I saw him, he was a suburban-Tupac circa the Death Row era. Now he's here? Cleaned up? Sophisticated?” She shook her head. “Seems to me he came here for someone. Someone who has made a name for herself. Someone who recently showed up in a few national newspapers with their fire story…”

I stood feeling nauseous again. “Nunh unh. No way. I don’t believe it…” Though maybe a bit of me did. What had brought Ethan back?

And would I be absolutely insane to believe that the real reason actually was me?

The thought made my stomach tight. Tendrils of a feeling I hadn’t explored in eons reached for me from the past, and I tried to push them aside, mentally slapping myself for letting them take hold. It wasn’t above me to forgive but I certainly couldn't forget.

Ethan Riske may not have been as big of a bastard as Harrison Kennedy… but he was still a bastard. He broke my heart in the most brutal of ways, and the naïve-hearted teenager I’d been had hardened into a half bitter adult. Even I could admit that.

Was the bitterness warranted? Of course. Harrison Kennedy has cemented that fact. But a piece of me longed for the idyllic dreamer I’d been—the one that had almost believed that maybe first loves could last forever, that you could soak yourself in your dream job by day… and sink your body into the arms of a beautiful man every night.

That dream now seemed as far-fetched as Harrison Kennedy re-growing a tooth.

I put the conversation with Laney on the back burner, brushed my teeth and showered. By midday, I almost felt like a real person. Actually managed to make it to one of the last publishing panels before nightfall crept in.

On the last day of the summit, the scene was silent and serene. Most people were retiring from the amenities of the resort for the night, packing their belongings and preparing to head back to whatever reality awaited them at home.

Me? For some reason, I wanted to spend a few more hours in my fucked up fantasy—away from fires and firings, competitive CEOs and the chat rooms that contained them. I still hadn't forgotten Brendon Foxx… but the mysterious executive wasn't exactly on my list of things to do.

I needed to walk by myself tonight—gather my scattered thoughts. I left Laney alone with a couple of talkative female agents and a cute waiter. Still in the day’s white blouse and black pencil skirt, I contemplated wading in the shallow area of one of the resort’s many darkened pools when I decided to literally test the waters instead. Dim lights on the far end of the pool beckoned me as I breathed in the smell of cool chlorine and water. The waves of the nearby lake on the resort relaxed every muscle in my body, and as I sat by the edge of the cold, wet, blue glow, I removed my high-heeled shoes to stick my bare feet inside.

Leaning back luxuriously, raising my face to the sky, I planted the heels of my hands on the concrete surface beneath me. I lost myself in the soothing noise from the quiet splashes.

Until the splashes got louder.

Something broke the surface of the chlorinated water, and I almost stumbled backwards, attempting to stand to my feet. By the time I got to them, he was already climbing out the slowly lapping surface.

He was soaking wet head to toe. Tight blue trunks hugged the muscular thighs that were now walking towards me, and as the man from the water slid the black cap on his head back, I noticed the gold that lay beneath. The strands of dark blond hair were slick and pushed backwards off his face. A pair of dark goggles covered half of his deepening scowl and as he pushed the frames above his brow, I had to squint to make out the features of the soaking stranger’s face.

Everything on him was hard, as chiseled as stone. His stare was equally as hard and he leveled it at me, holding me transfixed with a look that could light fires. I felt a shudder.

“Ethan?”

He wiped a hand across his face. “Kat…” He squinted back at me. “What’re you doing here?”

I scoffed. “I could ask you the same thing, but I guess I already see that. This pool area is pitch black. I didn’t know if you were man, at first… or animal.”

My gaze swept his body. I was guessing he was a bit of both.

The man before me had none of the boy I knew left in him—not one single bit. That semi-adult I’d known and, once upon a time, loved had died a swift death, I was sure of it. Ethan had always had one toe in the depth of manhood, but now he was swimming in it—quite literally. Every muscle was perfectly defined, every line clean and clear-cut. Even under the cover of night, if I touched it, I knew I wouldn’t feel an inch of fat on that body.

Not that I was thinking about touching his body…

I glanced away when I realized that I was staring, my gaze dropping to the ground and staying there for a second as I tried to regroup and get myself together. Somehow, I managed.

My eyes returned to his dripping wet face. I swallowed. Hard.

“This is Florida, so I guess I’m saying I’m glad you’re not a gator or… any animal, really.”

He gave a sly smile. “I’m not so sure about that… but thanks. It’s good, you know. To be a pleasant surprise instead of an unpleasant one.”

I nodded. “Yeah. For once.”

Ouch. I hadn’t meant to say that. Ethan actually winced. He walked towards me wordlessly. When he got within arm’s reach, I backpedaled, nearly breaking my neck as I tripped over my own unprepared feet. He reached out for me, steadying my arm. His large wet fingers wrapped around my elbow, and when his grip tightened, I felt it all over.

Beneath my chest. In the pit of my stomach. Between my thighs.

I could barely breathe as he glared at me, looking like he wanted to say something more important. I waited. He glanced over my shoulder.

“Sorry,” he breathed out on a bit of a laugh. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Just reaching for my towel. It’s actually draped over that chair.”

My gaze whipped back. And there it was. A white terry cloth towel, waiting to be used. I clutched it with shaking fingers, trying to stop the trembling in my limbs by squeezing it. I dropped it into Ethan’s hands and when he took it, our hands slightly brushed, creating a small spark of static shock. I jumped.

Jammed into a sudden fantasy, I saw everything that was about to happen…

Ethan would drop the towel, grabbing for me. Powerless to squelch my attraction to him, I’d let him… falling into his soaking arms, sinking my fingertips into his wet hair until he had no choice but to pull me into his damp mouth, connecting it with mine, making me beg for more.

It wouldn’t be slow, no. It’d be fast and hard—as everything with him always was. His hands on high speed, Ethan would tighten his palms against my lower back and ass. He’d slide them beneath to cup at my cheeks and as the kiss deepened, he would drop his fingers even lower, letting his hands explore what his eyes couldn’t see, his fingertips drawing a path that would only drive me crazy.

A path that he knew oh so well.

He’d circle the roadmap to my body with finesse, and as he spread my legs with his hands, he’d let his fingers do the walking, trailing to the deepest parts of my treasure where he’d sink the tips of his digits, plunging deftly, inserting and swirling to his devilish delight until I was climaxing, coming all over his fingers, panting into his muffled groans as he gripped me so hard that it almost hurt.

And all the while, I’d want to be closer, to meld into one with him. I wouldn’t be able to stop my own hands from following their own path, and when they went for his sopping wet trunks, he wouldn’t stop me; he’d give me the space I needed to remove them. Helping me slide them down his toned thighs and calves, he’d kicked the nuisance to the side, swinging me upwards and into his arms to sit at his waist.

There’d be no poking and prodding—just one graceful push inside. Swiping my panties to the side, Ethan would slide in me like a sword to a sheath and my wetness would cover him as his covered mine, our bodies soaked, my whimpers turning to whines as Ethan bobbed my body along his to sit atop his perfect cock. Slick from head to toe, he’d let me know which parts were slickest, and when I couldn’t answer back through the cries of pleasure, he’d bite at my earlobe, rasping only the filthiest of things.

“You’re all wet, Kat. Look at what you’ve made me do…”

“Yes…”

“Don’t you like it when I make you wet?”

“Yessss…”

“When I make your pussy drip down your thighs?”

“Yes!”

“Take this fucking cock, Kat. Take it… But don’t you come yet. Don’t you dare come…”

My cries would only grow louder. The heat between my legs would rise and the slippery, soaking friction would build, I would want to come. I would want it so bad… and try to stop…

“I’m… I’m trying…”

“Try harder.” Another pound. Another slide.

Up. Down. Up. Down. I’d hold on for the ride. My body would bounce from the tip of Ethan’s hard, long cock to the base, and the slapping of our bodies together would only push the frenzy within me higher, making everything between my thighs squeeze and quiver for release. Hot tears would drip from my eyes as I would try to hold out, but couldn’t.

My body would explode, cracking apart into pieces. A shattering would rock my body from the inside out, and I would dig my nails into his broad back, clutching as I hit the peak—again and again. I wouldn’t stop coming—couldn’t. Because Ethan wouldn’t stop. Still rock solid inside me, he’d keep pumping, keep stroking until my body was nearly spent, and then at last, he would join me, releasing his seed inside me to join my own. He’d sigh from his own release, and I would want him again, doing everything I could to betray my body to refocus so that I could take that orgasmic rollercoaster again.

But he wouldn’t let me. He’d hold me to him, gazing directly into my eyes. With the moonlight barely illuminating the darkened space around the gently rolling pool, he would somehow find the deepest part of me in that glare, and he would delve deep, digging up emotions I wanted to forget were there.

He’d leave me breathless.

With one look, us sharing one body, he’d say three words. “Kat… I love…”

“Kat.” The mention of my name made me blink.

Ethan was still holding onto the white towel from the empty chair. I looked down to notice that so was I, my fingers seemingly stuck into the fabric, and, embarrassed, I nearly dropped the garment, letting go of the terry cloth towel with nothing to say. It was the most awkward moment of my life… and I’d had many. To Ethan’s sheer shock (and my own), I turned and ran, not looking back, not saying another syllable as I headed back towards the hotel, my tail tucked between my legs as I scurried away like the scared little mouse I’d suddenly become.

What the hell was happening to me? I didn’t even get a chance to say “thank you” for what he’d done, didn’t let him know how much it meant. And I hated that a part of me knew why…

We were way past simple “thank you’s,” silly symbols of gratitude that were supposed to mean anything. Ethan and I had something else, something buried.

And if I wanted it to stay that way, running was the only way I knew how to make it stick. It had worked for Ethan before. I was hoping it would work for me this time.

I wasn’t over him… Not by a long shot.

Ethan Riske was still in my bones, still stuck under my skin. I hadn’t gotten him out of my system—not yet anyway… and I was so very fucked.