Shea paced Griffin’s living room, running her hands through her hair as she did so. They were leaving Denver in three days to head back home, and yet she didn’t feel like she was ready. In fact, she felt like everything had taken a turn for the worse in her heart, rather than the actual reason they had come north in the first place.

Shep’s uncle was doing okay, but not great and nowhere near out of the woods yet, but alive and breathing. That counted for something when cancer was involved. She’d met Shep’s family and friends and had been welcomed with open arms.

If anything, that made what was going on within her even worse.

She had a clear example now of what a family was supposed to be rather than the farce she’d lived with. Her mother had attacked and emotionally abused her for her entire life while her father had cheated on his family and had ignored Shea since she was a baby.

Baby.

Damn it. She couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about what was going on within her while there were more important things. She was being stupid and silly, and yet she couldn’t stop it. Shep was pulling away day by day because she wasn’t telling him what was going on inside her head and body, yet she couldn’t find the courage to actually tell him.

Maybe once they got back to New Orleans, everything would be okay and she’d be back to normal. That had to be the answer because, right then, she couldn’t think about what was going on. She couldn’t make decisions, and that was so unlike her. She’d spent her life doing what was expected her and following the path that others laid for her before she ventured out on her own. First with her job, then with leaving her ex—the same man her mother had chosen for her. Then Shea wanted a tattoo and found Shep.

Her happily ever after was supposed to be all roses and rainbows now.

Not pain, heartache, and nervousness.

“Shea?”

She turned on her heel quickly, almost falling in her haste. Shep put out a hand and held her steady, that ever-present worry in his gaze.

“You startled me.” And she couldn’t bear to look at him and keep this secret any longer.

“I can see that. Tell me what’s wrong, Shea. You’re killing me here. What did I do wrong? How can I fix it? I love you so fucking much, and you’re pulling away from me. Please. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Oh God, she was doing this all wrong. She was ruining something perfect because she was scared. Scared that she’d ruin it all.

“I…I…”

He cupped her face, kissing her softly. She leaned into him, letting his taste settle on her tongue. He anchored her. He was her first love, her only love, and she needed to be honest and open. She shouldn’t be afraid of him; she wasn’t.

No, she was afraid of herself.

“Tell me, Shea.”

“We’re having a baby,” she blurted out, her body shaking. The relief that should have come from telling him what she’d kept secret for far too long never came. Instead, she wanted to throw up, and she didn’t think that came from morning sickness.

Shep opened his mouth two or three times like a fish out of water then grinned. “A baby?” He picked her up, twirling her around the room. She clung to his shoulders, wanting to run away rather than search inside herself.

“We’re having a baby! Oh god, Shea. I’m so fucking happy about this. All this time you were worried we were having a baby? That’s it?” His eyes widened. “Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the doctor? Let me get my keys.” He set her down like she was fine china then patted his chest and pockets looking for his keys. “Shouldn’t you be sitting down? Do you want water? Or how about crackers? How are you feeling?”

The way he acted should have been cute. Instead, she could hear only her mother in her head. Her mother who had told her that she’d never amount to anything. Who had belittled her for her entire life, making her want to run away or find another more permanent end to the way things had been.

Shep had saved her life right then, and she couldn’t think of how to stop the pattern.

To stop the torment that had plagued her for decades.

Shep cupped her face again, and she blinked back tears. “What’s wrong, Shea? You’re not speaking, and you look scared. You’re pale, baby. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

She hiccupped a sob then pulled away. “You can’t fix it, Shep. I’m having a child. A baby.”

Shep frowned. “I know, Shea. You just said it.” His face went carefully blank. “Do you not want this child?”

The idea of not having this baby made her body turn to ice. The implication of his words forced her to say what she was thinking, rather than going around it.

“I…I want this baby. I’ve always wanted our baby, Shep. But…but you don’t understand.”

“I won’t understand until you tell me, Shea. I don’t know why you hid it from me, why you were so scared to tell me.”

“If I told you, then it would be real,” she whispered.

“And what is so wrong with it being real? We love each other, and we had said we wanted children.”

She remembered them talking, but when they’d brought it up, it had seemed like a dream. Now it was a reality. A reality she wasn’t prepared for. She didn’t have the life experiences needed to be a good mother. She saw the way Shep’s cousin Meghan cared for her babies, how Marie cared for her grown children.

Shea had never had that before.

How was she sure she wouldn’t end up like her mother?

“We did this so fast, Shep.”

Her husband’s face set to stone. “Yes. We did. We both decided to marry quickly without a wedding. We both decided to have me go bare within you and deal with what happened if the Pill alone didn’t work. Now tell me why you’re so scared because you need to be clear.”

“I don’t want to turn into my mother.”

Shep’s face softened, and he took a step toward her. She pulled back, but he didn’t let her stay away. Instead, he tugged her close, crushing her to his chest. He cupped her face, kissing her hard.

“You silly, thoughtful woman. I fucking love you.”

Irritation warred with anger in her veins. “Don’t call my fears silly, Shep. You don’t understand. You have this perfect family. What do I have?”

“Me.”

Her heart thudded, and she sighed. “Shep…”

“No. You’ll listen to me now. You’re scared you’ll end up like you’re mother? Bullshit. You stood up for yourself long before I came along and grew a backbone. You’ve seen what damage your mother did and know that’s not how to raise a family. Fuck, you have my family to show you how to do it. Not saying we’re perfect because God knows we’re crazy assholes some days, but we aren’t cruel. You are going to be a wonderful mother.”

Tears poured down her cheeks, and she sank into him. She might know his words were right in her mind, but her heart was another matter.

“You have me by your side. I’m not going to turn into your father. I’m going to be by your side every step of the way. I’m going to watch you grow round with our child then change diapers and help our baby take his or her first steps. I’m going to let our child know that, no matter their choices, we will be by their side. They don’t need to conform to our expectations but, rather, find out who they are on their own. Now kiss me, Shea. Kiss me then tell me you love me.”

She kissed him softly, her eyes closed as her body finally relaxed. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m an idiot.”

“Well, yes, but you’re adorable when you’re an idiot.”

She punched him in the shoulder. Hard. “Patronizing much?”

“You love me. Now, I know we’re in the middle of something else right now travel- and life-wise, but I need to tell you I’m so fucking happy we’re having this kid. If she’s a girl, we might need to lock her away from all boys until she’s sixty, but that’s just because I know boys. If he’s a boy, well, we might need to lock him up as well since I know my brothers.”

She snorted, hugging him around his middle. She’d kept the idea of the baby from him for a month because she’d been scared about her own reaction, not his. That had been selfish and horrible, but she couldn’t go back and fix it.

She had another seven months to prove to him that she could do this. Prove to herself. With Shep by her side, she could do it. There was no other option.

“You’re thinking hard again,” he said as he rubbed her back, his hand dipping lower until she gasped into him.

“I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“I’m sorry you felt you needed to deal with everything on your own. But that’s not the important thing anymore.”

“What is then?” she asked on a gasp as he kissed the side of her neck.

“The important thing is we’re going to have a baby…and Griffin won’t be home for hours.”

She rocked into him, closing her eyes, and he cupped her face with his magic hands. “Whatever shall we do?”

Shep pulled back, grinning. “Oh, I think we can come up with something.”

Shea stood on her tiptoes and kissed his chin. “Show me.”

“Always, Shea. Always.”