Chapter Twenty-four
Porsche and Brandon’s wedding was a circus. The whole damn thing. To begin with, someone had had the brilliant idea to chuck the formal arrangements, kidnap the bride—and her friends—and hie off to Vegas.
Cody didn’t mind the Vegas part. He’d always enjoyed Sin City in small doses.
It was all the other crap that was annoying. Porsche and Brandon had booked a stately older hotel downtown but had scheduled a crap-ton of activities. There were rehearsals and fittings and receptions galore. All of which required monkey suits.
To make matters even worse, Porsche had insisted that Cody be part of the wedding party.
He had no idea why.
But because it was Porsche, he agreed.
She’d promised to help him make peace with Sidney. He had to believe that this ploy was part of her plan. At least, he hoped it was.
Sidney was in the wedding party as well.
And while it was wonderful to see her again, his heart ached at the sadness in her eyes. And his heart ached at the fact that she refused to meet his gaze.
He had no idea what Porsche had planned, but it had better be pretty freaking phenomenal. It would take nothing less than a miracle to break the icy wall between them.
Once they had all checked into the hotel, they headed down to an elegantly appointed small ballroom for a reception. It was an intimate affair—just Porsche and Brandon’s closest friends—with an open bar and canapés. Everyone else who’d come to witness the wedding would join the festivities at the bachelor and bachelorette parties planned for later tonight.
Cody wasn’t a fan of tiny food-like things, but he was hungry so he was hardly about to complain. He scarfed down about a dozen bacon-wrapped scallops before everyone in the party even arrived. And then he grabbed a drink and made the rounds.
One thing became painfully clear as he quartered the room.
He was the only single man.
Cade had Lisa on his arm, and Charlie and Claire were draped all over each other. Logan had his arm around Hanna, and Ford had his around Crystal. Mark, Brandon’s brother was there with his wife, Penny. And of course, there was Brandon and Porsche.
And Cody was alone.
At first, it was a painful, irritating thought, although it had been his choice to not bring a date. And then, he realized, it was a boon.
Because Sidney was alone as well.
She walked through the doors wearing a gorgeous, slinky cocktail dress and his attention zeroed in on her. His mood lifted.
He shot a thankful glance at Porsche, because obviously she had orchestrated this.
To his surprise, Porsche didn’t respond with a smile or a nod. In fact her expression was chagrined.
And he discovered why a second later when Ben Wilder followed Sidney into the room, cupped his arm around her and pulled her close to whisper in her ear.
Cody’s heart froze at the sight.
All of a sudden, his hopes dwindled.
All of a sudden, he realized how much stock he’d put in Porsche’s plan.
All of a sudden, he wished he’d stayed home.
The fact that all the Wilder brothers followed Ben into the room didn’t help.
With so many single men vying for a female partner, he wouldn’t have a chance to cut Sidney from the herd tonight. Wouldn’t even have a chance to speak to her. Not privately, at least.
Thoughts of escape roiled through him. This was Vegas. He could go to a bar and get drunk, gamble, even go watch overpriced movies in his room. Anything but this.
Porsche must have spotted him eyeing the door because she sidled up to him and whispered, “You’re staying.”
He frowned at her, then nodded at Ben, who was still dominating Sidney’s attention. “What’s the point?”
She sighed. “Brandon invited them. I didn’t know.”
“It’s your wedding.”
“Brandon upended everything when he decided we should elope to Vegas.”
Cody tipped his head to the side and surveyed the soiree. “This is hardly an elopement.”
“You know what I mean. But don’t worry. I have a plan.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “That’s what I’m worried about.”
There was no call for her to gouge him with her elbow. “Just be alert.”
“Because the world needs more lerts?”
An old joke. She made a face. “Seriously Cody. You have to trust me.”
Trust her.
God help him.
He really didn’t have a choice.
***
Sidney hadn’t expected Ben to be at the wedding, but it had been a relief to see him. Not only because they were good friends and she enjoyed his company, but because he served as a shield, after a fashion. With him at her side, it was much easier for her to cope with the fact that Cody was here.
Seeing him again had been a shock to the system and she’d realized, with a lurch to her solar plexus, that she hadn’t been ready. Not by a long shot. He was so handsome in his suit, with his dress Stetson and fancy boots. She’d never seen him all gussied up like that before and it made her mouth water. But it was absolute torture watching him mingle with the others, laughing and joking and looking so lighthearted, as though he hadn’t a care in the world.
“Hey,” Ben asked, nudging her with his elbow. “Are you okay?”
She plastered a smile on her face. “Of course. Couldn’t be happier.”
He shot her a dubious glance. “We could leave. Go out on the town.”
“I can’t. This is Porsche’s party. I have to be here for her.”
“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything.”
She smiled at him. Couldn’t help it. He was such a wonderful friend. “Thanks, Ben,” she said, and she kissed him on the cheek.
Just then, her gaze locked with Cody’s. His glower stunned her. There was no doubt, he was furious, or jealous, or something.
And just that quickly, her mood rose.
Maybe this weekend wouldn’t be complete torture after all.
***
After the reception, the ladies went up to Porsche and Brandon’s suite for the bachelorette party. Lisa, Claire and Penny had been in charge of planning it, so Sidney had no idea what to expect.
The absolute last thing she expected was to find the graceful accommodations—featuring exquisite antique furniture, wood paneling, and gold fixtures—festooned with balloons made from condoms and toilet paper streamers. There were all kinds of raunchy decorations and party favors. Oh, and a cake shaped like a penis.
It was pretty clear, upon first sight, what the tenor of the party would be.
And that was before the tequila came out.
Despite herself, Sidney had a blast. Penny officiated the games, which ranged from everything from Cowboys Against Humanity to Tequila Pong. Most of the attendees were Sidney’s dear friends, and even those friends of Porsche’s she’d just met became fast friends . . . after a few shots.
But the real highlight of the party was the strippers.
Sidney should have expected it, given the fact that Lisa and Claire had been instrumental in setting all this up. But she could never have expected the real surprise they had planned.
It all began when, in the middle of a raucous game of Pin the Boner on the Cowboy—with a life-size cutout of Brandon as the target—a pounding came on the door.
“Oooh,” Claire squealed. “Whoever could that be?” Judging by the way she pranced over to the door, she knew damn well.
She opened the door and a loud, deep ominous voice rumbled, “Ladies, there have been noise complaints about this party. We’re going to have to take you in.”
“Oh, officer,” Claire gushed. “Please don’t arrest us.”
Sidney had to roll her eyes, because really?
A hunky police officer pushed his way into the room and glowered at all of them. The women who recognized him laughed.
Because it was Charlie.
As he turned on Claire, a loud thumping music began and a parade of sexy men filled the room, bumping and grinding to the beat. Dressed like various characters from the Stud Ranch, Logan, Cade, Mark, Rafe, and Ben pranced around the room. They each did a bit of a dance—which was hysterical—and then they eased back as the star performer, the groom himself, stepped forward, shaking his grove thang for Porsche alone.
Apparently, she hadn’t expected this at all. She stared at Brandon with eyes wide and a smile on her face as he slowly stripped off his shirt—to hoots and hollers and a couple of catcalls . . . from the guys.
He ended up half naked on his knees in front of Porsche in the classic proposal pose, holding out a long-stemmed rose. “Will you be mine?’ he asked, and Porsche laughed.
“Of course,” she said, and they kissed.
Yeah. It was all super-romantic and shit, but Sidney was busy scanning the crowd for the one man she hadn’t seen.
She caught a glimpse of him in the doorway next to Ford. Cody leaned against the jamb with his arms crossed and a look of barely reined-in impatience on his handsome face. Obviously, the guys had tried to rope him in to their impromptu show and he’d resisted.
Their gazes clashed. Chagrin flickered through his expression, and she had to laugh. He seemed so appalled by it all, she couldn’t help it.
To her delight, his taut expression broke, and he grinned as well.
And ahhh. It was the first exchange they’d had in months. It was only a shared amusement over the heads of their friends across a crowded room, but it was something.
“We decided it was stupid to have two parties,” Brandon said, pulling Porsche into his arms.
“Yeah,” Logan said. “Never mind the fact that the bachelor party was boring.”
“Hey!” Mark bellowed. He’d obviously been drinking. “I was the one who planned that.”
“But all the really interesting people were in this room,” Ford said with a wink.
“Speaking of this room . . .” Brandon skated a glance around his defiled boudoir. “What have you done to it?”
“It wasn’t my idea,” Porsche said, and everyone laughed.
Once the men were there, the tone of the party changed. Naturally, it would. Everyone paired up, even the Wilder brothers, who were appropriated by some of Porsche’s Dallas friends.
It only made sense for Sidney to gravitate to Cody. Or, perhaps, he gravitated to her. Whatever. Somehow, they found themselves side by side in the crowded room.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she responded. And then they both avoided each other’s gaze for a while.
It was awkward and strange to sit there side by side, watching the others chat and joke. But it was nice too.
Especially when he turned to her and said, oh-so-softly, “I’ve missed you.”
Her heart swelled. “I’ve missed you too.”
Hardly a declaration of unending love, but it was a start.
A pity Porsche shattered this fragile sortie by leaping to her feet and announcing the next game.
“Okay people.” She hollered over the din. “We’re going to play Extreme Truth or Dare.”
Sidney stilled. She shot a look at Cody—the panic in his eyes matched hers.
“Shit,” she whispered.
“Here’s how it goes. I will draw two names from this bag.” She waggled a velvet bag. “And that couple will have ten minutes in the next room to exchange their deepest darkest secrets. Then, when they return, we will quiz them and see how many answers they get right. The couple that wins gets a steak dinner. On me.”
“Wait a sec,” Rafe said. “How is that fair? Some of the couples here are married. They already know each other’s secrets.”
“Not necessarily,” Crystal said with a wicked glance at Ford.
“What?” Ford frowned. “What don’t I know about you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Um, yes?”
“I’m not drawing couples’ names,” Porsche said, waving at her brother to be quiet. “I’m drawing individuals. For example,” she reached into her bag and pulled out a slip of paper. “First up is Penny . . .” Everyone oohed. “And Hanna!”
With groans, Penny and Hanna stood, and Porsche handed them a stack of cards.
“What are these?” Penny asked.
“Your prompts.”
Penny flipped through the pile and rolled her eyes. “Oh, lord.”
“Go for it, honey.” Mark slapped her bottom. “I have a hankering for a steak dinner.”
While Hanna and Penny were gone, the party resumed. Claire put on music and some couples danced and others chatted in little pods.
As for Sidney and Cody, they sat next to each other on one of the sofas off to the side of the action and watched. Though they didn’t speak, she was preternaturally aware of his every move, every breath.
She was glad she hadn’t had much to drink, because she needed to keep her wits about her. The last thing she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms or kiss him or any of the other myriad urges whipping through her.
It seemed to take forever for Penny and Hanna to come back, but when they did, the quizzing began. It was hilarious. Hanna tried valiantly to answer questions about Penny, but Penny didn’t even try. She just made up all her answers.
For example, apparently Hanna had her first crush on Bozo the Clown, which was comical because Hanna was deathly afraid of clowns. Her expression to that alone was priceless.
The next couple Porsche targeted was her groom and Brandon Wilder. As the two Brandons made their way into the other room, Rafe, Logan and Ben snickered. The reason became clear when the two men emerged, because apparently they hadn’t shared any secrets at all. They’d just done shots the whole time and could barely stand up.
Porsche frowned at them both and stood, stomping her tiny foot. “People! People!” she bellowed like a third-grade teacher railing at an unruly class. “You have to follow the rules.”
“We’re just having fun, hon,” Brandon said, snuffling her ear.
“That rhymed,” the other Brandon said.
Porsche glared at both of them. “Sit down,” she said in the voice and they both did. But neither seemed remorseful in the least. “Moving on . . .” Porsche picked up her evil bag and fished around for a while. When she pulled out a slip of paper, Sidney knew her name was on it—probably because Porsche’s gaze snapped to her.
She tried to hide her cringe. She didn’t have any desire to share her deepest darkest anything. Not with anybody.
“Sid.”
Hoots rounded the room as Porsche fished some more. As Sidney waited, a strange sensation rippled down her spine. She knew. She just knew whose name Porsche would call.
She wasn’t sure if she should be thrilled or horrified when it happened. With a large grin that would make the Cheshire cat jealous, Porsche murmured, “And Cody.”
Crap.
She glanced at him, but he wasn’t looking at her. He stood slowly and then offered her his hand. Together, and ignoring the blathering of the crowd, they walked into the other room and closed the door.
To her horror, it was a bedroom.
Good lord. How awkward.
She stood with her back to him, her fingers linked tightly. The cumbersome silence between them swelled. He broke it with a sigh.
“We don’t have to do this,” he said.
She glanced at him over her shoulder. Tried for a smile. “If we disappoint Porsche, she’ll have us flogged.”
“She doesn’t have the authority.”
“Technically, she does. At least, according to her. You see, the bride controls all space and time.”
He snorted. “She needs to stop watching that bride show on TV.”
Against her will, Sidney laughed. “Yes, she does.” She turned then and faced him—and her fears—head-on. “So . . . Shall we?”
“Okay.” He sat on the bed, drew a card from the deck and read it. “Favorite color?”
She cast about for an answer, but nothing came to mind. “Clear.”
“Mine is brown.”
“Whose favorite color is brown?”
“Whose is clear?” He grinned at her and drew another card. “Favorite subject in high school?”
“Lunch.”
“Come on, Sidney. We agreed to try.”
“I am trying. This game is stupid.”
“I’m not denying that.” He took another card. “What is your heart’s desire?”
She glowered and snatched the card from him. “That’s not what it says.”
“I know. But it’s what I want to know.” He said this in such a low, somber, sincere tone that caught her attention, caught at her heart. His expression was open, vulnerable and raw. So much so it hurt to look at him. Nonetheless, she stared at him for a long moment, as two sides of her warred.
On the one hand, there was the bitter, wounded side that wanted to resist anything to do with him. And then there was the other side, the one that would do anything to turn back the clock and make things right between them.
She couldn’t ignore the fact that this might be her chance.
This might be her only chance.
And she was tired of being bitter and wounded.
So she sucked in a deep breath, filling her lungs with fresh, clean air. She steeled her spine and grabbed her courage with both hands and said the words that cut her to the core. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
He was silent for a moment. She peeped at him to find him staring at the cards, his jaw working. Clearly this raw vulnerability was hard for him too. “Neither do I.”
He glanced at her then and their gazes tangled.
“So what do we do about this?” she asked, her voice ragged. Anxiety roiled in her belly and she turned to pace the room.
“I don’t want to do what we did before.”
She stilled. Her heart ached. “Ah, no?”
“Falling into bed. Relying on the chemistry between us to keep us afloat.”
It was impossible not to look at him then. “There’s . . . chemistry between us?”
“You know damn well there is. But obviously it’s not enough. Or maybe it’s too much. Whatever. It’s not enough.”
Her heart ached. A little sob escaped her lips.
He frowned at her, though it was a gentle frown. “We have to talk things through,” he said. “I’m not interested in another temporary fling that’s going to end with you flouncing away angry over nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing.”
A flush rose on his face. “Damn it, Sidney, I told you. Nothing happened with them.”
She sat on the bed beside him and set her hand on his. Stilled him. Soothed him. “I’m not talking about those women. I’m talking about my reaction. It wasn’t nothing, and it wasn’t just over the situation.”
His Adam’s apple worked. “What was it then?”
Here it was. The core of it all. Her dirty, murky, fetid secret. “I was . . . afraid.”
Surely he would laugh at that. Maybe even shake his head and walk away when he realized what a pathetic coward she was.
She waited for his response for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he said, “What-what were you afraid of?”
She huffed a sound that might have been a laugh. “Don’t you know?”
“Not really.”
“I was afraid you would dump me first. I was certain you would.”
He shook his head. His gaze bored into hers. “Never.”
“I can’t believe that. You dumped me before.”
He cringed. “I was a stupid kid. I’m not that dumb kid anymore.”
She leaned back on the pillows and studied him. “I have a question for you then. One that’s haunted me for years.”
“Shoot.”
“Why did you choose Tibby?”
He snorted. “I didn’t choose her.”
“You asked her out. That next day. Why?”
“Don’t you know?”
“Would I waste this precious opportunity to get the truth from you if I did?”
“I’ve always told you the truth.”
He had. “Then tell me.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Because I knew you hated her.”
“I didn’t hate her, per se—”
“I knew if I picked her, it would drive you away.” He dropped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “It worked. You left.”
She stilled, frowned down at him. “Why did you want to drive me away?”
“Because. I was afraid.”
Something tightened in her chest. What on earth could he have been afraid of? Confident, brash Cody Silver, the guy who could have any woman he wanted? The handsome, carefree playboy of Snake Gully? “Afraid of what?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“You . . . sacred me. Scared me to death.” He chuckled, though it was a humorless offering. “Mortifying thing to admit.”
She shook her head. “How did I scare you?” Nearly a whisper. She didn’t understand any of this. It was utterly befuddling.
“It was the way you made me feel. I never felt that way before.” He met her gaze. “Not for any woman.”
“So you . . .”
“Yeah.” He forced a laugh. “I dumped you before you could dump me.”
She flopped down beside him and braced her head in her hand and offered a tiny smile. “We are a pair.”
“Yes. We are. So now, we need to decide what comes next.”
“What can come next? You’re afraid I’ll dump you, and I’m afraid you’ll dump me. We’re both too cowardly to trust each other and without trust . . . we have nothing.”
“People change, Sidney.”
“Do they?”
“If they want to. Yeah. Yeah, they do. I am willing to trust you. Trust this. As scary as it is . . . I want to take a chance on us. I’m willing to risk it. Are you?”
She couldn’t meet his eye. She wanted to, oh, how she wanted too. But old demons were hard to exorcize.
He tipped her chin up and made her look at him. “We both admit we made stupid mistakes in the past because of doubt and fear. Do we want those emotions to own us forever? To limit us from what could be?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just . . .”
“What?”
“I can’t silence that little voice, the one that keeps whispering that one day, you’re going to realize . . .”
“What?”
“That I’m not all that special.”
He cupped her cheek, thumbed away her tears. “Sidney. You’re special to me.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Please, tell me.”
“You know. That one day you’ll see the real me. And realize . . . well . . . you don’t love me after all.” How hard was it to say those words? To dig them up and expose them to the light of day. They had hovered, hidden just beneath the surface, all her life. Festering.
He pulled her into his arms, even though she resisted, and he held her and kissed her. “I promise. I won’t. If you promise not to discover the same horrible truth about me.”
“Hah,” she sputtered. There was no deep dark festering wound in his soul.
Was there?
He forced her to look at him again, but it was with a gentle caress. “I’ll admit it. I’m no choirboy. I’ve been with other women. But not one—not one—since you came back into my life.”
She stared at him. “Not even the Boobsey Twins?”
“Especially not them. God, Sidney. Can’t you see? Don’t you understand? You are the one I want. You. No one else.”
She looked away. “I’m . . . nothing special.”
He gave her a little shake. “You are, goddamn it. You are. You are everything to me. I love your sense of humor, your wit, the fact that you don’t take shit off anyone—even me. I love your hair, your eyes, your smile. I love being with you, even when we’re not fucking. Maybe, sometimes, because we’re not. That we can be comfortable without all that passion. Although,” he had to add, “the passion is pretty fucking awesome.”
He seemed buoyed by her smile.
“I can’t promise everything will always go smoothly. We’re both pretty stubborn and impulsive . . .” Her frown made him pause. He sucked in a deep breath and continued anyway. “But I will promise this, if you choose to have me, you will be the only woman in my life, my heart, my bed, so help me God. If I have to install a fucking portcullis on my bedroom door, no other woman shall cross that threshold.”
His whimsy lightened her soul. Made her feel . . . playful again. So she frowned at him. “What about Mrs. Billingsly?”
She loved the way his brow quirked, his dimples blossomed. “What about Mrs. Billingsly?”
“She’ll want to clean your room occasionally.”
“No.” He shook his head sharply and tried to appear grim, though an effervescent joy bubbled in his eyes. “Not even Mrs. Billingsly.”
Sidney sat back and crossed her arms. “Well, I’m not cleaning your room, so you’d better let Mrs. Billingsly in.”
“Are you sure?” He tried to nibble away his grin.
“Yes.” She nodded definitively. “I’m sure I’m not cleaning your room.”
He leaned forward and cupped her cheeks and made her look at him. “I love you, Sidney Stevens. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. The only reason I dated as many women as I did was because I was searching for something. Something that wasn’t there. When I saw you again, kissed you again, held you again, I realized why none of those other relationships moved me in the least.”
“Why?”
“Simple. Because they weren’t you.”
Well. That was a lovely thought.
He stared at her for a moment longer, and his too-beautiful lips quirked. “So how pathetic are we that we need someone like Porsche to get us to have this conversation?”
She nibbled at her own smile. “Pretty lame.”
“But I’ll be frank. I don’t care. I don’t care what it takes. If we can . . . be together . . . I would be so . . .”
“So what?”
He swallowed. “So happy. So freaking happy, Sidney.”
She touched his cheek. Traced his dimple. “I would be happy too, Cody.” More than happy. It would be a dream come true.
“So let’s accept the fact that we are both afraid of losing each other. But we will refuse to let that fear limit us. We will pledge to face it rather than run from it. What do you say?”
“I say yes.”
“Excellent.” He bounded to his feet and held out a hand. “Shall we join the others?”
She stood as well and took his hand. “Not yet. There’s something else I need to say.”
He blinked. “Okay.”
Oh God. This was hard. Such words had never passed her lips. “Cody . . .”
“Yes?”
“I . . .” She closed her eyes and squashed his fingers with hers and just blurted it out. “I love you.”
He didn’t respond, so she opened one eye and peeped at him. He was watching her with a lopsided grin on his face. “Honey,” he said. “I know that. But it’s damn nice to hear.” And then he kissed her.
It was a long while before they made their way through that closed door to join the rest of their friends at the party.
To their shock, the room was empty. The merrymakers had moved on.
It was then that Sidney realized Porsche had orchestrated this entire thing.
It also occurred to her that they were alone. She and Cody had this glorious room all to themselves.
The same thing must have occurred to Cody, because the grinned at her. “What do you say we christen the bridal suite for them?”
A tremendous happiness swelled within her. There might have been some mischief and lust in there too. It had been far too long since they’d been together. And never once had they defiled a bridal suite together.
“What do you say we do?” she said.
And they did.