Chapter 5
Millennium Park is beautiful in the summer. I take a deep steadying breath and glance at Miles. I convinced him to go for a walk with me even though he is still hungover from his night out with his friends. I have decided to take Liv’s advice and talk to Miles about Harvard. But first, I need to get the air cleared between us after what happened with Chelsea yesterday.
“I’m sorry about your break-up, but I’m not sorry she showed her true colors. She was a total bitch.”
Miles looks a little surprised at my choice of topic. “I’m only sorry that she insulted you. I feel terrible.”
“Eh, you don’t need to feel sorry for me. I can take care of myself.”
“She upset you. You were crying.”
“I was fucking pissed. I found myself in a situation where I needed to be friendly but really wanted to scratch her eyes out.”
Miles laughs at that. I have never been the type to sugar coat things. I see a hot dog stand and offer to buy Miles lunch. He vehemently refuses and instead steps up to pay for both our dogs before I have a chance.
We sit on a bench near Cloud Gate and admire the view. Call me a crappy Chicagoan, but I really hate it when people refer to the reflective sculpture as “the bean”. I bite into my juicy hotdog and enjoy the relish, onion and mustard mixing with the warm grilled flavor of the dog.
“So, are you getting excited to start school at Northwestern?”
I swallow the bite in my mouth and wonder if now is the time to tell him about Harvard. I guess I shouldn’t put it off any longer.
“Can I tell you something I haven’t told anyone yet? Except Olivia of course.”
“Absolutely.”
“I got an acceptance letter for Harvard about a month ago.”
Miles chokes and sputters. I smack his back and ask if he’s alright. Is it really that shocking that I would be accepted to Harvard?
“Sorry, I just. . .are you going to go?”
“I don’t know yet honestly.”
“I don’t think you should.”
“Oh really? And why is that?”
Miles shrugs and stands up. It’s clear that he’s uncomfortable talking about this. I wonder if it’s because he’s feeling the same thing I am. Then I wonder if he’s jealous. I know he had been an Ivy League hopeful but had ended up attending Northwestern University like his father before him. There’s nothing wrong with Northwestern, it’s a great school, but given the choice between the two I don’t know if I can turn Harvard down. I stand up and follow Miles as he wanders away from the growing crowd of tourists.
“Miles! Wait up, what’s wrong?”
“I just don’t think you should go. I think it’s a bad idea. You might have been top of your class here, but Harvard is the real deal. Do you know how hard that’s going to be? And you won’t know anyone.”
I grab his arm and force him to stop and look at me. “What the hell is your problem? First you’re standing up for me and apologizing for the way your girlfriend treated me, now you’re putting me down and saying I’m too stupid for an Ivy League school?”
“That’s not what I. . .I just mean you would probably be better suited to attend Northwestern is all.”
“Yeah, so you think I can’t handle Harvard? Obviously Harvard thinks I can.”
I glare at him for a moment longer before I take off walking. I don’t have any interest in spending time with someone who thinks so poorly of me. I am not that desperate for friendship or family. Maybe Miles really did tell his blonde bitch of a girlfriend that I’m just some charity case his family took in. I can practically feel my body vibrating with anger and frustration.
“CeCe, where are you going?”
“Why the fuck do you care?”
Miles recoils slightly before his face scrunches in frustration. “Because, if you’re trying to avoid me, you should at least have a different location in mind than the apartment we share.”
I know he’s right but I refuse to relent so quickly. “I’m just going to walk around the park if that’s alright with you.”
“God, do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Do you have to be such an arrogant prick?”
I realize our volume has increased to a level inappropriate for a public place. Miles is glaring at me and I’m certain the same expression is reflecting back to him.
“I’m going to walk home. I think it’ll help clear my head. I’m not interested in being around someone who clearly thinks much less of me than I do of them.”
“Give me a break, CeCe.”
“How about you give me a break, Miles? You act like you’re this super great guy and most of the time I believe that. But right now, I’m pretty sure you’re as shallow as they come.”
Miles looks as though I’ve slapped him across the face. He sputters as he tries to form a sentence. I can tell I’ve hurt his feelings but I can’t bring myself to give a shit.
“What is this, Miles? Are you jealous? You couldn’t get in so now you’re turning a bit green over your sister’s best friend getting into your dream school?”
“Who said I didn’t get in?”
“You went to Northwestern.”
“It’s a perfectly respectable school. And my dad’s alma mater. Maybe I just decided not to go to Harvard.”
“Rich boys like you don’t just decide not to go to fancy schools.”
“Look who’s being judgmental now.”
I cross my arms and give him a death glare. I know he’s right, but I refuse to give in. Miles lets out an exasperated sigh and sits on a bench. He silently waits for me to join him. I relent because we’ve already made enough of a scene by shouting at each other through a public park.
“I got into Harvard. I chose not to go. I never even told my parents.”
“So, tell me about it. Why did you decide to stay?”
“I just wanted to stay close to home. Olivia had just gone through all that shit with Jeremy, you had just gone to jail for defending my sister and Ava was still pretty young. I didn’t want to be away from my family.”
I notice that he’s looking at me as though he’s begging me to accept what he’s saying. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to the story, but I know how difficult it was for him to see his sister in the hospital after what Jeremy did to her. I feel my stomach turn as I remember walking into our dorm to find her broken and helpless as Jeremy stood over her. I saw red. I couldn’t even tell anyone exactly what I did because I let the rage take me over. I beat the shit out of that worthless scumbag and I didn’t even remember most of it.
“Okay, I get it. I can understand why you would have chosen to stay close to home. I’m sorry for being so judge-y.”
Miles laughs and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go home. We can order pizza tonight and just stay in with Netflix and ice cream.”
“Do I have to witness you wallowing?”
“No wallowing. Just sounds like a nice way to spend the day.”
“Are we going to build that fort?”
He chuckles at that and casually puts an arm around me. I can’t tell what this gesture means. It doesn’t feel like the brotherly hugs he’s given me in the past. I’m not really sure what to think. It feels nice, but he drops his arm too quickly. We make it home and both immediately change into comfy clothes. Miles orders the pizza and I grab the blankets to build a fort.