Bishop

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My thumb rolled across my phone's screen. I kept checking it for new messages, wondering why Nell wasn't replying. After she'd driven off yesterday, she hadn't come back, not even to get the paycheck she'd been going on about.

Something had happened—I just didn't know what.

The lime-green numbers on my alarm clock flashed; six in the morning, the time I'd get up and run. Jogging had become a ritual for me. It was addictive, pushing myself so hard that the only thing that existed in the world was the oxygen scraping through my lungs. It gave me relief from the depressing ins and outs of behaving as my family asked.

I'd been doing it for years. I wouldn't do it today.

I have to see her... find out why she's avoiding me. Sure, it had only been sixteen hours since we'd touched, but she wasn't behaving like normal.

Over the past weeks, Nell and I had gotten close. We texted all the time. My message box was full of our banter, the random chats about movies or dinner plans. Her silence was a warning.

Dressing in designer jeans and a loose, white shirt, I tip-toed down into the kitchen. Morning light streamed through the windows. Touching the dimmer switch, I turned on the recessed lighting.

Jaws and Cujo came shuffling over the tiles towards me. “Shh,” I cautioned them. Kneeling, I scratched their ears, giving them all the attention they needed so they'd stay quiet. I didn't want my mother waking up—I needed to speak with Nell alone.

It was seven when the front door opened. I heard the tell-tale “fwish” of the weather stripping. I'd made a pot of coffee, sipping my second cup as I continued to sit on the cool tile with the dogs sprawled in my lap.

They sensed her before she came around the corner. Yipping, their claws skittered on the floor. Nell bent low, beaming at them, not noticing me. “Hey guys,” she whispered. Cujo and Jaws licked her face, but as much as they cheered her up, I could see the dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept well—if at all.

“They really adore you,” I said. The sound of my voice made her jump. Fear made her pupils tiny, her whole body going still as she looked at me. I flashed a comforting smile—all she did was stare at the floor.

Avoiding my eyes, Nell stood, hurrying to gather the dogs' leashes. “I didn't see you there,” she said to the wall.

Bracing my hand on one knee, I pushed myself to my feet. “What happened yesterday? Why are you ignoring my texts?”

“I have to get going. The heat has been bad. Gotta walk them before the sun...”

“Nell!”

My tone was as worn out as my bones felt. She kept facing the wall, the leashes balled up in her hands. I was only a few inches away but I had the terrible premonition that, if I reached for her, I'd discover we were worlds apart. That she was lost to me.

“Please,” I said, “Just tell me what I did wrong.”

Her hair was strewn over her face, hiding her expression under the brunette waves. I didn't need to see, though—her body language was enough. Her voice was so quiet I strained to listen. “I'm the one who made a mistake.”

Fascinated, I watched as she hugged herself. Was I imagining it, or was she holding her belly intentionally? Rapidly, my intuition began to fire. Her behavior made total sense if... if she was... “Nell, are you pregnant?”

Her eyes finally came up to meet mine. Tears pooled then spilled over, her whites bloodshot. “Yes.”

The air went out of me in a big wave. I was lightheaded before I remembered to breathe again; big gulps that turned into laughter. “How can you be crying? This is wonderful news.”

Nell's despair melted into shock. “Wonderful?”

“Yes, wonderful.” Embracing her, I swelled with relief... with joy and fear and excitement. She soothed me just by being in my arms. “It's amazing, you're going to carry our child. It's really happening. Everything is actually going well for once in my life.”

My palm caressed her stomach. She locked up, darting her attention to the floor. “Not as well as you think.” Carefully, she pulled away from me. In the cool-blue and growing orange daylight, she looked so fragile. “Bishop... I heard your mother talking to Iris.”

“What? When?” I knew the second I asked. “You mean yesterday.”

“They were in the foyer as I came down the stairs. Your mom was promising Iris that she'd make sure you two ended up together.”

“That's ridiculous,” I growled. “Mom knows I want to be with you.”

Nell wrapped the leash around and around; I was sure the knots would be impossible to undo. “Right... but... does Iris know?”

The question threw me off. “I'm not sure. It wasn't something I thought mattered.” She shifted on the spot. I hated that, seeing her fidget—knowing she was doubting me. “Nell, I don't care if my mother is batting for Iris. If something else is going on, tell me.”

Filling her chest until she unfurled, gathering her strength,  she... waited. It was a long minute, and in it, I felt judged. “Iris told me she'd been chatting with you. I got the idea that it was very friendly. The kind that wouldn't happen if you'd made it clear to her that you're done with your mom's attempts at match making.”

“She's lying. I don't think I've said anything to her since your first day working here.”

“But she was here yesterday. For all I know, she's been here a ton. Why would she bother lying?”

I stepped towards her—she backed up. “To upset you, Nell. She's threatened by you, and rightfully so.”

She screwed up her face. “Stop it! Don't try to make this go away with flattery, I'm not that shallow!”

“Why the hell is it so hard for you to trust me?” I groaned, fingers clenching into painfully tight fists. “I can't compliment you without you thinking I'm—I don't know, fucking with you! I'm not a monster, I'm not tricking you.”

We stood there, facing off like enemies and not the soon-to-be parents we were. The indent in the base of her throat fluttered. Her lips were bloodless from how fiercely she was biting down.

How had we gotten here?

One of the dogs whimpered. The sound plucked at my heart, and Nell reacted even more obviously. Shaking herself, she stared at Cujo where he was backed into the kitchen corner with his friend. Their eyes were wide, black; worried.

Nell's hands came up to her face. Covering her eyes, she slumped in place. I thought she might collapse. I was ready to grab her when she dropped her arms, watching me with so much regret she could have been a different person. “I'm so sorry. Bishop, it's not your fault. You didn't do this to me—you didn't hurt me. That was all my ex's handiwork.”

My eyebrows scrunched up. “Your ex? What did he do to you?”

“Nothing. Everything. I want to trust you, but I'm not sure I even know how anymore.” Clasping her hands against her chest, she spoke around a bitter smile. “I'm full of broken, shattered things that want to destroy everything around them. My ex always told me I was selfish.” In wonderment, she stared up at me. “You were the first person to ever say I was kind.”

Pain drove through me like a truck that had lost control. I grabbed her shoulders, her hair, just holding her desperately because I worried she'd fall apart and I'd never have a chance to put her back together. “He was wrong about you.”

“I know,” she laughed, empty of humor. Clutching my hand, she pushed it to her cheek. Warm, wet tears soaked my skin. “You'd think learning it wasn't anything you did that made your ex cheat on you would help your sanity. But no. It just made me hate myself for being blind for so long.”

Fueled by new hatred for a man I'd never met, I shut my eyes and breathed through my nose. “If I could kick his ass, right now, I'd drop everything and go do it.”

That time, her laugh was real. It shook through her body, I felt it move through my hands to my soul. “Thanks. That's sweet.”

“Listen... I know why you were so afraid to believe in me now, but if you'll let me, I want to show you that some people in this world aren't so awful. Not everyone cheats.” My thumb rubbed over her cheek; it shifted under the angle of her growing smile. “I would never do that because I...”

The words stopped on my tongue. It didn't matter; Nell knew what I'd almost said. Summoning my confidence, I parted my lips, but she put her hand over my mouth to quiet me. “Don't say it, not unless you mean it. I can't do fake love. You have to take responsibility for what you say.”

Prying her arms away, I kissed her. She opened for me like a flower in Spring, her body going soft, tension fading away. “I'll never lie to you. I'll never risk your heart. I love you, as crazy as it might seem, and I'm not going to marry some other woman—not even if my mother prefers it.”

Nell's eyes were full of newborn stars. “You really mean it?”

Pressing my lips on hers, I mumbled, “I do.” My tongue sought out the roof of her mouth, stroking quickly. “I really, truly mean it. I love you, Nellie Pinewood. And I love this baby.”

She trapped my hand on her belly, not moving me away. “I love you, too. But... this baby... we need to wait to tell anyone else. There's a chance it won't make it. It's so early, that stuff happens, you know? So much can go wrong.”

“Nothing will go wrong,” I said severely.

Nell hesitated in the wake of my belief. “Okay. Alright. We should still wait until we're sure.”

Nodding, I scooped her into my arms. “Deal.”

“Hey—what are you doing?”

“You have to walk the dogs, but you need to take it easy. I'm helping.”

“This isn't helping!” she gasped when I threw her over my shoulder.

I crouched, grabbing the leashes, whistling for the dogs. “Sure it is. You walk them, I walk you, and we all win.”

She's having my child.

I'd definitely won.