CHAPTER SIX

 

 

Pastor Kevin’s sermon seemed to be speaking directly to Jackie. It was all about being imperfect and loving imperfection. The overall message was that God loved everyone, no matter their imperfections, so they all needed to love one another too.

Actually, the part which kept running through Jackie’s mind was the part where Pastor Kevin said, “God loves you, even with everything that’s wrong with you—and believe me, we’re all imperfect. But God loves those imperfections, so you should too. We all deserve to love ourselves, even if we’ve sinned, even if we’ve done things in the past we have a hard time forgiving ourselves for. God loves us anyway, and we need to forgive and love ourselves.”

We need to forgive and love ourselves.

To Jackie, that kinda sounded like what Cooper had been saying on Friday at their date: she might have done imperfect things in her past, but she was still special.

In fact, she glanced over at Cooper when the pastor said that line, and wasn’t entirely surprised to find him smiling at her.

When she raised her brow, as if to say “Did you put him up to that?” Cooper’s smile just grew. He nodded, but she wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with her unspoken question, or just Pastor Kevin’s message.

When she turned back to the pulpit, Cooper stretched his arm around the back of the pew, and his fingers brushed against her opposite shoulder. She was surprised how right it felt to have him touching her like that.

They sat there in the small church, and Jackie tried to concentrate on the rest of Pastor Kevin’s sermon, but her mind kept wandering. Not because of Kalli—her precious daughter was sitting quietly on Jackie’s lap, “reading” and occasionally chewing on a well-loved Pat the Bunny book.

No, her mind kept wandering because of Cooper. Cooper and his closeness. Cooper and the things he said to her on Friday. Cooper and his kiss.

It felt a little sacrilegious to be sitting there in church thinking about a kiss…but at the same time, so very right.

In her old life, Jackie had been kissed plenty of times; she’d even been the one doing the kissing a few times. But those kisses had been just preliminary, something to get out of the way. Perfunctory.

Cooper’s kiss had been…had been…had been everything.

He hadn’t once made her feel as if he were pushing for more. He hadn’t once made her feel as if he was ready to take what she wasn’t willing to give.

He’d called her special, then kissed her…and it hadn’t felt anything like when Ivan had done that same thing. With Cooper, it had been real. Truthful.

Jackie shivered, just thinking about it. Or maybe it was because Cooper’s arm was around her again, brushing against the backs of her shoulders.

When it came time to sing, Jackie stood with the rest of the congregation, hefting Kalli up against her shoulder. The eleven-month-old began to squirm, and Jackie tried to hold her still while reaching for the hymnal.

To her surprise, her baby was plucked out of her arms. Clutching the hymnal, she twisted to see Cooper settling Kalli against his chest, facing him. The baby laughed and grabbed at his chin.

And when he pretended to bite the tiny fingers and made little munching noises under the cover of the opening notes of the organ, Jackie thought her heart might melt.

No. No, the things she’d done in her past meant she couldn’t afford her heart to melt at such displays. She couldn’t fall in love with a man who was good and kind. Cooper didn’t need someone like her in his life.

But when his soothing baritone voice joined in on Amazing Grace, Jackie found herself praying.

She closed her eyes on the prickle of tears, and whispered the words with a choked voice.

“’Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home.”

She remembered Father George’s promise, all those months ago in the hospital room. He’d said that God would bring her something even better than Kalli Jo.

Did he mean this? This feeling of rightness and peace which surrounded her now in a chapel in a small town in Idaho? A good man at her side, and her baby happy and healthy?

We need to forgive and love ourselves.

Jackie felt herself swaying against Cooper, and when his hand settled in the small of her back, supporting her, she shuddered.

She and Kalli had built a life here, by the grace of God. Could she allow herself to trust that same grace to lead her home?

 

 

Coop groaned and threw himself backwards atop the old quilt Aunt Bobbi had let him borrow, rubbing his full stomach. “Man, that chef makes a mean sandwich. But I think I’m going to pop.”

Sitting cross-legged beside him, Jackie chuckled. “Well, you were the one who ate two of them.”

He groaned again, pretending great distress. “What was I supposed to do? He was offering reubens and French dip yesterday—I had to order both! They smelled so good I’m impressed I managed to save them for today. Besides, Kalli shared with me.”

“I think she liked the chips more than the corned beef though.”

“Well, I’ll just have to teach her some refined taste, then.”

Jackie snorted quietly, then spoke to the baby. “No, honey, don’t eat the dirt.”

“See? Dirt she’s okay with, but not corned beef?” Coop smiled without opening his eyes. “Disgraceful.”

“She’s only been eating solid foods for a few months. Give her a break— No, no, sweetie, don’t put that in your mouth.”

Smiling, Coop rolled up on one elbow, and watched Jackie play tug-of-war for a small stick. Must’ve fallen out of the aspen tree their quilt was currently stretched under.

“Aw, let her have it.”

His verdict must have startled Jackie; she let go of the stick to glare at him, and Kalli lifted the thing sideways to chew on the bark.

“She could poke herself!” Jackie said indignantly.

“Relax.” Coop smiled softly and put his hand on the baby’s back. “She’ll be fine. This is nature, and Kalli’s being raised with a whole new generation of people who will grow up to love River’s End Ranch as much as we do. She’s gotta learn to chew on nature at some point.”

Jackie’s lovely eyes narrowed, and she impatiently brushed a wisp of hair off her forehead. “Like you did, I assume?” She really was beautiful, out here with the mountains as a backdrop. Like some kind of Mother or Nature goddess, protecting her child.

“Heck yeah, I chewed on nature. I crawled through it, I sat on it, I laid on it. I dug in it and swam in it and climbed it.” The memories of gallivanting around the ranch with his twin and cousins made him smile. “We got into all kinds of trouble.”

“And how many of you cut yourselves or choked or broke bones?”

He shrugged. “Not as many as you’d think. Wyatt once fell and busted his arm. Kenneth got a concussion, but he turned out okay.”

Keeping one worried eye on her daughter, Jackie rocked back, pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. “So you’re telling me that I should just let Kalli turn into some kind of Tarzan wannabe, like you?”

“Sure.” He shrugged again and faked a frown. “I mean, we all turned out alright, and we hardly even remember Timmy and Jimmy and Benny.”

“Who were they?”

“Other cousins. Timmy got eaten by Bigfoot, Jimmy was with Clem when they were attacked by that woodchuck, and Benny choked to death when he ate that stick.”

Her fearful gaze immediately flew to Kalli—who was still happily gumming the smooth stick—before the worry softened, and she rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”

He nodded. “Me neither,” he said somberly.

“Are you ever serious?” Lashing out with one foot, she tried to kick him.

A lifetime spent around heavy machinery and explosives meant he had pretty good reflexes, so he caught her by the toe of her sneaker before her kick connected. Careful to keep her away from the baby, Coop pulled her off-balance, and she tumbled into him.

He caught her around her shoulders and lowered her to the quilt beside him, the baby sitting happily between their hips. His hands lingered on Jackie’s shoulders, but he forced himself to let go of her.

“Sometimes,” he murmured.

“Sometimes what?” she asked in a breathless whisper.

“Sometimes I’m serious.”

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her more than he’d ever wanted to kiss anyone ever before. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe.

But he wasn’t going to, not like this.

She’d been kissed before by men. Men who probably laid her down and hovered over her just like this. Men who hadn’t realized how special she was, how much more she deserved.

He wanted to kiss her, yeah, but he wanted to do so much more. He wanted to make her understand how special she was, and how much she deserved.

So he wasn’t going to kiss her, not like this.

When he straightened, propping himself back on his elbow, he thought he saw her sigh. In disappointment? He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. He wanted her to want him, yeah, but he didn’t want her to think he was like those other men.

He didn’t want to be like Ivan.

The next time Coop kissed her, he’d be sure she was thinking about only him. He was going to make sure he was the only man she thought about—imagined kissing—for the rest of her life.

He just had to figure out how to do that.

Forcing a smile, Coop sat up. Kalli had just reached the end of the smooth stick and was turning it around, trying to fit the end into her mouth. He gently removed it from her hands, and before she could start crying, handed her a piece of the bread leftover from his sandwich.

The baby started to happily chew on that instead, and he pulled her into his lap just as her mother sat up. Jackie’s hair was in disarray, and she had a bemused expression on her sweet face, as if she wasn’t sure what had just happened.

She looked almost as good as if he had kissed her.

Coop smiled. “Who’s ready for dessert?”

“You were just complaining how full you were.” Jackie blew some hair out of her face.

One handed, he reached for the cooler bag he’d packed. “Yeah, but there’s always room for chocolate chip cookies.” He handed one to her. “Did you know there’s a correct number of chocolate chips per cookie, and the ratio is really important?”

Jackie was busy chewing—Miranda’s cookies really were amazing, despite the fact she was now so pregnant she couldn’t reach the counter to mix, and was relying on one of her assistants to do a lot of the actual work—but she lifted a brow, as if inviting him to continue.

“Let me tell you about Bob, the chef at the café who made those amazing sandwiches yesterday.” Coop settled back on his hands, happy to have Kalli in his lap and Jackie beside him. “And his attempts to woo River’s End Ranch’s baker…”