Chapter 25

Ella heard his voice in her sleep. Jude. Her love. Her life.

“Come on, baby, wake up,” he urged softly. His deep voice filtered inside her, warming everything left cold.

She hurt—felt as if an elephant had copped a squat on her chest—but she pushed through the fog and fought to open her eyes. She’d been hurt, that much was obvious. But how? When?

“Come on, baby,” he demanded. “I need you to open your eyes.”

“Trying,” she mumbled. Damn, even her throat hurt.

“God,” he whispered harshly. “Thank you.”

She pried her eyes open and found him above her, black eyes intent and…wet? “Why are you crying?” she asked, wincing as every word felt like a blade on her tender throat.

“I’m the Keeper, baby. I don’t cry,” he said with a smile. His face was haggard, stubble covering his chin, and the look in his eyes was nothing short of desperate. She couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, she’d seen Jude with that look on his face.

She concentrated on raising her hand. It took every effort she could muster, but she placed her hand on his cheek and rubbed the black stubble. “Me likey,” she whispered.

“It itches,” he complained. “But I’ll keep a permanent five-o’clock shadow if you’ll stay awake.” One big hand stroked the hair away from her face, while the other grabbed her hand on his face and brought it to his lips. “Hey, baby.”

She smiled, or thought she did. “Hey, Jude.”

She was missing something. How had she ended up horizontal and in more pain than she’d ever felt, even at the hands of Vasily Savidge? “How?”

“Let me get the doctor in here to check you over. You’ve been in and out for a couple of days,” Jude said as he lowered her hand and moved away from her.

She glanced around, though lifting her head was nearly impossible. Soon a woman in bright-green scrubs hovered over her, poking and prodding around her chest, checking her pupils, and then writing on a chart for a minute or so. She was in a hospital.

But why?

“She’s awake,” the doctor said.

Jude snorted. Ella smiled. He was holding on to his sarcasm, and she wanted to praise him for it.

“Vitals look good. She’s healing well. I’ll need to get some labs and an MRI to check how that lung looks, but if she’s coming along as it appears she is, she should be able to go home today,” the doctor said and left.

“She’s awake,” she heard Jude say. He was on his satellite phone. “Yeah, today.”

She slowly took inventory, moving her hands, her feet, performing a systems check of sorts. Her side hurt like someone had stabbed her with a hot poker, but other than not remembering how that had happened, and some pretty serious weakness, she seemed okay.

“I’ll be bringing her home, but yeah, send Brody,” Jude said. “Got it, Your Highness.”

Then he was in front of her again. A nurse came in and asked Ella how she felt.

“Like I’ve been shot,” Ella replied.

“Sounds about right,” the nurse said and then asked if Ella wanted anything to drink.

She did, but the nurse only gave her ice chips. She wanted answers, but Jude stood there watching the nurse fuss over her, arms crossed over that delicious chest, staring at her like she was his entire world and he’d die if he couldn’t see her face.

She decided she really liked it when he looked at her like that.

“I’ve got to take her down for some tests,” the nurse told Jude.

“I’ll go with you,” he said implacably.

She started to argue, he shot her a look, and she sighed. Then the nurse was wheeling Ella’s bed out of the room and down the hall. After the MRI, the nurse wheeled Ella back to her room and asked if she wanted the head of her bed raised.

Ella nodded, but as the bed lifted, she winced when her wound pulled.

“Stop,” Jude said harshly.

The nurse stopped.

“Leave it there,” Ella encouraged the nurse. She was nowhere near vertical, but it was an improvement over being flat. The nurse left, and Ella gazed at Jude.

“Baby,” he whispered reverently.

“He shot me,” Ella said as images from the last time she’d seen Dresden flashed through her mind.

Jude nodded as he sat on the bed beside her, raising her hand to his lips again and kissing her fingers slowly, one at a time.

“How bad?”

“Bullet hit a rib and punctured your lung,” Jude told her, his voice tortured as if the memory was too bad to be borne.

“I heard you,” Ella whispered, breathing through the pain and her own memories. “I saw him smile, and then he fired and I heard you calling me.”

Long moments of silence passed between them.

“I thought I’d lost you,” she said, squeezing his hand and bringing it to her lips. “I thought I’d lost us.”

“You fought, lady. Like a beast, you fought to stay with me,” Jude responded.

Her heart thumped in her chest. “I love you, Jude Dagan. I don’t ever want to leave you again.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed. “You won’t.”

“Did you get Dresden?” she asked tentatively.

He nodded.

A tear fell down her cheek. It broke his heart.

“Look, he has no place here, even dead. I need you to rest so I can take you back to Port Royal and get you completely healed. We’ve got a rough couple of days coming up. There’s so much to bring you up to speed on.”

“Nina?”

He nodded. “She’s alive.”

“She’s scared,” Ella said firmly. “She wouldn’t run and hide if she wasn’t scared.”

“We’ve got to find her. If she’s scared, she knows something, and for her sake, we need to find her,” Jude stated. “But first, we get you out of here.”

Twelve hours later, her MRI showed no concerns and that she was healing nicely. Jude had brought her up to speed on her injury and how she’d come to be at Walter Reed. He’d told her everything, leaving nothing out, and by the time he had finished, Ella had been crying but so had Jude.

Once her tests returned clear, she was ready for discharge. Jude listened intently to the doctor and took notes on her upcoming care. She was scheduled to follow up with a doctor in two weeks. She could be cleared as early as then.

It was a two-hour drive to Port Royal, and they made it in the middle of the night. Brody brought the vehicle to the hospital door, and Jude carried her down to the SUV, placed her in the backseat, and moved in beside her while Brody drove.

She slept most of the ride, having no energy to do much but lie on Jude. He seemed fine with that, his hands never far from her, his voice in her ear telling her what she meant to him, how he was never going to let her go.

Brody said two words, “Goddamn, Ella-Bella,” but he smiled to alleviate the reprimand. He’d always said she got into more trouble than she was worth, yet he’d always been there with her in the midst of it. Now was no different. She guessed they’d kinda saved each other in that cell of Dresden’s.

She didn’t remember falling asleep or being carried up to her room. She remembered waking up cold and needing to pee, so she tried to get up on her own.

Jude was there that fast. “Ella, let me know you need to get up, okay?” he admonished.

She threw him a nasty look and then let him lift her.

“I really can walk, Jude,” she informed him, tempering the frustration in her tone.

“Just let me do this for a little while longer,” he said, holding her against his chest and then setting her on her feet.

She used the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and washed her face. He stood right there, just in case she was too weak to handle the mundane tasks, but she felt remarkably well considering two, almost three days ago she’d been shot in the side at nearly point-blank range.

“I don’t want to lie down,” she warned him.

He held up his hands in surrender but stayed close as she walked to an enormous chair that looked brand new. It was butter-soft cream leather, and she sank into it gratefully, leaning back. “This getting shot shit sucks,” she told him softly.

“Yeah,” he said, a grin curving his lips. “You hungry?”

“I’d kill for some chili,” she whispered.

He raised his eyebrow and smiled. “You can’t handle my chili right now, lady.”

“I can try?”

He crossed his arms over his chest, and she licked her lips. He laughed. “We talking chili or fucking?”

“Yes,” she said with a laugh.

“None of that for a while, baby. Heal, then we’ll burrow like rabbits to make up for lost time.”

She pouted, and he kissed her lips, very slowly and very thoroughly. “I need a little more of that,” she urged.

“You think?”

She nodded and smiled. It felt good.

“Francisco is going to stop by periodically to check on you. And you’ll have to go back to the doctor for clearance, but we’ll get you better, El.”

“I know. I never doubted. It’ll be good to see Francisco again,” she murmured.

Ella glanced out the big window he’d placed the chair beside and noticed the river winding below them. “I need to tell you some things.” It was past time, and better she do it now, so that as she got back on her feet, they had nothing between them, none of her secrets or lies.

Worry passed like a cloud over his face, but he pulled up an ottoman and sat in front of her. “I’m here.”

Just like that. He had always been a rock for her.

“You didn’t get rid of the beach house, did you?” she asked suddenly.

“I rented it out, but the lease expires in a month,” he said. “Why?”

Ella took a deep breath, locked down her pain, and opened her box of secrets. “When I woke up in Dresden’s cell, I smelled the sea, and for just a moment, I heard your voice in my ear. I’d like to visit the beach house soon.”

“What was I saying?” he asked cautiously.

Ella met his gaze. “‘Move heaven and earth to get back to me, El.’” She swallowed thickly, and Jude handed her a bottled water. She took a healthy swig and stared at him. “That morning, before we left the beach house you said you’d move heaven and earth to get back to me. Those words gave me strength because, Jude, he made me suffer in that cell.”

“Give it to me, Ella. Let me help you carry it,” Jude demanded softly.

She nodded. She could do this. “I told you about the first few days with Dresden and Savidge. And you know Savidge was responsible for the scars on my back. But it’s what they did to Brody that nearly broke me.

“Brody saved me in that hellhole. As they’d work him over, he’d stare into my eyes, and I tried to take as much as I could.” She sobbed and caught herself before more came out. “I tried to give him as much of my strength as I could. I hurt so bad, and I remember the feel of dried blood because they never had anyone treat the bullet wound on my temple. Sometimes, it would split back open and the blood would flow into my eyes. But I always gave Brody my eyes because he needed that. He needed someone to witness his pain, because he refused to give them what they wanted by screaming and begging. They did things to him, Jude, I can never tell another soul because it would betray Brody and he deserves so much more than that. But they hurt him until I gave Dresden what he wanted—confirmation that Allie Redding was Gray Broemig’s daughter.” Ella hung her head, still unable to believe she’d given over an innocent, yet convinced she’d do it again to prevent Brody from being hurt.

“He put up with so much pain in that cell with me.” She took a deep breath and reached for the calm. “But Brody didn’t break until I did. I couldn’t stop screaming the last night Savidge cut me. He’d brought acid that night, and he dribbled it on my cuts, never letting it drip down my back, just making sure it stayed in the cuts. I screamed and screamed, and they made Brody watch. I couldn’t give him my eyes, and eventually he screamed too. He pleaded for them to stop, to give him any punishment they felt I deserved. He screamed because he hoped that’s what they wanted, for him to break in my pain. I screamed in pain and despair, and I screamed because I wasn’t strong enough to hold my silence for him, like he’d done for me.”

She broke apart then, tears flowing down her cheeks, and through it all, Jude sat there, holding her hands, saying nothing, just giving her his gaze as she struggled to put her pain in place.

“Brody screamed because of my pain. And he yelled until he bled from his mouth, his vocal cords shredded, and he was choking on blood. Then they laughed, hit the lever, and let me fall to the floor beside him. We lay there the whole night, broken.” She drew in a shuddering breath. “They took him from me the next morning, and I didn’t hear his voice until about nine months later…in fact, right before I saved King’s ass in Spain.”

She glanced out the window, watching the river flow. “When I first agreed to work with Piper, I was all God and country. I knew Dresden wanted Endgame—you, Rook, and King specifically—but my purpose wasn’t solely selfish.” She went quiet and looked back at her man. He continued to gaze at her with acceptance, love, and strength that she could draw on. Her rock. “God help me, Jude, but neither God nor my country meant a damn to me when I found out you were searching for me. All I knew was terror that Dresden would find out and cut you down before I could take him out.

“I lost my mission. It became personal for me. When I saw you in Beirut, all I wanted was to run to you, but I knew, I knew, Dresden would find out and come for you.”

“Dresden was a master manipulator. Much like the Piper. We have all been tools in this game they’re playing. But Ella, make no mistake…I never stopped loving you. I don’t care what you’ve done, where you’ve been, or how you came back to me. I love you. You’re the air I breathe, the food I eat. I’m so proud of you, lady, because you came back to me. You survived, and you’re here.” He picked her up and settled her in his lap, taking her place in the big chair. “I’m not going to let you go. Ever. If I have to follow you into death, by God, I’ll do it, because there is no life for me without you. I know. I’ve tried it and wasn’t very successful.”

She lifted a hand and traced his lips. “All I’ve known the last year is fear and longing. I didn’t think you’d want me once you realized what I’d done, no matter my reasons for doing it.”

“I won’t lie to you and say it doesn’t bother me that you didn’t trust me enough to come to me in the beginning when the Piper approached you,” Jude told her. “But I can’t equivocate over that. He’s good at what he does, and he’ll answer to me for that. But maybe part of the fault for that lack of trust is mine. I know I’m an asshole sometimes, taking more than I give.”

She shook her head. “This isn’t on you. I do trust you. I didn’t trust myself. And that’s what it comes down to. I haven’t made many bad choices in who I surround myself with. I’m a pretty good judge of character, but I didn’t trust myself enough to trust anyone else.”

He nodded. “I’ve been there.”

“You came for me, refused to let me go. I believe you when you say you love me. Can you forgive me?” she asked, unable to stop the tremor in her voice.

Her heart stuttered as she waited. Without his forgiveness, they couldn’t move forward no matter how much love was between them.

“There’s nothing to forgive. You’re the other half of me,” he murmured at her lips.

Ella sank her hands into his hair and held on. He parted her lips with his and drank her in. It wasn’t a kiss of need; it was a kiss of absolution. He soothed her soul and put balm on her heart.

He healed her.

“I need to talk to Brody,” Jude said when he released her lips.

“Be careful with him, Jude,” she warned.

“I owe him. He kept you alive and killed Dresden. You need to warn him to be careful with me,” Jude said with a laugh.

A knock sounded on the door, and Harrison Black stuck his head in.

“Nobody said to come in, Brit,” Jude grumbled.

“Whatever, Keeper. You want privacy, lock the door. Meeting in the war room in an hour,” he said before tipping his head and waggling his eyebrows at Ella. “Rook said there was a bet in Russia over you two. Since nobody won, there’s a new one.”

“Yeah?” Ella laughed around her reply. “What’s the bet?”

“Everybody’s giving it two weeks before they hear the headboard knocking against the wall,” Black told them, then snickered. “I put five on it.”

“Five hundred dollars?” Ella asked in disbelief.

“Ten dollars, Ella-Bella,” he said with a frown. “We Brits leave nothing to chance, including our money. I personally only give it a week. It wasn’t such a nasty hit you took, but you are a woman, so…”

Ella flipped him off, but she couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up. Harrison Black truly didn’t understand that women were universally the stronger sex.

Jude snorted, but she felt his chest rumbling with his own laughter.

“See you both in an hour,” Black called and then shut the door on his chuckle.

“Want to change?” Jude asked her.

“Nah, I think my pajamas are about all I can handle at the moment,” she said as she snuggled deeper into his hold. “In fact, I’m going to take a short nap while we wait.”

“Go ahead, woman. I’ve got you.”

Ella knew he absolutely did, so she closed her eyes. Surrounded by her man and all the love they shared.