Chapter Sixteen
Rand stared across the living room at Matt.
His former best friend.
He’d thought about this moment for years, what he’d say, how he’d say it, where he’d start, how he wanted to end. But it was all gone now. He didn’t know how to begin. He didn’t have Sarah’s way with words.
There were few memories he held onto that didn’t contain Matt and Sarah.
“How long has this been going on?” Matt asked.
“Not long.”
“A week? A month? A year?”
“Less than a week.” Rand didn’t pretend to misunderstand Matt. What was the point? They both knew what he was pissed about. “I didn’t… It wasn’t my intention for this to happen.”
Sure, Rand had always had a thing for Sarah, he’d always loved her, but he hadn’t meant to act on it. If he hadn’t been so starved for human contact, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. But it had. And there was no point in wondering what if. And deep down, they had a connection.
“Where have you been all these years?” Matt stared at him as if he didn’t know what Rand was. Sometimes Rand didn’t know.
“Working, mostly overseas.”
Matt’s gaze seemed to read his face. He’d always been perceptive. Which was why growing up Rand couldn’t entertain the slightest idea about Sarah. Matt would have picked up on it. So much for being careful.
“You got out.” Not a question. “What are you doing now?”
“Private contractor.” Not a lie.
“I figured.” Matt scrubbed his hand over his jaw, the five o’ clock shadow making him seem older. “How much shit have you dragged Sarah into?”
“I don’t know—”
“Don’t give me that.” Matt thrust his prosthetic arm forward, the hook for a hand snagging Rand’s attention. “Nothing’s making sense, which tells me something’s up.”
Rand and Matt stared at each other for several long seconds.
They’d trained together. They’d served side by side. Rand couldn’t tell him the truth, but Matt could read between the lines.
“What I can tell you is… Sarah and I have—”
“Cut the crap, Rand. You’re both in trouble, aren’t you?”
He stared at Matt. He couldn’t confirm or deny that question.
“Fuck.” Matt pivoted, walked two steps, pivoted again, and glared at Rand. “How long has that been going on?”
“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Rand delivered the line in a deadpan voice. It was what he had to say.
“And Sarah. Great. Fucking great. Did you do this?”
“No,” Rand said quickly.
“I’m going to wring her neck. What was she thinking?”
“Right now she’s thinking about how to keep her family safe,” Rand said slowly.
“We’re in danger because of the two of you. Fucking fantastic.”
“Do you have somewhere you could go?”
“Yeah. Mom and Dad aren’t going to like it. What about your parents?”
“They’re fine, last I heard.”
“What the hell are the two of you into?”
Rand kept his mouth shut.
“Why you? Why now?” Matt continued to glare.
“Look, Matt, I’m sorry—”
“You couldn’t find a better time to say that, man, really? After all these years, you waited until now?”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Fuck you.”
Rand pressed his lips together.
“Why? Why have you never come back? Why am I just now seeing you for the first time in years?”
Oh, boy.
Rand stepped around the sofa and sat down, elbows on his knees, staring at the way light reflected off the glass coffee table.
“I thought… When I left, I thought I was doing the right thing. That you’d never want to see me again. That it was all my fault.”
“That’s some bullshit.”
“Yeah. I know, but that’s what I thought. And then…then I couldn’t come back.” Because he’d retired from the SEALs and gone solo for the company. After that, he was protecting people by keeping his distance.
“Because of whatever the fuck it is you’re doing?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Screw you. You owe me an explanation.”
“Is the explanation worth Emily’s life?” Rand glanced up. “Because any answer I give might put her at risk. Your kids. Our parents. I can’t tell you more.”
“This is bullshit.” Matt continued to pace back and forth in front of the TV. “Why Sarah?”
“I didn’t—”
“No, I mean, you didn’t have to. So why?” Matt stopped, once again staring at Rand.
“It’s complicated.” How did Rand explain to Matt what it was like being alone for so long you thought you were going crazy? And then Sarah was there. She was familiar and precious. He should have been stronger, should have pushed her away, but he wasn’t that good of a man.
“I ought to knock your teeth out,” Matt said.
“You did once.”
“Yeah, I’d like to again. Man, you bawled. And the blood.”
Matt snickered, and Rand chuckled.
It’d been a baby tooth, but shit, it’d hurt. He’d had a gap for close to a year before the tooth grew in to replace the one he’d lost when they were roughhousing.
“You know…” Matt glanced at Rand. “You could’ve come back. You could’ve emailed. Called. Sent a letter. Something.”
“Back then…I didn’t think so.”
“I didn’t die.”
“What can I say? If I could go back, I’d do things differently.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“I still think about, what if I’d been more careful? What if I’d looked right instead of left?”
“You can’t let yourself get stuck in thinking like that.” Matt sat down in the armchair adjacent to the sofa. He put his elbows on his knees and held out his hand next to the prosthetic arm. “It sucks, but…I don’t know that I’d change anything. If the accident hadn’t happened, I’d have re-upped. I wouldn’t have been in Thailand with Emily, I wouldn’t have saved her. She might be dead for all I know. And then what? I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”
“What happened with Emily? Sarah mentioned it, but wouldn’t tell me.”
“Shoot. That’s a story. The highlights? Emily was kidnapped and I got it into my head saving her by myself was a great idea. We got out of there together, but it was a close damn call.” Matt shook his head and stroked his wedding band with his thumb. He glanced at Rand. “I want answers. Later. No more of this I can’t tell you crap. Come on, let’s eat.”
…
Wei strode through the parking garage, scanning between the cars.
Ping hadn’t felt it was necessary to tell Wei who he was meeting, just that their source was ready to meet him. Wei didn’t like being on the outside of the secrets. There was a nagging sensation at the back of his mind that he was being taken for a fool.
He did everything asked of him, without question. Was a little honesty so much? In the grand scheme of things, this was Wei’s place, and he was satisfied with it.
“Hey, looking for me?”
Wei pivoted and grit his teeth. What the hell?
A man ambled from between two SUVs, smoothing the buttons on his jacket. The halogen lights reflected off his shiny shoes.
“Nice to see you, too.” The informant smacked his gum, his grin wide.
Wei hated the sight of this man, but he was honor-bound to not kill him. Yet.
“Oh, come on, Wei.” The informant spread his hands and closed the distance between them. “You didn’t really think you could be rid of me that easily. We’re buddies. We’re on the same side. Well…for now. I can see you have questions. Shall we?”
Rats like this man had no honor, no pride. He was scum. Willing to help whoever had the most money to offer. He was everything Wei hated.
“Come on, Ping tells me you haven’t snagged Sarah yet. He offered me a lot of money to go hands-on with this. I guess you weren’t up to the job.” He clapped his hand on Wei’s shoulder.
The man pivoted and clicked the key fob. The blue SUV’s lights flashed.
Wei’s boss had known. They’d arranged all of this behind Wei’s back and lied to him about it. It was the only explanation. Wei clenched his fists.
He sucked down a deep breath and found his inner calm. This, working with the enemy, he could do.
Wei got in the SUV’s passenger seat, taking in the new car smell, the pristine condition of the vehicle.
Someone had gone shopping.
“Now, Sarah’s not all that bright. Good girl, does what she’s told, but not the real problem. This guy is.” The informant opened a folder and handed over a grainy image of a man Wei had glimpsed on the security footage from the hotel.
“Who’s he?”
“He’s a contractor stationed in South Korea. MSS hates him. Unfortunately, he’s good at his job, but he has chatty friends. Now, I know he’s in contact with at least one guy—name’s Noah, real piece of work. I know about your little fake auction. That trap’s not going to work. One of those three is going to get cold feet, and you’re all going to be left with your thumbs up your asses.”
“You worked with this woman?”
“Sarah? Yeah.”
“You had operational control at some point regarding the contents of the case. If we have you, why do we need her?”
“No, the intel was never left with me. At least not what you’re after. Sarah delivers paperwork, documents, stuff to me. What you want, she hands off to the people directly. Well, indirectly, since they’re dead drops. Anyway, I told your boss that he could only have one of two things, the information or the key to the information. He picked the information, so that’s what he got.” He shrugged, as if that explained everything.
“What good are you then?”
“Oh, Wei, I’m all the good you’re going to need.”
…
Sarah carried the dishes to the sink. Emily was already elbow-deep in the sudsy water while Julie packed up the leftovers. Sarah peered into the dining room, where Rand and Matt were kicked back talking about high school football stories. They’d reached some sort of truce in her absence and things were oddly…okay.
“That went better than I’d have imagined,” Emily whispered.
“Hmm? Oh, right.” Sarah scraped the last of the dishes.
“How are you?”
“Shocked.” Sarah took up the post on Emily’s other side and began drying dishes.
“You look tired.”
“I am. All this continent-to-continent travel has me exhausted.” Sarah tugged her sleeves down as far as they would go. She’d rather talk about how haggard she was or the bags under her eyes than why the hell she had stitches.
“So, you and Rand, huh?”
“Not really.”
“Whatever, Sarah, I see the way you’re looking at each other.” Emily flicked some soapsuds at Sarah. “You’ve always liked him.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything. His life, his career, is so far away from mine. There’s no making that work.”
“You can’t go on being the single water warrior for the rest of your life, you know? What comes after?”
“Who says there is an after?” Sarah shrugged instead of biting back. Just because Emily had retired from the field to be a mom and wife didn’t mean Sarah had to. She was so very grateful for Emily. She’d single-handedly saved Matt just by being herself, but in the process she left Sarah alone.
“Julie?” Emily glanced over her shoulder at the blonde woman. “How long do most people stay in the field?”
“Hmm? Oh, I don’t know…”
“You told me when I turned in my resignation that most people are done after six years.” Emily directed her gaze back at Sarah. “You’ve got your six in.”
“What do you want me to do with that information?” Sarah knew there was a lot of turnover in humanitarian work. It burned people out because it was hard and thankless, but there were people who stayed. Who weren’t like Emily.
Maybe Sarah still had some bitterness issues to work out, and that was on her. She’d never had another friend like Emily who got her.
“All I’m saying is, it’s not bad to want to move on to something else. And there’s plenty of work to do in other areas. Keep an open mind.”
Sarah wanted to laugh or cry, she wasn’t sure which. Emily was only trying to help, but damn. Sarah couldn’t be with Rand. It was dangerous right now. If she followed him into the field, it would be suicide. She wasn’t cut out to do this like he was.
She loved Rand, but it didn’t solve their problems. It didn’t magically make the world a better place or all the dangerous stuff go away. It was still there, ready to stab her if she let her guard down.
Love might have saved Matt, but it didn’t solve Sarah’s problems. It didn’t do anything except make this whole mess more complicated.
“Hey, Em, we need to go save Mom and Dad.” Matt braced his elbows on the bar.
Rand hung back, glancing at his phone.
“Oh, yeah.” Emily groaned. “The kids are going to be hell tomorrow.”
“Sarah, got a minute?” Matt’s gaze speared her.
“Sure.” She’d rather skewer her eyeball than have another of those brother-sister talks, but she was going to need both eyes.
Sarah followed Rand into the living room, the drying towel still clutched in her hands.
“I wasn’t prepared for tonight. I still don’t know what to think.” Matt stared at the floor, his gaze distant.
“Yeah, me neither.” She sat on the sofa and pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear.
“I need to sleep on things.”
Sarah glanced up at Matt’s face. The lines were back, thoughtful, contemplative furrows. As much as it’d hurt losing Rand, Matt had it worse. Rand was not only Matt’s best friend, they’d served together, done things together Matt still wouldn’t talk about. And then he’d gone. And now he was back. No explanation given.
“How much trouble are the two of you in?” Matt asked softly.
“I can’t—”
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Twenty.” It wasn’t just her and Matt…it was more than that.
“I’m going to want answers someday, but for now I’ll drop it. I don’t know how you got involved, and I wish you hadn’t. Sarah…whatever Rand’s doing, whatever he’s into, it’s bad. Real dangerous shit. I don’t have to know the job description to know that.”
She hoped she never had to tell him that she and Rand were in the same kind of work, just different pay grades.
“What’s going to make this the easiest for you guys?”
“What?” Sarah wasn’t following Matt’s line of reasoning.
“You keep looking at the clock, the door, then Rand. All night. Something’s up. You’re worried.”
“Just…” Sarah blew out a deep breath. “Can you, Mom, Dad, Emily, and the kids…go visit the lake house or something for a few days?”
The lake house was where their father had grown up and their grandparents had lived until they’d passed. The house had been willed to Sarah’s family, with each member technically owning a quarter. They treated it as a communal vacation home. It had the added benefit of being an hour and a half away in a medium-sized town on a busy stretch of road. Easy to watch, more remote than their houses, and farther away from this mess.
“I suppose we could do that,” Matt said slowly.
“Tell Mom and Dad that’s where we’re going.” She hated the lie, but her parents hadn’t stopped riding her ass about not having time to come visit them the last two trips through the U.S. If they thought she was going out there, they’d be easier to trick into safety.
“You’re going to be in hot water.”
“At least there will be water to boil.”
Matt stared at her, but she didn’t recognize him. This wasn’t her brother, or Emily’s husband. He was someone else.
“Rand?” Matt didn’t shift his gaze off her.
The floor creaked right behind Sarah. She flinched and glanced over her shoulder at Rand. The damn man moved like a freaking cat.
“Take care of Sarah, will you?”
“I will.”
Matt’s gaze flicked up to Rand.
They stared at each other and it wasn’t entirely hostile. All in all, their meeting was going better than she’d expected. There was no blood, nothing was broken… If it were under better circumstances, she’d call this a success.
“Good to see you.” Matt held out his hand.
“I’m ready,” Emily announced. “Don’t be a stranger, Rand.”
Emily hugged Rand, then Sarah. Which left her no option but to hug her brother. Matt squeezed her a bit tighter than usual, and it was clear he wanted to say more, but didn’t.
In a matter of moments, they were out the door and on their way home. It was all so surreal.
“Their detail’s been here since before we got here. They’re safe,” Rand whispered. He wrapped an arm around her waist.
She leaned into him, needing his strength. What were they going to do? She was exhausted, dead on her feet, and now what?
“We’ve established this location is about as secure as we can make it. Detail’s outside. Let’s crash and clear out early. Come on.” Rand tugged her toward the patio.
Had she spoken out loud? She must have.
They said their thanks and good night to Julie and let themselves out. It was all so peaceful, so otherworldly.
“How’s your arm?” Rand peered around them, no doubt on the lookout for danger.
“It’s okay. Aches a little every now and then. Matt and Emily didn’t see it, so that’s a blessing.” She didn’t want to explain her stitches on top of everything else.
Rand let them into the carriage house and did a quick sweep from the ground floor up. She appreciated his unending strength, his experience… Hell, she just liked having him close.
“We’re good. Let me see your arm.”
She held out her arm and watched him peel her shirt sleeve up.
“You think Irene’s okay?” She couldn’t stop thinking about her handler, the blood, that nail-biting drive to Walter Reed.
“I think her chances are good.”
“You never even saw her.”
“Was she breathing when you got there?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I bet she’ll be okay.”
“Should we check in or something?”
“Checking in is what got her hurt in the first place.” Rand pressed his lips together.
“Someone burned me. Sold me out to the Koreans and Chinese, who knows who else? And now…” Sarah closed her eyes. “Because of me, because I called Irene, I might have gotten her killed. Her sister just had a Hail-Mary surgery, you know that? What if she lives and Irene dies?”
“You can’t obsess about what might happen. It’ll blind you to what’s happening.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts, Sarah.”
“Are we doing the right thing?”
“Yes.”
“How can you be so certain about everything?”
“Because if I begin to doubt my choices, I hesitate. When I hesitate, someone dies. That could be you.” He took her hand and tugged her toward the bedroom. “We’ll sleep for a bit and then move. Andy should have us a place to crash by then.”
Sarah followed Rand into the bedroom. Like the night before, she remained mostly dressed when she crawled between the blankets. Rand was there, tugging her back against his chest, wrapping himself around her.
“Your brother’s going to kill me.” Rand smoothed her hair back, his fingers tracing her jaw.
“He’ll get over it. He knows something’s up.”
“Yeah, he’s a smart cookie.”
“He’s going to get everyone to go out to the lake house.”
“Good. They look right together.”
“They do, don’t they?” Sarah chuckled, so many memories of Emily mooning over Matt. When it’d happened, she hadn’t minded one bit. Of course, she’d expected to have her friend around more, not less, but that was the way of things. Sarah had continued to travel, and Emily settled down to have the family she always wanted.
“Get some sleep.” Rand kissed the top of her head and pulled her in closer.
She was exhausted, and yet, she didn’t know how she was going to sleep at all.
Her family was in danger because of her. Her handler was likely in the hospital for talking to her. Who was next? What was the price of doing what she believed in? Irene had hooked Sarah on the notion that she wasn’t just making the world a better place through her work with Wishing Well, she was making it safer by helping the CIA, too. Sarah had bought into the pitch wholeheartedly, but that was before the reality set in. Before she knew the risks.