16
GABE SLUNG HIS gym bag into the backseat of his car before sliding into the driver’s seat and slamming the door. He’d been hitting the workouts a bit harder these past few weeks. His fight with Oliveira was coming up in a month, and he knew it’d be his biggest challenge yet. Even though Gabe had defended his belt many times, Oliveira was different. He was tough and had the resources to bring in all the help he needed. Gabe had heard that he’d holed up in some mansion outside of town with an entourage that included a personal chef, a cardio coach, and at least one Muay Thai master from Thailand.
Whatever. All the money in the world wouldn’t help Oliveira if his heart wasn’t in the cage when the referee said fight. If he wasn’t focused and quiet on the inside—and how could he be if he ran his mouth so much?—then Gabe wasn’t worried. It took focus to let all of the bullshit fall away until it was just a fighter and his opponent. Fist against flesh. And that’s what it took to win.
Gabe let out a breath and cranked the engine. The radio came on, blasting the metal playlist he’d been listening to on the way to work out. He turned it down, too wound up for the music. If he was honest, training used to bring him a level of peace and quiet. It had been a small echo of what he attained in the cage, but it had been enough to calm his demons for a little while.
But they hadn’t been working for him as well lately. In the past, he’d reach an almost meditative state as he went through the rounds with his coaches, but now . . . now he just kept thinking of Megan. Of what he wanted to do to her that night. Of how he wanted to tell her about setting up the new meeting with Darcy. She soothed him in a way training didn’t, and it wasn’t just sex with her. It was Megan. He liked her. A lot. Almost too much, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull back yet.
Leaving the car in park, he fished his phone out of his pocket and scrolled to a picture of Megan. It was a close-up of her face he’d taken their last night at the Palms. She’d been half-asleep after he’d tied her up and gone down on her until she couldn’t take any more, her face relaxed, a smile on her lips. He doubted she’d even realized that he’d taken it, but he’d wanted to capture that peaceful expression on her face. It was so much a part of what she was coming to mean to him. Peace and happiness.
He kept drinking in her sunshine, getting a little bit closer to it every time they were together. Soon he’d have to let her go, or he’d get so close that he’d ignite. He wasn’t sure either of them would survive that with their hearts intact. The fact that he was thinking about her so much told him that it was nearly time to pull back. But even knowing that, he couldn’t make himself do it yet.
He pulled her name up to call her. He hadn’t talked to her since she’d slept over three days ago—a bad fucking idea if he’d ever had one. That night had shifted something between them. It had felt amazing to wake up next to her, to have her warm, soft body cuddled up against him. For a minute, he’d forgotten their game and the rules he’d established. But it had been too much like a real relationship. Too much like she was right where she belonged. And the fact that he was even thinking that was another sign that he needed to pump the brakes.
Sometimes when he woke up, he forgot where he was. Most of the time, he forgot that five years had passed and he didn’t have a wife and kid anymore, and then he’d have to relive losing them all over again. But the morning Megan was there, he’d known exactly where he was and who he was with. There’d been no fog, no memory lapse. Natalie and Mason had been gone, and for once he’d been okay with it. He hadn’t known what to do with that. So, he’d slipped back into the game he played with Megan, turning his brain off so he didn’t have to feel.
It worried him that she hadn’t been the same when she’d left a little while later, dressing quickly and making some excuse about a deadline. He hadn’t called her since, because he knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t avoid her anymore. Pressing the call button, he brought the phone up to his ear.
He smiled when she answered and he asked, “Have you been bad today?”
She laughed. “Oh, this is perfect.” Her tone indicated his call was anything but perfect.
He frowned. Not the answer he’d been expecting. “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”
“I can’t believe you’re calling tonight of all nights.” A car horn followed by the loud exhaust of a passing truck punctuated her words, making him realize she wasn’t at home.
“I’m guessing this means you can’t meet me at the Palms?”
She laughed again, but it was more self-deprecating than humorous. “Believe me, I’d love to, but my car died and I’m stuck here until the tow truck comes. And then I’m going home to drown myself in wine so that I can forget this whole day happened. Oh, wait . . . I don’t have wine because I was on my way to Trader Joe’s to get it when my stupid car died.” She grumbled something under her breath.
“Wait, where are you? Are you on the side of the road somewhere?” He glanced at the radio in his car. Nearly nine o’clock.
“Yeah, I was at a red light and . . .” She made a thumping sound followed by an explosion with her mouth.
“Your car exploded?”
“No, but you get the point. I managed to pull off into a parking lot.”
“Okay, tell me where you are. I’ll come get you.”
“No, you don’t have to. I’m fine.”
“Tell me where you are,” he said. He may not want to get in deep with Megan, but he cared about her. He didn’t like the idea of her being out alone at night on the side of the road.
She was quiet for a moment, but finally said, “Washington near Rainbow, in front of the Starbucks. But you really don’t have to—”
“Be there in five minutes.” He ended the call and backed out of his parking space.
Five minutes later he was walking up to her parked car under a streetlight at the edge of the parking lot. She rolled down the window when she saw him. He found himself smiling as he leaned down and rested his arms on the window ledge, happy to simply see her face. “Rough day, huh?” He wanted to touch her, to kiss her and push her hair back off her face, so he clenched his hands into fists instead. “You been sitting here long?”
“About an hour.” Her smile was kind, but she looked tired. “You don’t know the half of it. The car is just the final blow to a very crappy day.”
“Do you know what’s wrong with it?” He caught a whiff of her perfume, so he leaned in closer.
She shook her head. “I think maybe the timing belt. The guy at the repair shop mentioned I might need a new one soon last time I had this damn thing in there.”
She looked so dejected that he wanted to put his arm around her. But before he could say anything, a tow truck pulled into the lot. Gabe stepped back so Megan could get out and talk to the driver. As they talked, he walked around to the passenger side and picked up her laptop bag and a sweater that had fallen on the floor.
“What are you doing?” She smiled at him as she walked over.
“I’ll take you home. You got anything else in here you want to take out?” he asked as the tow truck driver began hooking her vehicle up.
Her shoulders sagged in relief, but still she argued, “Like I said, you really don’t have to do this. I can take a cab.”
“Go get the rest of your stuff.” Before he realized it, he was reaching out to stroke his hand down her back.
She relaxed into the touch and sighed. “Thanks.” After she grabbed a gym bag from her trunk and her sunglasses and purse from the car, she signed the paper on the clipboard the tow truck driver held out for her. When she was finished, Gabe took the gym bag from her and slung it over his shoulder before walking her to his car.
“Wow, nice wheels,” she said, stopping beside his black Camaro.
“Perks of the job.” He opened the trunk and placed her things inside.
“Must be nice to be a champion.”
Slamming the trunk, he nodded and walked over to open her door for her. “I smiled in a commercial and plug the dealership on social media. It’s not a bad gig.”
“Whoa!” She held her hands up. “You smiled in a commercial? This is just too much for one day. I’m done.”
Shaking his head and laughing despite himself, he said, “Yeah, yeah. Get your sweet little ass in the car.”
She smiled at his words and hurried to sit down. Shutting her door, he jogged around to his side and climbed in. As soon as he closed his door he was overwhelmed with everything that was Megan. Her scent, her body heat, her presence. It felt strange having her in his space. Strange, but good.
Cranking the engine, he turned the music down and changed the station from the alternative music he’d been listening to. He didn’t know what she liked, so he chose something that was more pop and less heavy. When he looked over at her, she had her eyes closed and her head back against the headrest.
“That bad, huh?”
She nodded and turned to look at him.
“Tell me.” He backed out of his space and pulled out onto Washington Avenue.
She launched into her day, which had started with computer problems and a blown deadline, and had ended with an afternoon spent at a computer shop trying to recover her files from her laptop, which hadn’t backed up properly.
“Have you eaten yet?” he asked.
She sighed. “No, I was going to pick up something to go with the wine, but Trader Joe’s is closed now. I’ll reheat some leftovers— Hey, where are we?”
He’d just pulled into the lot of his favorite Italian restaurant. “You need food. Come on, I’m buying. All the wine and pasta you can eat.” Apparently his need to take care of her extended out of the bedroom.
“You do know the way to a girl’s heart.” She laughed and got out of the car.
He put his hand on the small of her back as they walked inside. A few minutes later, they were settled at a small corner table with an oil lamp flickering between them. She took a long gulp of her wine and sighed as she relaxed in her chair.
“Better?” he asked.
She nodded. “Much. This is exactly what I needed.” He couldn’t help but smile at her. Making her happy made something tender and good swell inside him. He hadn’t felt that in a long time, but it seemed to happen often when he was with her.
“I’m glad to help.” Her skin turned golden where the light kissed it, and her eyes were darker in the shadows, appearing warm and deep. He found himself wanting to simply stare and soak in her goodness. Instead, he raised his wineglass and took a drink.
“I have to say I’m pretty flattered. That’s two nights in a week you’ve cheated on your diet for me.”
He smiled, but inwardly he was a little concerned with how easily he disregarded his rules for her. “I ordered grilled chicken and a salad. The least exciting thing on the menu. I’ll have to watch you eat your linguine carbonara.”
She grinned and shrugged. “You offered me free pasta and it’s been a shitty day. I’m gonna indulge.”
He laughed and they talked about his training and her missed deadline until their meals came a few minutes later. He had to admit his chicken looked pretty bland compared to her pasta. She must’ve seen him watching, because she twirled some linguine on her fork and offered him a bite. “Come on. One bite won’t hurt.”
It hit him then as they were sitting there in a darkened restaurant, having a casual conversation about their jobs, that this was a date.
Shifting in his seat, he tightened his grip on his fork. “Uh . . . no thanks.”
She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward to bring it closer to his mouth. “You sure? It’s amazing.”
Suddenly he felt like Adam being offered the forbidden fruit. She looked so eager to have him share in a little part of her pleasure that he didn’t want to tell her no. He wanted to make her happy and see that smile light up her whole face. He wanted to do anything she asked. So he opened his mouth and took the bite. It tasted like heaven.
She smiled and sat back in her chair. He stared at his chicken. Things were changing between them. Between Friday night and tonight, everything had gotten messed up. Suddenly his stomach churned and he didn’t want to eat any more, but he forced himself through the rest of the meal.
A little while later, she said, “Gabe?” She cleared her throat. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”
He looked up to see that she’d nearly finished her pasta and her wineglass was almost empty as it dangled in her loose grip. Her expression was pensive and hesitant at the same time.
“About what?”
“Who’s Mason?” she asked.
He nearly choked on the bite of chicken in his mouth. He searched his memory for something he might’ve left out for her to see, but drew a blank. Swallowing, he asked, “How do you know that name?”
“I got up the other night for a drink of water and saw a cup in your cabinet. It had the name Mason on it.” She paused.
His lungs felt tight, and all he could hear was his heart beating in his ears. This was a conversation he did not want to have. Not with her. Not now. Not ever.
Before he could say anything she said, “I didn’t think you had kids. Is Mason a friend’s kid?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.” Even he could hear the hollowness in his voice.
She looked stunned. “Oh, okay. Sorry.” Then she sat her glass down and said something almost under her breath that sounded like, “I’ll add that to the list.”
“List?”
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “It’s just that I’ve realized there are certain things you don’t like to talk about. I try to keep track so we don’t have awkward moments . . . like now.”
And he felt like an asshole. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Look, Megan, I told you when we first started that we’re not dating.”
“It’s just sex. Yeah, I got it.” She looked a little insulted, though, as she said that, and he didn’t know how to fix it. “That’s why I keep track of what not to ask. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” He gestured to the restaurant and wine. “It’s easy to confuse things.” Fuck. Even he was confused. Maybe they should go. Maybe this whole evening was a mistake, just like Friday night. “Are you finished?”
She nodded, and he pulled out his wallet and took out enough cash to cover the check, and followed her to his car. She told him her address, and the ride to her apartment was awkward and quiet, but mercifully fast.
“You can just let me out in front,” she said. She hadn’t looked over at him the entire ride.
He pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment building and got out to retrieve her things from the trunk. He’d planned to walk her in, but she took them from him, making it clear that his presence wouldn’t be welcome. Her shoulders were stiff and her expression was closed off.
“Thanks for the ride and for dinner,” she said without looking at him and turned to go.
His heart clenched and he grabbed her arm. “Wait, Megan.” She paused, and he loosened his grip and let his palm rub up and down her arm, caressing her through her light jacket. “Just don’t expect too much from me. I can’t be more than . . .” What the hell was he to her? Sex partner and sometimes friend? Jesus, he was fucking this up.
“I know.” She looked at him and for the first time he got a look at the pain in her eyes. She was trying to hide it, but it was shining out and it nearly wrecked him.
He took in a deep breath. “Are you . . . Do we need to stop, put the brakes on for a little while? Because I don’t want to hurt you, Megan.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m confused about what you do want. You say it’s only sex, but then you text, and you call, and we have dinner . . . I just . . . I don’t know.”
“Yeah, I can see how you’d be confused.” He let his hand drop and she took a step back, putting a little distance in between them. “I like you, Megan. I thought we could be friends and it wouldn’t fuck with our arrangement, but it looks like I was wrong.”
She nodded and stared at him for several seconds, and he could tell she was angry. She opened and closed her mouth more than once, struggling with what to say. “Yeah. I think you were.”
He wanted to pull her into his arms, but that would only muddy the waters even more. “Okay, so we can go back to how things were before. Sex only. No other contact.”
She shook her head and looked down. He couldn’t get a clear look at her face to see what she was feeling.
“If that’s what you want,” he added. “I’m going to trust you to let me know when to stop. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Yeah,” she said, her voice low. “Good night, Gabe.”
She left him standing at the curb, watching her until she disappeared inside the building. He was an asshole, because even though he’d seen the pain in her eyes and knew she was getting in too deep, he still couldn’t let her go.