“Okay, no, I totally get it,” I say setting my phone on my bathroom counter. Sophia is on speaker phone and I’m trying to finish up my makeup. I thought we were meeting for lunch, but she’s canceled. “Your dad wants family time.”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re family too. It’s just, I haven’t seen him in months,” she says.

“You don’t need to apologize.” I dust sparkly bronzing powder over my nose. “But we do need to plan a few things for the wedding still. And the bachelorette party is tonight.”

She groans. “We really don’t need to do that.”

“What are you talking about? Kensie and Tillie are coming, and so are your bridesmaids. So, no excuses.”

“Okay, I just, blah. This whole wedding came up so fast. I feel like I’m not ready.”

I try to keep my voice as steady as my hand is while applying black eyeliner to my lid. “We’ve been planning it for months, Sophia.”

“I know. And I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for everything you’ve done. I just feel a little overwhelmed with life.”

“How is James doing with everything?”

“I don’t know. He mostly talks about the honeymoon in Fiji. I think he just wants to get to the honeymoon suite. I think he thinks we’re gonna get kinky or something once we get there.”

I smile, thinking about how kinky I got last night. I know it wasn’t ball gags or ass play — but I put on a little Santa negligeé and sat on a candy cane, and for me, that’s pretty outside the box.

“Well, it is your honeymoon,” I say. “Surprise him.”

“Says the girl who hasn’t been with a man in how many years?”

Not wanting to discuss my sex life with her right now, I blow the comment off. “Well, tell your dad hello. And call me later, so we can plan our outfits for the bachelorette party.”

“Love you, Noelle.”

“Love you more.”

I hang up and glide some red lipstick on, wanting to look festive. Walking around my apartment though, I realize it has been sorely neglected. Everywhere I look there is some wedding accessory — but nothing that will make my place cozy come Christmas morning.

I don’t even have a tree. Me. Noelle. The girl who loves Christmas doesn’t have a tree. I’ve been so focused on Sophia and James, I’ve forgotten about myself. The situation needs to be rectified. Now.

So, I set to work filling up plastic tote bins with the wedding stuff, tossing paper scraps and plastic packaging in the trash. Soon enough it doesn’t look like a wedding threw up here, and instead looks like a generic apartment of a twenty-three-year-old woman who doesn’t have any family at Christmas.

Depressing much?

I look in my storage closet and pull out my boxes of Christmas decorations. It’s a modest collection, but everything I have has meaning. Most of it was my parents’ things from before I lost them. I have lights and a tree stand, a tree skirt, and ornaments. But no tree. Making a decision to do something for myself, instead of Sophia and James, I pull on my coat and gloves.

I drive to the tree lot Noble Pines, at the bottom of a mountain slope, and park my car, ready to pick out the perfect tree. I take a deep breath, the fresh air reminding me that most things can be solved by going outside.

Last night didn’t end how I hoped. Right after the mind-blowing sex, Brooks brought me back to reality. He is a single-father, here for a week. Hooking up with me was all about sex.

And it was for me too, except I know myself. I can’t do that with him twice without getting attached.

So, I had to end it, then and there. The last thing I need this Christmas is a broken heart.

It wasn’t how I wanted things to go with Brooks, but since when do I get things to go the way I want?

I wave to Parker, who owns the lot, and he tells me I have a friends and family discount. “Can’t wait for the wedding, Noelle,” he tells me. “I hear there is going to be a chocolate fountain?”

“Of course, there will be! I’m so glad you’ll be there. Most everyone in town has RSVP’d.”

“Well, if you ever want to change careers, you could be a wedding planner. Sounds like you’ve done yourself a real fine job.”

I smile. “I don’t think working the register at Three Sisters counts as a career, but thanks, Parker.”

My friend Tillie, has a new food truck and it’s parked at the tree lot. I head over and order a hot chocolate and I ask how she’s doing.

“Oh, pretty good — except there is this new guy in town. And he’s a complete and utter asshole.”

My eyes widen. Is she talking about Brooks?

“His name is Benji and he’s a chef, with a food truck.”

“Oh,” I say, relieved it isn’t the same person. “Well, I will avoid him at all costs.”

“Right? I’m just getting my truck up and running, I don’t need competition.”

“Sorry, babe.” She hands me the drink, and waves away my debit card. “Still on for tonight?” I ask her.

Her face lights up. “I can’t wait. I’m so done with holiday stress.”

“I hear you. This wedding has taken a lot out of me.”

“Is Sophia being… grateful?”

I take a sip of the yummy drink to avoid answering. “The wedding is going to be beautiful. The gown alone will take your breath away.”

“Let me guess, you picked it out?”

I nod. “I did. It’s my dream dress, but Sophia said she didn’t care. Every time I pressed her on it, she deferred to me. Even at the dress shop.”

“Do you think she wants to… you know, do this?”

My shoulders fall, and I shake my head. “Don’t say that. After all the work I’ve done for it… it would be a big blow.”

Tillie sets her hand on mine, and I know I should let her go, she has a few customers lining up. “I know, sweetie. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s fine,” I say, saying goodbye. “Tonight, we’ll catch up more.” I leave the food truck and begin winding my way through the rows of trees, not wanting her doubts to cloud my mind. It’s Christmas — I’m here to be happy, to be thinking of something besides Sophia’s wedding.

Just then, a little girl runs up to me. It’s Scout, dancing in circles of excitement. “It’s you! From the bakery!”

Her excitement is infectious, and I find myself laughing as she grabs my hand, dragging me to… Brooks. “Papa, look who I found!”

Brooks’ eyes reach mine and I can feel my cheeks burn. Last night completely changed my thoughts on what sex could be.

He knew what he was doing… and it felt so freaking good. He made me laugh and swell with delight. He kissed me and woke something up that no one ever tried to awaken before. One night with Brooks was a terrible idea because he has now ruined me for sex with all other men.

“Noelle,” he says with a big grin as if we were old friends and not ex-lovers. “It’s so good to see you.”

It’s genuine, his happiness in seeing me. I know, because I feel it too. Happy. To see him. He isn’t just some guy. He’s Brooks. A man who saw my heart and handled it so gently.

Why, exactly, did I let him walk away?

“What are you doing here?” I ask, immediately regretting the stupid question. He is here buying a tree, just like me.

A woman I’ve met once, Brooks’ mother, Coralee is there and says, “Oh hello, Noelle. Brooks told us all about your afternoon.”

My eyes lift, and Brooks fills in. “I told her how beautiful the lodge is, and how we grabbed dinner afterward.”

“How is Dean doing?” I ask her. “I’m so sorry to hear he took a fall.”

Coralee shakes her head. “He hates the idea of sitting still, but I told him we can get the tree ourselves.”

“Are you getting a tree too, Noelle?” Scout asks.

“I am.” I smile. “My apartment wasn’t looking very Christmassy.”

“So are we. Papa said I can put the star on the top.”

I meet Brooks’ gaze. Is this man even real? He seems so perfect… in every way except the fact that he lives hundreds of miles away.

“You know,” Coralee says. “Why don’t you come over and have an early dinner with us? It’s so cold out and I have a big pot of chili on the stove.”

“Oh, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Coralee sets her hand so her hips. “I won’t take no for answer, Noelle. Unless you have plans of course?”

I look to Brooks to see what he thinks of his mother’s suggestion.

He smiles broadly. “Agreed, you’ve gotta come. Let’s get some tress picked out and head home.”

Home. A word that hasn’t held much meaning since Mom and Dad died. When Brooks says it, I wonder what it makes him think of. His home is so far away.

Scout and Coralee walk away, looking for a tree, and Brooks turns his attention to me.

“Now what kind of tree do you like?” he asks me. “It’s an important question.”

I smile, nerves fading away every time Brooks speaks to me. How is it a man I hardly know, can make me feel so comfortable in my own skin?

“There is only one kind of tree I’d choose.”

He smiles, his eyes so bright, so full of life, that my belly flipflops. He makes me feel more alive, just by being around him.

“Let me guess, a sad little Charlie Brown tree?”

I laugh. “How did you know?”

He rests a hand on my arm. “I don’t know what it is, Noelle. But I feel like I know you. In so many ways.”

I bite down on my bottom lip.

The truth is, I feel the exact same way.