“What do you want?” An elderly woman peered suspiciously at him through the storm door. “Are you selling something?”

Benny gave as friendly of a smile as he could manage. He was cold and sore and his fingers ached. “I was wondering if you’d like your sidewalk and driveway shoveled? I’ll do a very thorough job and it will only cost you twenty dollars.”

It was at least the thirtieth time Benny had knocked on a door today. Most had gone unanswered and a few had been slammed in his face. Several people had politely declined. Only two had taken him up on it so far. Working up a good sweat kept him warm but the downtime between made the sweat freeze to his body and his wet, frozen feet had gone numb. Still, he’d made forty dollars so far. That would last him a little while. It was better than returning bottles and cans, that was for sure, although it was a lot harder work.

“The whole driveway?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am,” Benny said. He hoped his smile looked friendly but he had a feeling it was more of a grimace. “From the garage door out to the street.”

“Well, in my day, young men would have offered to help a neighbor for free, but I suppose this is what times are like now.” She scowled and the criss-crossed map of wrinkles on her face deepened.

Benny stayed silent. He didn’t think she wanted to hear his hard-luck story any more than he wanted to tell it.

She peered at him suspiciously. “Why aren’t you in school today? I listen to the radio every morning and I know they didn’t cancel Ingham County schools this morning.”

“Winter break,” Benny lied.

She squinted at him. “Hmpf. Seems early.”

He thought fast. “It’s because of when Christmas falls.”

“I suppose it must be. Well, you go on then. Be sure to shovel the whole driveway and sidewalk. Up here on the stoop too.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Benny agreed.

“And I’ll have your money for you when you’re done.”

“Do you have a snow shovel I could use?” Benny asked.

She glowered at him. “You really should bring your own if you expect to be paid. But there’s one in the garage, hanging up on the left. I’ll put up the door for you but I’ll be watching out the back window so I’ll see if you take anything. Don’t think I won’t.”

“I promise I won’t take a thing,” Benny assured her. “And I’ll put the shovel right back where I found it when I’m done.”

She nodded at him. “Go on then.”

The garage was neat and tidy and he easily found the shovel hanging to the left of the old but meticulously well cared for car parked inside. Benny grabbed the shovel and waved at the back of the house to show her he hadn’t taken anything else.

He fell into a rhythm shoveling snow. This was an old neighborhood with long, narrow lots. It meant the driveways were equally long and by the time he got halfway done, his arms ached and he felt lightheaded. He wasn’t used to this much physical exertion and the lack of square meals lately meant that his body was running on fumes.

He was going to have to spend some of the money he earned today on food. His stomach growled at the thought of a big, hot meal. The scrape of the shovel against the concrete drive and the thud of the snow landing against the wooden fence became background noise as he fantasized about bowls of chili or a hearty beef stew. He wasn’t sure where to go to get it though. He’d stuck with fast food because it was relatively cheap and no one cared what you looked or smelled like when you went through a drive through. But what Benny really wanted was to sit down in a quiet booth somewhere, thaw his frozen fingers and toes, and dig into a real meal. Feel human again.

He was so lost in thoughts of food; he finished the driveway in record time. It didn’t take long to clear the sidewalk or the stoop of the old lady’s house and when he was sure he’d done a thorough job, he rapped his red, cracked knuckles against the door to let her know. She peered through the glass at him.

“I’ll put the garage door up again so you can put the shovel back. Right where you found it, you understand me?” She instructed him. “Not leaning against the wall. I might trip on it and break my hip.”

“I understand, ma’am,” he reassured her. At least this time she didn’t bring up him stealing something.

After the shovel was hung neatly on its peg, Benny returned to the front door. A moment later, the woman opened it a crack.

“I only have seventeen dollars.” She thrust the money through the opening and slammed it tightly closed as soon he took it from her. Benny’s irritation rose. Why did she promise him twenty when she only had seventeen? He needed that money. But then he noticed to look on her face. She looked slightly ashamed and she couldn’t quite meet his gaze through the glass in the storm door. He wondered if money was tight for her too. Her voice quavered a little as she continued. “I thought I had more in my pocketbook. I’d pay you the rest if I had it but I don’t.”

“It’s okay,” Benny said, softening his voice. “I understand.”

A moment of recognition seemed to pass between them, and she offered him a small, tentative smile. It transformed her sour face. “You wait here though. There’s something I do have for you.”

She closed the door and he heard her latch it behind her.

Baked goods? He wondered as he tucked the money into his battered wallet. It seemed like old ladies enjoyed baking. His grandma had, anyway. And he certainly wouldn’t turn down food right now. He tried not to shiver as he waited, but the sun was going down and it was growing darker and colder by the minute. The sweat was drying on his skin under his clothes and making him even more uncomfortable. The possibility of food kept him from going anywhere though.

Benny heard the shuffle of her slippers as she approached the door and he forced a smile onto his face despite the shivers wracking his body. But it wasn’t chocolate chip cookies or any other kind of food she brought back. It was an old brown utility coat and gloves. She unlatched the door again and passed the clothes to him. “These belonged to my late husband. I have no use for them but you look like you could do with some warm things while you’re out working so hard.”

Benny’s eyes filled with tears and he had to blink them back and clear his throat twice before he replied, “thank you, ma’am. You have no idea how much I appreciate them.”

She looked down at his feet and shook her head at the sight of his tattered sneakers, still caked with snow. His feet had gone numb a long time ago and he was starting to wonder if he’d ever feel them again. “And no proper footwear either. I can’t believe your mother let you out of the house looking like that.”

Benny just smiled awkwardly. She had no idea. He wondered what she’d think of the kind of things his mother actually did. “She didn’t know,” he offered.

“What size shoes do you wear, young man?”

“Twelve,” Benny explained. He was only 5’11” but his feet were huge. He kept hoping he’d grow into them eventually, but it didn’t seem to be happening.

She made a disappointed sounding noise. “I’m afraid Joseph wore tens. That won’t do.”

“Unfortunately not.” Too bad it wasn’t the other way around. Benny could have stuck wadded up paper in them to make them fit better. He gave her a smile anyway. A real, genuine one. “But I appreciate the warm clothes you gave me. You have no idea how much I need them.”

“You stay warm now,” she said. “It’s supposed to be bitter tonight.”

“I will thanks to you!” Benny said. He turned away, feeling lighter than he had all day. Warm clothes, money in his wallet, and someone looking out for him had done wonders for his mood. “Take care, ma’am.”

He waved at her one more time before he jogged down the freshly-cleared sidewalk. His car was parked half a block away and he tugged the warmer clothes on as he walked toward it. His fingers ached as he slipped the gloves on, but he knew they’d thaw soon enough, especially once he cranked up the heater in his car.

The jacket was too large, but it worked well over top of the layers he already had on and the heavy canvas cut the wind. It had dropped well below freezing now and the snow squeaked under his shoes as he approached his car. The old lady was right; it was going to be a bitter cold night. But he’d be okay with the extra clothing. And he could afford to run the car periodically and get more gas in the morning.

Benny settled in the car and cranked the engine. It made a whine of protest but it turned over after a moment and he felt a pulse of relief. He needed the car to keep working as long as possible if there was any chance for him to get ahead.

He let the engine run as he sat there, contemplating what to do for dinner. He was definitely going to treat himself to something hot, but he couldn’t decide where to go. When no ideas came to him, he decided to drive around for a little while until inspiration hit. He couldn’t afford to do it for long, but it would allow the engine to heat and give him some time to thaw. His skin prickled with pins and needles as his body began to warm and he felt sharp stabbing pains in his fingers and toes. Damn, he’d gotten the gloves just in time. If he wasn’t careful he was going to end up with frostbite. He desperately wished she’d had boots that would fit him, but he could hardly look a gift horse in the mouth. Every little bit helped. He was better off than he had been this morning. That was all that mattered.

Benny drove away from downtown and toward the strip malls. He passed Chinese restaurants, pizza joints, and a ton of fast food, but none of it really appealed. He wanted something that would stick to his ribs while not costing him a fortune.

Benny let the car slow as he passed a Middle Eastern restaurant. Benny remembered one time when he’d gone to a similar place with the Sullivan family. He’d just been a kid and he’d never tried anything so exotic. His grandma was a good cook but she just made basic things like mac n cheese and casseroles. But with a little coaxing from Mrs. Sullivan, Benny had tried some new things and loved them. He didn’t remember what they were exactly, but all of it had tasted so good. There had been spiced meat and rice and chewy bread with some kind of sauce.

His rumbling stomach made the decision for him. He’d go in and check out what they had. As long as he could afford it and they didn’t kick him out for looking—and smelling—like he did, that’s what he’d have for dinner. He turned the corner and entered the parking lot off the side street. There were only two cars there. As he opened the door and was slammed with a gust of icy wind, he realized he’d finally begun to warm up, but his body ached with exhaustion now that he was moving again.

Thankfully, the restaurant was warm inside. It smelled of spices and garlic and Benny’s rumbling stomach let out an appreciative growl. A man stood behind the counter with a crisp white apron wrapped around his ample midsection. He smiled at Benny from behind a thick black mustache.

“Cold night,” he said with a nod.

“Yeah it is,” Benny agreed as he tucked his gloves in his pocket. He craned his neck to look at the board above the counter. There were too many choices listed and he didn’t recognize most of the things up there. He knew what hummus was, and that was from eating it at Scott’s house. He had no idea what Mrs. Sullivan had ordered for him last time, unfortunately.

“You ready to order?” The man’s accent was thick and it took Benny a moment to piece together what he’d said.

Benny shook his head and his wind-reddened cheeks heated further. “I’m not sure what to get. I’ve never eaten here before.”

“You like chicken?”

“Yes.”

“Chicken shawarma is good. You can get it in a bowl with rice, house salad, pickled turnip, hummus, and garlic sauce. It’s hot and it’ll fill you up.”

Benny nodded his agreement before he could ask what the price was. Right now, he didn’t care. He was hungry and tired and he just wanted to fall asleep with a full belly for once. He wasn’t sure if he’d like pickled turnips or not. The rest sounded great though and, at this point, he’d pretty much eat anything.

The man hummed to himself as he assembled the food and Benny’s eyes widened as he saw him mound heaps of rice and meat into the bowl. Could he afford all that?

“You want pita?” Benny hesitated. “It comes with meal.”

“Yes please.” Benny was pretty sure it was the chewy bread he’d had before that went with the hummus.

“Drink?”

“Water please.”

The man set a cup on the tray. “Soda fountain is over there. Free refills no charge.”

Benny felt another sliver of concern as he saw the massive amounts of food on the tray. What was it going to cost? But to his relief, it rang up under ten dollars. Since the portion was enormous and there was no way he could eat it all tonight, he’d have leftovers for tomorrow. His stomach growled happily at the thought.

With shaking hands, Benny took his change and the tray of food, then walked over to a table. The restaurant was deserted except for a couple sitting on the other side of the room. Benny dug into the chicken and rice immediately and closed his eyes in appreciation at the flavor. He was hungry. Literally starving, and he had been for over a week. But the flavors that settled on his tongue were a thousand times better than the greasy, tasteless burgers he’d scarfed down a few days before.

And this was so much more satisfying. The meat and rice were hot, but the bites of salad were cool. The rich hummus was creamy against the chewy bread and he even liked the bite of the vinegar in the crunchy vegetables that he assumed were turnips. The garlic sauce was so strong it almost burned his tongue but it was good too and he ate and ate until he finally felt full enough to slow down.

“You like falafels? I made extra. I have to throw the rest out tonight.” The man placed a plate containing four, fried-looking brown balls on the table next to his plate. “You eat.”

“Thanks?” Benny said, bewildered. He noticed the man didn’t take any to the couple at the other table and he wondered why.

Benny bit into one and yelped when it scorched his mouth. So hot. But it was good. Crispy on the outside and almost creamy inside with a flavor he didn’t know how to describe. Whatever it was, it tasted delicious. He ate all four but after he was done, his stomach felt uncomfortably full. Even then, there was plenty of the other food to take with him for tomorrow.

He stood with a quiet groan so he could carry his tray up to the front. “Could I get a bag so I can take this with me?” he asked the man behind the counter.

“I’ll wrap up for you.”

Benny handed over the tray, feeling full, tired, and very sore.

“I’m going to use your bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

The bathroom was nothing special, but after having to pee outside in frigid winter weather earlier today, it felt like a palace. Since he’d been on the street, he’d found a few fast food places that were too busy to notice if someone slipped in and out to use the bathroom without paying. But he had to be careful no matter what. Even more so when he had to go outside. The last thing he wanted was to get caught with his fly undone and get arrested for indecent exposure. That would be just his luck.

Benny washed his hands when he was done, yelping when the hot water and soap hit his raw, cracked hands. They were still thawing and they tingled painfully. His body ached all over from the physical exertion and the food had made him so sleepy. He was glad all he had to do was drive the car to the lot, crawl in the back, and pass out. He was going to sleep hard tonight. At least until the cold woke him and prompted him to start the engine.

When Benny returned to the counter, the man had his bag of food ready and his cup had been refilled with water. It would freeze by morning in his car, but he could thaw it eventually. Benny thanked him and walked to the exit. The bag felt suspiciously heavy in his hand and he inspected it once he was in his car. It seemed the man had added extra food. There were at least twice the number of pieces of pita he’d had left and another big spoon of rice and meat. Benny felt his eyes sting.

Had the man just been getting rid of the extras at the end of the day? Or had he known Benny was homeless and starving? Either way, it would be enough to last him for a good long while and he was grateful.

Benny put the car in gear and drove away from the restaurant with a full belly and a very full heart.

***

In the morning, Benny’s mouth tasted strongly of garlic, but for the first time in a week, his stomach wasn’t cramped from hunger. Every muscle in his body ached and his hands were cracked and bleeding though. There were fresh blisters on his palms from the shoveling and the car was so cold that there was heavy frost on every window despite the fact that he’d run the engine to heat the car several times throughout the night.

But the kindness of the two people he’d met the day before lingered and he felt a renewed sense of energy. He just needed to keep working hard and he’d make it. He was sure of it.

But the day proved more difficult than the one before for drumming up business. A lot of people had already cleared their drives, so none of them needed his help. Most of them looked apologetic as they told him no, but a few were less kind.

“I’ve got a snow blower!” A man snarled. The door slammed in Benny’s face hard enough to make his ears ring and he resisted the urge to shout, “Well then use it!” back at the guy.

But he knew while it might make him feel better, it wasn’t going to get him any business. Better to just move on to the next house. Unfortunately, no one answered the door at the next three places. And at the fourth, a skinny guy with a bald head and a huge beard squinted at him.

“I don’t have any cash. Do you take PayPal?”

Benny blinked at him. “Uhh, no. I’m afraid not.”

“Sorry man. You might want to look into that. Or you could get the Square Reader app for your phone and take credit cards.”

“I’ll look into that,” Benny lied. What a joke. He had a bank account to deposit money into, thanks to his job at the grocery store. But it was probably overdrawn. And if he had the money to buy a smart phone, he wouldn’t be freezing his ass off trying to make a few bucks. “Thanks.”

Benny trudged down the sidewalk to the next house. No one was home there, but the next had someone who was, and they needed their driveway cleaned.

By the time the sun sank behind the trees and Benny heated his semi-frozen leftovers on the vent in the car, he was cold, tired, and crabby. Only one person had hired him to shovel today. Benny was twenty dollars richer, but much less hopeful than he’d been the day before. Until they got more snow, he might be out of luck.

***

Benny’s suspicion was right. Even though he drove from neighborhood to neighborhood over the next few days, the drives were all cleared of snow. The weather had been cold and dry since the last snow storm so there was nothing new to for him to do. He made the Middle Eastern food last as long as possible, but it was gone eventually. He started looking for other jobs too, but without a phone and with no other way to contact him, it was impossible. No one was looking to hire someone on the spot.

Driving around looking for work used up gas quickly and the money he’d earned shoveling dwindled too. He spent some time in the campus library again, but he only managed to scrounge up a few bottles to return. He lurked around the entrance to the Intramural building as long as he could stand it but no one came in or out, so he wasn’t able to sneak in to shower. It was too cold for him to spend any more time waiting, so he gave up and went back to his car. He felt so incredibly rank and disgusting. The hat covered his hair so no one else had to see how greasy it was, but his scalp itched like crazy. Hell, all of him itched.

It was hard sleeping in the car. The cramped, cold space left him aching and uncomfortable. When he did sleep, it was in fits and spurts, and he dreamed about Scott. Several times throughout the night, he wake, shivering, remembering what it felt like to be laying, warm and safe, in Scott’s arms.

He’d lie awake, remembering the good times. The silly, stupid little things like the time Scott laughed so hard root beer came out of his nose. The way he chewed on the end of his pen in class when he was concentrating. His laugh when something was really funny.

Benny missed it. He missed all of it. Even the annoying things Scott did.

Thinking about Scott didn’t make him any warmer, or more comfortable, but somehow, it did get him through the long, cold nights.

The next few days followed in a similar fashion and Benny grew more and more depressed. He was starting to lose track of what day it was, and one afternoon—he thought it was just a couple of days before Christmas—he went to the public library in downtown Lansing to stay warm. It wasn’t as big as the one on MSU’s campus, but he thought some of the people who worked there were starting to recognize him and get suspicious.

He didn’t have the energy to search for jobs today and at least in the library he’d be warm and he’d have a public bathroom to use. Benny found the most deserted part of the library he could and settled into a chair with a book. He struggled to focus on the words but they seemed to swim in front of his eyes. He was exhausted and hungry and he just needed a break.

He dozed a little as he sat there, periodically waking up long enough to flip a page and pretend to read it. He awoke fully when he heard a too-loud whisper from behind him.

“Why does he smell like that?” a little girl hissed.

“Don’t be rude, Mackenzie. I think he’s homeless.” The mother’s voice wasn’t much quieter and Benny felt shame wash over him.

So everyone could tell. He’d been hoping maybe he was hiding it better than that, but apparently not. Tears pricked his eyes. He felt wretched. Less than human.

The little girl scampered by a minute later and for a moment she looked enough like Angel to make him freeze. She wasn’t, of course. This girl wasn’t as skinny as his sister. She looked healthy and well-taken care of. Like she’d never known a hard day in her life. It’s how Angel should look.

Benny wanted that for Angel so fiercely he could taste it, but what could he do? He was useless. Sure, he could make a little money at odd jobs and scrounging for returnables, but that would get him nowhere. It might give him enough to put a little food in his belly and keep his car running, but it wouldn’t allow him to move forward at all. It would never get him a job or a roof over his head. It would never in a million years allow him to make a home for his sister.

Realizing his cheeks were wet, Benny stood abruptly. The book fell to the carpet with a muffled ‘whump’. It sounded loud in the quiet room and he realized with horror that people were staring at him. He grabbed his coat off the back of the chair, then fled through the building and out the door. His shoes slipped on the wet sidewalk when he reached the outside of the building and he realized it was raining. Damn it, there went any chance of getting snow shoveling jobs.

Angrily, he kicked the nearest trash can.

A business man walking by shot him a weird look and hurried past as if he was afraid of catching whatever it was Benny had.

Unable to take another second of dealing with people, Benny ran for his car in the nearby lot and got inside. It was his only refuge.