Things might not be off to the most impressive start with Ryder, but if anything’s going to make me feel good as hell about this, it’s cocktails with Cece. After my shift at the Short Stack, I head back home. Ryder’s car isn’t in his driveway, and I feel a twinge of disappointment about it...but not enough to keep me from enjoying a too-long shower. While the water glides over me I slip my hand down between my legs, thinking of his lean body in the sunlight, thinking of his thumb against my lip, and come with my hand braced against the shower wall.

At least I don’t have to worry about him interrupting my extensive beauty routine for nights when I’m going out on the town. After I’ve gotten control of myself, I spend fifteen minutes instead of my usual ten drying and straightening my hair.

Cece appreciates the effort, letting out a loud whoop when I slide into the booth across from her at the new wine bar in town. Like all trendy new things that come to Lakewood, it’ll be gone by next summer.

“Damn, girl,” says Cece, raising her wine glass to her lips. “You look amazing.”

I’m definitely glowing. “You started without me.”

“Of course I did.” She signals the waitress, who brings a second glass of Moscato. “I didn’t want your wine to get warm, though. You can thank me later.”

The instant the sweet wine hits my lips, I’m practically transported. It’s chilled to perfection. Okay, maybe I was wrong. Maybe the wine bar will stick around.

Cece looks good, too, in what looks like her favorite little black dress. She always looks good. Cece is the kind of person who looks put together even when she’s a hot mess. I can’t even pretend to be anything other than a hot mess. “You’re right,” I tell her. “This is amazing.”

She puts her glass down on the table. “I also...ordered appetizers.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Speaking of my girl, are you doing okay?” The shift in conversation is so abrupt that I just blink at her for a moment. I didn’t tell a single soul about the embarrassing encounter with Ryder yesterday, or about him renting the Culvers’ house. Then it clicks. Once again, she’s talking about Conrad.

I don’t want to talk about Conrad, but Cece is on the hunt for more details. I never told her exactly why we broke up—I only sent her several increasingly mortifying texts—and I know she’s dying to hash it out. I’m more interested in talking about Ryder, but talking about Ryder will mean admitting that I probably have a ridiculous crush on him.

Probably. 

“Yeah,” I say, rolling the stem of the wine glass between my fingers. “Yeah, I’m doing fine.” The truth is that Ryder is the perfect distraction, even if a man like him could never be anything else.

“You don’t want to talk about it.”

“I really don’t.” I give her a wide grin, and Cece rolls her eyes.

“But I really want to know. I want to hear, in detail, exactly how that prick finally proved to you that he’s an asshole.”

My heart twists in my chest. It sucked what happened with Conrad. More than sucked. It ripped me apart, and not just because I thought I was in love with him. Maybe I really was in love with him, but even if that wasn’t true, it was just another thing gone wrong in a string of things that didn’t turn out.

I take another sip of the wine, steeling myself. This is the first sit-down I’ve had with Cece since everything happened. I should just get it over with.

“He broke up with me, for starters.”

She cocks her head. “I’ll wait.”

“We broke up because…” I take a deep breath. Thinking about it makes my stomach turn. I was scared, too, but Conrad… “I guess things hadn’t been going very well for a while.”

“I’d say.”

It’s amazing how, now that we’re not together, everyone in my life is willing to share opinions about Conrad. If they’d told me sooner that it would end like this, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on him.

“You know, Cece, you could have mentioned something when we got together two years ago.”

She just looks at me. “Did I really have to mention it? Out loud? With words?”

I look down into my wine. It’s true. Just after Conrad and I started dating seriously, I brought him home to spend the Fourth of July at Lakewood. He was his usual self—focused on having a good time. Now that I look back, he was only interested in having a good time, even if it meant being an asshole to everyone else, including me. Sharon hadn’t liked him, either. My mother was not a fan. And Cece…of course she hated him. I chalked it up to the heat, why everyone seemed to be in an edgy mood.

“No. I guess not.”

Cece’s expression is somewhere between sympathy and serious. I can’t just not tell her. “What happened, Val? You said you’d never come back to Lakewood.”

That makes me laugh. “I said a lot of things when I was eighteen.”

“You meant it, though.”

“Fine.” I sigh. “Things came to a head a couple months ago.” It makes my throat tight to say this. “I had a...” I can’t find the words, but Cece waits. “I realized I might be pregnant.”

Her mouth drops open. “Oh my God, Val, but—”

“I wasn’t.” I rush the words out before she gets any other ideas. “Well, I was, and then I wasn’t.” I can’t bring myself to say the word miscarriage. “I don’t know what happened. Stress, maybe, from the job?” I’d had an entry-level job at a more prestigious marketing firm in the city, but the pay was shit and the hours were way longer than any shift I’d worked at the Short Stack. “Conrad lost his mind. He completely shut down.” His words had been like acid arrows, and it makes me flinch just to think of the conversation we had after I told him I was worried. I let out a bitter laugh. “He was so damn relieved when it…when it ended. He couldn’t even hide it.”

“And then he kicked you out?”

“Not right then. About a week after…all of it went down. I got home from work one day, and he was waiting there to tell me it just wasn’t going to work out. The pregnancy scare had made him realize that he didn’t want to be with me.”

Cece’s lips are curled in disgust. “What a bastard. After four years. Jesus. Also, that’s not a fucking scare. That’s real.”

“That’s when I texted you.” I have to move on from this topic. I have to. Cece nods. “I got a different place and tried to make it work, but...” I let my voice trail off. The rent had been too damn high. The rent, the bills—Conrad had mostly taken care of those kinds of things. He never had to worry about money. “I quit my temp job two weeks ago and moved back the same day. I just need to...” I don’t know what the hell I need to do. “I just need some time, I guess. Then I’ll be on my way.”

“You could just stay, you know.” Cece grins. “I missed you.”

Could I? I don’t know. It didn’t seem like there was much for me in this place when I graduated high school and headed to college. It still doesn’t. But at least I have a friend. And what the hell else do I have to lose? Nothing.

I don’t have anything to lose.

It makes me think of Ryder. Excitement spikes out from my chest.

“Whoa,” says Cece. “What are you thinking about? You look like you just remembered something sexy.”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Yes, you will.” Cece leans forward, eyes bright. “Tell me. Tell me right now.”

Part of me wants to tell her, but another part hesitates. He’s got a daughter, for God’s sake. I’m clearly not cut out for any of that, even if he was interested in something more than a few dates, a fling. I’m sure he’s not. I’m sure of it.

I give Cece a coy look and order more wine instead.