I watch as my mother fades, the light in her eyes dimming even as she falls back onto the bed, and I wake up, a scream barely held behind my lips, my eyes flying open in the dim orange light.

“Shh,” Nathan says, my fear immediately dissolving as his arms wrap more tightly around my waist. We stayed out here in the big room tonight, the couch is wider and more comfortable than Nathan's bed, something we're going to fix tomorrow. Everyone talked about it after dinner, and we're going to take Andrea and Carson's recommendation to abandon the metal frame and lay our mattresses directly on the floor. “Shh, I've got you.”

“Nathan,” I say, sighing happily as his hands run over my stomach. “Thank you. Did I wake you?”

“A little, but I was only sleeping lightly,” he confesses, kissing me on the back of the neck and behind my ear. “I can’t believe how wonderful it feels to have you in my arms, and I have been lying here, convinced I'm out of my mind. I still can’t believe I’m getting married.”

“I can barely believe you said yes,” I whisper, squirming on the couch and turning over while not moving from Nathan's embrace. “And I've never been happier in my entire life. Can you tell me why? What turned it around so much for you so quickly?”

“I suppose you won't believe me if I just say waking up with you in my bed was enough?” Nathan teases, kissing the hollow of my neck again and sending a wonderful shiver down my spine. “That when all else failed, using the oldest tool in a woman's arsenal was more than enough?”

I chuckle. “Mmm, yes and no. I know you've seen me pretty well stripped down in the months at the farm. So if it was just my body, you'd have tried to make a move a while back. So there had to have been something else.”

“There is. It is a bit of a mood killer though, maybe.”

“That's okay,” I protest, sitting up and already missing his lips on my neck and his hand on my breast. “I really want to know, Nathan. Please? Does it... does it have something to do with Isis?”

“A bit,” he says, sitting up. “Before Isis, there was her half-sister, Aisha. She was the woman who, until I met you, was the love of my life. I was considering spending the rest of my life with her until she was killed in Iraq.”

“You've never told me all the details, but I've heard the name before. She sounds like she was a remarkable woman. I'm not jealous, if you are wondering.”

Nathan gives me a smile and puts an arm around my shoulder, holding me comfortingly. “I have never doubted that. But that same love was twisted, perverted by Isis. It was never about love with her. She took the love I had for Aisha and turned it on itself, used it to twist me up in knots. And I have never been able to forgive her or forgive myself for that perversion.”

“So you stayed away from me because you didn't want to pervert your feelings?” I ask, and Nathan nods. “What changed?”

“Seeing her again, trying to seduce me again. But I was never attracted, never felt anything but revulsion, and I realized something about it as I drove back here.”

“What?” I ask, leaning against him and relaxing into his chest, enjoying the feel of his body under my hand.

“That it is not what we do, it's the feeling behind it that makes it good or bad,” Nathan says, rubbing my shoulder. “Like Carson and Andrea.”

“Okay. I have to admit, last night you surprised me. I guess I got too used to listening to Carson and Andrea. They get... pretty athletic.”

Nathan laughs softly and nods. “If you mean they can get kinky as hell, I agree. But everything they do, is all in the spirit of love. They don't have to ever be ashamed or shy about anything they do. Some people would say Andrea's hurting women or something by being submissive to Carson, but look at her, she’s a strong woman.”

“I know.” I sigh and rub his chest. “I just don’t think I’d ever be into something like that, but you never know.”

He gives me a look, and I continue. “Can you show me what you enjoy doing most?”

Nathan's eyes twinkle and he nods. He slides off the couch and kneels in front of me, reaching for the waistband of my pants. I lift my hips and he slowly pulls my sweatpants off, his eyes widening as he looks at me. “Even more beautiful in the light.”

He leans in, kissing me tenderly before whispering in my ear. “What I want to do more than anything else is to lick your pussy.”

I shiver at the power and passion in his voice and nod, feeling sexy. Even last night, when he and I came together, I didn't feel this sexy and desired, and I whimper as he kisses his way down my neck. He pushes my t-shirt up to expose my upper body to him before pausing, his eyes teasing me as his tongue snakes out to lick around my breast. I can feel ripples of heat building inside me as he circles around my nipple, a smile on his face as he licks. I run my hands through his hair again and offer my breast to him, gasping as his tongue flicks over my nipple, a teasing jolt of pleasure that rockets down my body to the heat that's building between my legs, the space between my thighs wet and quivering in anticipation.

“My love,” he whispers, kissing lower, pausing when I giggle as he kisses my stomach. “Ticklish?”

“Very,” I warn him, “please don't.”

“I won't,” he promises, lowering himself more until his breath tickles the warm wetness between my thighs.

Nathan looks up at me as he brings his tongue to touch my lips, heaven exploding in my mind as he drags his tongue up gently, slipping between and setting my nerves on fire.

“Oh my God...” I groan, leaning back and sliding my hips forward, spreading my knees as far as I can, begging him silently to do it again.

I want to sing out my joy at the feelings that crash through my body as Nathan licks again and again, warm waves when his tongue is outside me but growing sharper, more intense when the tip of his tongue parts my lips and he tastes the pink inner folds of my most intimate of places. But I can't, my mind whirls and I'm dizzy with the amazing pleasure as he guides me, building me up and showing me a level of pleasure I've never even thought possible. Instead, all I can do is moan and breathe, holding Nathan's head as he tastes me over and over, his mumbles of pleasure adding to the feeling.

I feel his tongue touch me higher, higher toward the top of my pussy, pausing before suddenly giving my clit a flick. My hips jerk and I buck, grinding my pussy into his lips even as he brings his hands up to hold my hips and thighs, his tongue flicking back and forth, each touch sending me to new spasms. I lose control, thrashing and crying out uncontrolled as my first orgasm rocks me, but Nathan doesn't stop. Instead he flicks faster and harder, building me up fast and hard. I'm barely able to breathe, my chest hurts I'm aching for air, but my lungs won't pull in any more, and my body is totally in his control. I almost feel like I'm dying, but I don't care, it feels so amazing and so good.

Nathan sucks at my clit, and I come again, my body going stiff, harder than I ever thought possible, wetness shooting out of me to cover his eagerly lapping tongue until my lungs give out and I go gray temporarily, my vision shutting down. In the semi-darkness, I feel him let go and his hand rest on my chest, comforting and supporting me, letting me know that he's there, that I'm safe, and that no matter what, I have nothing to fear.

When I come to, I'm smiling gently, and Nathan is still kneeling between my legs, a gentle smile on his face. “That... that was what heaven feels like.”

I smile and look down between his legs, where he's so hard he's tenting his sweats, bulging straight out. “What about you?”

Nathan looks down and chuckles, reaching into his pants to adjust himself. “Later. Your body's been through enough for a little while, I can see it in your eyes.”

My heart melts again at his words, which are delivered with such patience and love that I don't feel bad at all. Instead, I let him help me on with my panties and sweats again, my body so boneless I can't even shift myself back onto the couch to lie down, Nathan rolling himself behind me so I can lie against him, sleep tugging at my eyelids even before he wraps his arms around me again.

“Mmm, Nathan?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Next time I have a nightmare, can you do that again?”

“Happy to. Goodnight.”

I try to answer, but I can't, my body has already given up, and sleep drops over me like a black curtain, one that is warm, comfortable, and loved.

* * *

“Hey sleepyheads.”

My eyes flutter open to see Andrea kneeling next to the couch, an amused and loving expression on her lips. “Good morning, Andi.”

“Good morning, sis. Comfortable?”

I pull Nathan's arms tighter around me, nodding sleepily. “Very.”

“Good. Listen, the four of us are going to go get a workout in together in the woods, you mind if we leave BA here with you?”

I shake my head, smiling. “That'd be nice. What time is it, anyway?”

“Six fifteen. You two rest.”

I smile, snuggling down into Nathan's arms some more. “Mmm, sounds good.”

Andrea gets up and leaves, and I close my eyes, eager to get what sleep I can until BA wants to get up.