Roderick - 2 weeks
"I have to," Liv insisted, putting some of her clothes into her bag. "For all I know, Astrid has started a hamster farm in my bedroom by now. I need to check in with everyone."
I didn't want her to go.
Two weeks was the longest chunk of time I had ever spent with a woman, but it was still not enough.
"So... what's so bad about a hamster farm?" I asked, smiling when she shot me a raised-brow look. "Those tunnel things all built around the walls and shit could give the place some ambiance. Besides, she texts me at least once a day. Nothing with whiskers yet. Though the overflowing sink is close to giving me nightmares."
"See? They need me to go whoop some butt. Make sure we don't get vermin. I don't want to go," she added, moving over to me, dropping down on my lap, pressing the side of her head into my shoulder. "This is hard. Having two separate lives. I love being here with you. But I feel guilty, like I am neglecting Cam and Astrid by not making any time for them."
I got that, I did.
It didn't make me like it any better.
But I knew this was part of the situation.
For now anyway.
We would get some time together, get into the swing of the things, then have to part so she could go see her people, go do some jobs.
I didn't have to like it, but I had to accept it until things had been going on long enough to sit down and have another talk. I was ready for it. I was sure. I knew this was going somewhere. That being said, I didn't want to push Liv. Unlike me, she was the one who would have to have her life uprooted, would have to consider major changes not only for her future, but for the future of Cam and Astrid as well.
I could wait.
We had time.
Even if this was hurting me more than I thought it would.
It was amazing how quickly everything could change.
"I know, mami," I agreed, wrapping my arms around her, pressing a kiss into the top of her head. "And if I can get away this weekend, I will come up to spend some time too."
"That'd be nice. We don't have any jobs lined up just yet."
I hated the idea of her being on jobs.
That was unfair of me, I knew. I had no right to have an issue with her job when my job was very similar. But anytime I pictured her doing a drop, my mind flashed back to that parking garage, to the days following when she had been in so much pain, having trouble moving.
I didn't like the idea of her being in a situation like that again. And I couldn't be there. I couldn't help her. I might not even know what happened for hours, for days even.
The idea of that made a fist of worry lodge in my stomach.
It was something I would have to adjust to, come to terms with. For the time being.
"I should get going," Liv said, but made no move to do so. "It's going to be weird not having you to sleep with."
She was worried she'd slip back, that she would travel the bed, toss and turn with no rest. She'd been better with me. Once in a while, she would lay awake on my chest for an hour or two, but I found that a good orgasm or two knocked her out cold.
"You never know. You might just be back in the swing of things. You could sleep fine." To that, she snorted as she moved to stand.
"We know better," she shot back. "But it will make me look forward to the weekend all the more. You ready?" she asked, reaching for her bag, wanting to get the goodbyes over with. She hated the hard talks, the stuff that might make her emotional. She wanted to get in her car where she could work through it in her head for a bit.
We were just walking into the common area when we heard the front door open.
"Moooooom!" Astrid's voice called, making us both stop mid-stride. "I'm hooooome!" she added, making us both turn to see her standing there with a pile of luggage at her feet. And Cam just a foot behind her.
"Astrid!" Liv hissed, eyes huge at seeing her standing there in The Henchmen compound. "What are you doing here?"
"So... did you know our lease is up next month?" Astrid asked, shrugging off the bags on her shoulders, then moved forward, making a beeline for Virgin who was leaning against the bar, eyes light with mischief. I hadn't seen the power play flirting thing Liv had told me about with Astrid in person. But if I could guess, that was exactly what this was as she got a little too close to a complete stranger she knew to be an outlaw biker. "Who are you?" she asked, head cocked coyly to the side.
"Astrid, down," Liv called, making the woman turn her head over her shoulder, giving her friend a smirk.
"But it would be so much fun," she insisted.
"She's off limits," I told Virgin who gave Astrid one last look before walking away.
"Got it," he told me as he disappeared down the hallway.
"Boo," Astrid said, small-eyeing me for a short second.
"Don't worry," Liv assured her. "You can't walk down the street in this town without brushing shoulders with some hot, cocky guy. You know... the type you like so much. But back to the matter at hand. Yes, I know the lease is up. But that still doesn't explain anything."
"Doesn't it, though?" she asked, shrugging. "'Cause Cam and I think it does. Otherwise, us putting a first, last, and security down on an apartment here would be really odd."
"You didn't."
"We did," she agreed, looking past Liv at me. "You're welcome," she told me with a genuine smile. "We had a talk. Well, I did a lot of talking. And we kind of decided that we weren't exactly attached to the loft. I mean... we never even decorated the place. So what is the difference from one loft to another, y'know? So we got another one. We are going to need your buddies to help us move the boom-things," she told me, meaning guns. "We have movers coming for all the other stuff. But we figure you would all be more trustworthy with those. Since that is what you do for a living. Liv, smile," she told her. "I just fixed everything. Yes, you are very welcome. Now show me a dimple."
Liv looked frozen in place for a long moment, disbelieving then processing things.
All of a sudden, her hand ripped from mine and she flew at her friend, throwing her arms around her, hugging her so tight that Astrid looked a little red.
"I love you," she told her, voice thick with emotion. "And you," she added, looking over at Cam.
And I couldn't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy, wondering when I would get to hear those words. Knowing that was where we were heading. If I were being completely honest, I felt it already, but knew she couldn't handle that yet.
"What about you?" Astrid asked when Liv let her go to go give Cam a hug. "Do you love me?" she asked, trying for that flirty tone she had worked on Virgin, but I saw beneath it, I saw the little girl needing love there.
And, fuck yeah, I loved her.
"Of course I love you, cariña," I told her, pulling her in for a hug.
"Hey, Roderick?" she said as I gave her a tight squeeze.
"Yeah?"
"You need to buy me a housewarming gift."
And I knew exactly what I needed to get her.
While Liv caught up with her friends, I needed to go take a trip to the local pet store.
Livianna - 3 months
"Stop shaking me," I demanded, but I was smiling at Astrid's enthusiasm.
She was like taking a five-year-old to Hershey Park or Disneyland.
This place on a hill, this was her theme park.
It had taken me awhile to get Lo to agree. Not because she didn't trust me - or us - just because I had dragged my feet in asking, worrying it was too soon, that Lo might find the request suspect. Even though Lo and I had several long conversations over the time I had been in Navesink Bank.
It turned out that I could barely get the question out before she was demanding me and Astrid come up the next day.
"Oh, look at the puppies!" Astrid cooed at the dozen or so guard dogs trolling the premises behind the giant gates with barbed wire that I would bet good money on being electrified.
"Don't touch them without asking first," I reminded her like a mom at a park.
"I'm not stupid," she shot back, rolling her eyes much like the kid being told not to touch a dog at the park.
We waited to be let in the gates, both of us trying not to seem like complete rubes by ogling the sprawling shipping container compound with solar panels, gardens, a greenhouse.
"I don't know how they don't get claustrophobic," I murmured, shaking my head at the lack of windows.
"I dunno. I like it. No one can get in. Super safe," Astrid said as we climbed out, waiting for Lo. "Oh, look at that rage," she went on, jerking her chin over toward where two women were sparring in the field - one older, one young, still a teenager. Chris. And she was going hard. "That looks familiar," Astrid added, moving off toward the girl.
From what I heard about the girl - Chris, Lo and Cash's adopted daughter - Astrid wasn't wrong. The two had some things in common, the same anger at the world.
"Do you know how many times I gave Chris that exact same correction," Lo said at my side, coming out of nowhere. "And she never listened to me."
But she listened to Astrid.
And after the two talked for a minute, Astrid made her way back, eager for the tour she was promised.
An hour later, we were all in the, I didn't even know what to call it, a command center? It was full of people on computers, others looking over files, pinning things up on walls.
"Your pocket is moving," a voice said, calm, unaffected, belonging to a guy with dark features and the kind of confidence that screamed he was good at what he did and he knew it.
"Narc!" Astrid hissed at him as she reached into her pocket to pull out her goddamn hamster, Ben.
"Hamsters are ridiculous pets," the man commented in that same tone.
"Play nice, L," Lo demanded.
"And what animal does make a good pet?" Astrid challenged, pulling some pelleted food out of her other pocket for Ben.
"Chickens," L declared.
"Chickens aren't pets."
"Sure they are."
"They live outside."
Lo was watching the two as they walked away with drawn together brows. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing. Just L doesn't usually want to have conversations with anyone."
I stood back and watched as Astrid moved from section to section of the building, realizing even if she didn't yet that she had found a place she belonged.
I wondered if Lo had a pets-allowed policy.
Roderick - 10 months
"Mijo," my mother called, something in her voice making me stiffen a little as I followed her into the kitchen.
"Qué pasa?" I asked as I saw her leaning against the counter, giving me what I could only call a disapproving frown. It wasn't one she often gave me, but it was a look a kid remembered when their parent had shot it in their direction.
"Ten months, mijo. Ten months."
"Ten months what?"
"You don't know how long you've been with her?" she asked, voice raising at the idea.
"Oh, Liv?" I asked, shaking my head, not understanding her mood. "Yeah, it's been ten months."
"And there is no ring on her finger because..."
Ahhhh.
Okay.
The 'when are you getting married and having babies' talk. She'd been oddly lax about it since Liv started coming by for dinners with my family. I figured she realized that things were new between us, that pressure was not something new relationships needed.
Ten months.
It was time for the guilt trip.
"You think she doesn't want you to ask? She wants you to ask."
"You don't know that. Liv is a bit... complicated when it comes to these kinds of things."
Complicated was maybe an understatement.
Two months before, we'd finally all sat down - me, Liv, Cam, and Reign - about the future of both of our organizations. With Astrid off at Hailstorm, they had been struggling to keep up, to do all the computer shit along with the drops. And Reign had this firm policy about me not helping out. Things had been getting tense. The conversation had been long overdue.
Liv had been tense, silent, unwilling to engage in the conversation. She had needed time to sit on it, think it through.
That time was ten days.
Ten. Days.
But in the end, she had agreed to the deal.
She'd talk to her contacts, tell them that she was handing them off to us - The Henchmen. In return, she'd get a cut of any deal that came from her contacts. For doing no work. It was fair. More than fair.
And she, well, essentially, she was retired. But you couldn't say that to her. She didn't like hearing that.
I knew, eventually, she would have a house, have babies to take care of, that she would no longer be retired at all; in fact, she'd be busier than ever.
But I didn't want to scare her with that.
And as for Cam, well, he had a prospect badge on his chest since he refused to retire even for a short period of time and Liv would never accept him leaving town and joining a new organization.
"Complicated? She loves you. I've heard her say it."
She did say it.
It took her two months after I started saying it to feel like she could as well, even though I knew she had felt it when I first started feeling it.
"Yes, Ma. She loves me."
"And you love her."
"Yes."
"So? What is the problem?"
"I'm gonna ask, Ma. When the time is right. What's the rush?" There was an odd look in her eyes I didn't understand, wouldn't understand until I finally did ask Liv a month later and she insisted on a quick wedding on The Henchmen compound.
Apparently, I was going to be a father.
Livianna - 15 months
"This is all your fault," I told him, needing to vent my fear and uncertainty somewhere.
"I mean, technically, mami, this is all on you."
"So what if my egg split? Your sperm is the reason we are here at all. Otherwise, they would have just split and disappeared like always. But, oh, no. You had to have strong swimmers."
The prospect of being a mother hadn't scared me as much as I thought it might when I had first found out. Which was when Grace had told me I was pregnant.
I've been there six times, mija, I know.
But the idea of being a mother to twins, yeah, that was actually pretty terrifying.
"They will outnumber me," I told him, looking down at the sonogram that really just looked like nothing to me even though I had maybe lied and said I saw them out of pure guilt.
"There are two of us, Livvy," he reminded me, lips twitching, trying to hold back the smile he knew I wouldn't appreciate right then. "And I have five sisters. And a mother who is dying for grand babies. And you have the whole girls club and Astrid too for help."
"Right. If I let Astrid take them, they will come back with fifteen pets each. And piercings."
To that, he snorted, shaking his head. "She's gonna make a great aunt. Even if we will have to build a chicken coop."
Yeah, so Astrid had a thing for chickens now. Meaning she kept a coop of thirty of them up at Hailstorm, something she had managed to talk Lo into because it meant endless fresh eggs and natural pest control so that she didn't have to worry about all the guard dogs getting ticks all the time.
"We are not getting chickens," I insisted.
But, apparently, I didn't know what I was talking about at the time.
My baby shower present was a box full of chicks.
Fluffy chicks.
And my body flooding with hormones, I hadn't been able to say no to the tiny, needy little things.
Roderick - 6 years
"Stop stealing your brother's truck," Liv demanded of Rune, the elder of our twin boys, with Croft being younger by four minutes, something his brother never let him forget.
They looked like us.
The same skin, the same dark eyes, the same dimples. Rune had two like me, Croft one like his mother.
Their little sister, Aviela, though, she was one-hundred-percent Livvy, right down to her hatred of banana chips.
The one in Livvy's arms was too little to know who it may look like. He'd been named Vas. In honor of a man who sent her on the path she eventually took. If not for him, I may never have met her, we may never have created what we had.
It was interesting when you really sat down and thought about things, how one small change, one step in a different direction would have made it so Livvy and I might never have even crossed paths. If either of us had been given decent fathers, if we hadn't crossed the border into the States, if she hadn't worked at a diner and met a Russian importer, if Cam hadn't been there that day in Camden to pull out that bullet and save her, if I hadn't heard about the party at The Henchmen MC compound, if the dog hadn't mauled me, distracted me, if Reign would have handled the situation himself.
So many little - and giant - things had needed to happen to bring us together. That realization was enough to really make you take stock of your life, understand that literally everything that had happened - both good and bad - had happened for a reason.
To bring us together.
Maybe that was sappy and romantic of me.
But standing there in our living room with her, looking at our children, there was no possible other conclusion to come to.
We'd bought the house on a lark when the people next to Maze and Repo moved out. It had been fine to live at the loft once we all did a switch - Astrid heading up to Hailstorm, Camden to the clubhouse, us to the loft - when the babies were little. But as soon as they became mobile, we knew we needed a yard, a fence, a place to keep the chickens that wasn't the roof or balcony.
It was interesting to watch Liv nest, this woman who had lived in her old loft for years without ever so much as putting an accent carpet down on the cold cement floors of her bedroom.
Once we had a place of our own though, she had the guys from the club slaving day and night like they were all prospecting again, ripping up old carpets, laying hardwood floor with accent rugs over it, painting the walls, putting up shutters, changing out light fixtures. Within a month of moving in, you couldn't even tell it was the same house.
There were things that never changed. The couch - and bed - were always covered in too many pillows, too many blankets. Camden came by every Sunday with a box of donuts. Astrid showed up at least once a week to whisper in the kids' ears about other animals we could potentially own now that we had a half acre of property.
But other things had.
There was art on the walls - both from Ana and the kids who, well, had no such talent, bless their unskilled little fingers. And Christmas - which was at our place at Liv's insistence because of a deal she'd made with Astrid so many years ago - was a much bigger affair with my mother and all my sisters - and their eventual men - around.
Camden slowly came around, not to become some great conversationalist, but willing to speak every now and again.
Astrid, thanks to a lot of support, a lot of understanding people up at Hailstorm, had learned to curb her unhealthy impulses with men, to learn to trust them. Enough to even let one into her life.
"You sure you got this?" Livvy asked, smirk pulling at her lips as she gestured to the wall near the front door. "This is what happened last time you watched them alone," she added, meaning the very large mural in permanent marker that Rune had blessed us with while I had been patching up Croft's knee from the two of them getting into a fight. I had to admit, it wasn't one of my best dad moments. And I hadn't even told her that while I patched up Croft and Rune wrecked our wall, Aviela had managed to get into a box of her makeup and smear it all over her bedroom.
Some things were kept from mommies so daddies were still allowed to co-parent.
It all washed out anyway.
Well, except for a few pillowcases.
But whoever noticed missing pillowcases anyway? They were like socks and tupperware - you somehow expected and blindly accepted it when suddenly they weren't there anymore.
"Ana is coming to watch Vas. And then we're going to the beach today," I reminded her, making her eyes go a bit worried. Three kids and a big, dangerous ocean. I got it. "With Aunt Mia and Aunt Zoe," I added. "I won't be outnumbered. And the house won't get wrecked," I assured her.
"Okay, but you need to pack more than a bottle of water and a towel," she told me with a smirk, knowing how much I loathed the people who packed for the beach as though they were going to live there, not just visit for a few hours.
"Fine," I grumbled in a spot-on interpretation of, well, all our kids. "You're still not going to tell me where you're going?" I asked, having been trying to guess for two weeks since she'd first told me about it, and never coming up with anything.
"Nope. You can hear all about it later," she promised, pressing a kiss into my cheek. "I'd tell you to be good for Daddy," she said to the kids at large, "but we all know that isn't going to happen. So if you could just... not ruin any more of my makeup - or pillowcases," she added, giving me a pointed Yes, I know all about the pillowcases look, "I will be a happy camper."
Livianna -
"You ready, mija?" Grace asked when we parked our cars on the street out front of the shop.
See, we'd never forgotten our first conversation back in her kitchen on New Years Eve.
We'd always planned on making good on the idea that had come to us then.
Covering something ugly on us - scars - with something that made us happy.
It was just that life constantly got in the way. Especially after the kids. Someone was always sick or had playdates or needed to learn to tie their laces or use the potty.
Sometimes, being a person came second to being a mother, something Grace understood all to well. So we had made an agreement - when the three kids were all mobile, we would finally go.
But then we'd been surprised with our fourth, and just decided to do it already.
Little Vas.
The name had been Roderick's idea.
Just when I was sure I couldn't have loved him more, he came up with an idea like that.
My life had changed so drastically since meeting him, since learning to let him into my life. And not just my life either. Cam's life. And Astrid's life. He came around and made everything better.
He made me better, pulled me out of my shell, showed me how to open up, to trust him, to let go of the reins a bit.
He gave me more love than I knew existed, he showed me how much I had to give.
He gave me sisters and a mom.
He gave me the girls club and the men I never could have anticipated bonding so hard with.
He gave me everything.
I'd given up things, sure.
In order to keep the peace, I had needed to give up a profession I had worked so hard for. But that being said, I understood that it wasn't something I could do forever, not at the capacity I had once done it. I wouldn't be able to keep getting beatings, keep having narrow misses. It only would have worked had I gotten a bigger team. Which was not something I wanted.
So, I got a fair cut of money to do nothing.
I had felt useless for a while, unsure of my identity with no job, not knowing what to do with my time without having to work.
But all that had changed when I'd become a mom.
If I thought I had worked hard before, I had no idea. Especially with the twins. There were no more issues with sleep since it was so rare that I could get any that when the opportunity presented itself, I passed out. Right where I was. Not moving so much as an inch until crying woke me up.
And I'd been lucky. There were so many hands to help. If not for them, we likely never would have continued on Roderick's mission to have a litter because those first few months would have been enough to prevent us from even discussing it.
We were pretty set with four, though.
We'd never say never, but three little boys sounded like handful enough. And our little girl was no less troublesome either. She'd be lucky, though. She'd grow up knowing she had three brothers who would always have her back, always protect her. And that, yeah, that thought was enough to make my eyes well up a bit.
"Are you nervous?" Grace asked as she reached for the door.
"Of the gun? Eh," I said as we moved into the shop to fine Paine and his protege waiting for us. "If I could stay conscious while Cam dug a bullet out of my shoulder, I think I can handle an itty bitty baby needle."
"I'd like to say that's not something you hear everyday," Paine said with a smile as I dropped down into his chair. "But this is Navesink Bank."
"Are you nervous?" I asked as she raised her sleeve to have her upper arm cleaned and shaved just like what was happening to my thigh where I had a small stab wound.
"If I could tolerate getting the scars, mija, I can handle getting them covered."
"Most people find it more irritating than painful," Paine informed us, shrugging as he loaded up the inks to use.
A few hours later, we had plastic wrap on our bodies, covering up our new tattoos. Grace was beaming, loving her flowers - five in all, each the favorite of each of her daughters, and then one sun for Roderick - the light that all of them leaned toward.
Sweet.
So sweet.
She'd have to go back for more details eventually, but she had done all she could for the day.
"I understand why all those boys in the MC are covered in tattoos. That could be addictive. Text me after you show Roderick, mija," she demanded, giving me a big hug before moving off to her car, practically floating.
I went home, relieving Ana of her duties, pulling off the plastic, changing into something that would cover my leg without rubbing too much at the healing tattoo.
And then I waited for my husband to come home, smiling a little at the sound of the chickens clucking as they walked around the yard eating all the bugs.
It was nearly dark when I heard everyone shuffling in, my slightly sandy kids all passed out in the arms of their father and aunts.
There was the part of me that wanted to bathe them, get the sand and salt off them. The other part of me, the wiser, experienced mother part, knew that you did not wake a sleeping child. It didn't matter if they fell asleep in a way you thought might cause a crick or with their jeans on or with elastic bands in their hair. You left them the hell alone. Or you would be up all night with them.
So I resigned myself to a morning of baths and washing sheets as the kids were each dropped into their beds, beat from a long day in the sun and water.
I thanked Mia and Zoe as they made their way out, feet dragging a bit, clearly beat themselves. Kids would do that to you.
Roderick, however, was beaming.
He always was when he came back from the beach, especially with the kids, wanting to give them the childhood he should have had.
"So," he said after his shower, coming out in low slung pajama pants that were as distracting now as they had been many years before in that hotel room. "Where did you go today?"
"Your mom and I had a mission we had cooked up when I first met her that we needed to complete."
Roderick's head cocked to the side as he sat down on the foot of the bed. "Really? What kind of mission?"
"To turn something ugly, a bad memory, into a good memory."
"You got a tattoo, didn't you?" he asked, knowing me too well, his smile warm. He'd gotten one when we'd been married. Then one for each of the children's births. He understood the impulse to put good times on your skin.
My smile was warm as I slowly started inching up my maxi skirt inch by inch, loving the way his eyes still got heated as he watched my skin get exposed.
When I was done, I bunched the skirt up at my hip then turned slightly to the side to show him the side of my thigh.
His gaze found the tattoo, then slowly rose, smile beaming.
"A Frank Wesson Double-Trigger," he said, shaking his head.
"The pain in the ass gun that brought us together," I agreed, moving over to him, lowering myself down onto his lap, sealing my lips over his.
"One day, these kids of ours," he said, pressing a hand to my belly before moving it around my back, "are going to hear one hell of a story."
"About how mommy and daddy fell in love," I agreed, pressing my forehead to his.
"And lived happily ever..."
"Mom!" Croft's voice called, loud, annoyed.
Roderick and I shared a smile.
Crazy?
Hectic?
Overwhelming at times?
Exhausting?
Yes to all of those.
But happy?
Absolutely.
XX