SIXTEEN
TAMMY WOKE UP sick. Her stomach turned and when she checked her calendar, the dates void of red circles staring back at her sent a pang of guilt through her stomach. She'd been careful. She'd sworn they were careful. Well, maybe not perfectly careful.
It had been five days since she’d heard from Victor. Fall was slipping away into winter. New England no longer felt so beautiful; everything around her was dying. Tammy was forced to face the harsh reality that everything was temporary. School had grown more difficult, she barely saw Victor anymore and Randall had gone dangerously silent.
Tammy worried when he disappeared for too long. When he returned... It was always something bad. Once he'd been arrested for trafficking in Canada. He'd receive two DUIs in Texas. He'd gambled away $1,000 his boss loaned him. With Randall, there was always something.
He wouldn't let Tammy know peace.
Winters were always hard for Tammy. It wasn't just the bitter cold or the biting winds of a sharp New England winter. You always felt alone in the winter. Winter had been when Randall had hit her for the first time in public. She'd fallen face first into a snow bank and when she tried to fight back, he'd carried her to his car and beat her up some more. Winter had been when Randall started using again. Winter had been when her cousin Terry had died in Saint Louis. Those memories tainted the first snow, the first day you have to wear a hat to survive the cold, the first day you get your snow tires on.
In the winter, she always felt like a shadow of herself and Tammy knew this winter would be no different. At least it was the weekend and she was getting plenty of time with her son. Jabari was really excelling at Willowcrest but his excellence came at the expense of some of their time together. Tammy knew it was important for her son to make new friends and all of that but a part of her missed having her little boy around all the time.
Tammy’s day was about to get worse. As she was sitting down to an oatmeal breakfast with her son, Randall called her.
“I’m sitting down to breakfast Randall, what do you want?” Tammy snapped.
Randall replied smugly, “You might want to watch your tone, Tammy. I’m filing for custody of Jabari. I’ve received word that you’re floundering and I know I could raise my son right.”
Her heart stopped. What? Randall had never expressed interest in taking custody of his son before. He'd been more than content to let Tammy do everything. She couldn't take it anymore.
“You ain’t shit Randall!” Tammy screamed into the phone. Even Tammy was surprised by her outburst.This time she didn’t care if Jabari heard. She was tired of Randall’s bullshit. Tammy was tired of taking everyone’s shit lying down. This was a start of a necessary change. Jabari looked up from his bowl of oatmeal terrified. He’d never seen his mother this angry before.
Tammy wasn’t through with Randall.
“I know you think that you’re hot shit Randall but if you take me to court I swear to God I will take you for every penny you’re worth! I can’t raise my son right? At least I raised him! You haven’t done shit except hang out with him like he’s your little buddy and not your flesh and blood. You don’t give a SHIT about your son if you think you can use him like a pawn. Just try me, Randall Combs. I swear to you have another thing coming!” Tammy screeched.
She hung up her phone immediately after. If Randall thought she would stand there and listen to his bullshit, he was crazy.
The stress of the phone call washed over Tammy all at once. She felt faint at first and then nauseous. Tammy slammed her phone on the table and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
“Mom are you okay?” Jabari yelled as he followed her.
This was shaping up to be a very unusual day for Jabari. He’d never seen his mother angry like that and he’d never seen her terribly ill like this either.
As she emptied her guts into the toilet, a horrible thought came over Tammy. It wasn’t possible; it couldn’t be… But Tammy had only felt nausea like this at one other point in her life. It was the type of nausea you couldn’t control and the type of nausea that you didn’t forget.
“Mom are you okay?” Jabari asked as he peered into their downstairs bathroom.
Tammy raised her head and lied, “Yes, everything’s fine Jabari. I’m just a little stressed. Let me get cleaned up so we can finish breakfast.”
Tammy brushed her teeth and cleaned her bathroom before resuming her meal with her son. With an empty stomach, her oatmeal seemed to taste just a little bit better. That warmed Tammy up just a little bit. If what she thought was true, she was in big trouble. Tammy spent the rest of the morning helping Jabari with a math project and chatting with her son about school and his soccer team.
Although it was a weekend, Victor was in his office. He hadn’t been in touch with Tammy since he received that phone call from Stephanie. He didn’t want to believe that it was true, but what if it was? Was Victor putting everything on the line for a woman he hardly knew? Most of his ideas about Tammy came from when he knew her as a student.
Did he have everything wrong? If Tammy really was an unfaithful woman, why had he only detected honesty during their nights together? Victor needed to think of his next move. Whether or not what Stephanie said was true, one thing was certain: she was ready to fight. Victor decided to put it out of his mind. This was clearly a bitter woman trying to cause trouble. I trust Tammy.
Victor was lost in thought when Stan Duffy entered his office without knocking.
Stan Duffy smiled -- his smile was wide and fake.
“Victor! Hello young man. I just came to let you know… I’m no longer having an affair with a certain head of the PTA. Your strong words made me realize… I don’t want anyone in this town knowing a damn thing that can be used against me,” Stan began.
He let out a hacking cough before he continued, “And I don’t like the idea of you trying to blackmail me much either. I’ll figure out what to do about that soon enough. I just wanted to let you know… You’ve got nothing.”
Victor didn’t say a word. He kept his eyes fixated on Stan Duffy as he spoke. His mind was racing. If Stan had dumped Stephanie, a number of things could happen. Stephanie could go public with her knowledge about his relationship.
This could cost Jabari his position at Willowcrest and it could cost Victor his job. Victor knew he had a lot more to worry about than he realized. He should call Tammy. He knew that he should. But he couldn’t bring himself to hear her voice considering what she had possibly done. Plus, if it was all a lie Stephanie had told him, how could he accuse her of this? She'd be furious with him for not trusting her.
Victor’s mother had always told him he was too proud a man… Orgulloso.
Perhaps it was time to set that pride aside and pursue the truth.
Now that Randall was planning to file for custody, Tammy needed to do something she hadn’t done in years. She'd always said the only way she could do such a thing was if she'd been pushed over the edge. The idea made her more nauseous than her phone call with Randall.
She longed to call Victor and ask for his advice. She couldn't bring herself to admit to him that she might not have been as independent as she looked. Tammy hadn’t needed to do something like this in a long time; she’d made her way on her own for years. But if the law was brought into things… Tammy needed to put her pride aside.
Jabari was outside practicing his shooting for soccer when Tammy made her terrifying phone call. Beep. Beep. Beep. The phone rang and for a moment Tammy thought no one would pick up.
When she heard the familiar raspy alto on the other end, Tammy felt like she was going to faint.
“Hello? Hello? Who is this?”
“Hello mom, it’s Tammy,” Tammy said. She could feel hot tears filling her eyes. She hadn’t spoken to her mother since her family disowned her. Around the time of her father’s death, Tammy had promised herself she would never forgive her mother for what she’d done.
She had ignored her mother’s calls for years. Now, Tammy knew she needed to put the past behind her. There was so much at stake now and her pride wouldn’t help things get better.
“Tammy? Is this some kind of sick joke?” Tammy’s mother replied.
“No mom, it’s me. I know it’s been a while. I’ve changed a lot since we last spoke. Let me just come out and say what I want to say… I’m starting to realize that whatever went on with you and me is in the past. Ever since losing dad I’ve been trying to find a way to get in touch but I haven’t been able to do it. I just miss what we used to have as a family. I hate thinking that I ruined our family. I hate thinking that if it weren’t for my stupid choices none of this would have happened. These nightmares keep me up sometimes. But finally, there’s been a glimmer of hope. Something terrible has happened and I know this is the universe’s way of trying to push me back to you. Mom… I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’m sorry for everything. But I don’t care about all that stuff from the past anymore. I just want you back in my life before it’s too late. I already missed my chance with one parent,” Tammy finished.
Tammy could hear her mother sniffling on the other end. They stayed on the phone together in silence for a long time. Tammy heard her mother’s familiar breathing pattern and listened to the comforting sound until her mother spoke.
“Tammy… My precious daughter... I love you so much. I’m so so sorry for what your father and I did. Please, Tammy… I want to see you. Tell me what you need and then once your problem is sorted through I want to meet you in person,” Her mother replied. Tammy could tell that her mother was choking back her tears. Nicole Powers never cried.
Tammy responded and told her mom everything that had happened with Randall since she’d been excommunicated from the family. After spending more than an hour and a half telling her story, Tammy finally got around to the important part: Randall was filing for custody and Tammy needed the Powers’ lawyer. Once Nicole Powers was done listening to her daughter explain her life situation, she agreed to call the lawyer.
Nicole Powers apologized profusely and wept at the pain she’d caused her daughter by abandoning her.
“I know it might be too late Tammy, but I want to make it up to you. I want to get to know my daughter again,” She begged.
Tammy wanted the same thing.
“Of course mom… On one condition. I want you to have a real relationship with Jabari too. I know you didn’t approve of Randall and I understand why you didn’t, but Jabari is nothing like his father. He’s a sweet little boy,” Tammy implored.
Her mother agreed to the terms. The Powers’ were reuniting to fight for Tammy’s rights as a mother. Randall might have been serious about his threats, but Tammy was definitely serious about her rebuttal. Nothing could stand between her and her son.
When Jabari came back inside he was confused. When he’d left the house his mother looked wrecked. Now she was beaming like someone had just bought her a new car.
“Uh… Is everything okay mom?” Jabari asked.
Tammy gestured for Jabari to give her a hug. He was still befuddled by her behavior, but he wasn’t one to deny his mother a hug. Tammy held her son close. Everything would be okay, she just knew it. Years of bad blood was just starting to get resolved. How could this be a premonition for anything but good fortune?
“Everything’s okay Jay. I spoke to your grandmother and she wants to meet you,” Tammy announced to her son.
She was beaming from ear to ear. Jabari didn’t know how to interpret this news. Should he be excited to meet this woman who had abandoned him and his mother in their time of need? Jabari couldn’t understand why his mother was quite so happy with this arrangement. Nothing he'd heard about his grandmother had been good.
“She wants to meet me now? Why hasn’t she wanted to meet me the thirteen years I’ve been alive!” Jabari exclaimed as he pulled away from his mother’s embrace.
Tammy struggled with how exactly she would explain this to her son. How exactly could she explain to her son why reuniting with her mother was so important? Jabari didn’t understand the full story of his past and Tammy wasn’t sure he would be ready. As far as Jabari was concerned, his grandparents' absence in his life was random and unjust. Tammy needed to finally come clean and tell her son that there was more to the story.
If Tammy was going to come clean to Jabari about her past, she would have to come clean about her present too. Tammy led Jabari to the living room and sat him down; she was about to be truly open and honest with her son in a way she had never been before. Jabari wasn’t a little boy anymore. Before she knew it, he would be a grown man. Jabari deserved to know the truth about his father, Tammy, Tammy’s parents and eventually, the truth about Victor.
Tammy began to explain her teenage love affair with Randall, sparing Jabari the inappropriate details. She described her love of Randall with uncharacteristic honesty. Tammy had never before expressed how good Randall made her feel; that made his cruelty that much more painful when he finally began to reveal who he really was. Tammy told Jabari about the moment she found out she was pregnant with him. She confessed to her son how scared she was about becoming a mother…
“But you’re a great mom!” Jabari exclaimed.
Every mother wants to hear that from their son.
“Thanks, Jay,” She said smiling.
“But if things were going so great, what happened with you and dad?” Jabari asked.
Tammy choked back tears as she started to explain to her son the abuse Randall had inflicted upon her. She told Jabari of her parents' disappointment in her as a teen mother. She told Jabari about how difficult things were once her parents had cut her off financially. Tammy eventually broke down why and how Randall had left her. She recalled how much she had cried. She remembered how tightly she held her son, pressing him to her bosom.
At that point, Jabari became her only reason for existing. Tammy had never known such pain in her life at that point. The only thing that felt worse than being abandoned with a five-month-old baby was the death of her father.
When Tammy finally told her son about the death of his grandfather, there was no pretense behind how upset she felt. The loss of her father devastated Tammy. There had been no time for her to make amends. One day he was there and then another day he was just gone without warning. His death was unceremonious and brought Tammy to the swift realization that life was fleeting. In processing her father’s death, Tammy had intentionally distanced herself from her mother. She blamed her mother for not forcing her father to make amends before he died.
Although Tammy had distanced herself from the Powers’ family, she was glad to receive her whopping inheritance. Jabari had never understood how his mother had so much money despite the fact that she never seemed to be working. Now it was all becoming clear. The Powers’ family name meant something. His mother had inherited a tiny portion of a massive empire that had always been just out of reach.
Jabari wanted to know why he had never gone to private school if they had so much money. Then Jabari got more information than he’d ever wanted about his mother’s reputation. It’s not every day you find out that your mother was labeled the “town slut” for a mistake that had happened years ago. Jabari finally understood why some of the older mothers had such negative energy around him once they found out who his mother was.
Tammy was the teen who had been knocked up by a poor man from out of town; she hadn’t even had the decency to get married before the baby was born. Everyone in town ostracized her for that reason alone. Jabari felt like he was starting to understand his mother on a whole new level.
Sure, he knew his mother well because he had spent all of his life with her but there were still new secrets to be unveiled.
Finally, Jabari was caught up to the present day. Tammy sat there in silence; Jabari could tell that she wasn’t finished even if the story seemed to be over. What fresh secrets could his mother have to tell him?
“Mom? What is it?” Jabari probed. He wasn’t going to get off that couch until his mother had told him everything.
Tammy sighed.
“Jabari… I’ve been seeing someone new,” Tammy confessed.
Ew! This was totally gross and it wasn’t what Jabari expected. Play it cool. He thought to himself.
“Oh?” Jabari squeaked out.
Tammy could tell her son was uncomfortable. She glared at him jokingly.
“Hey, I’m still young Jay,” She teased.
"Ew."
"Will you just let me tell you this?"
"Okay. Fine. But I'm going to pretend like you never told me once you do."
"Fine," Tammy replied, "We don't have to bring it up."
"Good."
Tammy sighed.
"I'm dating your Spanish teacher."
"Wait... Your Spanish teacher?"
Tammy blushed. The last person she wanted to talk to about this was her son.
"It's complicated Jay. Adult stuff."
“Mom! Ew!” Jabari yelled.
“Jay, calm down. I know it’s inappropriate and if anyone found out it could cost you your seat at Willowcrest,” Tammy countered
"Are you in trouble then?"
"No," Tammy replied, shaking her head, "I'm not. But I want you to meet him."
"I already know him."
"You know what I mean. I want you to meet him outside of school."
"Fine."
Tammy tried to get her last point out all at once. She took a deep breath and announced, “One tiny last thing before you go… I think I’m pregnant, Jay. You're going to have a brother.”