It’s been five days of being at Kodiche’s beck and call, but it’s been good. After the first day, he was just as happy to have me in one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties around the house, only putting on one of the arm-candy outfits when running errands. I think he’s learned that embarrassing me isn’t an effective punishment for getting me to learn anything out of it. I am supposed to volunteer at the hospital this evening, but I rescheduled my hours back until the weekend after I’m done with Kodiche.

There’s no way he’d let me go for three hours to read books to kids in the hospital and help with changing bedding and restocking linens in the pediatric ward, not when I agreed to this special seven day training.

But part of me wants to ask. If I did, would he go with me? There is nothing small about Kodiche; he would take up half the waiting room. No, it’s better this way. I can go in just a couple more days and spend time with the kids then.

The last time I was away from my volunteer work this long was after I was donating bone marrow to Katie. I'd been visiting my father in and out of the hospital since I was very young. The nurses all knew me and they let me wander while my mother sat with my dad as they ran fluids into him; it was so normal for me.

That was when I met Katie.

She was a few years older than I was, but she pretty much lived in the hospital. She’d relapsed from cancer remission twice.

I found out that her family was searching for a donor for her, that no one in their family was a close enough match. I volunteered for the blood draw, and a few weeks later was taken in for the huge ass needle to be shoved into my hip.

She got better for a little while after that. I didn't know she'd passed away until one day, while wandering the hospital, a boy came up to me. He said he was Katie’s twin brother; he gave me a stuffed cat. “Katie-cat” was her nickname at home, he had explained. He was beside himself with grief at losing his twin. I guess his bringing me the stuffed animal was his way of connecting with her through me.

He was my first kiss, though I don’t know if it counts if you give it on the cheek.

I reach into my suitcase and pull out the worn and patched cat, lightly stroking its fur. It goes everywhere with me, my security blanket through life. It reminds me that selflessness has given me a treasured friendship and helped so many other families as I spend time with their children when they can’t be at the hospital.

“Yes, I know. I was there, I remember.” Kodiche’s voice echoes in the hallway, and I replace my cat and slowly make my way down the hall. He’s on his laptop in his office, a video call it looks like, eating leftover fruit salad as he talks. “The situation is being dealt with.”

Kodiche sighs and leans forward, and I can just imagine the glare he’s giving the person on the other end of the call. “Jerry, I know.” The steely tone is nothing like the ice he’s used with me. This one threatens to rip the guy’s head off and shove it up his ass all while making him look forward to it.

The fight continues, but I can only hear his side of it. There’s only one Jerry, though, and he’s on the Board. He's also wanted to replace me with his daughter for years.

Kodiche says, “Vivian's mistake was obvious, I agree. But what happens to her is up to me. I decide if she's fired, not you.”

Then it clicks and my stomach drops.

He’s fighting with the head of the Board of Directors over me.

“They were looking for a reason to turn down our bid. You know that; the shareholders know that. I’m not going to bend over backwards for people like that. It’s not the sort of man I am, Jerry.”

I know exactly what sort of man Kodiche is, and the only backwards bending he wants is me leaning over a balance ball as he fucks me. We worked on a file yesterday where I had to try and keep a wireless keyboard level on my stomach as he went down on me, licking me until I begged to come, all while typing up the report he needed me to process. It is without a doubt the hottest thing related to work I have ever done. I came without his permission, unable to hold back when he asked if I’d do this again at the office in front of the windows one night. The image was too hot for me to picture without coming.

The spanking after was sweet, just enough to make my eyes sting with tears and my ass get warm before he stopped and ran a bath for me. He’d even climbed in with me, and our bubble bath turned into washing one another and exploring his tattoos.

There were initials over his heart. They’re faded but traceable: KL. I’d asked him if they belonged to a woman, and after his nod, I didn’t push the issue, merely going onto the next ink. She’s obviously not in his life any longer. It’s not my position to pry and make him upset.

“No, Jerry. I realize they’re furious and that they don't want to work with me while the person responsible is still an employee.”

My blood runs cold. If he doesn't fire me, they won't work with him? That’s millions of dollars. Billions maybe. I’m not worth that much. I can’t be.

“Look, I’ll get back to you later today. I have some things to deal with here.” Kodiche sighs again and rubs his temples. “Yes, I’m aware of the bottom line, Jerry. I always am.” He waits, listening. “Firing her would definitely make everyone's lives easier.”

He’s going to do it. I mean, why not? He’ll get the client back, and it isn't like he owes me anything. My boss is facing away, I can see the tension in his broad shoulders. Picturing him turning that black anger on me, blaming me and firing me to erase all of his issues, it makes me sweat.

Backing away, I bump one of the antique tables on display in the hall and turn to steady it before anything can fall.

“Viv?” he calls out. Somewhere in these five short days, I've become worthy of a nickname. It's too sweet; I can’t bear to hear it now with the inevitable firing that's coming.

I race down the hall. I don't know where I'm going; to get my things, to just get away? Shaking muscles buckle my legs, forcing me to stumble along the wall until I reach my mattress. I toss what few things of my own I have here into my bag and head for the stairs. I’m so upset with myself for getting into this situation that I could throw up all over the marble floor.

All I can do is think of getting home or going to see my parents. Either would be fine.

“Where are you going?” His tone is the one he uses when he tells me to kneel. There's surprise in his eyes as he stands far down the hall, barely out of his office. I know I'll make it to the stairs before him if I move fast enough.

“I’m leaving, Kodiche.”

He takes a single step my way. The storm in his expression darkens. “You were listening to my call, weren't you?” Pushing fingers to his brow, he breathes out. “Viv.”

“Don't!” I snap, shouldering my bag and rushing for the stairs. My vision is blurring; my heart beating too fast. I know all the signs of a panic attack but I'm too proud to slow down. “No nicknames, how dare you? I know your plan, and after putting me through this... all of this, using me, I...”

The world tilts just as I bend my knees to descend the stairs. The steps rush upward to greet me; this isn't how I envisioned leaving, but the ambulance should get here quickly. He’ll call them and not let me stay there on the floor in a heap. I think he will, at least.

My shirt goes taut first, pulling away from my back. “I've got you!” Kodiche’s hands slide around me, catching me before I can tumble headfirst. “You’re safe now.” I’m more like a rag doll than human in his arms, hefted up to his chest.

When he turns me, the ceiling keeps twirling. I'm beyond dizzy, unable to focus, and he can see it in my clammy, pale skin. “Fuck,” he growls. “What's wrong with you? Are you okay?” He doesn't wait for me to answer, he holds me close and carries me not to my bed, but his. “Do you need water?” he asks, setting me on the silver duvet.

I don’t, and asking for it will just delay the inevitable. “No. And I'm fine.”

“Like hell you are,” he snaps, running fingers through his hair. That's when I recognize the emotion in his liquid onyx eyes; fear. He's worried about me.

Realizing that stops me cold. I grasp onto that information and use it to calm my heart, center myself so the panic attack fades. I'm still feeling off, but I know I could get up and leave now.

But I don't.

He sits on the bed beside me, our hands nearly touching but not. “Vivian,” he says slowly. My name is too warm on his tongue; I want to curl up in his voice. “Tell me what's going on. You almost fainted back there.”

I play with the edge of Kodiche’s blanket in an attempt to avoid looking at his reaction. “That happens sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“When I'm exhausted... or stressed out.”

The bed shifts as he leans closer. “Am I stressing you out?”

I'm shaking my head quick enough to make me nauseous again. “No! I mean... a little.” Eyeing him, I scrunch down, making myself small. “There's stuff you don't know.”

He doesn't break his stare. “I want to know. Tell me, please.”

He wills me with his eyes, but ultimately, I'm just tired of lying. And what does it matter anymore? He's firing me, maybe he should know how much harder he's about to make my life. “My parents have been in poor health since I was little. I've been working to take care of them both, and the medical bills are insane, even with their insurance. My dad’s heart went out of rhythm the other night, too.”

“That's what you were texting about when I walked in,” he says. “Viv, I’m not that much of a monster, am I? If you’d told me you had to go to the hospital to see your dad, I’d have gladly taken you there myself. Hell, I know what it’s like to have a sick parent. Didn’t I tell you that my mom is bed-ridden? I know the guys at work all call me ‘The Kodiak’ behind my back, but isn’t my bark far worse than my bite?”

Laughter wells up unbidden. “I haven’t been bitten by you to compare, and bears don’t bark. They growl and roar.”

His cheeks are sunken, hollowed as he thinks and purses his lips. “You've taken on a hug burden by helping them like this.”

“I have to,” I insist. “There's no one else. People need to be helped, that's why I volunteer at the hospital.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “You volunteer as well? Where do you find the hours?”

Feeling like I've been caught in a trap, I just shrug.

“You're working yourself to the bone to take care of your parents, volunteering at the hospital, and trying to work for me. It's no wonder you've been making mistakes.”

“I can handle it,” I mumble. “I mean, I have to.”

Kodiche frowns. “You should have said something.” The finger on my chin moves along my jaw until he’s cupping my cheek.

“How, when anytime I opened my mouth it usually earned me a spanking? And why? Who tells their boss about this stuff?” I chuckle cynically.

“The day you spilled the coffee on the presentation,” he says suddenly. “Was that because you were exhausted?” I hate how he's scrutinizing me with such pity.

I look away, wanting to be anywhere else but his bed. He cages me in with his arms, saying, “Stop. Tell me the truth.”

“Fine.” I nearly spit the word out because nothing feels fine anymore. “The truth is I’m an idiot who thought I could do whatever it took to keep my job, to keep my parents in their house and marginally healthy, and to keep spending time with the kids at the hospital. But I’m clearly stupid and not worth the effort to stay in your company or to cost you so much. If you’ll just let me up, I’ll take my lazy, stupid self and get out of—”

His mouth covers mine, shutting me up.