Stopping to talk to a couple of friends, Ben nods frantically at something they say and then, holding drinks aloft, continues his journey through the sea of people towards their table. Cara sits opposite Morwenna, Tristan and his new girlfriend, Jane, enjoying the Gylly chilli, which has lived up to its reputation. Several other friends have come along to listen to the band and she’s relieved there are people around to dilute the intensity of Ben’s attentions. She likes him and he’s a good friend, but that’s where it ends.
‘What a crush!’ Ben exclaims, sitting heavily on the seat beside her and handing her a glass of wine. ‘Here you are, babe.’
Babe! Again…
With his arm draped casually round his girlfriend’s shoulders, Tristan winks at Cara. She arches an eyebrow in response.
The popular band from St Ives is loud, and it’s hard to be heard above the enthusiastic crowd. The music is a mix of jazz/blues with a rock element and the four lads have a loyal following, particularly in their home county. It’s a good turnout and the café is packed.
As Ben bounces along the seat moving closer, Cara wonders why he always reminds her of an over-enthusiastic puppy.
‘It’s great you got a babysitter, Cara. You should try and get out more often. If you like, we could do this on a regular basis.’
‘It’s not that easy,’ she says. ‘I was lucky my mother could look after the kids at short notice.’
‘I’ll give you more notice next time, then you can plan ahead.’ Ben grins at her.
Cara stares at him in dismay. He’s either particularly thick-skinned or clueless. She looks up as a tall, young man with ginger hair approaches their table.
‘Ben, didn’t know you were here, mate!’
‘Hey! When did you get back?’ Ben asks enthusiastically.
The newcomer parks himself heavily next to Ben, causing the seat to bounce again and Cara to spill her drink. As everyone shuffles along to accommodate the extra body, Ben turns to his friend and Cara takes the opportunity to escape his suffocating attentions. It’s short-lived. Putting his arm round her, Ben boisterously pulls Cara into the conversation, making her wine slop over the rim of the glass once again. Placing the glass carefully on the table, Cara shakes the liquid from her hand.
‘Cara, this is Kev, an old university pal.’
She smiles politely.
Kev stares, open-mouthed. ‘Ben, you old son of a gun, you never told me you had such a babe on your arm!’
‘Cara’s a good friend,’ Ben says, reddening.
Raising his beer bottle in salute, Kev smirks. ‘Well, here’s to good friends.’
As Ben and his friend get into an earnest conversation about surfing, Cara switches off. She’s heard all the discussions she could ever wish to hear about the best techniques and the various subtleties of waves, but that was in a previous life when she thought she had all the time in the world to indulge Christo’s hobby. She wanted to be part of that scene… with him. Now, she has no wish to go near a surfboard ever again. It would feel like a betrayal knowing that her wonderful boy of the sea was no longer able to share the experience with her.
With the weight of Ben’s arm on her shoulders, Cara is at the mercy of his expansive movements. Everything he does seems to be louder and bigger than necessary and she wonders what possessed her to accept his invitation. As she removes his hand from her shoulder, Ben briefly pauses in his enthusiastic debate to give her an inquisitive look, but the next minute Kev has diverted his attention. Cara glances across the table at Tristan and his girlfriend. They seem to be getting on well. She’s met Jane a few times before and likes her ready laugh and wicked sense of humour. Christo always despaired of Tristan’s choice of girlfriend – mainly airhead surfer chicks – but she thinks he would have approved of this woman with backbone. Will this be the turning point for their friend?
‘How are your children?’ Jane asks, raising her voice and leaning across the table.
‘Well, thanks. Beth has discovered a passion for ponies.’
‘Ah yes, girls and their ponies tend to evolve into women and their horses. Once the joy of equus is discovered, boys and men tend not to get a look in, poor loves! What about Sky? What hobbies does he have?’
Cara smiles. ‘Sky has such a sunny nature, he just loves being out on the beach with his dog. Keeping him entertained indoors during the winter months is quite a challenge but he’s developed an interest in painting.’
‘I think both your children are lovely, Cara,’ Jane says sincerely. ‘It’s difficult to talk here. Perhaps you’d like to meet up for coffee sometime?’
‘That would be great,’ Cara responds warmly.
‘Hey, come on, babe. Let’s dance!’ Ben interrupts their conversation. Without waiting for an answer, he grabs Cara’s hand and pulls her along the seat. Jane laughs out loud.
Finding a space directly in front of the band, Ben jiggles wildly and Cara stifles a laugh. He’s so enthusiastic in everything he does. Soon the beat of the music takes over and she rocks along with the crowd. For the first time in a very long time Cara feels an internal shift; a glimpse of happiness peeping through the crack of an opening door and a whisper of times to come. Suddenly she is unceremoniously spun around. On her second circuit, she catches sight of Tristan and Jane holding each other close, swaying to their own rhythm. And then Morwenna is beside her, successfully preventing Ben from spinning her a third time. Linking arms and smiling sweetly at Ben, together they dance; sisters united. He frowns, then, shrugging good-naturedly, joins in with the two women.
It’s an enjoyable evening and when they finally spill out of the café into the cold night air, everyone is in good spirits. A strong, cold wind blows in off the sea and the sound of pounding surf speaks of an angry tide, fully in. Standing in a circle, stamping their feet and blowing on their hands, the friends hunch into their jackets.
‘You know Ben’s got the hots for you,’ Tristan whispers to Cara as he wraps her in a warm hug.
‘I know,’ she groans.
‘Don’t do anything you don’t want to!’ He squeezes her tightly and she laughs, suddenly embarrassed.
‘Don’t forget coffee,’ Jane says, raising an imaginary phone to her ear.
‘Come on, you guys, it’s freezing out here!’ exclaims Ben, bouncing up and down.
The door to the café opens and a group of people exit, heading up the slope towards the road. Kev is amongst them and he calls out, ‘Give me a bell sometime, Ben.’
‘Yeah, will do. Right, that’s it. I can’t take much more of this wind. Let’s go.’ Grabbing Cara’s hand, Ben marches her towards the street.
Tristan puts his arm round Jane and pulls her close. ‘That lad’s got a steep learning curve if he wants to win over Cara,’ he says quietly.
At the top of the slope, Ben and Cara turn left and walk briskly towards his car, parked alongside the gardens commemorating the coronation of George V’s wife, Queen Mary. Cara opens the passenger door, wishing she were already home with her children.
‘What I’d give to follow the surf like Kev,’ says Ben, getting in the driver’s side and turning the heat on full.
‘You’d miss us,’ Cara says, waving at Jane and Tristan as they walk by.
‘I’d miss you, Cara, not much else,’ Ben replies, putting the car into first gear and pulling out into the road.
‘That’s just the drink talking. I think you’d miss much more than that. By the way, how much have you had?’
‘Don’t worry. Nothing I can’t handle. Anyway, the Gylly chilli has soaked up most of it!’ Ben turns onto Western Terrace. ‘When’s Rick’s café opening full-time?’
‘Easter, I think.’
‘I don’t understand him. Why settle for British weather when you could live in Australia?’
‘Maybe he likes Cornwall,’ Cara suggests.
‘More likely got something to hide or running from something.’
‘I don’t know, Ben. I’ve never questioned his reasons for ending up in the cove. He’s a great guy and that’s good enough for me.’
‘A great guy?’ Ben glances at her.
‘Yes! He’s funny and generous, and great with the kids.’
‘I could be great with your kids.’
She doesn’t say anything and the silence weighs heavily between them. Staring out of the window at the passing countryside, Cara glances up at the night sky. No stars tonight. The only light comes from the few oncoming cars, their headlights assaulting her senses and intruding upon her dark, private cocoon. She wishes she could just close her eyes and float away to some other land where a golden, young man opens his arms to her and smiles…
‘What do you think?’ Ben’s voice brings her back to the present.
‘Sorry. What?’
‘I was saying we could do this more often.’
Cara takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to hurt him. ‘Life’s pretty complicated at the moment.’
‘But I could help make it less complicated.’
‘I have so many things to sort out and little people to take care of. They come first. My life is secondary.’
‘Cara, you cannot put yourself second forever,’ Ben says grumpily.
‘I can for the next twelve years or so.’
‘Then I’ll wait.’
‘Oh, Ben!’ Exasperated, she’s also quite touched. ‘I haven’t got time to be involved with anyone. I like seeing you on a casual basis and if you’re happy to run with that, then that’s great. If you want something more, well… I’m sorry.’
Ben stares straight ahead, his knuckles turning white as he clutches the steering wheel. Never before has he voiced his hopes.
‘I don’t know if I can just see you on a casual basis,’ he says eventually. ‘You don’t know what you do to me. A guy has needs, you know.’
This is so not what she wants.
Cara changes the subject. ‘What does Kev do?’
Ben doesn’t answer immediately. ‘Don’t know what he does now but he was a graphic designer. Talented too.’
‘When did you last see him?’
‘About three years ago. Why so interested? Would you like to see him on more than a casual basis?’ he asks sulkily.
‘Oh, Ben, now you’re just being foolish.’
‘Sorry, Cara.’ He glances at her and places a hand on her knee. ‘I’m so confused by all this.’
‘Just get me home safely,’ Cara says, removing his hand and placing it firmly on the steering wheel. ‘This road can be lethal at night.’
They pass through the village of Gweek, skirting RNAS Culdrose, and turn onto the A3083. A few minutes later, just as the heavens open, Ben indicates right and switches on the windscreen wipers. On either side gnarled and wizened trees top the Cornish hedges. Some distance ahead, picked up in their lights, a fox slinks across the road. In one elegant bound it jumps onto the stone wall and looks back at the approaching car before disappearing into the night. The wet tarmac glistens in the beam of the headlights – like a road from a fairy tale leading to who knows where, but, for Cara, it’s the way to the cove where she feels safe and protected from the outside world.
After a mile or so they reach Rick’s Beach Hut. The building is in darkness and the car park empty. As Ben turns the car onto the track, its lights sweep across a tumultuous sea and Cara knows there will be rich beachcombing pickings to be had. In the distance, The Lookout’s porch light winks at her – a reassuring beacon.
Quiet since turning off the main road, Ben now breaks his silence. ‘Cara, I don’t like this awkwardness between us.’
‘Ben, I don’t know what more I can say,’ she says, wondering if he’s going slowly on purpose to prolong their time together. Suddenly flustered, she knows there will be that moment before she can escape.
‘Just don’t say anything final,’ he says, pulling up in front of the bungalow. He leaves the engine running. Intermittently, the wipers sweep the windscreen clear. ‘I know it’s hard for you, Christo was such a great guy, but I’ve sat back and waited patiently.’
What can she say? She’s already told him...
‘There’s no pressure but I really would like to see you more,’ Ben says beseechingly.
For a fleeting moment Cara feels as if she’s the biggest bitch in the world but, without warning, Ben’s hand encircles the back of her head. This is the moment she’s been dreading. As he draws her towards him, Cara averts her face and Ben’s lips connect with her cheek. Instantly, he releases his hold. The look of hurt on his face is almost too much for her to bear.
‘Ben,’ she says softly, ‘I can’t do this.’
‘Can’t you just give me some hope?’ His eyes plead with her.
She cannot be all things to all people! She is too stretched as it is.
‘Thanks for a great evening. It was very kind of you to ask me.’
‘I’ll phone,’ he says disappointedly.
‘Yes,’ she says, and then wonders why she said it.
Opening the car door, Cara escapes through the rain. From the safety of the porch door she watches as he executes a three-point turn, carefully avoiding the other two cars parked in front of The Lookout.
Before heading up the track Ben glances at her, his face set in a grimace.