CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Abby
‘WHAT DO YOU THINK?’
I glared at Makayla as my back twanged for the umpteenth time. ‘I think Pilates is for pretzels.’
‘It’s your first class. You’ll get the hang of it after a few more.’ Makayla interlinked her fingers and stretched overhead. ‘It’s brilliant for flexibility and core strength.’
‘I’ll take your word for it.’ Wincing, I managed to stand. ‘In the meantime, I’ve got a hot bath with my name all over it.’
‘Fancy going out tonight?’
It had become Makayla’s standard invitation over the last three days. Ever since Tanner had walked out of my life and I’d let him.
‘Thanks, but I’d rather chill.’ I rolled my shoulders, hoping they didn’t spasm. I had a big croissant order to fill tomorrow.
‘A night out might do you good.’ Makayla slung a towel around her shoulders and mopped her face. ‘Get him out of your system.’
Nice in theory. Sadly, I had a feeling it would take a lot of practice to get Tanner out of my system.
‘You’re a good friend. But I’m okay, honest.’
A total lie, but I’d managed not to shed a tear yet, and I aimed to keep it that way. Easier to keep busy at work, then watch mindless sitcom reruns at night and fall into bed exhausted. I had a feeling if Makayla started asking questions about why things ended with Tanner, delved too far beneath my fragile surface, I’d crack. Once that happened, everything I’d been keeping locked away tight might spill out and that would be disastrous.
‘You don’t have to lie to me.’ Makayla slumped onto a bench lining the mirrored wall of the exercise studio and patted the spot next to her. ‘I can see how much you’re hurting all over your face.’
I grimaced as I sat next to her. So much for my poker face. ‘That obvious?’
‘I’ve been there. It sucks.’ She shrugged. ‘Did he give you a reason why he split?’
‘Uh...we haven’t spoken.’
Her eyebrows shot up. ‘What do you mean?’
‘When Remy got back, he left, and we haven’t spoken since.’
Makayla stared at me in confusion. ‘You haven’t called him to ask what’s going on?’
‘Nope.’
‘Why the hell not?’
‘Dignity. Pride. Nonchalance. Take your pick.’
‘You’re nuts.’ Makayla elbowed me. ‘It’s been three days and you haven’t wanted to see him? To talk to him?’
I knew exactly how long it had been since I’d last seen Tanner, beyond that fleeting glimpse when he’d brought Remy in. The morning I’d left him sexy and sleepy in my bed. The morning he’d held my hand, stared into my eyes and opened his mouth to say something, possibly momentous, before he’d chickened out.
I had too. I could’ve nudged him, given him another opportunity. Instead, I’d bolted for the shower and waited until he’d left before coming out of the bathroom. If I’d known that would be the last time I’d see him, would I have done things differently? Probably not. I was lily-livered that way.
I hadn’t known what had scared me more that morning: the possibility of Tanner saying he wanted a long-term relationship or me saying hell yeah.
‘Remy and I had a chat. He advised I give Tanner some time to brood.’
‘Wrong.’ Makayla made a buzzing noise. ‘Guys like him will retreat into their man cave, mull over the situation, invent reasons to suit their argument, then never call again.’
A sliver of doubt pierced my previous calm. I’d assumed Remy knew best. He’d given me insight into Tanner’s state of mind and I understood his need to think things over.
But what if Remy’s advice had missed the mark in this instance? What if I’d played this all wrong, giving Tanner too much time?
It made me wonder. What would’ve happened if I’d approached my family after I’d left? Would they have been more amenable to hearing my side of the story once the initial shock of my defection wore off? Would we have had some semblance of a relationship rather than this weird standoff that had finally been broken by my mother?
I’d been so busy playing the victim this last year, too busy blaming them, to realise that I could’ve made the first move.
Establishing my independence was one thing. But I’d let the hurt of being judged and then abandoned by them taint my view.
Once I’d got past Mum’s initial rants about ruining the Prendigast name and bringing shame on the family, I could’ve reached out. Could’ve explained how downtrodden I’d felt my entire life. How Bardley had made my life hell.
I could’ve revealed how observing Mum kowtow to Dad on every single issue ensured I did too. That I hated his quick temper when he lashed out for the slightest disagreement. That it was easier to say yes to whatever they wanted than tolerate the emotional shutdown and icy silences that followed the few times I’d tried to take a stand. That being a people-pleaser became so ingrained that it had taken me a year to finally feel like I had a backbone.
Instead, I hadn’t told them the truth about how I’d felt. I’d given them time and space too. Just like I was doing with Tanner.
Hell. Had I made a monumental mistake?
‘Listen, honey, you need to talk to him. Three days is too long to leave a guy to his own devices.’ Makayla swivelled to face me, tugging on the end of her ponytail, a gesture I’d come to realise meant she was worried about something. ‘Who knows what bullshit excuses he’ll come up with for you two not to get together?’
She patted my arm, her smile warm. ‘And trust me, you two belong together.’
I liked her confidence. Pity I didn’t share it.
‘Why? Because we’re both dysfunctional when it comes to relationships?’
‘Because I’ve seen the way you two are around each other.’ She bumped me gently with her shoulder. ‘It’s like no one else’s in the room. You’ve only got eyes for each other.’
‘You read too many romance novels,’ I said, knowing exactly what she meant, because that was how I felt when Tanner was around.
Like all he could see was me.
Heady stuff for a girl who’d always been second best to everyone else. Tanner made me feel wanted and cherished and important in a way I never had. And that was during our supposed fling.
What would it feel like to have a real relationship with a guy like that?
Considering how I might have mucked this up, I’d probably never know.
‘Go see him.’ Makayla nudged me again, more forceful this time. ‘Besides, you fought for your independence from your family. You fought to follow your dream to bake. Why wouldn’t you fight for love?’
My instinctive response, ‘I don’t love him’, died on my lips.
I hadn’t loved Bardley and I’d felt nothing but sadness I’d put up with so much for so long when I’d walked away from him.
I hadn’t seen Tanner for three days and I felt like my insides had been ripped out, put through a blender and stuffed back into me in disarray.
If that was love, did I really want any part of it?
Then again, Makayla was right. I’d fought hard to get where I was. I’d fought family expectations, social constraints and a possessive husband to gain freedom.
Tanner had become an important part of my life, no matter how hard I tried to dismiss him as bad-boy fling material to purge my past.
If I didn’t put up some semblance of a fight, I’d end up regretting it, and I’d had a lifetime of living with regret already.
Makayla must’ve seen something in my face, because she smiled. ‘Go home. Clean up. Then knock him dead.’
‘Thanks.’ I hugged her, emotion clogging my throat.
She wriggled out of my embrace and swatted me away. ‘And don’t forget, I’ll expect details tomorrow.’
‘If I make it into work.’ I winked, knowing I’d never let Remy down but hoping I wouldn’t get much sleep once Tanner and I made up.
‘Go get him, girlfriend.’ Makayla gave me a thumbs-up sign of encouragement as I tried to quell an aviary’s worth of butterflies slam dancing against my rib cage.
I would confront Tanner.
Ensure he wouldn’t shut me down.
I had a lot to say and I’d make sure he listened.