“Everything okay?” I asked Deacon as I watched Eagle enter the diner, the door creaking shut behind him. The man was a mystery to me. I swear I’d never had more than a single word out of him before, but it seemed to me he was warming to my presence.

I knew I could be a little strange, talk a little bit much sometimes and possibly come off as annoying, but I just liked to have fun. I’d spent too long being smothered and judged. So I gave up giving a shit what people thought of me now. I moved my body into different positions as I listened to Deacon rustle around on the other end of the line. The aches were already settling in, my muscles not used to a long ride like this.

As much as I was determined to not rely on the men, I was so goddamn thankful that Eagle had taken my backpack because, at that point, I knew I was just being stubborn, refusing to admit that I thought I could handle it when I couldn’t.

“So I took Emerald to the station with me when I went to check on things,” he told me with a heavy sigh. “I have no idea what happened, but one moment she was fine, then the next she was freaking out.”

I should have stayed.

She needed me.

“She hasn’t come out of her room, but I can hear her reciting something over and over again.” He sounded worried and tired.

I hung my head.

I knew exactly what she was doing. She was asking for forgiveness. Our parents would make us do it when we did something they didn’t like or that they didn’t approve of.

I could still hear the words in my head, words that I hadn’t dared repeat in years.

 

My eyes drooped and my body sagged with exhaustion. A sharp slap and sting of pain to the back of my legs quickly pulled me from the prospect of blissful sleep.

The words fell from my mouth again, so fluidly now that my brain didn’t even have to tell my lips to move.

“Please forgive me, my soul has been deceived. I ask that you bask me in your light and show me the way back to your gracious holy land.” I took a deep breath, it was getting harder and harder. “Please forgive me…”

It had been hours, the sun was setting now, and I’d been here since lunchtime. My mouth was dry, and my lips cracked as I repeated the words over and over, pleading to be accepted and forgiven for my sins.

In my mind though, I did not care whether my father or our god forgave me, or if he drew me back in and accepted my repentance. This life was brutal, it was painful, and it was one that I couldn’t imagine any god would want us to live.

My eyes were swollen and stinging, the tears I had cried enough to drown the Colony and every damn person in it.

I clenched my teeth, the words I spoke now coming out sharp and sarcastic, but my father didn’t notice as he stared out the window, seeming to be entranced with my constant droning, hypnotized by the words.

He hadn’t said a word since he barraged me with questions as he dragged me away from my brothers and sisters and into this room, his intention to hurt me, not to teach me or help me grow, but now I realized more to beat me into submission.

“When did this hatred for the way you’ve been raised and our teachings become so strong,” he’d asked.

When had I become so defiant and full of sin?

I hadn’t offered him an answer, but I knew.

When I realized it was all one big fucking lie.

 

“Skylar? I’m kind of out of my depths here,” Deacon said, drawing me away from the memories that made me want to vomit all over the line of pretty motorcycles which I was weaving in and out of as we spoke. His voice was laced with concern, and it was a punch to the gut to hear a man as strong as Deacon, who would quite happily stand toe-to-toe with Optimus any day, be broken down by my teenage sister.

I cleared the emotion that had built up in my throat. “Go and remind her of where she is and tell her she hasn’t done anything wrong,” I explained softly. “She will keep doing that until she’s told not to.”

He sighed heavily like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “Okay, good, good.”

A flash of light caught my eye, and I looked up to see a bus coming to a stop across the near desolate road. I squinted as I tried to read the sign beside the small bus stop.

It said that the bus came every hour, and one of the stops listed was Huntsville, the town over from Athens. “Maybe I should just come—”

“No.” Deacon snapped, suddenly sounded less defeated. “I know you want to help her, Sky, but you can’t baby her. She needs to work all this out herself. She knows you’re there, and that is enough. She will work her way through it.”

I screwed up my nose, wanting to argue and debate with him until the sun went down. I wanted to explain to him just how hard I had struggled and for how long, before I finally managed to feel safe and content in this world outside the one we were raised in.

Sometimes people lacked understanding of just what it would be like to be told your whole life that the sun would burn you to death in seconds if you stepped outside, only to realize that when you did, the heat of its warmth was the most amazing thing you’d ever felt in your life.

When you suddenly realize that everything you’ve been told is a lie, how do you ever have faith or trust in anyone ever again?

Deacon was right. I wanted so much to hold Emerald’s hand and walk her down this path of discovery, but I couldn’t. If I told her how she needed to act, or be, or think, I wouldn’t be helping her, I’d just be taking their place in running her life.

The best thing I ever did was to fight on my own for who I wanted to be. It gave me the power to believe in myself, to learn for myself what was real and what was not, and not rely on others to tell me what to do. I carved my own path, it might not have been perfect, it might have had hills and valleys, rivers that washed me away at times and halted my journey, but it was mine, and I did it on my terms, not someone else’s.

I could stand by Emerald’s side and walk with her, wherever she wanted to go, but lead her I would not.

Deacon seemed a little more at ease when I finally got off the phone with him and headed inside the diner. The club members filled a hand full of booths and my eyes settled on Eagle who waved me over as he slid further toward the window to make room for me at the edge of the bench seat. The worn leather creaked as I sat down beside him and let out a long breath.

“Didn’t know what you wanted,” Eagle said, pushing a plate over to me that held a cheeseburger and fries without even looking away from his food. “If you tell me you want a salad like fucking Jess over there, then you’ll have to get that shit yourself.” He took a giant-sized bite of his own burger, which by the way looked like it held an entire cow.

I smiled. “Thanks,” I told him genuinely. “You didn’t have to order me food, but I really appreciate it.” Then I quickly added, “And no, there’s no way a salad would keep me going for the next few hours. I need meat. Lots of meat.”

Eagle smirked but still didn’t look over at me, continuing to hoover down his food.

“Always knew you were a girl who loved meat, Sky,” Camo joked with a wide grin on his face, nudging me under the table.

I rolled my eyes at the innuendo and grabbed a handful of fries. “Yeah, this meat looks big and thick, I haven’t had one like that in over a week,” I replied with a sly smile before shoving the fries in my mouth and chewing happily, enjoying the way the salt exploded on my taste buds. I managed to hold back the groan that threatened to escape, refusing to give these guys any more ammo.

Camo frowned, clearly unamused given he’d visited my room just a few nights ago. “Ha, very funny.” He was pouting, and I couldn’t quite tell if it was put on, or if he was actually insulted by my joke, while Kev, on the other hand, sat beside him, choking on his soda as he tried to contain his laughter.

Eagle also couldn’t hide his amusement, but at least he tried to cover it with his hand to maybe save his brother some embarrassment. “You know,” Kev finally croaked, looking at me, his eyes crinkled with a smile. “I have to wonder how many other clubs would let their girls get away with insulting a brother’s manhood.”

I crinkled my nose at his words. I’ve never been one of those girls who would sit in silence while the brothers talked. I loved to get to know them, to join in the banter and have fun. Of course, I knew where the line was, and when not to cross it. But I didn’t just join the club to spread my legs and have my tuition paid for. I joined because the atmosphere and the relationships all seemed genuine and tight-knit. The family they had there intrigued and fascinated me. I wanted to be a part of that, not a girl who sat on the sidelines watching while everyone else had their fun.

“Probably none,” I replied with a shrug, then I looked up and grinned. “You can go tattle on me if you’d like, and then you can go out and find your own pussy at X-Rated, or some bar, and wind up with either some dirty STD or maybe even a crazy baby mama.”

All three boys at the table visibly cringed.

I swear any of these guys would walk through a battlefield while being fired upon if it meant protecting the people they cared about, but the idea of having a diseased cock or some crazy bitch taking them for everything they had, including their sanity—they were tapping out.

Camo eyed his food before returning his gaze to me. “You really had to go and talk about STD’s at lunch? I’m suddenly not very hungry.” His nose was wrinkled in disgust, and another shudder ran through him.

“I understand,” I told him, biting the inside of my mouth so I wouldn’t burst out laughing. “Dick rot is a very serious problem. But you know, I heard it sneaks up on you, like, you don’t even know it’s there until one day… bam… your manhood just falls off.”

There was a split second of absolute silence before Eagle spat his soda all across the table and I leaped out of the booth as Kev did precisely the same, spraying the entire seat where I was sitting while I landed on my ass on the scratched and worn lino floor.

“Skylar…” Optimus growled, standing up at his own booth, so he was looking over the table and down at me.

I held my hands up in surrender. “Sorry, I honestly wasn’t expecting that reaction.”

“She said my dick was gonna fall off,” Camo stated, standing up, still looking scared shitless.

Eagle and Kev were both still choking on their drinks through their laughter.

Even Op couldn’t hide his smile at Camo’s obviously horrified expression as though he thought what I was saying was true. “I think that’s our cue to leave,” Op snorted as he slipped out of his booth, all the members quickly finishing up their food and drinks before following suit.

Eagle slid to the edge of the seat and held out his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet before standing himself. A soft chuckle from his mouth had my body warming and a smile pulling at my lips. “You’re gonna get yourself in trouble with that mouth girl,” he warned playfully.

I turned and wiggled my ass. “Maybe that’s what I’m going for.”

I was sure I heard him groan but I didn’t turn around, choosing not to let him see the cocky smile on my face.