Jake pinched Alexa’s nipple; then his hand glided down her core to her thighs, where it teased her sensitive flesh. “You make me forget all the crazy shit.” He could lie next to this woman and be forever happy. He didn’t need anything else. But that was nuts—how long had he known her? His strong feelings for this woman were insane, and yet, he couldn’t resist them.

She moaned and covered his hand as he slid his finger up and down her wet center. “You ready to go again?”

“Not quite. But it feels like you are.”

A lazy smile stretched across her face, and God did he need that smile right now.

“We’re out of condoms,” he said with a well-intended pout. “I might have to get you off with my mouth, instead.” He winked. “Lucky for you, that suits me fine.”

“Mm. But we’re in the middle of an OP. We can’t screw all day.” Amusement flickered in her cheek. “Well, maybe we can until Xander calls.”

He laughed. “That’s my girl.”

Shit, she’s not mine. Not yet, at least. And maybe never . . .

He felt her stiffen at his words, and her thighs squeezed, locking his hand between them. “Jake?”

“Yeah?” He retracted his hand.

“Well, maybe we should take a few minutes to talk about what happened earlier.”

Jason? Even thinking the man’s name heated his blood. Jake hardly recognized the pacifist he’d been when younger. Now, he wondered if he really would grab Xander’s 9mm and shoot that motherfucker, Jason, in the chest. What is wrong with me?

“I’m kind of worried about what thoughts might be brewing in that head of yours, and I’m thinking I better just be straight with you, yeah?” She was on her side now, head propped up in her hand, mirroring him. Their naked bodies were so close.

Maybe she should cover her incredible tits when she told him about her ex?

“Um . . .” he started.

Would he really ask her to hide her body? No, he didn’t think so.

Alexa’s hand grazed down the center of her chest to her stomach, and his cock hardened in response. Fuck me. But then her fingers settled over her scar, and he noticed her brows pulling together as she looked down at the marking on her skin. His lungs deflated.

Did Jason do that to you? Anger burst through him, and his fingertips curled into his right palm.

“I was on an OP over seven years ago. We were in Copenhagen tracking down a terrorist cell. It was only my second mission in the field. I was in the surveillance van while my team went after the target.” She sucked in a deep breath, and it was then that she reached for the creamy silk sheet and pulled it up over her breasts. “I was watching when everything went down—they were ambushed. I rushed from the van clutching my gun, prepared to die if I could save my teammates.”

Jake reached for her hand when she placed it between them on the bed. He gave it a squeeze, offering her as much support as he could. He understood all too well the pain of reliving the past.

“My teammates were dead by the time I got there, and only one guy was still inside—he came out of nowhere and swiped at me with a steak knife. We were in the kitchen of an empty restaurant—a front for illegal activity. The knife sliced my side, and then the man pinned me to the ground, trying to cut my throat.” Her eyes flashed shut, and Jake was so grateful that she was alive right now to tell him the story.

“The guy wasn’t big. Thank God. So, I fought back. He couldn’t get my gun from me, and we struggled . . . and I killed him.” Her big hazel eyes were open and on Jake now. “So, I know what it’s like to be the only one to survive a mission. It’s horrible. I should have been in there with them. I should have died, too.”

Her eyes became glossy, like greenish-brown crystals. “That was the only time I’ve had to kill. And it was Jason’s fault.”

He held her gaze, attempting slow and deep breaths to maintain his cool. He was dying to pull her into his arms and tell her she didn’t need to say anymore if it would hurt too much, but he knew that she needed him to just listen right now. Still, seeing her hurting was worse than any remnants of pain from his abduction.

“Jason and I were dating before I was recruited to MI6. We met at a tech conference in Dublin. He was passionate about computers, and so was I—we’d been dating maybe six months when I was hired.” She pulled her hand from Jake’s and sat upright, clutching the sheet tight to her chest as she leaned against the headboard, and Jake followed suit.

“What happened?” he finally asked.

“I’d been an agent for a few months when I was assigned to the case involving that Danish terrorist cell. We’d pegged the terrorist group for an explosion in Liverpool, and we learned the leader was in Copenhagen. We just needed more evidence, so we went after him in Denmark. But the guy knew we were coming. There was a hacker that MI5, GCHQ, Interpol—hell, everyone in the U.K.—had been trying to track down for years. Terrorists and criminals hired the hacker to watch out for them electronically. To keep track of the agencies and monitor our activities. For a hefty price, of course.” She stopped talking for a moment. He could see the pull of anger in her face and the tenseness in her shoulders.

“Jason?”

She gave a soft nod. “After we were ambushed in Copenhagen, we realized this hacker—this no-name arsehole—had probably tipped off the terrorist cell.” Her arms lifted and her hands darted to her temples. “I was dating Jason while hunting the son of a bitch down. Completely unaware it was him that got my teammates killed.” Then Alexa was on her feet, standing naked in front of the bed with a hand over her mouth.

Jake quickly stood, ignoring the flash of pain in his hip. “Shit, Alexa. I don’t even know what to say.” He knew what he wanted to do, though. Now, more than ever, he wanted to kill the SOB.

“He didn’t know I was MI6. It was hard for me to believe at first, but he was as shocked as I was when we went in for the capture. I mean, I thought for sure he’d been using me, but it was just a massive coincidence. Some feckin’ coincidence!”

Jake wrapped his arms around her hips and tugged her body against him. She pressed her face to his chest and remained there for a few minutes. Not crying, just breathing.

Thinking, maybe. Blaming herself, probably.

He could understand, for sure.

“Why the hell is he working with you guys?” Jake finally asked.

She reached for her underwear off the floor and slipped them on. “He had an insane amount of intel on terrorists all over the world.” Alexa shook her head as if disgusted.

The agency had made a deal with the devil.

“In exchange for the intel, and for cyber assists when needed, they put him in a very comfortable prison—a mansion in London. It’s guarded at all times, and he can’t go anywhere in the city without security, but still . . .”

“Fuck me. That’s so messed up.” Jake rushed his fingers through his hair and looked down at the carpet.

“Tell me about it,” she grumbled. “Any time the agency brings him in, I always steer clear and ask to be reassigned from the mission.” She grabbed Jake’s white T-shirt off the chair by the bed and put it on. “This is the first time I’ve been in the same room with him since we first interrogated him.”

“God, Alexa.” He braced his hands on her forearms as their eyes met. “I’m so sorry.”

“He let my team members go in to die by helping the terrorists. I should have died, too. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t relive that night. So, when I say that I understand what you’re going through—”

He pulled her back into his arms, pressing his chin to her forehead. His hands wrapped around her waist.

Alexa stepped back from him a few minutes later, rubbing a hand over her cheek. “You feel like a rest? I’m exhausted, and tonight will be . . . well, you know.”

He nodded. “Sure.” He put on his boxers and got into bed. She stretched out next to him, and he banded an arm over her hipbone and pulled her back flush against his chest, holding her tight.

“This feels right. Just like last year.” Her words floated to his ears, and the hairs on his arms rose.

“Kiss me one last time, Jake,” Alexa had said.

“No, but I’ll kiss you for now—until next time . . .”

Jake’s eyes screwed tight as he clung to this memory of him and Alexa. When had it happened? It was confusing.

But he was too exhausted to hold onto the memory, and he didn’t want to make sense of it right now. So, he focused on Alexa in his arms, rather than what happened last year. He embraced the moment since he never knew how long it would last.