Chapter Eight: Breaching Her Defenses
Niall didn’t speak again, and neither did Willa Mae. The silence was charged with emotions that he didn’t care to explore too deeply. Back at the hotel, he escorted her into the lobby after handing off his car to be parked, and she finally broke her silence.
“Why are we here?” Clearly she knew where he stayed when he was in New York City.
“I thought you wouldn’t mind dinner in my suite. There’s a lovely view of the city, and we can’t be thrown out at closing time.”
He tried to make light of the way he had tried her into coming to his room and he could see by the glint in her eyes that she was well aware of his perfidy.
“I should just turn around and walk away now, before you piss me off any more,” she grumbled, biting her lip pensively as though she were seriously considering it.
He watched her as they stood by the elevator, but she gave no sign of carrying out her threat, and when the doors slid open, he urged her in with a hand on her elbow. Once inside the suite, he invited her to have a seat while he called down for the wine he had ordered to be delivered.
“I’ve ordered moscato for you,” he told her. “It should be here momentarily.”
Something flitted across her face, and then she smoothed her expression to show nothing at all.
“I haven’t been in a relationship with a man since I graduated from college. It’s just too much trouble to try to distinguish between their moods and desires.”
Niall hid his surprise that she had answered his question, despite being annoyed with him, and that her answer had been so forthright.
“I’m surprised that you have not cast all our desires as the carnal kind only.”
Most women seemed to think that men only thought about sex. He was there to prove them wrong. He thought about many other things. Like how long it took her to get that intricate hairdo done. Like what her hair would feel like between his fingers. Like what she wore beneath her sexy dress, and whether she was aware that when she crossed her legs, just for a millisecond, he had caught a glimpse of something yellow between her legs.
Damn! He was better than this, bigger than this. He wasn’t a schoolboy chasing the girl so he could pull her bra strap. He wasn’t the Peeping Tom waiting for her legs to open again so he could catch a glimpse of paradise. He could control his need to spread those legs and bury his face between them. He could control the desire to inhale her scent, to lick her into submission.
“You’re staring, Niall.”
It wasn’t so much a request to stop as it was an acknowledgement of his attention. He smiled.
“I was. And I‘d like to say I’m sorry, but I think we’ve moved past the point of polite lies, no?”
She returned his smile, the first genuine one since they were in her apartment. He relaxed. Perhaps the evening could be salvaged. A knock sounded at his door and he poured her a glass of wine as soon as the door was closed.
“Thank you for coming,” he said, handing her the glass. “I’ll do my best to ensure that you enjoy your evening.”
She settled her spine against the back of the couch, one leg still draped elegantly over the other.
“I’ll do my best to enjoy it,” she returned. “Anyway, it’s my turn to ask personal questions.”
Niall braced himself mentally. He’d most likely tell her whatever she wanted to know anyway.
“Why haven’t you been snapped up? Most eligible bachelors of your status are tied at the hip to some fabulous female, and are clearly marked ‘off the market’.”
“I’m not a piece of meat, Willa Mae. I’m a person. And I’m not for sale.”
He hoped his teasing wouldn’t rile her up again, but he couldn’t help but return her earlier response to her. His relief when she laughed was immense.
“Touché, your lordship,” she replied with a smirk, making him laugh too.
“I have no desire to be tied at the hip to anyone,” he told her flippantly. “Nor do I wish to curtail any woman’s freedom in such a way.”
She studied his face for a long moment before replying. “So, your affairs are strictly for entertainment, and when the itch has been scratched to your satisfaction, you release the catch back to the ocean. Sort of like fishermen who hunt for the big catch so they can take pictures for posterity, to prove their stories to be true.”
Her tone was a cross between sarcastic and disappointed, with a little disapproval thrown in for good measure. None of them pleased Niall at all. Why he needed her approval or cared if she was disappointed in him was a mystery he refused to solve. He wouldn’t have her continuing to think that he was just a user and a player.
“My relationships with women are entirely consensual,” he snapped, and then reined in his temper. It wasn’t her fault that he was what he was, whatever label she might use to describe him. But he wouldn't apologize for it. He wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in life if he was always apologizing for his decisions, for how he chose to live his life.
“I didn’t say they weren’t,” she retorted immediately. “But just because they let you use them and then throw them away doesn’t mean it’s okay to do so.”
“Are you worried that I’m looking to do the same thing to you, lass?”
“Aren’t you?”
Niall sipped his wine. Was that his plan…to use her and then discard her? He did not maintain any kind of connection with the women he had dated up to now, but he wasn’t going to let Willa Mae go far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to find her. He didn’t want to think about what it would be like to lose touch with her completely. He’d like them to be friends, not just lovers.
“No, I’m not,” he replied honestly. “I’d like us to be friends.”
“Right after I open my legs to you, correct?”
She would never back away from an argument with him, and the thrill of it ratcheted up his desire for her. He stood up, putting his glass down and walking away to the plate glass picture window. The lights of the city screamed across the skyline below him. A sudden image flashed into his mind’s eye…she was planted against the window, her hands flat against it, fingers spread wide, groaning and calling out his name as he took her from behind. He blinked and slid his hands into the pockets of his slacks to adjust himself, out of her sight. Then he turned.
“I won’t deny that I have thought about being your lover,” he said, knowing he needed to be as honest as he dared to be with her. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t wish also to be your friend. Will that be a problem?”
She sipped her wine before answering. “How many men do you know who are friends with the women they have casual sex with?”
“Enough to know it’s possible, as a matter of fact,” he said. “We are not all the gross animals you ladies like to think we are.”
She looked like she didn’t believe him, and he supposed she had a right. After all, too many men did exactly as she had said, himself included, and discarded the women they slept with completely, not even giving them the courtesy of maintaining an acquaintance. And most of the time, it wasn’t because the woman wished it to be so.
“I wouldn’t be comfortable being that sort of friend to you,” she told him, looking away at last. “I’m not a ‘friends-with-benefits’ kind of girl. I don’t like to share, for starters. And I’ve come to a place where I’d like sex to be about more than two bodies grinding together to scratch an itch. I’d like it to be about making intimate connections…about making love.”
“Have you had a lot of the former, then?”
Niall didn’t like the way his chest tightened at the idea that she was as experienced as he was. It was hypocritical of him, given his own behavior in the past, but he couldn’t budge the feeling of dismay at the thought.
She cast him a disbelieving look before cutting her eyes away from him without deigning to respond. Slapped again…dinner needed to arrive now, before he swallowed both his feet whole.
As if the gods had heard his silent plea, another knock sounded at the door. He hastily went to open it and allowed the server to push the cart laden with food into the room. He directed him to the dining table and once everything was offloaded, he tipped the young man and closed the door behind him.
“I think it’d be easier if we just helped ourselves and sat in the couches, no?”
She rose and came toward him. “My God, who else did you invite to dinner? This could feed a family!”
Niall laughed. “I wanted to make sure there was enough for you to choose from. I can always eat leftovers.”
She picked up a plate and eyed him speculatively as she helped herself to fried chicken and mashed potatoes.
“Is this something the Earl of Ayesthorpe does on a regular basis?”
“The earl is a practical man. And a very big one.”
Willa Mae laughed, and the sound of it pierced him, and stroked over his skin like silk. They filled their plates and sat next to each other on the widest sofa. He was pleased that she didn’t choose the single chair or the loveseat. He wanted to be close to her, to feel her warmth, even when they were arguing.
“So, have you decided where you’ll go on holiday?” he asked.
“I think I will visit my grandma. But I haven’t even looked at tickets as yet, or started packing. I wasn’t expecting to be on vacation or I would have begun to prepare already.”
“I can get you where you wish to go. First class good for you?”
She swallowed the food in her mouth and licked her lips, causing an immediate response in his slacks.
“First of all, I would not be comfortable accepting that kind of help from you.” She pierced him with a look. “And second, I’ll be taking the train. If I can take the train somewhere, I do. I hate flying.”
He considered her. “So four days of your vacation will be spent traveling to and from your destination.”
“Traveling by train is very eye opening, even in coach class,” she said, defending her decision. “You meet interesting people, and sometimes see interesting events unfold. It’s like a mini adventure. And isn’t that what being on vacation is about?”
He chuckled. “If you had a sleeper car, I could better understand your enthusiasm.”
“For a ride to Orlando, it’s not worth it. For longer cross-country rides, then absolutely.”
They ate in silence for a while, and then when their appetites were sated, and Willa Mae was sitting back holding her wine glass, Niall asked,
“Would you like a companion for this vacation?”
“Why would I need a companion? And if I do, are you applying for the position?” she smirked, putting down her glass to look at him.
“Only if you plan to say yes. Being with someone on holiday makes it more fun.”
He gazed back at her, his desire for once not hidden, and she leaned in as though there was some invisible cord pulling them closer. He held his breath, not moving, knowing she would never kiss him without his initiating the contact, but wishing she would, just this once. Instead, she tore her gaze away from his and leaned back.
“Funny you should say that. Jill seemed to think you’ll be here long enough for me to show you some of the places I like.” She paused, then looked at him again, suspicion clouding her gaze. “Did you and she talk about this beforehand? Was this a setup?”
Niall was happy to deny it, though he would need to thank Jill for intervening on his behalf. He wasn’t sure why she had done so, but he wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
“I did not. I told her I was coming over for a few days, and why. That’s all she knows.” He took her hand and looked earnestly at her. “Would it be such a terrible thing to travel with a lonely Scotsman to show him the places you like?”
He put on his best puppy dog face and grinned when she laughed at his silliness.
“Suddenly you’re lonely, eh?” she asked.
“There’s nothing sudden about it at all,” he retorted at once. “It’s at least a month old.”
She laughed again, and this time he laughed with her, leaning in at the last moment to press her lips with his. Her eyes grew wide but she didn’t move away. He pulled away to look at her searchingly, but could find nothing there to indicate that she would reject him if he kissed her the way he wanted to. Returning to her lips, he licked them slowly, tasting the wine she had sipped, and coaxed her to open for him. She gave in with a quiet sigh and he swept in to explore the sweetness he’d been dreaming about for a whole month.
Pulling her closer, he wrapped one arm around her to keep her body close and held her chin with the other hand so she could not move as he kissed her. Her lips were soft, sweet, and tender beneath his own. He suckled the bottom one before sending his tongue back inside her mouth to tangle with hers, to play and tease, until she was moaning softly in his ear, dragging her mouth away to hide her face in the spot between his head and shoulder.
“Too much?” he wondered in a low voice. “I can pull back if you need me to.”
He knew that for the lie it was, but chose to speak it anyway, because he needed to reassure her. Their first real kiss had been so much more than he had expected. He wanted to do it again and again, over and over until she begged for more but he also wanted her trust.
“We…we shouldn’t…”
“Why not, lass? What should we be doing instead?”
“Niall, I’ve told you I don’t want to play games like this.” She sighed heavily, moving further away, breaking out of his hold on her and standing up. “I won’t be your plaything to be discarded when my usefulness is over, or you break me.”
He went after her, following her to the window where he had stood before imaging naughty scenarios with her, and pulled her round to face him.
“What if I say I respect you too much to play with you? That I recognize and admire your strength, and don’t believe anyone can break you?”
“Niall, you only want me because I’m different from your usual flavor. I’m not some pretty blonde-haired white chick, tall and willowy with big boobs. I’m an average-sized black woman and I’m sassy. It’s just the newness that’s getting to you.”
Niall heaved a heavy, exasperated sigh. She was right about one thing…he had never been with a black woman before, but her race didn’t interest him. She did. Who she was as a woman, as an equal. He wanted her. But he couldn’t promise her forever. He had never promised anyone that, because he knew there were no guarantees in life. Why set himself up for a fall that would end up disappointing and maybe even hurting someone?
“I don’t care about the color of your skin, Willa Mae,” he said at last, searching for the right thing to say, because suddenly he realized that this was about so much more than getting her into his bed. “I like you, the sassy, smart, sophisticated woman. I like your independence, your honesty, your guts. I want to know that person more and better than I do.”
She put a hand flat against his chest and pushed him away as far as he allowed. “So if I said I’d be willing to take you to Florida with me — on the train, mind you — but I’m not going to sleep with you, would you still want to be with me?”
“I’d want to be with you no matter what you said, or what stipulations or roadblocks you put in my way.” He pushed back against her hand, leaning in to whisper in her ear, “So, was that a backhanded way of inviting me along for the ride? Shall I pack up my suitcase and check out of this hotel?”
“Niall, that was just a for-instance,” she protested, but a small smile played around her lips.
He knew capitulation when he saw it. He leaned in and kissed those lips again, not trying to seduce her, just letting her know that he knew she was weakening.
“What else can I do to persuade you to make it a real invitation, then?” He pulled away to grin at her. “Because apparently my kissing techniques need work.”
She sputtered, trying not to laugh, but lost the battle and shook under his hands, laughing out loud in real amusement.
“You’re incorrigible,” she said at last, still grinning. “But I really do mean I won’t have sex with you, Niall. I’m not easy like that.”
“Perhaps so, but I haven’t unleashed the full force of my seductive arsenal against you as yet. Perhaps, once my weapons of sensual satisfaction have been deployed, you’ll be incapable of saying no. And all I need is one ‘yes’ to give us what we both want.”
He whispered the words feverishly into her ear, and then licked the shell of it and drew away, releasing her and putting some distance between them. He wanted to remain a man of his word, and not take what she didn’t freely offer, but if he kept touching her, the likelihood of him breaking his own rules would grow. He didn’t want to tempt fate.
She leaned away from him. “You can’t come if you can’t keep your hands to yourself, Niall,” she said, and when he smirked at her, she blushed, deepening her dusky complexion. “Stop it!”
She slapped at his arm and he laughed. There were so many ways to answer that, but he decided to spare her further blushes as much as possible. “I can’t promise not to come if the circumstances are right, lass,” he said. “But I promise to be on my best behavior until you ask me to behave badly.”
Sighing in resignation, she pulled all the way out of his arms and went back to the couch, picking up her drink as she sat and swallowing what was left in the glass.
“More?” When she nodded, Niall poured them both another glass and sat back, handing her the glass.
“So, where do you normally stay when you go away on holiday?”