Elen
My mouth has gone dry. The last person I expected to see in the office was Dan. I was convinced we both understood that our relationship was finally over. We said things last time that can’t be unsaid, and they’re imprinted on my mind as if written with a permanent marker pen.
I stand by Kane’s side. He doesn’t look at me, but his spine is stiff, and he’s breathing fast. He’s angry. I wonder what Dan has said to annoy him.
“I’d rather not act out a soap opera in front of everyone,” Dan says. He catches my eye and holds it. He’s always done this--gotten his own way through sheer force of will. I think of myself as a strong person, but he makes me feel as if I’m somehow being unreasonable. A century ago, he would have said I was being ‘irrational’, and that I ought to have a lie down before I had a fit of the vapors.
“I think you should go,” I tell him.
He tips his head to the side. “I bought you flowers.” His lips hold a knowing smirk. I glance at the bouquet in his hand--violets are scattered amongst the roses. He’s reminding me of the night he bought me another bouquet like this. We’d just gotten back together again after yet another breakup. He tied me to the bed before having sex with me, and he left me tied up all night, albeit loosely, saying he was never going to let me go again. At the time, I mistook it for devotion. Now I see the control behind it, and it makes me want to vomit.
“Violets symbolize death, you fucking idiot,” Kane says. “Shakespeare mentions them when Ophelia dies in Hamlet.”
I bite my lip to hold back a laugh as Dan’s face darkens. “If I wanted a fucking English literature lesson, I’d ask for one,” he snarls.
In the background, I can see Seb on the phone, presumably calling security. In days gone by, I’d have been annoyed at that, wanting to deal with this myself and disliking the notion of a man charging in on his destrier to rescue me. Today, though, I just feel tired. I want Dan to go. I don’t find his stubbornness adorable or sexy. I just find it irritating.
“Please,” I tell him, “just go.”
Ignoring Kane, Dan moves toward me, his eyes taking on a sultry look. “Why don’t we just step into your office for a while,” he murmurs. “We have a lot to catch up. Come on, El, you knew I’d be back eventually. I can’t keep away from you, you know that.”
“I’ve nothing to say to you,” I tell him. People are coming out of their offices to see what the commotion is. Half a dozen secretaries have gathered outside the lunchroom. Heat fills my face. Dan appears oblivious, though, or uncaring--I’m not sure which, probably the latter.
“I’m not going until we’ve spoken,” he says, a steely glint in his eye.
It would be easier to give in, and I’d rather argue in private than in front of everyone, but I’m conscious of Kane standing by my side. I glance at him. He looks calm, although I know him well enough now to see by the narrowing of his eyes and the way he’s clenched his fists that he’s inches from knocking Dan’s teeth down his throat.
We’re all six-sided dice. Various facets of our personality come out when we’re with different people. With the girls, I like to seem friendly and ambitious; with the guys, I prefer to look capable and efficient; with my parents, I’m warm and affectionate. When I was with Dan, I found myself becoming shrewish and irritable. I didn’t like the way he made me feel about myself. I tended to be bitchy because it made him laugh, and I’m not like that, or at least I don’t want to be like that.
When I’m with Kane, I love not just how he is, but how I am when I’m with him--the side of me that lands face up when the dice is rolled. He brings out all the best bits of me--he makes me feel warm, funny, sexy, brave, and intelligent. He values honesty and kindness, and I want to develop those traits to please him.
Our relationship is so new--I have so much of him to explore yet. I know he likes Italian, but I’m not sure if he likes seafood. I know he loves The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy, but I don’t know which one is his favorite. I know he likes making love in the early morning when I’m all sleepy, and that he prefers sex face to face because he likes to watch me when he gives me pleasure, but there are a thousand other different things I want to discover about him in the bedroom.
And once that thought comes into my head, suddenly I have the answer to everything.
I take a step forward, and Kane looks down at me, frowning, as if he’s thinking I’m about to ask Dan to accompany me to my office. I don’t, though. I turn my back on my ex, and face the new man in my life.
I lift my face to his, and look into his eyes. He looks wary, and I think maybe he’s waiting for me to say goodbye.
“I love you,” I whisper.
His frown lifts as his eyebrows rise and his eyes widen. “What?”
“I want to be with you,” I tell him. “That’s what matters. Everything else comes second to that.”
He blinks a few times, and then he starts to smile. The joy in his eyes fills my heart with warmth. I smile back and lift my arms around his neck. Then, raising up on tiptoes, I press my lips to his.
After a moment, he slides his arms around my waist. Resting one hand in the middle of my back, he presses the other at the base of my spine, holding me tightly against him. We exchange a long, lingering, heartfelt kiss that sends everyone in the office cheering and clapping.
I close my eyes, concentrating on Kane, on his firm mouth, the feel of his hair beneath my fingers. I’m going to stay with this man, and we’re going to be so fucking happy, we’ll make everyone around us sick. Maybe we’ll have a family, maybe we won’t. We have the rest of our lives to talk about it. But what matters is that if we do decide to try, we’ll work it out together.