I ignore the tremor of excitement that I feel in my stomach as I walk toward the entrance of the Bubble, knowing that I’m going to see Grayson very soon.
When exactly did I turn into a fangirl for him?
Probably around the time he stuck his tongue in my mouth, making my body come alive for the first time in years.
Yep, that was the exact moment.
I can see that the main entrance is all closed up. The lights are out, but Grayson said that I should come in through the field entrance.
If only I knew where the field entrance was. I look around for a sign, see nothing, and decide to walk around until I find it. I’ll give it ten minutes before I call Grayson and have him come get me.
I begin walking down the length of the Bubble. The area’s well lit, so it isn’t completely scary. But I am relieved when I round the side and see a guard standing by a door. He looks up at me.
“Hi,” I say. “I’m here to see Grayson Knight. He’s expecting me.”
“Yeah, he said to let you in when you arrived,” he says, and stands aside, opening the door he was guarding.
I step through and hear it clang shut behind me. And then I’m on the edge of the football field. Floodlights all the way around illuminating it.
And there’s a solitary figure in the middle of the field, facing away from me.
Grayson.
I can tell that it’s him from the line of his broad shoulders and the way he holds himself. Proudly, but like he’s got the weight of the world sitting on him. His hand comes to his side and I can see a football in it.
I take a step onto the grass, and he turns to face me as if he’s sensed my movement.
I can’t see his expression because he’s too far away. But I can definitely feel the heat and electricity that seems to connect us. It travels across the field and right into the very core of my body. And the pull is begging me to race in Grayson’s direction, right into his arms. Or bed.
Crap. I’m so screwed.
On wobbly legs, I start to walk slowly toward him. Thank God I wore flats today.
Grayson doesn’t make a move. He stands there, watching me walk to him. I feel like he’s slowly undressing me with his eyes. It’s torture. And it puts me on edge. God, I’m so nervous. My stomach is rolling, and my heart is doing jumping jacks in my chest. I don’t know what I’m going to say when I finally reach him.
All I do know is that Grayson makes me feel out of control. And I’m not used to being out of control. Control is what shapes me, keeps me moving forward in the safe life I’ve created for myself. Grayson seems to strip all of that away, leaving me vulnerable and bare. Yet I can’t seem to stay away from him.
Finally I reach him. I stop a few feet away. “Hi,” I say, my voice sounding small in the expanse.
“Hey.” He flashes a smile at me, and I almost swoon.
Jesus Christ.
“Are we alone? Apart from the security guard.” I tip my head in that direction.
Grayson puts the ball down on the ground by his feet. He takes a step toward me. “Yeah.”
I step back. “We shouldn’t be seen together. Not with the way things are at the moment.”
He frowns, his brows drawing together. “So why come at all?”
I wrap my arms around my stomach, looking at my feet. I shift on the spot. “Because…”
“You wanted to see me.”
I lift my eyes back to him. “I did. But I shouldn’t. This—” I say, gesturing between us with my hand. “What happened last night. Can’t happen again. I’m the assistant state—”
“I know,” he snaps. “You’ve already told me a hundred times.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true.”
He closes the space between us by reclaiming that step. “If things were different?”
“But they’re not.”
“If they were?” he asks, keeping his eyes firmly on me.
I hold my thoughts for a while, lips pressed together. “Grayson, I can’t…”
Disappointment flashes through his eyes. He turns away from me. “I’m sorry that I kissed you last night,” he says, and his voice is quiet and it breaks my heart. “I was out of line. It won’t happen again.”
“Okay,” I say. What else can I say? I’m glad that he isn’t looking at me right now, because I know that the disappointment that’s lancing through me is showing on my face.
He turns back to me. His expression is fierce as he says, “When I say I’m sorry, Mel, I mean I’m sorry for the way I made you feel when I kissed you. The last thing I ever want to do is make things hard for you. But…” He takes a large step in my direction, his long legs eating up the space between us. He’s so close now that I have to tilt my head back to look in his face. “I’m not sorry it happened. I’ll never be sorry it happened. Because I wanted to kiss you. Goddamnit, did I want to kiss you.” His eyes go to my lips. “I always want to kiss you. I have from the first moment I saw you.”
He lifts his eyes from my mouth back to my eyes. My body starts to tremble.
Holy crap. I’m so screwed.
“I…” I part my lips to say something. What that is, I have no clue. So I close my mouth again.
Grayson pushes a hand through his hair. “I know you don’t want things to be that way between us, so I’ll back off. I just wanted you to know how I feel. Now that I have, I won’t bring it up again.”
My heart sinks so hard I’m pretty sure it’s in my foot.
In my heart I’m screaming, I do want to be with you! That’s the problem. I want him and I can’t have him.
How do I tell him how I feel without actually telling him?
I rub my forehead with my fingertips, frustrated. I take a breath and say, “Grayson, my job is everything to me. Everything. I’ve worked really damn hard to get where I am today, and I’m still not where I want to be. I want to go further. I want to be state attorney someday. And I won’t do anything that will risk that happening.”
He leans down and picks his ball back up. Holding it between his large palms, he stares down at it while he says to me, “I get that, Mel. I do. I really wish I didn’t, but I do understand.” His eyes come back up to mine. “But I have to know. If things were different. If I wasn’t up on this charge. And we were just who we are, and I kissed you—”
I cut him off. “If you weren’t up on this charge then we wouldn’t know each other. We don’t exactly run in the same social circles.”
“Stop evading and just answer the damn question.”
My mouth goes dry. He knows the truth. He knows I’d be with him in a heartbeat. I don’t know why he’s forcing me to say it.
Saying it out loud will do neither of us any good. It’ll just remind us of the reason we can’t be together. So I choose not to say it. I choose to remind him of why we can’t be together.
“I’m the assistant state attorney who’s prosecuting you, Grayson. Outside of that, nothing else matters. ‘What ifs’ and ‘maybes’ are pointless. What matters is the here and now, and that means that what happened last night will never happen again.”