***Ronin***
I flip the lock and stalk to the fridge in the corner. I place the dinner I made for myself earlier in the microwave and turn it on. When I look over my shoulder, I see Anouk rooted to the floor next to the door. I raise my eyebrow in question.
Her shoulders sag and her gaze hits the floor. “What’s going to happen now?” she asks in a timid voice.
“Now we’re gonna eat, so put that sexy ass of yours on the couch.”
She sighs in frustration. Yeah, I know it was definitely not the answer she was looking for.
I decide to make myself clear. “You’re my Old Lady, Anouk. I might not know you through and through, but from what I’ve seen, you’ve given everything to me straight. There’s no reason for me to assume you’ll be lying and you’ve clearly been through enough to know that’s the worst option. All of this means I’m not going to interrogate you or lock you up, whatever. We’re going to have dinner, talk about you mainly...I’m not used to talking about myself so you need to give me time in that department. I’ve never had a relationship or a woman longer than a quick fuck. And I can be a real asshole at times.”
The microwave beeps and I’m kinda happy I’m saved from throwing out more words. I place the cups on the table along with two forks.
“What’s that?” she questions.
I grab my stuff and lean back on the couch, flipping on the TV for some background distraction. “Pizza in a cup. Go on, dig in, it’s good. I failed the first three times I made this years ago, but I perfected it in time.”
Anouk snatches the cup from the table along with a fork. She wasn’t wearing any shoes earlier but now has a pair of my white socks on to warm her feet. Said feet are put underneath her ass, all comfy to eat and watch some TV. My heart tugs when I think about how homey this is. Right here, couch, TV, dinner, my woman next to me. That’s most definitely something I never saw for myself at any point in the future. Hell, I didn’t even think I could have feelings for a woman other than the need to fuck.
From the corner of my eye I see her holding a forkful in front of her face, sniffing before the pizza-goodness enters her mouth.
Her eyes close for a breath before they flash open and she mumbles while chewing, “Damn, that’s good.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “Easy to please, huh? Wait till you taste dessert.”
Anouk groans. “You’re not one of those dirty guys who think ‘my dick in your mouth’ is a nice metaphor for dessert, right?”
Fuck. Me. That’s one damn hot vision she just flashed my mind with.
“Shit,” she mumbles. “Probably shouldn’t have said that out loud, now I’ve planted a seed in your head.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I tell her. “My cock sliding between those strawberry painted lips of yours will happen sometime soon anyway. Not that it was on my mind right this moment, but I will say that fucking your mouth is damn high on my bucket list.”
Her fork freezes midair. She bites her bottom lip, her eyes gleaming. “Fuck. Stop thinking about it, dammit.”
Her body jolts and she shoves the fork into her mouth. I need some space and some other thoughts so I place my empty cup in the sink and grab dessert along with two spoons, placing it in front of Anouk.
“What’s with you and food in cups?” She chuckles and swaps an empty one with… “Oh. My. God. That’s heaven in a cup. How? That’s…why the hell aren’t you married? Shit. That’s…never mind, this is amazing.”
I bark out my laughter before I dig into my dessert. It’s peanut butter chocolate chip cake. “It’s just easier to make this way. I’m mostly by myself when I eat so I make two cups from whatever and shove it in the microwave and eat on the couch in front of the TV.”
She shakes her head with one hell of a sexy smile on her face.
“And to answer your question, I am married.” Her face falls and I can tell she doesn’t realize what I mean. “Biker style, dammit. You’re my Old Lady, how the fuck can you forget about that.” I growl and to my surprise, her smile is a full blown, ear to ear one, that reaches my fucking heart.
“I knew that.” Her eyes are on the last spoonful of cake. “I was just checking if you’d remembered.” She sighs and places the empty cup on the table in front of her. “You know, I’ve wanted to open up my own muffin store since the day I turned five.”
I’m done eating and turn my body on the couch to fully face her. “You have? Are you any good? I mean, after you had a taste of my cake, it’s hard to top that one.”
She rolls her eyes and shoves my shoulder. “You’ll have a taste of my heavenly goodness soon enough.”
“Damn right I will,” I snap, because I want all of it, all of her.
I reach out and take her mouth in a rough kiss. Trying to be gentle while she releases all of my restraints is damn hard. My fingers dig into her hair and fist those bright colored strands so I can guide her head and devour her mouth thoroughly. I feel her nails scrape my neck before her hand slips underneath my cut and tank. Pulling her over, she has no other choice but to straddle me.
Her lips leave mine as she protests, “I’m too heavy, you can’t…”
Anouk’s body trembles in my hands when I pinch her nipple hard and then bury my fist in those red strands as I tighten my grip.
“Ss…sorry,” she mumbles as her thumb traces my bottom lip. “It takes some getting used to when all I’ve known is nasty remarks, sneers, humiliation, and…”
“Stop,” I croak.
I can’t bear the thought of her going through these things all on her own, at any time in her life. People can joke all they want about other people but they need to fucking remember words can leave scars much more easily than any knife ever could.
Pulling her against my chest, I feel the need to hold my Old Lady. Wishing I could take away all of those scars she was never meant to have because… “You’re perfect, you know that, right? You’re made for me, and I will fucking kill anyone who ever hurts you again. I wish I could track down every goddamned single one who hurt you in the past. Fuck, I should…”
“Hush. You’re doing more than anyone ever did for me in my whole life. Let me explain how and why everything went so wrong in my life, I just discovered some domino effects that were crucial turning points. Maybe that will help me process…voice every detail out loud instead of just thinking about everything that happened.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “Did you know my mother cheated on my father? And that she did so for three months before she broke it off? Yeah, quite the surprise, huh? But it gets worse, because the little slip changed lives for the worse. Her excuse? She thought it was a great thrill, a way to spice up her marriage. She was tired of being just a mom and a wife, needing a rush and excitement in her boring life.” Anouk shakes her head in disgust. “I discovered this hard reality just before you and I met...it basically turned my whole life upside down. I mean…yes, it was something that happened a long time ago, but the result of it was drastic. For all of us. I was just a kid back then. The guy my mother cheated with didn’t want it to end. He couldn’t cope with the fact that my mom just shoved him out of her life. He was so angry the day she told him that he came to our house late that night and raped her. I woke up to her screams, saw how…”
“Aw, fuck, sweetness…” I croak.
She’s ripped with so much ugliness from others in her life. How fucking beautiful she is on the outside, it’s the darkness of her past that she’s keeping on the inside, eating her up.
“Throw it out, Anouk, give me all that dark shit that happened to you in your past so I can carry that shit with you. I will make fucking sure you will never have to swallow any more hurt from anyone,” I fucking vow while the anger level rises in my veins.
“The guy was arrested but released due to a technicality. My mother was a mess, wouldn’t talk, go out. She basically just shut down. My dad couldn’t take it and wanted for her to have some peace of mind so he tracked him down and killed the guy who raped his wife. My father never knew the guy had an affair with her. He was sent to prison where he was in a fight and got killed three weeks later. I never knew…my mother was forced to tell me the truth minutes before she died because my stepbrother thought it was a funny story I needed to know. He was right about that. It was horrible and insane, yet it was indeed something I needed to know. It’s like a missing piece of a puzzle. My mother shutting down after it happened, eaten up by guilt because she was to blame for bringing the guy into our house, not telling the truth at any point in time. Everything fell into place and I realized just how alone I am in a fucked up world where nothing seems to be like it really is.”
There’s not a damn thing I can say right now that could change anything. She seems to feel the same way when she snuggles tighter against me, seeking the comfort that we both need at this moment. I never knew I could have these strong feelings slicing through my heart. It hurts for what she went through and yet it beats more fiercely because of the fact that she’s mine to show her all the good things life has to offer from now on.
I tighten my arms. “Your world will become a little less fucked up, sweetness…because you’ve got me standing right the fuck beside you every step of the way, killing everyone who fucking dares to hurt you in any way.”
Her head pulls back. “That sounds like it just got a little more fucked up, and yet it sounds more perfect than it could ever be.” A smile hits her face that could light up the whole damn room.
“Fuck, yeah,” I growl before I kiss her gently, giving her a hint of how I intend to cherish her.